This question is being discussed on meta. — Em C ♦ 34 secs ago

@Kat I would be okay with private displays of affection in another room. It's typical for us to not be in the same room with him- mainly we're there to prepare meals/medicine, bathe him, help him get up to his walker, be present in case if he falls, etc. — aaa 1 min ago

We prefer answers on this site to include some explanation of why you’re suggesting this course of action. Right now, this is very short and doesn't really explain any reasoning behind these suggestions or why you expect it to work for OP's situation, could you edit to add that? — Em C ♦ 59 secs ago

Best of wishes, @Catija for you and the new babe! — amWhy 35 secs ago

This answer appears to be mostly speculation as to why the coworker may not be interested - what specifically in OP's description led you to the conclusion that he probably isn't interested in becoming friends? And why do you tell OP to wait for the coworker to initiate, can you edit to include your reasoning? — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

What sort of contact have you had so far? Are you asking about people that you have only talked to online or that you have actually met up with? How long have you been talking to them? — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

@EmC Wouldn't the fact that the OP has initiated friendly contact already, and the coworker has been polite but has not reciprocated, indicate that he's not interested in more than a casual work friendship? — DaveG 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because it is a phrasing request. — Jesse 49 secs ago

Welcome to IPS! Can you tell us more about why you think this is a good idea? Answers on Interpersonal Skills SE need to be well-justified and backed up with either evidence or personal experience or well-elaborated logic that shows the OP that this is a good idea. See this meta post for more information, thanks in advance! — ElizB 53 secs ago

This is a good answer, but does not provide interpersonal skills to use... These are all things that need to be done, for sure, but what kind of things does the OP need to plan for? What kind of conflict-avoidance techniques does the OP need to use to help resolve the situation? Great point about the support needed, I agree. What can the OP's partner do to help OP with the situation? What kinds of things does he need to say or be prepared to say? — ElizB 1 min ago

Hello, welcome to IPS! This question appears to be asking “What should I do?”, which the community has determined to not be a good fit for Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. We can’t decide for you what to do; after you determine what you want to do, we can help you with your goal, but we can’t make these decisions for you. Can you edit to clarify your goals and your question, and can you add more context to this- describe the situation that triggered you to ask this question. Thanks in advance! — ElizB 24 secs ago

@ElizB The inter-personal skill is confrontation. The techniques are getting support and planning key points. Explaining exactly what OP should say or do or plan is not what teaching skills or this site is about, they have to apply the skills to their own situation... All that being said you have highlighted some helpful areas I can improve so thanks, I will take a look for some things I can edit in soon. — Jesse 1 min ago

You are correct that we don't do phrasing, but we do the how of planning and what steps might be involved, the factors to consider, etc. Thanks! :) — ElizB 1 min ago

It seems to me that this is a simple boundaries question, but that boundary answers are being downvoted. Not all interpersonal issues can be resolved with consensus. — RamblingChicken 2 mins ago

No detailed plan can be given for this situation. The OP seems to be at the beginning of investigations. The outcome is open, so are the reactions to any imagineable responses. — puck 25 secs ago

@puck Thats what I was thinking when I answered. OP can only plan what to say once they know what the actual problem is so how can I possibly advise on that? I think the middle ground is coming up with some general/universal suggestions for planning a confrontation. I will include it if I find anything that I think is useful :) — Jesse 2 mins ago

The first part is suitable for English Language Learners and the second question falls into "What Should I do" category. I've put it on hold at the moment. Please check above comment for improvement or you can try sandbox. — A J ♦ 1 min ago

I like your answer but do you have any personal experience of using those technics in the past? I think your question would be improved if you could add it (like: I used that in the past for situation X and it worked). — Noon 46 secs ago

Ok, then can you ask on here to grant us permission to ask “what should I do”? — Alex A 36 secs ago

@Noon I do have personal experience using those techniques. As stated I am a shy person and have struggled with confrontation quite regularly. I have tried a few different things myself over the years and based off the combination of these experiences I suggested the techniques I think would be most useful for OP. I will have a think and try to include a specific situation X. — Jesse 49 secs ago

I had a lot of coworkers and there were always really happy to speak about their family so, could you explain why she should avoid talking about relationships? — Noon 31 secs ago

@Noon I could not think of one all encompassing situation X so I separated it into 2. Thanks — Jesse 1 min ago

@ElizB I hope I have better explained and justified the techniques in the latest edit, thanks — Jesse 1 min ago

This is a very interesting question, but I think you'd get more interesting answers on meta. — avazula 1 min ago

@AlexA sorry, not gonna happen — Cashbee 54 secs ago

@swbarnes2 I don't think she should. I've made it pretty clear in my answer that her approach may not be healthy, assuming everything the OP says is correct and he isn't spending excessive time on it. — Astralbee 52 secs ago

@Astralbee thanks for your answer, it is pretty helpful I am definetly taking some good points from it, cheers! — JCO9 5 secs ago

Thinking that this has "fixed the perceived problem immediately" is pretty naive. The Workplace and Academia sites attract interpersonally-oriented questions that are capable of possessing all the perceptual issues of IPS when showing up on HNQ - and indeed since the ban I'm pretty sure I've seen more of them. — Will 5 secs ago

While you follow the advice given in the answers, please consider changing the phone number of your daughter (without telling your wife's family, of course). — Federico 45 secs ago

Hey Gerrit! :) thanks for the response. This essentially means I won't be participating in this community in any meaningful way then... — Liam 1 min ago

her son would be very angry if he found out about this situation, why? — gerrit 9 secs ago

What may help too: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/3139/1599 — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

Being a developer that solution makes my palms sweat (hack...cough...hack) :) @Tinkeringbell. This and other recent controversies seems to point at this kind of thing not really being suited to the SO model. I guess that's a questions for SE(inc) when/if they graduate this site. — Liam 17 secs ago

I sympathise with your experience, but I feel like this answer makes a lot of negative assumptions about Alice's intentions, something the OP does not mention at all. The question is asking how to stop the PDA in his presence, not how to warn his grandfather against a golddigger. — sudowoodo 1 min ago

Also, to alleviate some stress from the daughter during all of this, you could block the aunt's number in the daughter's phone. — David K 56 secs ago

I second Ava on this one, this is definitely an interesting question, but it belongs on meta. — scohe001 30 secs ago

I agree with your answer, this issue has to be resolved somehow. A typical progression of any relationship is the "moving in together" part. At which point, if this is not resolved, it can escalate into a huge fight very quickly (given how sensitive the subject is). — Radu Murzea 1 min ago

@gerrit I don't know him well but that's what my dad said and I'm not really sure why — aaa 1 min ago

What makes you think that the family member would be offended by adding your own money to fill the gap? — Baksteen 52 secs ago

Is there a reason you can't simply tell her what you are saying here? Do you think she would be offended? Or that even after a discussion there would be "unspoken rules"? — DaveG 7 secs ago

Do you know the ex-boyfriend and have a way to contact him? — Noon 1 min ago

@Noon I've never even met the ex-boyfriend. All I know of him is what my friend has told me (which is basically what I put in the first paragraph) — scohe001 57 secs ago

Ask them if they already had a table in mind, and if not, tell them there's one you have just fallen in love with. Ask them if it would be okay if you pitched in an extra 250 to cover the difference in cost. Invite them to go with you to look at the table, and ask their opinion. And as Onyz said, make sure they understand how grateful you are. Get excited about it and offer to share that excitement with them. — Francine DeGrood Taylor just now

So, even if you wanted to, you have absolutely no way to contact him without asking your friend his number? No friend-of-a-friend situation and no facebook spying either? — Noon 1 min ago

@Noon all I've got is a first name and the fact that he lives about 1,000 miles from me. There are no mutual friends (that I know of) and I don't have a Facebook. — scohe001 20 secs ago

@scohe001 Some people in chat gave me some links: here and here. I'm kinda afraid it's a duplicate now. I'm gonna think some more about it to see if it is or not. — Noon 1 min ago

Alright then, I was going for a long-shot answer where you would have contacted him to ask him to be more clear with the break: "you are making her suffer right now because she thinks she still has a shot with you" — Noon 1 min ago

@FrancineDeGroodTaylor I think OP specified already that they were to pick the table out themselves (implying the gifter didn't have one in mind) but I like the idea of showing them the table you had in mind, so I'll add that if you don't mind. Thank you! — Onyz 25 secs ago

I don't think you even need to make a remark other than "Hey, I'm just going to go in the other room and read a book so you folks can have some privacy. Call if you need me." If you don't feel it's safe for grandpa to be alone you probably shouldn't leave him completely without supervision but you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable or be forced to witness something that should be private. — Francine DeGrood Taylor 1 min ago

Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. ( @FrancineDeGroodTaylor ) — Noon 1 min ago

@DaveG I edited. Please tell me if you need further details. — Noon 1 min ago

@ElizB I hope it's better now. Also - are answers a year late ok? — Jan Dorniak 23 secs ago

A year late is alright, as long as it's a well - thought - out answer. Looks alright to me — ElizB 56 secs ago

@ElizB Thanks. That's what I get for writing answers at 3 AM. I just thought the answers missed this possibility. Also - do you have any idea why this question was shown in the active questions list prior to my answer? (That's how I got here). — Jan Dorniak 1 min ago

I think emc edited the question, that's why. When you get enough rep, stop by the chat room for IPS and ping me anytime if you have any questions :) — ElizB 1 min ago

Many people not on the autism spectrum would have failed to recognize that offering to help out is a polite gesture when someone is offering for you to stay with them temporarily, so you are doing a great job just by recognizing this. — Bryan Krause 1 min ago

Hi and welcome to IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you what to do here. Once you've decided what your goal is (e.g., ask for a refund, ask for more work, complain to his boss, find someone else to fix it...) and identified an interpersonal skill you need help with, you could edit your question to get advice on achieving that goal. In addition to the links in the off-topic text, you might also find How do I write a good question? helpful to understand our guidelines here. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

@Baksteen My assumption was that this person could feel like I'm implying that they're being cheap and/or that I'm not happy with their gift. — Ellcyy 7 secs ago

Thank you for the clarification. I've read over the link and edited the question. — user2723494 1 min ago

if you feel like you're in danger when you're their passenger why would you not decide to just drive separately? — BKlassen 1 min ago

You don't mention that he lies to anyone other than your mother. Does he? If not, could it be because of how your mother responds to the truth? If the news is not what she wants to hear, does her response make him sorry that he told her the truth? — Francine DeGrood Taylor 1 min ago

Welcome to IPS! "Tell them you are uncomfortable riding in a car with them driving" -> Could you explain more why you think the friend won't be offended by such a statement? — Noon 1 min ago

@BKlassen Good point. I DO typically offer to drive, and the majority of the time I am the one driving. Under some circumstances, however, it would be irrational and stubborn to not let my friends drive. Or impossible. Plus, they like driving. Which makes it even harder to tell them that I don't want to ride with them. — Aidan G 1 min ago

@Noon sorry wasn't clear enough, talking about family would be fine, talking about relationships like ex's, girlfriends, dates, etc could increase the chance of the coworker mistaking it for romantic interest — BKlassen 19 secs ago

great answer, at the same time you make it known you are coming in with a lot of questions it may be a courtesy to let them know what sort of questions they are so they can prepare a bit as well — BKlassen 20 secs ago

Even though your question is now an Interpersonal one, it depends on several factors with regards to landscaping itself. There is a different branch of StackExchange - gardening.stackexchange.com. If you're seeking advise with regards to your landscaping work itself, try asking there. Also, I used to do landscaping and planting seeds is not really hard if he is doing it like all contractors do. They have a device and spin a wheel and it spits out seeds. Top it off with some hay and voila. It is as easy as that, but not nearly as effective as sod. — Crazy Cucumber 12 secs ago

Keep a close eye on your grandfather's wallet/bank account/investments here. — Jon Custer 12 secs ago

First you will be declining this event and maybe the next. That might spiral into an undesirable outcome with being close to your family. You could hangout with the family you do like, who says you have to be buddy buddy with all 30-50 people. Plus, maybe they'll warm up to the idea the more you are around. Hope things go well either way OP. — LampPost 1 min ago

All goes bad, block the number — LampPost 1 min ago

Any lasting partnership involves making deals and coming to compromises. A partner who says "accept me exactly the way I am and if you don't, here's the door" will inevitably wake up to the sound of the door slamming behind every relationship he starts. No two people are completely compatible, if you define compatibility as "(s)he is supportive of everything I choose to do". If you want unconditional approval I'd suggest you try the local animal shelter. Making compromises isn't the same as compromising yourself. @Will Appleby, it sounds like you are confusing the two. — Francine DeGrood Taylor 1 min ago

I don't mean for that to sound mean. I'm sorry that you have in the past felt that you needed to lie to your girlfriends about your interests. There are alternatives, and they actually work if you are willing to compromise. — Francine DeGrood Taylor 58 secs ago

Very good point, maybe sending them an email or just verbally letting them know that your questions are going to be regarding a certain area of the business. — Crazy Cucumber 1 min ago

The trade-off doesn't even have to be at the same time. My husband is a fencer, and I found fencing pretty boring, but he really wanted me to show up to his weekly fencing matches to watch him compete. So we made a deal. After I spend several hours watching a bunch of sweaty guys poke each other with metal objects, he spends the one hour drive home running me in a little private role-playing romance game. Win-win. We each "pay" a little to get a lot. — Francine DeGrood Taylor 1 min ago

For what is worth, I opened at least one of the questions while at work, because I was thinking "well, that's a tricky situation to be" and also because this is all the context I need — user 33 secs ago

@EmC - By "some SE users jumping over to Twitter" I presume you meant to say "Some IPS moderators"... — Valorum 50 secs ago

@Valorum you presume incorrectly. — Em C ♦ 20 secs ago

@EmC - Ah, OK. I read "not productive or helpful" and just thought you meant them — Valorum 5 secs ago

Agree with the whole answer except for the last paragraph. Using a turn signal when changing lanes, not tailgating, and using the left lane only for passing aren't "rules of thumb", they are laws. 90% of accidents have driver behavior as a contributing cause, I don't see how you can make the claim that poor driving habits don't affect the likelihood of an accident. — Nuclear Wang 1 min ago

Maybe, you haven’t read properly with understanding this one — Alex A 10 secs ago

This is the first place I've finally come across the 'offending' titles. I have rarely in my life been more confused why this was raised as an issue or why the kneejerk was so intense. — Bryan Krause 19 secs ago

Hey, that’s totally different! — Alex A 39 secs ago

Possible duplicate of Why do I get “on hold”? — spiral succulent 1 min ago

Both of those questions have short explanations, with links to more in depth explanations of why you cannot ask those questions. Every time your questions are closed we link you directly to the guidelines for what is considered on-topic. Since you still don't have any of the badges for visiting the help center, I cannot believe that you are actually willing to learn what is on-topic. Please stop asking to get these questions opened without reading all of our responses to your previous questions — spiral succulent 2 mins ago

For what kind of things you can ask about here, I'd suggest taking a look at the help center, specifically "What topics can I ask about here?". If you have a specific question and you're not sure if it's on topic or you want some help making it perfect, you can always post it in The Sandbox first to get feedback from the community before jumping straight to the main site. — scohe001 27 secs ago

The reason you get "on hold" is because they are not permitted, so the answer to this question is "no, clearly we put those on hold and told you why not already" — spiral succulent 43 secs ago

we-should-definitely-do-that-sometime-in-like-6---8-weeks — Tinkeringbell ♦ 32 secs ago

@NuclearWang I didn't say that poor driving habits don't increase the chance of an accident, I said they don't hugely increase the chance of an accident. I support this by saying that, given the number of cars on the road at any given time, the probability of being in an accident is low. Yet we all know from daily experience that that there are a lot of aggressive drivers. If these drivers were at a massively higher risk of accident, Darwin would have taken care of them already. The number of accidents by the NHTSA includes good and bad drivers — Sompom 1 min ago

@Noon Thank you! I suppose it is a matter of definition of "friend". I would not expect any of my friends to be upset if I told them something made me uncomfortable. Meanwhile, if I were thinking of someone and I expected them to be upset by such a statement, I would not consider them a friend, but rather an acquaintance, and I would jump straight to offering to drive myself. Do you think adding something like this would improve the answer? In my opinion, that falls under the jurisdiction of any of the many conflict resolution questions we have on this site — Sompom 1 min ago

The philosophy in here is "The more details, the better" and also "never expect the reader to know what seems 'obvious' to you". So yes, definitively edit this in your answer :) — Noon 1 min ago

@Noon I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Feel free to make edits, though! — ell 1 min ago

Boundaries are certainly a part of Interpersonal skills. "Picking one's battles" is always the first part of any interaction. Answers here usually describe subtleties of discussions once a battle is joined. Many answers for this OP have been recommendations to keep the SIL from interacting with the daughter. For adults all that should be needed is well mannered clarity. — Elliot 1 min ago

Note that conflict avoidance is something completely different. Although it might be considered an interpersonal skill to know when it is appropriate to use conflict avoidance, it has a negative connotation of not dealing with the actual problem and is usually thought of as something to overcome. — Bryan Krause 28 secs ago

And if you like, you can block the person right after sending this message, so any rude/annoying responses won't reach you. On some sites, they won't ever be notified that you blocked them (from their end, it will look like their messages go through) so in that case, you wouldn't need to worry about the blocking potentially coming across as harsh. — user37208 50 secs ago

I don't really like doing X is not a good start. — paparazzo 25 secs ago

Poor driving habits increase the likelihood of a crash by over tenfold, see Figure 2: pnas.org/content/113/10/2636 . Some behaviors increase the risk of a crash by nearly 1000 times. Most people don't engage in these behaviors (low prevalence), but you're ignoring data and common sense if you believe that your personal driving habits don't have a very large impact on your likelihood of crashing. — Nuclear Wang 23 secs ago

Can you tell us more about why you think this is a good idea? What methods are involved in making boundaries? What things do the OP need to consider? Why would the OP involve a lawyer? Answers on Interpersonal Skills SE need to be well-justified and backed up with either evidence or personal experience or well-elaborated logic that shows the OP that this is a good idea. See this meta post for more information. — ElizB 34 secs ago

I edited the question at the bottom, to try to make it more specific and on-topic for IPS, if you disagree or wish to improve on it, feel free to roll it back or improve on it! hope this helps! — ElizB 36 secs ago

I can tell there's a good question in here, but I can't quite work out your final goal. Which step do you think went wrong that you'd like to avoid next time? Were you hoping to more quickly cut ties with an incompetent contractor? Were you hoping a more confrontational approach may lead to the contractor better accomplishing their job? Were you hoping to more accurately communicate what you wanted the contractor to do? These are all valid goals, which are on-topic, however without knowing which aspect you're hoping to improve, it's difficult to write an answer. — Lord Farquaad 1 min ago

@NuclearWang That is a cool article, thanks for sharing! Interesting that being distracted by a rear child seat actually decreases risk. I think we are saying the same thing, and I agree that driving dangerously is dangerous. It is up to the reader whether the increase in risk is worth raising a stink with a friend, but I am willing to trade 15x of a small baseline risk for social graces. Conversely, there are people with whom I do not like to ride because they engage heavily and consistently in these risky behaviors — Sompom 1 min ago

@NuclearWang I have reworded the final paragraph to more clearly distinguish my opinion from fact. Does this address your concerns? — Sompom 1 min ago

An alternate final statement is "Go ahead and look for someone." — David Thornley 35 secs ago

@NuclearWang In the US, at least, using the left lane only when passing is not necessarily a law. Driving laws are defined by states. It depends on the state you're in. Please don't spread misinformation. — only_pro 1 min ago

None of the posts that got IPS banned had titles that any reasonable person would object to, so the idea that this can be fixed by any kind of tagging/commenting system isn't going to work. — kbelder 51 secs ago

is that 25-50 active users or just members of the server? — spiral succulent 1 min ago