Could you please make it clear if you are buying your own entirely seperate data or if you are referring to the apartments communal, free data, but your own router. — Jesse 1 min ago

Welcome to IPS SzmatoPotato. As it stands right now, your answer is mostly a "Try this" type of answer without much justification, we try to discourage that type of answer in favor of a clearly backed-up/reasoned out suggestion directly addressing the interaction OP is asking for, in this case between OP and the admin of this server. For more info on how you could improve this answer check out our help center interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/how-to-answer — spiral succulent 19 secs ago

Is it specifically part of your suggestion to make this interaction between the moderators instead of 1 to 1 OP to admin? — spiral succulent 24 secs ago

Ah, the first taste of power, your second to last paragraph is how I diagnosed this behavior. — spiral succulent 38 secs ago

It might be best to explain exactly who you are expected to tell and how (e.g. Just this one cousin over text? Or should you be explaining why to all of your close relatives in person? Or everyone in the one text chain?) We don't know your family expectations and the less assumptions the better. — Jesse 30 secs ago

Is it an option to go there without your partner for some reason? Then you can attend, you can talk to who you like and those who want to know her can make another appointment with you and less other people to get to know her better. — puck 1 min ago

Have you talked to your partner about this yet? Or do you not want to let her know you've been invited? — Erik 31 secs ago

"#general-chat is by far the most active - but even that isn't the most active." seems conflicting to me. Is that what you wanted to type? — Belle-Sophie 22 secs ago

@Belle-Sophie - I'm using the word "most" in two different ways there; the first is that it's the most active relative to the other channels, and the second sense is that it's "not the most active" in general. I agree it's a bit confusing to use a word differently like that in such close proximity; I'll see about editing that soon. — Arwen Undómiel 56 secs ago

Ah I get it now! Maybe "even that is not very active"? — Belle-Sophie 51 secs ago

The discord server was created because a lot of members wanted it. That's understandable, but has the creator explained WHY she is formalising everything and making lots of sub-channels? Do the other users share your concerns? — Kozaky 20 secs ago

Ahahah I love this, but I don't see any problem with attempting it on semi-strangers. Sure they might not get it, but you didn't say anything that can be taken negatively... right? — Jesse 45 secs ago

No no, not the teacher I’m referring to — Alex A 24 secs ago

I think you’ve miss understood my question. — Alex A 32 secs ago

@BlackThorn I asked for this in chat, it's very likely not happening. — Magisch 2 mins ago

Your question states that you wish to know how to deal with mean people; I am giving you your options -- ignore it, or deal with it by communicating and telling the person that you wish to be on friendlier terms. — JCJ 12 secs ago

This is not an answer, but sometimes it helps to think of video games as interactive movies. Does she watch movies? — Mafii 1 min ago

Based on what you know about your GF so far, what do you suspect the endgame of this situation would be? She actually comes to like video games or merely tolerate your liking of them? Is her extreme view of your hobby a potential deal-breaker further down the line? — Kozaky 5 secs ago

What’s wrong with my answer? — Alex A 15 secs ago

Also Alex, I want to add that if you find some of the things in the answer hard or objectionable that's also fine. I'm giving out advice that applied to me when I was 18 but that doesn't mean I'd take it. People change when they want to change, after they've weighted the pros and cons and it's a very gradual process. Working on yourself takes time and it's a journey and not a one-time thing. If there is one thing you take from my answer I hope it's: try to be more compassionate and kind to yourself. — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

What did you try so far? You said that you tried something, but have failed to include it. I think there are many, many possible ways here - most of which will not be fitting to your situation for various reasons. Also I'm sure you are aware of the most obvious ones yourself. So it would be nice to know what you've tried, why you think it has failed and so on. It would also be nice to know how you handle other topics on which you disagree, but given such a young relationship, it might not have come up much. — Raditz_35 2 mins ago

I think this is a great post if this was an open discussion. Basically you are trying to guess the information that the OP hasn't included so far with some possibilities. This could be a great starting point for the OP to fill out the missing gaps. However, I don't like it in this format. There are so many possibilities as to why she dislikes them and why a discussion is difficult and so on, many of which might not even be on her side. There is good advice in your post, if I were you I'd try to focus on that and not so much guess stuff. Comments are too short to explain why that is bad :/ — Raditz_35 24 secs ago

I did not downvote so I can't speak for the downvoters so this is just a guess. I think it might come off as very judgmental of a group of people (girls in this case). Also "And by the way, if you tell her about video games, probably she’ll leave you alone. Don’t lose her!" might come off as a big assumption about the relationship and the people involved whom we don't know. — Benjamin Gruenbaum 2 mins ago

The beginning of your answer can be perceived as sexist (what you describe as "what a girl wants" is way too stereotypical). Also, you are advocating absence of dialogue in the relationship, which can really ruin it. — Nygael 34 secs ago

I did downvote for the suggestion that OP change things about himself in order to "not lose his girl", instead of looking for a dialog. — JAD 17 secs ago

I did downvote, but not for it being "sexist." I don't think it's sexist, it's just random. Let's not inflate the use of a very powerful word, shame on the people that think so. Anyhow, I don't see anything useful here. You make a random guess about what a girl might like which has nothing to do with the question, then you say that some girls don't like video games which is a given - or the situation would've never happened - and then you get really dark with the permission to speak thing. Also, you shouldn't advice strangers to continue with their relationship no matter what — Raditz_35 31 secs ago

I thought my answer is helpful. If it’s not, I’ll delete it. — Alex A 13 secs ago

@SQB Hi! You might wanna explain how to end a cold call. Maybe a short summary instead of a big flowchart. — A J ♦ 1 min ago

@Raditz_35 thanks for the feedback! With the "guessing" I was actually trying to make that very point: that we don't know what's going on in her head - that there is no point in "mind reading", that there are a lot of possibilities and that honest discussion and dialog is how I would proceed so we don't have to guess. I was offering several possibilities to make that very point but obviously I haven't done so in a clear way. Do you think there a way I could make that point (that we don't know what's in her head) with the same tool (showing multiple conflicting possibilities) better? — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

I've added a sentence about it - does that help? You're also welcome to write down why that is bad in a pastebin (or other tool) or send me an email (benjamingr@gmail) if you want to give me more feedback (which I am open to and thankful for). — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

thanx for the advice. I’ll try to do as you say. — Alex A 25 secs ago

Unfortunately, this question appears to be asking “What should I do?”, which the community has determined to not be a good fit for Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. We can’t decide for you what to do; after you determine what you want to do, we can help you with your goal, but we can’t make these decisions for you. Sorry. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

Hello Martin. and welcome to IPS! Most of your questions cannot be answered here as they are off-topic. We don't know why nobody understands you, as we don't know you and we certainly don't know everybody else you refer to. We also can't decide what you should do or what is 'better'. The only answerable question here is in the title, about how to support emotional girlfriend. The question-body would need quite an edit to better reflect this single question. See What topics can I ask about here? — Cashbee 21 secs ago

When you post your IQ in a question it comes off as very insecure. You seem to care deeply about this - consider therapy (which is lovely and can help) and as you said: working on your EQ can help. About your girlfriend: consider that maybe she doesn't need you to fix things for her and that sometimes people talk to each other just because they want emotional support and to be heard and acknowledged. This can be a beautiful and great thing (and doesn't indicate someone is "less rational") - if you're not doing this, maybe consider trying it out :) — Benjamin Gruenbaum 21 secs ago

Great answer! I only find issue with the patronizing statements which I edited out. Otherwise, this is great advice. — ElizB 57 secs ago

@ArwenUndómiel i actually maybe just wrote the title wrongly. I more likely want to know if I am weird or the opposite. Question body itself doesn’t ask what should I do about my overthinking. — Martin. 5 secs ago

Awesome answer Ben! One thing I'd add is that OP might be a little in the wrong here too. If they work 9-5 and go to sleep at 10, that means they have ~3-4hrs free time after work every day and ~10hrs a day on weekend days = ~40hrs of free time a week. That means that 6hrs of video games is ~15% of their time. So to say "I do not play much at all," the OP may not be seeing things from the girl's perspective like she's not seeing from his. — scohe001 1 min ago

I'm not sure what the paragraph on men and women liking different things adds to this answer? — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

Awesome answer Ben! One thing I'd add is that OP might be a little in the wrong here too. If they work 9-5 and go to sleep at 10, that means they have ~3-4hrs free time after work every day and ~10hrs a day on weekend days = ~40hrs of free time a week. That means that 6hrs of video games is ~15% of their time. So to say "I do not play much at all," the OP may not be seeing things from the girl's perspective like she's not seeing from his. — scohe001 5 mins ago

@scohe001 I agree and that's a good point but I'm really not sure how to edit that in. — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

@Cashbee I know you can’t know why somebody doesn’t understand me, that was just a sentence to share the feelings I have. I through don’t think the question is hardly off topic, I just wrote the title wrongly. I don’t ask what to do in the question itself. I just need to know if somebody things the same way and what it probably signalises — Martin. 29 secs ago

@BenjaminGruenbaum The OP is a guy and likes video games; his girlfriend is a girl and doesn't. A major theme in my answer is that this is normal. Do you think that paragraph completely detracts from that point? — Astralbee 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this as off-topic because this is about intrapersonal skills rather than interpersonal skills. We cant help you with things that go on exclusively within you. This site is about actions and issues between several people. please see this to learn more the stack's policy on intrapersonal issues. — Noon 1 min ago

Hello, can you tell us more about why this is a good idea? This answer is a "Try this!" answer as it is, so can you please expand on what your reasoning behind this is. Thanks! Check out this meta for more information! — ElizB 47 secs ago

I'm sorry, but exactly that is hardly off topic. — Cashbee 26 secs ago

Does your position allow you to request a pair of soundproof headphones? — Russ Wilkie 1 min ago

The only pair of headphones I am given are cheap ones. No, I don't have that permission. — ElizB 10 secs ago

@RussWilkie while wearing headphones may be a solution to the problem, but not an answer to this question. — Cashbee 33 secs ago

Have you tried looking at the Workplace StackExchange? There are a number of posts on combating noisy people in various circumstances. — Kozaky 46 secs ago

I also realized that, but this is an interpersonal skill I am looking for, not for improving my workplace in general. Thanks for the suggestion! — ElizB 19 secs ago

That's a shame. I refrained from ranting in a separate post here because tbh I don't feel like a part of IPS community, and I don't know if you even want to be on HNQ, but this all stinks very much. There was no due process, and instead of declaring this whole shitstorm a mistrial, we're pronouncing a guilty verdict and putting it on probation. I hear all the "sorry"s and "we screwed up"s, and I believe there was no malicious attention from SE side, but nonetheless it was a mistake. And mistakes aren't fixed by apologies, but rather by concrete, immediate actions. — Luke 26 secs ago

Have you searched the rest of OPS to see if there are similar questions which may have relevant answers? This seems close. interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/8232/9837 — Spagirl 7 secs ago

Did you ask others in this room how they feel with that noise? Perhaps one of them feels the same and your asking triggers them to start commenting to the loud people. What about your superior? — puck 45 secs ago

Thanks for the suggestion, but this is not the same situation. I am unfamiliar with the office environment here and whoever is in charge, more or less. — ElizB 1 min ago

I am alone in this area, me and the other graduate students are separated by project and cubicle. There's nobody else near me that I am even acquainted with to ask this. — ElizB 1 min ago

Too little for a full answer, but I would suggest talking to them in stead of passive-agressive 'Sighing annoyingly'. The later can badly influence the atmosphere ;) — Geliormth 1 min ago

The community has accepted your answer. I'm an idealist and I have a different approach to solving such problems - which is why I never write an answer in this SE, it's too big of a problem and there is way too little information to resolve the issue. For me personally, a helpful answer would be something completely different. So I will shut up for now and feel free to ignore me :). I like your added sentence, I hope it helps the OP — Raditz_35 2 mins ago

@Raditz_35 you are welcome to add an answer. The platform intentionally allows for multiple answers on questions. I think multiple approaches to the same issue are helpful as it adds perspective. — Benjamin Gruenbaum 45 secs ago

Thanks for the edit. What exactly is your goal now? What is the issue? The way I understand it now is: You play games, she thinks very little of gamers, you want to show her that it's a valid form of entertainment. Is that all? Is she keeping you from playing games? Is this your first relationship? How did you handle different interests in other relationships? Is her liking games perhaps a condition for you for the relationship to continue or are you just concerned that she will see you as a nerd? — Raditz_35 39 secs ago

Thanks for the edit. What exactly is your goal now? What is the issue? The way I understand it now is: You play games, she thinks very little of gamers, you want to show her that it's a valid form of entertainment. Is that all? Is she keeping you from playing games? Is her liking games perhaps a condition for you for the relationship to continue or are you just concerned that she will see you as a nerd? This is in principal a pretty common problem in relationships I've encountered myself - and every couple needs to negotiate their own solution. — Raditz_35 26 secs ago

@spiralsucculent yes, while I think posing his concerns in this way works whether its posed to the group or one on one, including the group has the lowest the risk of offense to the creator, will edit my answer to clarify that — BKlassen 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this as off-topic because this is about intrapersonal skills rather than interpersonal skills. We can't help you with things that go on exclusively within you. This site is about actions and issues between several people. please see this to learn more the stack's policy on intrapersonal issues. — Noon 49 secs ago

@Martin. This stack requires questions to have a clear goal which can be addressed through interpersonal skills. As written the question seems like you are looking for validation about your behaviors, which satisfies neither of those. Editing your question to explicitly show what goal you want might get this reopened. — Upper_Case 5 secs ago

Have you asked your daughter why the aunt thinks she is owed this money? Have you asked the aunt why she thinks your daughter owes her this money? — thursdaysgeek 28 secs ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. Also, please take a look at "How to write a good ‏‏‎answer". — Noon 43 secs ago

Thanks @Noon. I think this answer is good. Feel free to downvote if you'd like. — ell 53 secs ago

@ElizB: See new third line. — Tom Au 12 secs ago

I saw that you edited. Unfortunately, I was speaking about the part "Tell your daughter to not respond. Then speak to the aunt and tell her you'd like her to stop". Can you please tell us why you think this will worked? Where you in a similar situation in the past where you successfully use this technic? — Noon 1 min ago

Why does his girlfriend get veto power over his hobbies? If they were married, and his hobbies were expensive, that's one thing, but that's not the case here. — swbarnes2 59 secs ago

Hello! Can you add more reasoning behind this answer? this stands as a "try this!" answer and isn't really explanatory. Thanks! — ElizB 24 secs ago

Why is your daughter worried about how to get the money? — paparazzo 38 secs ago

Are you certain that you need to take steps to have the Discord create alter the setup? I've seen similar cases where there are many channels and most of the channels die a natural death as people converge on a one or two. My last company used an internal chat tool with lots of channels, but only 3 or so were actually active. — DaveG 1 min ago

Great answer- I'm still curious about how OP can prevent from getting mad themselves or prevent the other person from making the OP mad. Why are regular phone calls better than one? — ElizB 1 min ago

while I think ideally we would like online interactions to be the same as real life ones, I disagree that they really are. Online you can't convey tone or body language accurately as the most obvious example, but as well most people tend to be less self-aware online. Examples of that can be pursuing someone to pressure them into continuing the conversation more so than they would in person, letting out their frustrations on the other person when in person they might internalize it a bit more before letting loose, etc. — BKlassen 1 min ago

They are actually LESS important in my opinion; however they can be treated like real life encounters . Simply letting people know how you feel , rather than beating around the bush or downplaying things will work in either venue. It's when people are NOT direct that things get muddied. — Mistah Mix 1 min ago

My wife has slips like this from time to time (let's say... once a year) and so do I (for example, I was really against a type of dance she liked for some reason I couldn't later figure out and said it's for "lame people" initially out of instinct) - I'm pretty sure we're compatible and happily married for over 10 years and are best friends. Just because relationships have disagreements or people make these sort of mistakes doesn't mean bad intent. That's why good and honest communication is so important. — Benjamin Gruenbaum 1 min ago

It is possible that the aunt is facing a mental health crisis or issue? — Benjamin Gruenbaum 30 secs ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea and will work? Why do you say to take this course of action? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. Also, please take a look at "How to write a good ‏‏‎answer". — Noon 5 secs ago

Why can't she be the one that indicates this? Why does she have to wait for him? — Ash 12 secs ago

I agree being direct is good advice but I do still think that with online interactions phrasing becomes much more important because of the differences I mention — BKlassen 27 secs ago

Because , according to the above narrative, HE hasn't expressed any interest in being her friend. You cannot "make" people be your friend. They choose it for themselves. Pressing the matter nearly always has the less desirable result. Has not been your experience in life? — Mistah Mix 52 secs ago

This doesn't appear to answer OP's question of How to become friend with coworker. Please note that we require answers here to respect the OP's request and answer the actual question asked. Can you edit to directly answer the question? — Noon 1 min ago

Hi, unfortunately, this doesn't appear to answer OP's question of etiquette regarding cuddling between friends. Please note that we require answers here to respect the OP's request and answer the actual question asked. Can you edit to directly answer the question? Also, please take a look at "How do I write a good ‏‏‎answer" — Noon 1 min ago

What's the problem? I answered the question as asked. Is this some sort of personal response to my answer as there is nothing wrong with it, Please feel free to point out where my answer doesn't not address the question that was asked. — Mistah Mix 16 secs ago

I might just be misreading this but it seems to me that you are telling OP to not do cuddling when the question how to do it. Is this really the case? If no, please edit to make it clearer. — Noon 58 secs ago

It's a bad idea and the questioner seems to have significant concerns about it. I addressed those concerns by stating that he should preserve his friendship over snuggling with a woman with emotional needs who is currently his friend. If he had asked how to commit suicide, would telling him which caliber of bullet to use be a preferable answer than suggesting that he not do so? — Mistah Mix 52 secs ago

@Upper_Case No no, I dislike only her. — Alex A 7 secs ago

This may or may not be reopened, but a decent start might include keeping your anger in check (wanting to beat someone for a single comment that doesn't match what you want is... extreme) and not referring to people as "Miss Ugly Girl" simply because you dislike them. — Upper_Case 43 secs ago

But what’s the reason for being closed? Because now, I have clarified in a appropriate manner. — Alex A 1 min ago

If you want to know why the question is still closed, it will be better to ask on meta than in comments. As I read the question it still seems too broad and likely off-topic-- as written it requires us to imagine how this girl's mind works, imagine what she thinks of you and why, and imagine how she might respond to things you might do. All based on a single example that does not demonstrate that she hates, or even dislikes, you, and where the incident was based on you alone (you were late to class and wanted a special exemption for it). I don't see any IPS content here. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

@Ash She has indicated this, by asking him to lunch and indicating that she had a good time and would like to do it again. There's nothing wrong with her asking again for lunch or whatever, but if he doesn't reciprocate, it would seem as Mistah Mix says, he has some reason for not having more than a casual work relationship. — DaveG 15 secs ago

Saying "we don't actually know" is fair as it is a stand-in for OP. It sounds like he doesn't know either, and really probably gets at the heart of the conflict. I mean, the girlfriend may not really know herself, outside of having a sense of dislike. It's a very important part of the conversation. — Eric G 14 secs ago

@Noon there is plenty of explanation here for why this was suggested and sounds like a potentially very good answer. Would you please back off with this, it's very antagonistic — BKlassen 1 min ago

@Luke for more on whether or not we want to be back on, see Does IPS want to be back on HNQ? — scohe001 38 secs ago

"I told him afterwards that I spent a nice time and he answered saying we could do it again on the days where he's free." This is interest shown on both sides — spiral succulent 5 secs ago

I downvoted this answer because I read its basic premise to be "It might not work out for all these hypotheticals, so stop trying" which is not a good enough reason for a frame challenge of telling the OP not to pursue their intended goal. — spiral succulent 56 secs ago

spiral succulent's answer covers the issue well, but one more observation: holds don't last forever. A lot of questions are put on hold (for various reasons), edited to fix the issue that caused the hold, and then the hold is removed. Just because a question is not on hold now doesn't mean that it never was, and questions on hold for too long get closed. — Upper_Case 28 secs ago

This does not provide an answer to the question. To critique or request clarification from an author, leave a comment below their post. - From Review — spiral succulent 55 secs ago

Might also be worth putting this meta in there somewhere that specifically discusses why "What should I do?" is off-topic: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1310/11811 — scohe001 1 min ago

Unfortunately as the question is off topic, there almost no way the answer could both answer the question and be on-topic for IPS. Thank you for your contribution, keep an eye out for good questions and check out interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help for tips on identifying a good question and crafting a good answer. Better luck next time — spiral succulent just now

Yeah, I'm honestly baffled at what was supposedly so "unwelcoming" and "inappropriate" about that. This whole situation is ludicrous. — Mr. Bultitude 1 min ago

@Mr.Bultitude: and the response from adamlear was basically “woof, yeah totally inappropriate for SO, I’ll drop IPS from the HNQ”. I don’t think any of them are particularly NSFW, unwelcoming or otherwise inappropriate for SO. Now, reading any of them at work could be a problem, but IMO it’d be a pretty poor workplace that objected to the links and titles. Still have no idea why anyone would consider those questions “unwelcoming” for SO. — jmoreno 22 secs ago

If your grandpa can't be left alone, then does he have the opportunity to have "private displays of affection" instead? Would you be okay with them doing that in another room if you're still in the house? I'm trying to figure out what your options are for you to feel comfortable and him to pursue this romance. — Kat 42 secs ago