If one party of a conflict refuses to cooperate, you can't exactly do much to "force" them to do anything. Escalation beyond that and you're no longer doing NVC. — Nelson2 mins ago
Hey there was once this person with nickname Syralia, do you remember? And some quite a time ago Syrialia stopped appearing here, did you notice? Why is that? ;_;
@lila No clue, but they seem to have been following you around? Perhaps they didn't like the rest of the room enough to try and keep contact with you in here.
Marked this comment as flaggable (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
@Tinkeringbell I wouldn't think this, it would be heartwarming if indeed someone followed me around, but I remember that Syralia said about just checking out a lot of chats and joining the chat in which someone replied (it was me who replied at first).
@lila It's a bit sad but it happens. Sometimes people are just here for a little while and then never come back. Syralia probably found some other place on the internet that she/they like better
Good answer! But beware, you need to also decide as a duo on what constitutes necessary tasks. Baby diaper change is self defining - but for other tasks: When is it dusty, and in need of vacuuming? How often should bed linens be changed? If I were to score this in my home situation, my girlfriend would still end up a high scorer, because it doesn't take a lot of dust for a total hosedown is necessary according to her... Discuss it in the open ;) — Stian Yttervik1 min ago
To me this scoring sounds like a perfect way to accelerate the process of breaking up. You should stop feeling like competitors and start feeling like as partners. — puck1 min ago
Marked this comment as flaggable (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
@CaldeiraG If I wanna rationalize why I keep wanting to check the results, it'd be because I want one side to win. So when there's a chance that it's going to be a big bummer, I'm gonna try to distance myself from it, because the happiness it could give me would be fleeting and unnecessary, but it could also ruin my day
I guess for most people, unless they're technical or invested enough to enjoy watching every player do their thing, watching team sports is essentially like this.
@CaldeiraG Of course, it's an old fish after all, all you needed was to get your nose a bit closer to the screen, I imagine the stench was unbearable ^.^
@Ael I think you might be right, but I also always hope it was just temporary and the person being missing returns one day, maybe it's just a lot of work on the univeristy, maybe Syralia comes back once it relaxes a bit.
Me not being good with chores is the reason I'm afraid to have fishes. I would be afraid to kill them. At least with cats it's difficult not to understand they are hungry
Not covid, but the contractor turned out to be an asshole and went broke, but not after getting me a visit from a bailiff. I'm still angry when I think about it.
There's insurance though, and they're currently looking for another contractor. This week is week nr 2 out of 3-4 that it would take for that new contractor to make an estimated budget.
So far, I don't think they'll continue building this year.
Fish tanks are not difficult to maintain, but starting a tank takes a lot of effort and takes weeks, but once it is stabilized and "mature" it doesn't take that much effort; the bigger the tank the more stability it has and thus requires less maintenance. A big and stable tank should be fine to be left for about a month without any interaction from the owner apart from making sure that electricity runs the equipment all the time.
A few of my future neighbors are apparently the kind of people that solve their grievances through the media, which of course makes them very trust-worthy.
@Tinkeringbell But I'm not really surprised. Apparently "contractor is not good" is very common in construction. I nevered once of someone buying a house and having delivered on time. It's always like a year late or something
@Ael It's not that uncommon here for there to be some kind of delay these days, but that's not often the contractors fault. It can also mean the government put out some nice new rules with regards to e.g. PFAS, or permits aren't given on time.. Or just shortage in materials. Material shortages are quite common.
This contractor was the kind of asshole that didn't pay his subcontractors and instead took them to court trying to get the entire bill voided.
Fish would be able to nip on plants, and also fish have really short digestive tracts and cannot fully absorb the nutrition during one pass - as disgusting as it may sound, each piece of food is being eaten and excreted about 10-20 times before it is fully depleted of nutrition.
@lila Oh, I didn't know that (and yeah, that does sound kind of disgusting x) But that the sort of interesting and weird stuff I like to learn about :) )
@Ael Yeah. Finding that out through a bailiff was the best thing that ever happened during a vacation.
@lila Ours are dropping (slowly). Yesterday was in the high 8000s. They put in stricter measures for 2 weeks yesterday. A lot more places closed, only the gyms and shops are still open.
And we're not supposed to see more than 2 visitors a day.
@Ael Oh I'm happy you learnt something new ^.^ yes it's gross, but that is just what fish do :D and about automatic feeders, yes the exist but I think they are more used if someone leaves for vacation, etc. because it wouldn't be bad if you forget to feed fish for a day or two, it is much better to underfeed than overfeed.
@Tinkeringbell We have closed restaurants, closed gyms, wear masks outside, 70+ year olds forbidden to leave house unless working or realizing essential life needs, etc.
@Tinkeringbell Closed restaurants and gyms since 24th October, some lesser restrictions since 17th October, other I don't remember but I guess they were introduced on 31th October; I think you are right I also think it will be delayed for the same reasons, but we also have mass anti-government riots since 22 October with 100.000+ people on streets and I suspect they are somehow convenient for the government because they seem reluctant to disperse these riots.
@Tinkeringbell Haha yes, but actually they stopped being anti-anti-abortion long ago, they quickly have become general anti-government riots and an excuse to demolish churches and monuments, and the organizators of these riots started stating some radical and ridiculous postulates; all of this seems to be aimed at expressing their political and ideological statement.
@Tinkeringbell And I suspect that it's somehow convenient for government because it enables them to have a good reason for declaring the state of emergency for the nation.
@Tinkeringbell I also think these riots are harmful, but I also think that a lot of people in these riots aren't exactly aware of the postulates of "organisators" and I suspect many of them wouldn't agree if they knew these postulates, or at least not with the whole list. But riots always tend to attract participants that are only interested in vandalism; I've seen videos of these riots where a small part of protesters suddenly started to vandalise cars, etc. and other protesters asked them to ...
Yeah that's the part about protests that sucks these days, they've turned very violent very often.
I'm not sure if that can be fixed, it only polarizes things further because there's going to be group ready to give in because they're tired of the violence, and there's going to be a group that doesn't want to reward bad behavior like rioting.
... stop because demolishing cars wasn't the point of the protest. And I know that a lot of the people protesting are just young girls who are bored of sitting in home because of lockdown and for them it's just a form of social participation, I don't think all of them exactly know why they are there.
@Tinkeringbell As I see it, this protest has just become "trendy" now.
@Tinkeringbell I was also shocked how vulgar and primitive these protests are, but after some thinking I have come to conclusion that it has always been violent, all revolutions were violent, it might just "cheat" our cognitive process to think it's more violent these days because it's watching riots live or on camera versus reading about them in historic books.
@Tinkeringbell Haha yes I also noticed and think like that :D
But I had to google what "black pete" is, later I will read more about this.
@lila I think it's also a combination of... the protests you read about in history were about things that seemed much more important than some of the protests that turn violent here now.
I mean, we're talking fictional childhood hero here.
Not voting rights for women or rights for workers...
@Tinkeringbell I also suspect that it's not coincidence that government did something polarizing just at this particular time, it's a proven tactics to utilize a polarizing, excuse me, "placeholder" topic to distract and divide people into supporters and enemies of the topic, so maybe we won't notice that, for example, our healthcare system is in fact dying? ;_;
I don't know. If that's how the Polish government operates... Over here it's usually the other way round: They'd use the healthcare system dying to distract from legislation being pushed through.
@Tinkeringbell Oh I think you are right, I also remember a lot of our national "heroes" from historic lessons in school, but if you grow up and get rid of some illusions and then dig deeper the rabbit hole into stuff they don't teach at schools, then you see it's not just black and white.
@Tinkeringbell Haha yes it's their default mode of operation, actually the exact same topic - abortion - was used about 2 or 3 years ago, it was suspected that it had to distract us from the state of public healthcare.
@Tinkeringbell Haha exactly, that's why I'm on Pets and not on Politics :D and I just realized that I should in fact knock it off, it's not exactly welcome to talk about politics here ;_;
As long as people are polite about it, talking about politics isn't banned. It gets a different treatment when people start slinging mud or disagreeing to such an extent that it's actually souring the room.
The fairy tale is about a princess that promises her firstborn child to Rumpelstiltskin, and when the time comes, she can get out of the deal by guessing his name.
She sends people all over the kingdom go gather his name, but of course no one would guess that name.
It ends with one of the guards overhearing Rumpelstiltskin's chant, and then she manages to get out of the deal.
I put it in my chat description long ago, when I started using IPS, just because I like that while there's quite a bit of information about me on here, no-one knows my name. Just like Rumpelstiltskin :)
@Tinkeringbell Haha okay thanks for this explaination, I just finished reading Rumpelstiltskin, it makes sense now :D but please don't do what Rumpel did if someone guesses your name :D
@ArthurHv I'm happy then, fish are awesome ^.^
@Ael Oh but it was in Shrek Forever from 2010, not the original one from 2001.
@ArthurHv Heh... I lowered mine to 'none'. Which basically comes with another level of suck-i-ness: Now you're disappointed there's a government and politics at all.
A while back I read something about how humans basically need some kind of chieftain or authority, especially if they live together in groups bigger than Dunbar's number.
@M.A.R. We had in france protests movements that were leaderless, some people initiated it but renounced to be known and bring voice for it. This is a random example, there are a few more
I will tell an example I guess a bit different than what you mean, but I'd say the underlying mechanism is the same. I mean, I have always had some famous person to serve as a spiritual leader, or so to say fatherly figure for me, the vocalist of my favourite band, or else, once it was Bear Grylls.
@M.A.R. Money, religion, birthright, influence... there are a few reasons for humans to become leaders and they're all just as much invented by humans as the human idea of leadership.
@Tinkeringbell Well, if we talk less about presidential and monarchi-al (?) positions and more about leadership in general, there are many examples of good leaders even now, aren't there?
@M.A.R. You carry a lot of negative judgement there. You ask me for leaderless orgs, I give you some, and the point is they exist, not that you like it or not
Nobody's organizing the economy, AFAIK. There are entities (some of which are organizations) that influence it in a way that some people would benefit.
@M.A.R. Sure. What I'm saying is that we invented that system ourselves though, and so the system can be just as fake as the idea that a paper with a 10 on it is worth 10 dollars.
At this point? No, we can't make them unnecessary again unless we get some kind of post-apocalyptic landscape in which each person goes back to hunter-gathering.
Of course there are good leaders, let's also think about spontaneous and unplanned situations, for example if there is a traffic accident involving pedestrians, it is a lot much preferred if there is a strong-willed, level-headed person who in a way leads the rest of people to prevent chaos: stops the incoming fast traffic, tells one spectator to call the ambulance, other spectator to call the police, while doing resuscitation. And later, a paramedic would be the leader of this situation, etc.
It is all to prevent chaos, coordinate people to they work in constructive manner and prevent situations like that nobody would ever call the ambulace because they would be sure that somebody else already did that, and as a result nobody will call ambulance.
My point @M.A.R. anyway is to distinguish something that's needed e.g. food water care etc. with something that could be one organization among variety of possible organizations. If you think of it we have various leaders for various things, leaders that cease to be leaders, and also things where there leaders like e.g. world. Is the world impossible ? No, it exists, it's the way it is. If you would prefer a world leader, this is another problem. I know I don't want.
But we weren't talking about world leaders I think
Probably a few decades in the future it might be possible for the presidential positions to be completely ceremonial, just like most monarchies ended up being.
I don't think the ideal you're aiming for would be sustainable. The point is how necessary that gap is. And the way I see it, as long as people are able or rich etc. to different degrees some of this gap-filling would be inevitable.
And because people are different in their abilities anyhow, and you cannot ever eliminate every possible set of criteria that could be used to determine who would be the lead, leaders would emerge anyhow.
If we speak about how realistic my view is, I don't consider my current boss or current president to be my leaders. There are people with a granted role just like I have mine. But their roles is different from mine of course. The humanity came to a point of time where they have said responsibilities or titles. That don't make them earn a greater respect or anything.
So it's fair to me we deal with present by giving people responsibilities that are different. I despise the idea that bigger responsibilities would carry a sense of status hierarchy however.
@ArthurHv I personally believe that "big responsibility" shouldn't exist. Big responsibility only reflects poor designs. If a responsibility is too big, then you should put things in place to limit it. We are humans, we will always make mistake.
It's like the nuclear codes. It shouldn't be on the hands of only one person. IMO, three or five people needing to agree (or to have a majority) would be far safer. You don't want to blow up the word because of miscommunication or because had a little too much to drink or just because you just had a fight with a loved one and metaphoricaly punching this big red button would be a relief.
@ArthurHv I think it is that having responsibility must be accompanied by having authority, or else it would lead to frustration and the sense of being overwhelmed, or even inability to fulfill this responsibility in question.
@lila : If you have a responsibility you can't fill without authority I'm pretty sure that means you are taking the wrong decision, or have the wrong responsibility. I despise authority and never followed any order that I would not consciously agree with. There are some special exceptions like when you throw soldiers to war then maybe you need authority, but question, should you be sending soldiers to war ?
French government: Please work for home if you can. French company: okay, all the employee will be working from home except those two days a week when *everyone* will be here together (because we don't trust our employees)
Though, to be fair, the government put so many exception to the "stay at home" rule that it became ridiculuse
@Ael Haha yes exactly, there is a long chain of strict procedures to confirm the identity that it is in fact the president giving the order, but there aren't any procedures to confirm whether president is sane.
@Tinkeringbell Ah yeah. It's like when a product is supposedly "made in France" except it's a part of France that is all the way accross the ocean so you can't really say it's "local production"
@lila Yeah. And even without talking about being "sane" or not, you could still take the wrong decision and regret it the next morning when you finally had some rest (apparently, humans are terribles at taking the right decision when they are just a bit tired)
Like, if you want to make a big purcahse, please take the decision in the morning!
+1, great system. However, not everyone will be fine with this sort of record keeping, so it will only work in a partnership where both sides are already fine with this general approach. — Stephan Kolassa43 secs ago
Marked this comment as flaggable (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
Have you run into cases where it takes a lot more time for one of you to do the same task, and if so, how did you handle it? For example my partner will hand wash all the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, while I'll simply give them a rinse before loading them. Obviously we'd disagree on points values for that task. Do you have a good method for resolving that sort of disagreement? — Kat2 mins ago
Marked this comment as flaggable (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
