The Awkward Silence

user15026

4:34 AM

@Rainbacon I love naps. Naps are great. Naps with people you love are extra great.

5:44 AM

@ElizB Yeah, I feel you there. Just wanted to make you aware of it, since being made aware of such habits we have is partially what we are around for on IPS, aren't we? :)

avazula

6:01 AM

Morning everyone!

dhein

6:19 AM

@avazula Morning to you, too :)

avazula

:)

JAD

6:36 AM

ola

Imus

7:01 AM

o/

\o

Monday!

\o/

@Tinkeringbell Are you trying to trick yourself into liking mondays by being overly enthousiastic about it or am I missing something?

2

Tinkeringbell

@Imus I survived the weekend, which is something ;)

I usually don't mind Mondays. Work is nice and slow, with a few meetings to get started.

Imus

7:15 AM

@Tinkeringbell That sounds backwards to me :o Now I'm curious about your weekend ^^,

Tinkeringbell

First standup ;)

Imus

Well sure, I also don't mind mondays anymore than the other workdays, but it's the getting out of bed after a nice weekend that feels depressing :p

Saterday morning after cudling babymus for a while he fell asleep again so I kinda slept on the couch till 11am too XD Guess I was tired ^^,

IPS Comment Bot

7:38 AM

As a girlfriend myself, for me honesty is more important than jealousy. The man should not romanticize about the last visit at this place (with another woman) but if I ask, because I have to know at all costs, it is my own fault... The man I meet is this man because his former relationships made him like this. This I can accept :-) — Allerleirauh 1 min ago

#22396 Allerleirauh (171 rep) | Q: How to talk with my current girlfriend about events or places without mentioning other girls? (score: 0) | posted 11 hours ago by Colonder (148 rep) | Toxicity 0.12195625 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

@Allerleirauh That sounds more like an answer than a suggestion to improve the question. Which means this comment is likely to be deleted. Would you mind fleshing it out and posting it as a complete answer instead? — Imus 38 secs ago

#22396 Imus (3881 rep) | Q: How to talk with my current girlfriend about events or places without mentioning other girls? (score: 0) | posted 11 hours ago by Colonder (148 rep) | Toxicity 0.066663444 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental(@avazula)"]

Imus

Experimental match? :o

avazula

@IPSCommentBot huh?

IPS Comment Bot

Matched reason "experimental(@avazula)" for regex delete

avazula

7:44 AM

said comment was catch because it contains the word "delete"

Probably not the best regex ever

IPS Comment Bot

You say, you do not feel sorry. If I where in this situation, I do not feel sorry for inviting the second friend without asking the first friend for permission too. But I would feel sorry for the "crack" in our friendship. So this would be for me the reason to apologize (for the crack, not for the invitation). Something like this: "I am sad because we fight last week, can we meet/call to speak over it?" or likewise. (But because it is "apologize" in a sort of way, I do not write it as an answer... — Allerleirauh 35 secs ago

#22377 Allerleirauh (171 rep) | Q: How to mend a friendship when my friend thinks I'm in the wrong and I don't wish to apologize (score: -1) | posted 3 days ago by Blue Pineapple (7 rep) | edited 3 days ago by MlleMei (2407 rep) | Toxicity 0.24899708 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Tinkeringbell

@Imus So, basically we had a family gathering with the "nice" side of the family this weekend and of course everything went wrong ;)

So I'm glad it's Monday :)

Imus

@avazula it's sortoff ok I think. I expected my comment to be deleted alongside the one I advised to be put into an answer instead of comment :)

@Tinkeringbell Hurray for family drama! :p

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Right? :P

Thing is ... it kinda festers at home too, because my mom says 'she was right' and my dad is like 'it's my family, you can't treat them like that even if they're assholes' :/

So.....

Imus

Yeah I would also get into a fight with dad if he says things like that :p "If they act like assholes towards me, then don't expect me to treat them as if they are not"

Biggest issue for us was that my now wife was used to a completely different way of how their family treats her compared to mine that her expectations were way off ... It's getting better these days though :)

dhein

8:05 AM

Hey, if you start having an aversion for weekends, I am more than willing to offer you to trade my monday mornings for your friday mornings. :D

Having more than one friday a week and no mondays sounds pleasant to me x'D

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Heh. You can have all the Friday's that lead up to family gathering weekends :P

The rest of the weekends, I'm keeping myself :P

Imus

@Tinkeringbell I wouldn't mind swapping a weekend bullying your family with my indifference to their issues with my mondays :p

IPS Comment Bot

I wouldn't personally go with the second question. My experience tells me that they're always going to find out either way and it makes the situation worse. — Colonder 1 min ago

#22397 Colonder (148 rep) | A: How to talk with my current girlfriend about events or places without mentioning other girls? (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by virolino (708 rep) | Toxicity 0.229632 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

@Imus XD

Imus

"you can't treat my family like that even if they're assholes" - "Oh? I thought I just did, why would that be my problem?"

I can be really mean to people that don't like me :p

And the people that do like me, like me even more for it XD

Mithrandir

8:11 AM

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

Imus

Important note: I at least try to not be mean to people that don't know me yet. Got to ease the new ones into my joking habits :)

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Heh. I guess I should bring you along and just watch things burn some day :P

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Who knows, they might just like me and learn how to joke about things instead of fighting over misunderstandings all the time? :p

Tinkeringbell

@Imus They might actually like your mean jokes :P

dhein

8:14 AM

@Tinkeringbell I have for this one established a method, that took years to be met with respect by all of my family members, but now everyone accepts it, it serves me a great job to stay out of any family drama. My family seems to like talking bad about each other behind their backs. Years ago I started responding to mentioning of what "stupid" thing the family member did or how they had been rude or what ever. I just say "I think they had no bad intends, I don't want to hear or talk about that"

Tinkeringbell

It's one of the things I hate about them, their insistence of making jokes about every failure (and some things you're good at too, but in such a way that it seems bad).

JAD

Hmm, sounds like one of those times I like that my family is not so close. Easier to just stay away from conflict

Imus

The only issue is that if that happens, they'll still turn against you and start a fight that I only make worse with my inapropriate jokes :p

dhein

In the beginning everyone was thinking that would mean I was siding with the other person, but having pointed out on multiple occasions, that this isn't the case and I would say the very same thing to the other person, too. Finally brought me to a point where I am able to just keep out of this trouble.

:)

JAD

Hanlon's razor

Hanlon's razor is an aphorism expressed in various ways, including: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."An eponymous law, probably named after a Robert J. Hanlon, it is a philosophical razor which suggests a way of eliminating unlikely explanations for human behavior. == Origin == Inspired by Occam's razor, the aphorism became known in this form and under this name by the Jargon File, a glossary of computer programmer slang. Later that same year, the Jargon File editors noted lack of knowledge about the term's derivation and the existence of a sim...

not an exact match, I realise

Tinkeringbell

8:16 AM

@dhein Sounds awesome, but it's kinda hard if the subject of conversation is yourself :P 'I don't want to talk about me' is something I tried a few times, but ... well... didn't really end well :)

JAD

but close

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Those cases I'm good at just pretending they didn't say anything ... which might be hard for most people to do. Like I said, I'm good at anoying people with my indifferenc XD

JAD

in my mother's side of the family, it's mostly selfishness, not necessarily malice :/

Imus

My only issue is that my wife didn't really understand this at first and then tried to defend me instead

which ofcourse undermines the whole point -.-

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Well, in my family its more a thing about badmouthing each others. And everyone does it at family gatherings with anyone not being there. And every one happily joining it, not seeing the irony, that its allways those not being present being bad mouthed. (And very often its being bad mouthed that others joined the bad mouthing about now present people) And I totally hate this so I found this working for me as this way no one can say behind my back that I joined bad mouthing about anyone

If in my case the topic was me, I would happily just join that discussion with coutner arguments. But I see your point.

Tinkeringbell

8:20 AM

@Imus I might try just that... it works for most cases, that's true ;)

@dhein Oof, that doesn't sound too easy either. My family doesn't do much badmouthing, but they do do a lot of gossip. So if you tell them something, the week after you're on the street and a random, mutual acquaintance suddenly knows everything too :/

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Yeah but just the fridays to be precise. talking about weekends, you can keep yours and I keep mine. Its just my mondays for your fridays x)

IPS Comment Bot

From your post and your comments, it isn't really clear : do you only mention your exes when asked with who you did this and that, or do you yourself mention your ex "out of the blue" ? Your comment to Dave Sherohman which says "Especially that my 'relationship experience and knowledge' comes mainly from them so I may come off (and I did in the past) as constantly comparing" gives me the impression you don't only talk about activities you did with exes, but more in depth relationship stuff. If this is the case, you should give use more information to get better answers. — MlleMei 22 secs ago

#22396 MlleMei (2407 rep) | Q: How to talk with my current girlfriend about events or places without mentioning other girls? (score: 0) | posted 12 hours ago by Colonder (148 rep) | Toxicity 0.11761883 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Funny thing to try in such a situation: "Oh no no no, what you heard is not entirely what happened, it's actually far worse! " continues exagerating way more than what really happened.

dhein

@Tinkeringbell My family doesn't do that. I rarely ever encoutnered that something I told the one family member was transportet to another. That's probably cause they are jsut too busy badmouthing each other xD

Imus

2 possible outcomes: now the exagerated version gets spread (funny when you can easily debunk those as exagerations if someone tries to make fun of you later on). Or they don't believe you to which you can respond "what makes you think what you heard wasn't exagerated way out of proportion then?"

Mithrandir

8:25 AM

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp). Currently marked 0tps/1fps

dhein

@Tinkeringbell I mean, its not just simple "bad mouthing" its rather, my family is very dynamic in who actually likes whom and can't stand the others. So there are a lot of family terminations declaring who wants no contact anymore with whom and later on reunions. There are usually 2-3 camps in my family. So that somewhat hinders gossiping anyways. ^^

and who belongs to which camp is changing every few years xD

And the badmouthing is actually the reason for switching camps if someone feels too hurt about the badmouthing they heard of having been behind their back, the best thing to do is, switching camp to join others badmouthign them by what just happened to you.

Thats so irnoic, isn't it?

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Heh... it's not that things get exaggerated... More like I can tell someone that I'm having my drivers exam, or that I'm working on getting a job at X or Y.... and they'll just blab it on to others, even though nothing is completely done yet.

@dhein That's quite ironic, yeah... and a lot of messed up!

IPS Comment Bot

@Colonder If I were you I would add this kind of context to the question, since this probably has a direct impact on their reaction when you mention your ex in a more casual setting. — MlleMei 55 secs ago

#22398 MlleMei (2407 rep) | A: How to talk with my current girlfriend about events or places without mentioning other girls? (score: 1) | posted 48 minutes ago by Dave Sherohman (379 rep) | Toxicity 0.09855033 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Either just normally chat about it since it doesn't matter they know. Or respond with something like "Am I? That's new?" And watch them squirm about not being sure if they should trust you about what you yourself are doing or the one that told them the possible lie :)

So much fun to be had in situations like that ^^,

Tinkeringbell

8:37 AM

@Imus Well, the bad thing for me is the questions that are of the 'How did it go' kind, and I have to tell random strangers that I didn't pass a test or get the job, and they get all fake and sorry. Like yeah, you talk to me twice every year when I visit the supermarket and can't avoid you, like you care.

Imus

That's especially the place and time to pretend it never happened :)

Tinkeringbell

Probably, yeah ;)

Imus

"Oh I didn't take the driving exam yet, don't know when I'll be taking it yet either. So how's your day going?"

Tinkeringbell

Until they go back to family, and then I get in trouble for lying ;)

Imus

What did I lie about? They shouldn't have known I was taking a driving exam in the first place, so who's at fault here exactly?

I don't see much trouble yet :)

Tinkeringbell

8:41 AM

You make a really bad conscience :P

Imus

Again: Their problem, not mine ^^,

Tinkeringbell

I wish I could be so easygoing sometimes ;)

Imus

It's actually rather easy once you decide not to care anymore :p

Whenever you find yourself thinking "what would X think of me?" immediatly change it to "Does it matter what X thinks of me?" you'd be surprised how often the answer is "not really"

Tinkeringbell

@Imus My thoughts usually go something similar, but not exactly: Do I care to have my energy drained by the fight that'll result if I ignore/lie/say something....

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Try "Do I have enough energy to respond to this?" if no just shrug "Ok then" and talk about something else instead

or "I don't feel like talking about that now. Anything else interesting happen lately?"

If they ignore your statement, follow their example and ignore the question they're trying to ask :)

dhein

8:53 AM

@Tinkeringbell Just thought the same about that one ^^

@Imus I think the problem here is that not everyone has it thaaat easy to decide not caring ^^

@Imus Even despite I agree here, sometimes its about what you think about yourself by not being honest. Despite you technically are right

Imus

@dhein Since it's actually harder to care than to not care I kinda have to disagree with your statement :p Although I do know that not many people actually succeed in trying it first to experience how easy it can be

dhein

@Imus I agree with you on that. As said, I usually don't care for not wasting energy, and it in fact is easy. But still lying wouldn't be an option to me. As I would loose respect of myself if I did. Its just I identify myself as being an honest person and want others to respect my credibility for that. So not caring is ok as long I stick with honesty while not caring ^^

Imus

@dhein Yush, fully agree on that one :) The lying was mostly meant as an alternative solution for people who like to troll like me ^^,

dhein

Glad we figured that in the core we agree :P

Imus

Lost count a long time ago of how often my wife called me "onnozelaar :)" (roughly translated as "silly man") after some of my greatly exagerated reactions ^^,

JAD

9:02 AM

@Tinkeringbell I wonder how much of this is the effect of living in a "small" town? I can't imagine having those conversations, even when I lived in Pijnacker

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Small town, and probably some leftovers from the church community as well.

JAD

yep

reminds me a bit of Hot Fuzz. The way the entire town is one hivemind

Tinkeringbell

9:28 AM

@JAD Not really a 'hivemind' I think, but yeah... there's so many strangers that make claims on your time/energy just because they recognize your face :/

JAD

9:47 AM

I've become very much used to the anonymousness of cities. Not even big cities, but Gouda/Leiden are sufficient to get that

avazula

@JAD I miss it sometimes

dhein

10:09 AM

@Tinkeringbell gosh, Couldn't even imagine how much of a toll such stress would put on me :x

Magisch

10:39 AM

@JAD I get this semi-often as I live in a small town

Mithrandir

I find that the definition of "small town" changes from place to place... like, some people'd consider 30k people a small town. That's pretty large to me, seeing as there are less than 10k people where I live and it's large compared to where some of my friends live.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir 13k in this case ;)

I'd call it average, because there's plenty of smaller ones around but also some 'big cities'.

JAD

10:56 AM

@Tinkeringbell hmm, Pijnacker was iirc 35k, and I would still call it a village. But maybe that's due to the contrast with Delft, Zoetermeer, Rotterdam and Den Haag

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan If anyone has a better title idea for that one, lemme know...

It's on HNQ now.

Mithrandir

:/ that question seems odd to me

Magisch

I'm not sure that should be on HNQ rn

it's dangerously close to "tee ha, women are so insecure amirite" type territory, even if unintentional. And it seems to be an a/b problem at its core

Tinkeringbell

It sure looks a bit 'what should I do' mixed with 'what should I say' to me :/

dhein

Just having a check on it. Wanted to check it already before lunch but I seem to have clicked the wrong link

dhein

11:19 AM

I find it a bit odd that the side note of not having talked about sexual experiences somewhat odd. I mean I find it very clear that he is not adressing sexual matter and I am already quite a sexual person if it comes to ambiguity. So I think maybe it is not a good idea putting in a sexual refference to avoid sexual assumptions... Otherwise... it is a mediocre post at best, but I see it easy to answer, even with diferent possible frame challange aproaches.

So in the end, I think this is post a good candidate to just see how much respect HNQ visitors pay to our policys that @Tinkeringbell cl…

So lets just see, despite the OP itself isn't of best quality, would be my 2 pens x)

avazula

@Rainbacon you're early today! Insomnia?

Tinkeringbell

Hmmm. I think it lacks a bit of information on whether this current girlfriend complains about this, or all his past girlfriends... and a bit of a decision making wrt how they want to handle the questions the girlfriend asks (there's a few question marks in there suggesting possible ways of replying, but they kinda need to pick one).

It's also not really clear to me if it's about honestly answering those questions or, like the top answer takes it, in general talking with the girlfriend about exes.

And now that I've written that down, perhaps it's time to put that in a comment :)

avazula

11:38 AM

I'm amazed by the cheapness of Paris-NYC or Paris-LA flights. Like, 350 euros for a round-way ticket.

(I'm considering having an American vacation in 2020)

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Good job in convincing yourself x)

Imus

@Tinkeringbell both mine and the top answer assume it's exactly as he asks in the question title "how to talk to current GF without mentioning other girls". He explained how it's an issue (trying to avoid it only instigates direct questions about it anyway so impossible) and what he already tried. Not sure what your issue is exactly :)

Tinkeringbell

@Imus :P Giving it an edit now ;) Massively invalidating all existing answers of course, like it should be XD

Imus

Tinkeringbell

I am going to narrow it down to honestly answering questions about places/events visited before, without coming across as constantly mentioning/comparing the current girlfriend to exes ;)

dhein

11:45 AM

@Imus The issue is more the inconsistensy in his statements that change with every answer/comment he gets, making it seem like his question is a hypothetical anyways.

Tinkeringbell

Current suggested title:

> How to honestly answer questions from a girlfriend like "How did you find this place" without giving the impression I'm always talking about my exes?

dhein

Btw is there a way to unfreeze chatrooms, without having to make use of my connections to mighty people? :P

Imus

@Tinkeringbell that would change the question just a bit too much I think

avazula

@dhein I think you need to ping a mod for that :/

dhein

@avazula Glad that a mod just pinged me x)

xP

Tinkeringbell

11:48 AM

@Imus It is what he confirmed in comments though...

avazula

which one do you need? ^^

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Read his most recent comment to me under Imus answer. OP seems to just go into not to question related hypothetical cases based on the answers, with no relation to the originial OP if I got that confirmation correctly...

@avazula The one with Anilla. I want to reach out to them again :)

Imus

@Tinkeringbell not how I read the comments ...

avazula

@dhein 'not sure it'll work, I haven't seen them around for a while :/

Tinkeringbell

@Imus interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/22396/… reply to my questions ;)

I have a few questions for you, that I hope will improve your question and the answers it'll get: a.) Is your current girlfriend expressing that you talk too much about your exes, or is this a problem that you had with your exes and don't want to encounter again in a new relationship? b.) You ask about addressing certain types of questions, then suggest that you might be willing to lie in a few follow up questions. You need to make this decision yourself though, so: Do you want to answer these questions honestly, or twist/lie to avoid mentioning exes? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 19 mins ago

dhein

11:51 AM

@avazula Well, We will see :) Want me to transport any greetings if I reach them? xP

Imus

Changing the question to what you suggest looks like a XY-problem to me. OP has an issue with talking to girlfriend (be it current or a future one) about previous places. He either avoids mentioning exes but then gets those questions you want to adres as the new question

Hmm, and now I realise the issue with the current question as well

my bad :)

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Take a look at the current revision ;)

dhein

@avazula And thank you for unfreezing it :)

Imus

hmm, Is my current answer still on topic?

as the question is now I got the feeling it should be written as a frame challenge instead. "If you do this, you most likely wont get those questions in the first place"

Side note: I only need 6 more upvotes on my answers to become a trusted user :p

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Taking a look for you now :) I've already fixed numero uno, by just editing in the title as 'quoted' part.

I think the 'exes, romantic context' can benefit from something like 'I avoided trouble with my wife by being upfront about this, like this'?

(if you actually did :P)

avazula

12:01 PM

@dhein you're welcome!

Tinkeringbell

@Imus I think it fits. Better than the current third answer ;)

Rainbacon

@avazula super early flight

avazula

@Rainbacon oof :/ courage!

Rainbacon

Heading to the honeymoon today!

Imus

@Rainbacon My condolences on the mariage :p Hope you get an awesome honeymoon though ^^,

avazula

12:04 PM

yay! Holiday!

@Imus that ain't nice! :p

Imus

@avazula obviously meant as a joke. Those are allowed to be not so nice ;)

IPS Comment Bot

I have to downvote because in my experience, this just doesn't always work and mentioning other women as I would men fails to avoid further questions. — Tomáš Zato 1 min ago

#22398 Tomáš Zato (158 rep) | A: How to honestly answer questions from a girlfriend like "How did you find this place" without giving the impression I'm always talking about my exes? (score: 8) | posted 4 hours ago by Dave Sherohman (457 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by [Tinkeringbell](interperson

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

avazula

@Imus I know :)

it just feels like everyone around me is saying that marriage is terrible lol

Magisch

depends entirely on who you marry

avazula

also of what spouse you are I guess ;)

Imus

12:09 PM

Guess it goes both ways indeed XD

JAD

@Rainbacon where are you going?

Imus

@avazula There's always some negative sides to every commitment you make. The jokes greatly exagerate that side ofcourse. This doesn't mean that mariage overal is a negative thing. I for one can confirm that it's been great up till now ^^,

Tinkeringbell

Pfew. Think I got every answer there in line now, the fourth one seems to address the question about answering questions there too, so...

Everybody happy? :P I could use some feedback XD

Imus

@Tinkeringbell you can never make everybody happy :p

Magisch

almost nothing in life is purely positive or purely negative

Imus

12:14 PM

I like how you just completely scrapped the screening part of the 3d answer XD

Looks fine to me now :)

@Tinkeringbell Got to love the HNQ ^^,

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Yeah well, like I said I hope the OP of the answer understands but it really made the question too broad if we're also going to focus on whether the girlfriends in the past were insecure or how to recognize insecure friends in the future!

dhein

12:37 PM

@Tinkeringbell Yep, good mod work you did with a good job :)

:D

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Thanks (@Imus too). I hope you watched and learned so that next time you can do it too! :P

(Preferably before stuff hits HNQ!)

dhein

@Tinkeringbell I watched and learned. I am quite busy recently, tho. Just had today finally one day over the last 2 weeks, which I was able to find some time checking in here again :) So better don't count on me >.<

What makes me tell: I am calling it a day. Talk to you guys when I am having the next time a not too busy day. (Possibly tomorrow, otherwise maybe just in the mid-term future '^.^)

Tinkeringbell

@dhein I was just teasing, in case you missed that ;)

@dhein Byebye! Hope to see you soon again.

dhein

I got it. But made a good introduction to saying bye and letting you all know why I am recently not too active :)

@Tinkeringbell same to you :)

Rainbacon

@JAD The Dominican Republic. Unfortunately, we showed up 3 hours early to fly only to get through security and find out our flight is delayed. I think in the last hour I've seen enough rude behavior to stock IPS with questions for a couple weeks

Tinkeringbell

12:49 PM

@Rainbacon Hahahaha ouch... That's no fun start to a honeymoon!

Rainbacon

@Tinkeringbell we're going to an all inclusive, adults only resort. So I just have to keep reminding myself what is coming next

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Adults that don't have to set a good example for possible kids that might be seeing their bad behaviour? :P

That take out the frustration of years of raising kids on some innocent personnel? :P

Rainbacon

@Tinkeringbell well yeah, plus the alcohol is included in the cost of the room, so there will probably be a lot of drunkenness

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Lovely :P Enjoy, I hope everything turns out much nicer than what I just imagined ;)

JAD

@Rainbacon nevertheless, enjoy!

Imus

1:02 PM

@Rainbacon On the plus side, your alcohol is included in the cost of the room, so there will probably be a lot of drunkenness. Right? ;)

Tinkeringbell

@Imus yes, looks better to me now :) I'm cleaning up comments :P

Imus

thanks :)

@Tinkeringbell feel free to also delete the other comments under my answer. They're no longer needed (talking about a hypothetical issue, not relevant to improving my post)

Tinkeringbell

All gone :D

Imus

also started an internal countdown till trusted user. 4 more votes to go ^^,

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha don't worry. This is the kind of question that HNQ loves, so you'll get your votes ;)

Imus

1:18 PM

I probably had that happen on 3 of my answers before :)

One of those is 1 vote short of reaching 100 -.-

Rainbacon

@Imus probably not, my wife and I are not big drinkers

Imus

@Rainbacon Was meant more as a joke since my phrasing is over 90% copy paste of your sentence ;)

Rainbacon

@Imus quick, @Tink, stop him. We should never trust Imus

Imus

^ agreed. Don't trust me ;)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon I'll ask a CM if they can find vote fraud :P This can't be right!

Imus

1:20 PM

uh ohw, they're onto me!

where's MAR when you need them!

how funny would it be if he joined right now :)

(3!)

Tinkeringbell

I think @M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ forgot about our existence :P

Imus

@Tinkeringbell Can't blame them. I'm not trust worthy anyway

IPS Comment Bot

I know you said you want an option other than apologzing, so I won't put this as an answer but rather leave it as food for thought: Apologizing to someone isn't always about admitting guilt. Sometimes it's just about showing sympathy and building (or rebuilding) a relationship. Compare: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake" (not something you believe - and for the record I'm inclined to agree) vs "I'm sorry things didn't work out, let's keep in touch and try again later." — Steve-O 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Imus

Editing tag wikis without needing approval -> with great power comes no responsibility. muahahaha!
Oh wait, full history :(

Tinkeringbell

@Imus We see you when you're sleeping, we know when you're awake :P

Imus

1:28 PM

@Tinkeringbell that's nothing new :)

Rainbacon

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

Does the edited question accurately characterise the past encounters in that you talked about the place, and the girlfriend wanted to know about the people you were there with? If so, it should be pretty obvious you're not "always talking about your exes" - your girlfriends were always asking abut your exes! But if the recurring theme in your honest answers to these questions makes your girlfriend uncomfortable, maybe you have a closely-related, but subtly different, IPS problem - how to avoid the impression you're always revisiting the sites of old dates. — Will 13 secs ago

#22396 Will (101 rep) | Q: How to honestly answer questions from a girlfriend like "How did you find this place" without giving the impression I'm always talking about my exes? (score: 7) | posted 17 hours ago by Colonder (186 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (238

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

Magisch

1:49 PM

@Tinkeringbell did someone say vote fraud?

avazula

@Imus: just a quick tip: please don't use mod flags for comments that aren't unkind or rude :)

Imus

@avazula ah, sorry about that. Better to use "no longer needed"?

JAD

@avazula some stacks, mods need training/explanation on why something is NLN

ElizB

morning all :) o/ woke up in a good mood then some cramps showed up. -_-

heat pack and green tea time :)

avazula

@Imus yup :)

Imus

1:56 PM

@avazula I'll try to remember. Feel free to ask me again if I do it wrong :p I'm a slow learner in that regard

avazula

@JAD my bad, I should have said "please don't on IPS "

@Imus no worries! I just took advantage of your presence in chat but you're far from being the only one doing it :p

Imus

Hehe, I don't mind being used as an example for such trivialities ^^,

JAD

Given that mods see both queues, only reason I can see against it is the comment being automatically deleted when enough flags come in

El'endia Starman

@Imus It is pretty great how SE designed their system such that you get lots of power and lots of responsibility/accountability at the same time.

Imus

I prefer power without responsibilities though ;) :p

but only for me! Other people should be held accountable for their sily mistakes! muahaha ... ahum, sorry :)

avazula

1:59 PM

@JAD Well, I'll speak for myself but when I see a mod flag I expect to have a tough situation to handle quickly. Since AIC falls into the NLN category and don't necessarily hurt anyone (except the site...), I'd rather not have them flagged for mod intervention. IPS mods handle comments flags quickly enough not to need it.

ElizB

@avazula I'm glad to know to do that now, I am guilty of using custom mod flags for AIC's

avazula

@ElizB no harm done :)

Imus

@ElizB nonono, don't take away my victim role here. I'm the one doing in wrong by example ;)

also good morning ^^,

ElizB

@Imus Good morning :)

Imus

It's 4pm here, was responding to you from 10 minutes ago :)

should've done so as a reply to make that more obvious

hope the cramps are over

ElizB

2:03 PM

haha okay

it's not over yet. I think my egg is traveling down the fallopian tube.... oi. why does it have to hurt this time?

heat pack and tea is helping calm it down.

avazula

@ElizB Did you know we are one of the only species where giving birth is painful?

ElizB

@avazula interesting.

avazula

It's due to our reproductive organs that moved throughout evolution. They moved between our legs when we started walking on our inferior members but because of their new location, it's harder (and more painful) to give birth.

ElizB

ah, yeah that makes sense.

avazula

darn it, evolution!

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

2:33 PM

@Tinkeringbell OMG, YOU EXIST

What is this place.

Makes a curious look at the stalagmites

ElizB

looks at stalactites they're nice. :) limestone formations are pretty :)

Rory Alsop

2:50 PM

nah - the stalagmites and stalactites are in the Base Camp: chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/2291/the-base-camp

:-)

avazula

3:00 PM

huh, we don't have many questions today

ElizB

don't jinx it @avazula ;P

avazula

You're right, I should rejoice, that makes less work to handle :p

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I've been thinking of putting one up tonight :P If I can find the will and energy ;)

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ I hope so, yes ;)

IPS Comment Bot

4:10 PM

I'm not too used myself with party rooms in pubs but why book a room for 7 people when you could as easily be sitting at a table in the pub where there shouldn't be any awkward silence ? — Laurent S. 25 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

ElizB

4:32 PM

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

Extroverted Main Man

6:19 PM

0

Q: How to handle being lied upon?

I read somewhere that the worst curse of being intelligent is that one can expose a lot of lies people tell you, which is bad if you want a nice social life. How do you cope with being able to see through lies that the sender expects to not be exposed? I am fully aware that an average person li...

Mithrandir

@avazula I'll often use custom flags if it's non-obvious why I'm flagging it (such as obsolete comments where the post has been edited); but I'll agree that AICs don't qualify for that.

@ExtrovertedMainMan New answers here need some attention...

Extroverted Main Man

7:19 PM

0

Q: How to handle a parent leaking information I want to keep private to family?

My parents have a 'bad' habit of disclosing information about any unfinished business of mine, or about other things I like to keep private for reasons, to people ranging from family to vague acquaintances. I've had several conversations with them about this, carefully outlining the reasons I'm a...

family parents netherlands privacy

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir I think I got all of them :)

Extroverted Main Man

7:39 PM

0

Q: Why are college students more eager to make friends and reach out when they were freshman versus when they're upper classmen?

Why is it easier to make friends during the beginning of college than towards second semester as a freshman or as upperclassmen? Why are people more outgoing towards everyone and more friendly as freshman than as sophomores, juniors, and seniors? Is this psychological, biological, or social nor...

friends united-states making-friends college

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@Tinkeringbell sorry, it's really just me that's not existing

Tinkeringbell

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ Aww! What happened?

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@Tinkeringbell real life is kinda stressful

Tinkeringbell

Tell me about it ;)

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

And that makes me very likely to slack off

Tinkeringbell

7:45 PM

Hahaha

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

I actually have more things to do on ELL and Chem than chat, but slacking off from those too

Even been slacking off from slacking off in real life

Days seem to just pass by

in The Periodic Table, 2 days ago, by M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@Mithoron I'm on the tip of the needle right now, so in a month I'd be able to say whether or not I'll finally become more active again or continue my Skywalker exile.

@ExtrovertedMainMan IME when someone is intelligent enough to notice the lie they're often also intelligent enough not to shove it in their face.

@NVZ no Kung Fu pandas in this chat.

BTW, I haz Eeps question. What can you do when you play dumb to make a joke and people point it out to you by linking to Wikipedia and your reaction is all like "eye roll I know I know"?

Mithrandir

Post a "joke flying over head" GIF

Tinkeringbell

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ Ehhh. Basically that. Eye roll, say you know and that the joke is upon them for not getting the joke :P

Or tell them you have to lift your feet so their level of intelligence/the level of conversation can pass through (rude option :P)

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

1. Say "eye roll I know I know" 2. Play dumber 3. Point out it's a joke and ruin everything for everyone

@Tinkeringbell oh this one is a very good option

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