The Awkward Silence - 2019-04-11

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Extroverted Main Man

1:01 AM

0

Q: Should I accept this overly generous repayment?

A couple years ago, I found out that an acquaintance living across the country was in need of a computer. Because I had a decent one that I never planned on using again, I offered to give it to her. Shipping was pretty expensive, about $90, so we agreed that she could pay back part of the shippin...

politeness money acquaintances gifts

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

2:19 AM

0

Q: Colleague from work is helping with Tax stuff

I have a colleague from work who is helping me fill my tax forms. She briefly mentioned that she charges a fee to do the whole work (research, fill, send). She helped me with some consulting, I did the rest of the work. I already asked twice about paying her, but she "dodged" the conversation bo...

money professionalism colleagues

IPS Comment Bot

Hi Luis Henrique, welcome to IPS! Unfortunately, we can't tell you whether or not you should pay her. However, if you decide that for yourself, you could edit your question and we could help you with the skills you need to accomplish that. — Rainbacon 49 secs ago

#21498 Rainbacon (3928 rep) | Q: Colleague from work is helping with Tax stuff (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by Luis Henrique (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.11459979 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

sleepily hi @Rainbacon good to see you up

I've been absent because it's absolutely insane with graduate school now. one month away from completing my classes

homework assignments and final project deadlines are coming hard and fast

2:49 AM

Hi @ElizB! Oof, I remember how much work the end of undergrad was, I'm sure grad school is worse

@Rainbacon I think it's just maybe more intense, not really worse

I guess my brain thinks of more intense as worse

because the topics are more detailed and the work involved is more time consuming so yeah i guess it is "worse" but in my perspective it's the good kind because it's something I really want to do

just hard work

That's good

so tired. bedtime

2:56 AM

Goodnight!

Good night :)

I've been interviewing with a company and they just emailed me to tell me they want to bring me in for the last round of interviews. I'm seeing real-world benefits from being on IPS. I say this because the email specifically said "We were very impressed by your technical and communication skills." (emphasis mine)

1 hour later…

4:19 AM

GaMen :)

2 hours later…

6:32 AM

Môguh

says the kuh

:D

6:52 AM

heya

Hey :)

Afternoon!

@JAD Moggel!

7:13 AM

"What Individual Person Will Have the Most Influence In Tech This Year?" Hahahaha :D I was one of the voters for "me" funny enough that overall 2.5% did the same x)

@Tinkeringbell vijf kiklo inktvip

Hah, you remembered!

how could one not? :P

8:03 AM

Was it that bad?:o

@dhein Yes and no.

'mating habit' :/

Ahhh.... I oversaw that one.

Was at least my comment not incorrect? >.<

They can always edit and flag for a mod to undelete, I pointed that out in a comment specifically too. But right now it's not really necessary to leave it up as it's off-topic...

@dhein Nah, you were right. We possibly can do whether a certain behaviour/custom is outdated or what the expected behaviour is now, but we are also going to need more than just 'conquering' if we're talking behaviour ;)

Couldn't one just have removed the inappropriate wording in that case + closing it, rather than deleting? Just wondering, no critics in general :)

@dhein Remove even more? There was already so little in the question. And I don't know what to replace 'mating habit' with that has the same meaning yet is more acceptable... really, this place isn't one for mating habits.

8:08 AM

Touché '^.^

8:19 AM

@Tinkeringbell I naively thought this was some kind of synonym of 'courting habit'/'dating habit' ^^'

(but even though, the question was still kind of scary)

@Ælis Ehh.. perhaps. Though either of those are still a mile away from mating :P

@Ælis Same. I mean, its obviously inappropriate, I was just not realizing^^

@Ælis I also agree on that one, but technically the kind of academic research it asked for was not directly looking not ok to me. That's why I asked for clarification, to a) make it answerable and b) to get an better idea of if it was just unfortunately worded or indeed inappropriate. But Tinki (calling you that is acceptable @Tinkeringbell ?) was again miles ahead, I dare to say :P

@dhein Asking for clarification was a good idea. I personally freeze when I read the question and didn't know how to react. I'm glad other people (you and Tink) were here to handle it :)

@Ælis Don't worry, I know how you feel. Often times I have the same on other posts and am happy that others know what to leave as comment, when I don't :)

@dhein Academic research is okay, though perhaps this one was also overly broad: academic research on acceptable dating strategies is going to be broaaaad without narrowing it down to a specific country/culture or even subculture (religion, local customs). I think there's better research questions that can be asked (and the nickname is okay :) )

8:36 AM

@Tinkeringbell Oh, I wasn't arguing here. I was just presenting the thought process I had when I saw that post and Why I didn't take any further actions than leaving a comment. So I totally agreed with your point already :)

I just realize what the nickname "Tinki" made me think of (@dhein, @Tinkeringbell):

user image

I present you Tinky Winky!

:p

Aaagh :P

Okay, we're getting rid of that nickname then XD

hahaha

@Tinkeringbell Don't you want to name your "Dipsy", "Laa-Laa" and "Po"? :p (now that I read those name, I can't stop singing them ><)

@Ælis they're kinda scary

8:48 AM

They were kind of weird but I did like Laa-Laa :p

@Ælis Ahhhh comon' I finally found a nick that satisfies my need of giving Tink a friendly meant nick when she just solves things way simpler then we do, and she was even fine with that nick and now you point out that reference >.<

@dhein Tink is okay too :)

@Ælis Lala was my fav as a child!

I loved yellow so much at that time

I have two weddings this summer, I may try to get a yellow dress to attend :D

(I guess my clothing choices were always weird, I did my college prom in a emerauld green gown)

My favorite color is far from being yellow (green is life and healthy grass. Yellow is just dead grass). But I liked the lightning bolt of LaLa (and his personality I guess, even though I don't remember much about it now)

@avazula Oh, I would love to see a picture of this gown. Green clothes are so hard to find!

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, thought so :P

8:57 AM

@Ælis let me check this

user image

@avazula like this?

Sorry just had to vandalize a bit my self xP

@dhein a bit younger-looking if possible :p

This is me and one of my charity teams in 2015

@avazula Wow, nice!

@Ælis the one with the bowtie is my previous roommate :p

It was at a time where I wasn't tattooed yet :p

@avazula You do realize, that there is two people with a bowtie? :p I guess you are talking about the one next to you?

9:03 AM

@Ælis oh shoot :p no, the one with the grey one

@avazula you pretty much smile like my colleague and give pose like her. ;)

@AJ People say I have a pretty common physique :p my only specificity is that huge mole on my cheek

@avazula Than I had said "The one with the pointed mustache" But hey, lets go with the ambiguous :P

As a child I used to say that it's a fly that crashed on my face

@dhein oh sorry I wasn't direclty crystal clear :p

@avazula Hey, you are telling the story, do it jsut the way you like :)

Was just hinting :P

Anyways, I am out now doing the 700km drive another time. Might look in here tomorrow but otherwise I wont most likely be back before 23rd of April. So wish you all having a great time and looking forward to be back in touch with you guys n gals :) Bye

9:07 AM

@JAD It sounds cat-on-keyboard to me. :P

@dhein enjoy! bye you :)

@dhein Have fun!

@dhein Drive safe and see you soon!

@dhein bon voyage!

@avazula He kind of look like a charming villain from a cartoon :p

9:14 AM

@Ælis he surely has the personality :p

The smile kind of gave him out :p

@AJ it's an old commercial for mobile phones with decent keyboards, making fun of people making typos left and right while texting on those old phones

2 hours later…

IPS Comment Bot

11:53 AM

@LuisHenrique : to be more precise/clear, "should I" implies that you're not sure about the choice you'd make. That also mean that no random stranger on the internet has to decide for you :) but folks here on IPS can (probably) help you with explaining/conveying your idea once you've made the choice. For instance: 1. I want to achieve X. But I don't know how to do it = we may help - 2. I'm not sure if I should do X/Y/Z? can you help = means "poll-type question", far too open-ended and opinion-based, will be put on hold. — OldPadawan just now

#21498 OldPadawan (15750 rep) | Q: How can I thank a colleague who has helped me but then "dodged the reward"? (score: -1) | posted 9 hours ago by Luis Henrique (1 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by OldPadawan (15750 rep) | Toxicity 0.23224469 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp). Currently marked 0tps/1fps

12:46 PM

quiet afternoon

I'm trying hard to survive the last hour/hourandahalf of work and not fall asleep :P

I'm trying to make the background of this image white/transparent. I'm not really successful ><

user image

@avazula quiet evening

:P

1:02 PM

@avazula It's afternoon!?!?! Oh dear, I've overslept :)

hahaha

Heh. I remember this one time where we were supposed to take an afternoon nap of one hour, but it turned out as a long nap and we woke up at the middle of the night. After that, I stayed awake for whole night and slept again after 5 hours. Even maid rang the bell in evening, but we (me and my roommate) kept sleeping.

@AJ My brothers once had fun when I was fast asleep on the couch... apparently they went about the cooking as loud as they could, to the point of hitting spoons on pans... and I slept :/

@Tinkeringbell you have more than one brother 0.0

@Tinkeringbell That noise wasn't enough to wake you up? Wow! You must have slept like a log.

1:14 PM

@Rainbacon one is already too much

:p

@Rainbacon Hahaha yeah there are two :P

I have no sister. I wish there was one.

@avazula Also true...

I have 2 sisters. They both had babies last week

I really, really wanted the first one to be a sister :)

To the point that I got mad he wasn't. :P

1:16 PM

@Rainbacon how unlikely! Cheers on you being a new uncle! :D

(I won't start here with my 3 brothers and 5 sisters ;p )

I'm like Zula valued associate #00002

@avazula Thanks, though I'm not exactly new to being an uncle. I already had 4 niblings before the 2 new ones

@Rainbacon oh, then cheers on being an uncle again! :D

@avazula yikes. That's too many

@Rainbacon They're not my biological siblings ;)

Not as bad, but still a lot

1:21 PM

I biologically have 2 half-sis and 1 half-bro but they never wanted to meet me after my parents got separated

That's a pain I live with, maybe that's why I like to call my foster people siblings so much

My father was a truly bad, sad person

ah, sorry to hear that

Well, still is, actually, I guess. Haven't seen him in 20+ years

that's okay :) I'm good now

Just had quite a chat with him about 4 years ago

I'm glad I don't have to be near him in any way

I'm glad that you're in a good place now

@Rainbacon heh, if he'd see me today I guess he'd be surprised :p

Oh BTW I have to tell you

We're going to get married!

Congrats!

1:30 PM

:happy:

@avazula Congratulation!

I'm an only child

@Ælis It's not for the nearest future, we're talking summer 2020 ;)

Journeyman Geek

@avazula yay!

@avazula Ah, so you picked a date range :D I thought you already said the getting married part :)... Does this mean the name thing is sorted?

1:33 PM

@avazula Well, Summer 2019 would have been nearly impossible anyway. All the church are probably already taken for this period

@Tinkeringbell sadly, no :( but we decided to have a lay wedding anyway and sort the papers out once I have the Ministry verdict about my request

@avazula Ah... well, that still sounds good :D

@Tinkeringbell I wouldn't be surprised, we have a thing in France called PACS which is basically the same thing as a wedding economically speaking. We're "PACSed" so it's basically like being married. We just wanted to party :p

@Ælis Surely, but this won't be a religious wedding anyway

@avazula Nah, you said you were going to get married, but that you probably had to wait long for the name stuff :)

Journeyman Geek

@avazula I think in the anglophile world that's a civil union?

1:34 PM

@JourneymanGeek registered partnership over here.

@Ælis My partner is an atheist, so church is out of the line

saves you the several thousand € in cost

@Tinkeringbell ah, right indeed. Well, I kinda decided I didn't want to wait for something I couldn't do anything more about it to live the things I wanted to live

@avazula I probably should have said "town hall" instead of church but I didn't know how to say "mairie" in English and I didn't want to look for the word (which is done now) :p

@Magisch huh? Religious weddings are free over here

1:36 PM

People spend a lot on their weddings here

@Ælis hahaha. I had to look for it too, couldn't remember :)

Journeyman Geek

@avazula Proper religious weddings in my culture are 3 days

and I think they cut it down

@JourneymanGeek darn

with questionable ideas behind it. I know a couple who spent a total of 25.000€ and im like

why dont you buy an apartment with that

Journeyman Geek

@Magisch ODDLY ENOUGH!

1:36 PM

@Magisch Some people like to party!! :P

But yeah, weddings are generally ridiculously expensive

I'm not romantic enough to appreciate them either ;)

@Magisch well ours is likely to be kinda "cheap". I don't want a dress I'm gonna wear once in my life (if we're lucky lol)

@Magisch But that's not enough for a full appartment, right?

Journeyman Geek

People here get "legally" married way before religious marriage cause it can take a few years for public housing to get built after you order it

@Tinkeringbell "YOU TWO! You're married. Try not to kill each other. Now, go do whatever it is newly weds do and don't disturb me"

@Magisch That's pretty common in the US. There are a lot of venues that will require that you spend several thousand dollars on food from their catering service in order to use the venue

(seems like I restarted the conversation) :happy:

1:38 PM

@JourneymanGeek Hahaha perhaps ... Can I wear medieval armour? :P

@Tinkeringbell OMG THAT'D BE SO COOL

RPG WEDDING

lol

I think I just made yours more expensive XD

Journeyman Geek

@Tinkeringbell .... why not?

@JourneymanGeek Moms?

Journeyman Geek

"Now, if anyone has any reason why these two should not be lawfully wed, we can handle it by trial by combat"

2

1:39 PM

@Tinkeringbell lol. My partner already planned to say "I don't", then do a dab, and then say "kidding"

so about the moms look...

@avazula My mom tried a lot to get me to wear her wedding dress as a kid, cause 'it would be fun to take pictures'. Glad I at least never fell for that trap!

@Tinkeringbell o_o that's kinda weird

(She also used to threaten 'we're going to tell this anecdote at your wedding' a lot, so I really know where those pictures would've ended up :P)

O_O

@avazula Oh... a lot = every time we cleaned out the attic XD which was about once every two years :P

Perhaps 'more than once' would've been better phrasing XD

1:42 PM

@Ælis depends on the area. The apartment I live in right now would cost about 35.000 to buy

@Magisch WHAT

@Tinkeringbell Don't you like trying clothes? My sisters and I love to try clothes that we wouldn't normaly wear. We even did try your grand-grandma wedding dress

How on Earth is that possible

that's so cheap!!

It's like 10x that price over here!

@Ælis Ehhh, sometimes. But not (wedding) dresses

I always manage to look ridiculous in them

@avazula 45 square meter apartment above a construction company in a low COL area

1:42 PM

@Magisch wow, the cheapest apartments you can buy here are $500,000

pay about 220 in rent with utilities a month

@Rainbacon yeah, but I saw your average wages in the SO dev survey results ... That's like 5x what I earn haha

@Magisch *-* That so cheap

@Ælis now you know why I live there

@Tinkeringbell I would say different, not ridiculous :)

1:44 PM

@avazula That's true, but I'm paying 10x what Magisch does for rent :(

@Ælis Nah, ridiculous fits :)

the "it's construction so lots of noise" is exaggerated too. They made the walls good enough you can barely hear it, it's not louder then a very quiet radio

@Tinkeringbell I think that prom dress suited you perfectlu

I barely even make 2200 a month after taxes and bills

And I'm saving 40-70% of that

@avazula It suited just as well as the clown suit ;)

1:45 PM

@Magisch I have €1800 per month to pay for everything

@Tinkeringbell this one I never saw :p

@avazula Not? Thought I dropped it in here once too..

in Tavern on the Meta on Meta Stack Exchange Chat, Mar 16 at 19:45, by Tinkeringbell

user image

@Tinkeringbell aaaaaaaaaaaw

I can't concieve paying 2k a month for an apartment

does that have gold plated walls?

@Magisch No, but it has a washing machine (which is an extremely rare amenity in the city)

@Rainbacon which reminds me, I have a load to launch

1:49 PM

@Tinkeringbell The makeup might be a bit creepy but it's a nice costume otherwise :)

@Ælis I think I posted this one on Facebook when there was that Killer/Horror Clown stuff going on XD

XD You evil parrot!

@Rainbacon I have my own in my bathroom. It was 75€

I have one of those too, it's very tiny

Changing subject, but I can't resist to complain: there is a very strong smell of cigarette in my office right now, the smell won't go away, I have no parfum to cover it with and it's making me kind of sick ><

2:02 PM

I'm finally out of the office. Now just survive the ride home, get dinner, and sleep! \o/

@Ælis that's nasty. Can you get a cup of strong smelling tea somewhere?

Mint or something?

@Tinkeringbell did I hear mint tea?

:D

I used to do that when a coworker returned from a smoke break ;)

@Magisch Hahaha yeah :) how's yours? Are you nearing the end of your stash yet?

@Tinkeringbell Oh, that look like a nice idea! (even if I never drink tea). Thankfully, the smell is mostly gone now (probably becausee the smoking coworker is too). Maybe I should bring a scented candle for next time ^^

@Tinkeringbell considering I bought 2kg worth, no

@Ælis You can burn candles at your office? Though a scented candle might bother other workers, so be careful ;)

2:05 PM

we can't even wear strong perfume

apparently people prone to seizures can get seizures from pungent smells

@Tinkeringbell Oh, I don't plan in burning it. Just "sniffing" it like you do with your tea ^^

(and I'm pretty sure burning anything isn't allow at work ^^)

2:21 PM

@Ælis except bridges! (special dedication to the naughty coworker)

@avazula Haha, yeah :p

Do you people like your name? I never liked mine (but I liked my nickname). And now that I started using "Ælis", I'm not sure I want to use my birthname anymore. Tomorow they will place an order for personalised mug (name plus a small picture of what we want) and I kind of want to ask that they use "Ælis" instead of my birthname, but I can't decide myself ><

@Ælis I like my birthname ok. There are a few annoying things about it such as the fact that it is a very common name and the fact that most people spell it wrong even though it's a really common name and my spelling is by far the most common spelling.

@Rainbacon People don't mispeal my name. They just don't know how to write it :p

2:36 PM

Which name? Ælis or your birthname?

@Ælis I can understand why

"with a double or a single consonant?" :p

@Rainbacon My birthname ^^

@avazula It's not the only problem ^^ "What, there is no 'e' at the end?"

seriously? lol

Yeah, some french people just want to put "e" everywhere :p

hahaha

2:43 PM

ooh, I'm at 3998 rep. Need to go edit a tag wiki so I'll get to 4000 even

@Rainbacon Or have one of your downvote undo by some deletion so that you will be at 3999 ^^

@Ælis if it's on a question it'll be 2

Or have a user that downvoted me once get removed

Or delete an answer of yours where you only have one downvote

@Ælis I have no answers like that :)

2:47 PM

That's probably a good new for you ^^

3:17 PM

@EmC thanks for stepping in. I was at a loss for what to say there. Your comment was perfect

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I help talk a close friend out of religiously radicalizing?

I have a close friend that I grew up with that has begun to show signs of radicalizing in his religion. I do not share this religion but we are close friends. He has many friends, very educated, a steady girlfriend, and is generally well liked. I am used to helping people with depression, but thi...

socializing religion mental-health anxiety

@scohe001 np :) that one is a tough question..

if OP adds some more info and it stays open, it'd be great to see that one answered with sources. I may have to do some research later ;)

Yeah, it definitely needs a lot more info

Even so, if the OP's true goal is to talk their friend out of doing something, that's off-topic

3:37 PM

I finally ask for an "Ælis" mug after all. I don't know when we will receive them, but I will make sure to show you a picture of it :D

4:06 PM

Is it going to have your profile picture on it?

4:28 PM

TIL that "ping-pong shoes" are a thing :o

Is there something special about them that is important for ping-pong?

Apparently they are extra-grippy and have "excellent lateral stability", according to the coworker who is selling them

@Rainbacon if I learned anything from Balls of Fury, they'd probably allow you to play anywhere from the gymnasium to a breaking wooden bridge

@scohe001 that plot synopsis.. it sounds like one of those movies that could be fun to make fun of :P

4:54 PM

@Ælis I’ve never liked my birth name too much since it’s very basic. I’ve always liked the idea of naming a kid on the spot based on a certain characteristic you notice about them. I think it’s cute and more original hehe.

5:38 PM

Why do I have to keep leaving comments on PRs to tell people on my team not to hard code secret access tokens and check them into git?

5:50 PM

@Rainbacon because they are a forgetful bunch?

@Rainbacon that's bad D:

If we want to be nice, yes

@EmC It's really bad. It's happened twice in the last month

yikes!

With different developers

sounds like your team needs a PSA :\

at least you're catching them though :)

5:58 PM

Yeah

We're at least using a private, on-premise instance of git, but it's still a really bad practice

6:40 PM

@EmC it's definitely a fun one. It doesn't take itself too seriously which just makes it all the better

@Rainbacon No, I choose this little guy instead :)

@Ælis ooh Princess Mononoke!

Totally didn't mess that up the first time :P

Yeah, I noticed :p

My first thought was "Miyazaki!" and then I was like "shoot...but which one." Mononoke is one of my favorites too lol

I wonder, if I recommend deletion on a post and then gain the ability to cast a delete vote, does my recommended deletion convert to a delete vote?

6:51 PM

@scohe001 My favorite is Totoro, but Mononoke is just after that followed by "The castel in the sky" (not sure if that the english name)

user15026

@scohe001 Kiki's my fave, then Ponyo, then Totoro, I think.

@Rainbacon Probably not

user15026

Oh, and Howl's Moving Castle is in there too

user15026

TOO MANY FAVOURITES

@Ash I love Kiki too <3 So many great movies!

user15026

6:53 PM

So many good ones! I own most of them because I love them so much

@Ælis Ooh Castle in the Sky was my favorite too! I believe it's called that in English. Maybe Laputa? I don't remember...

@Anilla The best option would probably to let children choose their name once they become adult (it's already possible in France, but not many people are aware of that)

@Ash really? I found I just couldn't get into Ponyo. Beautiful art, but I couldn't follow the story enough

user15026

@scohe001 Yeah, it worked for me.

@Ælis that could work too. Though, what is the child supposed to respond to meanwhile? Hmmm :P

user15026

7:03 PM

A child-name, separate from their chosen-adult-name

@Anilla Like Ash said: you give them a "temporary" name and, when they become adult, there is an official ceremony when they choose their adult name

@Ash ...is this what a given name and gamer tag are? :P

user15026

Maybe!

@Ælis Time to find out for sure

7:19 PM

@Rainbacon I approved your edit! How is your rep hunt going?

Those edits got me to 4002 :)

@Ælis ahh that could work too I suppose! I wonder if there’s anyone here who’s fully gone through a transition like that. I wonder how it’d go... like for family, friends, etc.

@Rainbacon yay! Congrats on the 4k$

@Ælis Really? I had no idea!

@Ælis "Le chateau dans le ciel" is called Howl's Moving Castle :)

@avazula No, that is "le château ambulant" ^^

@Ælis oops right sorry (now that you say it :p)

7:24 PM

Thanks! Time to go abuse my new powers...I mean, carefully curate our content.

@Rainbacon haha

@avazula You need to have letters from family, friends, ect.. To say that you are using this name in your day to day life. And then, a judge decide if you are allow to legally change your name or not

@Rainbacon Ahah, I had the same reaction when I finally got the delete power! :p

@Ælis ha right, then it's the same procedure that I'm doing today for my last name

but it's not like by default you could easily choose your name when becoming an adult

@avazula Yeap but you probably need less justification for your first name?

@Ælis honestly I'm not sure

and in anyways it lasts no less than 3 years, which is huge

7:29 PM

Wow, that sound very long indeed!

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

9:45 PM

1

Q: As an introvert, how can I maintain my friendships?

Background I’m 27 years old living in Canada and I’m working full-time. Problem I’m often so tired from work and everyday life that I don’t have the energy to respond to messages from friends or friend groups, but I’m also feeling increasingly isolated from people I care about. I think people ...

friends socializing introverts

Extroverted Main Man

10:04 PM

0

Q: What does it mean if a friend tells me they're too busy to go out with me but then goes out with other friends?

I'm currently in a situation at school where I have a friend, who I have invited out several times in the past few weeks, where he then proceeded to tell me that he's always too busy to go out with anyone at the moment. However, I have found that recently that he often goes out frequently with o...

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