The Awkward Silence - 2019-03-15 (page 1 of 2)

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Extroverted Main Man

12:16 AM

0

Q: How do I get comfortable around boys?

I grew up in a family where most of us are girls. I have a sister and a little brother. My Dad started working abroad when I was 7 years old and only comes home once a year. We communicated most at the time through internet. Whenever there's a family gathering I always bond with my girl cousins a...

conversations friends awkward-situations approach

6 hours later…

6:41 AM

→ 20 messages moved to Trash

6:56 AM

Afternoon!

Hello :)

It's not even 8AM here :p

Wassup?

@AJ Everything's broken, but, heh, Friday!

@avazula I'd say noon then :P cause it's just 12

What about you? :)

@AJ We're only 4 hours apart? Wow! I'm dazzled!

6:59 AM

@avazula Not for me. Working Saturday this weekend.

@AJ oh no :(

I'll get 4 days off next week if everything goes right. It's Holi next weekend!

Working on Saturday will make it easy to go to my cousin and retrieve the swag.

@AJ no way? That's so cool! I'd love to see these celebrations once in my lilfe ...

@avazula Why don't you book a flight next week? ;) :D

@AJ Cause I don't have vacations days available :p

7:06 AM

Lots of people around the world come here and celebrate here.

I sent my resignation letter so from now on if I take some days off it'll make my resignation period go longer

@avazula Oh. LOL.

@avazula Ah. Got a new job?

@AJ well honestly I don't have the money either :p

@AJ yup. I'll begin in June.

@avazula Oh.

@avazula Fed up with current company?

;P

@AJ India is far away, that costs a lot of money to get there ;)

I'm leaving because I had a great opportunity to go back to work in the healthcare field.

7:08 AM

@avazula 1200 euros it will take at max including stay and flight.

@avazula Very nice!

@avazula I heard that people rarely leave that company.

It will be 5 years in June since my cousin joined it.

@AJ well, it's more or less true. But that's rare, yeah.

@AJ That's an amount I couldn't use for a vacation

oh.

@AJ But you know, I save everything I don't spend in a month, so that may explain why I'm short on leisure money :p

@avazula I rarely go on vacations, so it's not really in my list to spend money on. Although, I do save for movies.

@AJ I was never a big fan of movies :p

7:15 AM

LOL

I have different means for leisure like going to movies, eating out, take a round of city on bike etc. ;)

That's where my leisure money go.

@avazula You know my fiancée likes to travel, so maybe I will start going on tours too after wedding.

@AJ maybe right from the honeymoon by the way :p

yep. ;P

@AJ do you guys know where you'd like to go already?

@avazula Yep. we have planned.

Unfortunately, we won't be able to make it to Paris. ;)

You wanted to go there?

7:26 AM

sorta

We kinda decided that we will go there somewhere in future.

currently the destination is in my country.

IPS Comment Bot

8:03 AM

-1, feminism at work. Let's just assume all men want to dominate your personal space, they can't possibly just be friendly. — Will Appleby 48 secs ago

#1958 Will Appleby (2330 rep) | A: Why do men shake hands with each other but hug women? (score: 11) | posted 574 days ago by anongoodnurse (21782 rep) | edited 499 days ago by Anne Daunted (9052 rep) | Toxicity 0.18946162 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

@AJ that's nice :) I personally don't like Paris (sorry @Ælis, the only reason I come is to see you and my other friends :p)

@IPSCommentBot rude

!!/alive @IPSCommentBot

IPS Comment Bot

I'm alive and well :)

Shoot the feedback stack must be full

@avazula Though, I won't be planning to visit Paris only.

@AJ Where would you liek to go?

8:13 AM

@avazula You know since I planned that, I told you the estimate. ;)

:)

@avazula can't say. we'll see when we do.

8:25 AM

I only planned for Paris.

8:46 AM

@AJ ok :)

9:14 AM

@avazula As long as you don't say that you don't like my hometown, it's fine with me :p (I'm not a huge fan of Paris either, so... ^^)

I went to Paris once, with school. It was kinda fun, but busy!

@Ælis I love your hometown, no worries :D

9:30 AM

I liked Rome better tbh

In Rome I didn't get the feeling of overpaying for restaurants as much as I did in Paris

@avazula :D

I'm glad I never chose Italy for my school trips. Those were always so chaotic with regards to planning as they were exchanges with other schools and there was always something about not having the expected number of spots or schools cancelling entirely.... I'd have given up before ever arriving there.

ah

@JAD We had our breakfast/dinner with our hosts, and we always got a lunch as well :)

we had our rome trip as part of the KCV programme. The two teachers were really determined to visit everything possible in Rome in a week. Was really well organised in our case

9:34 AM

I did London as part of a Music class (we went to see les miserables) and then a week in Paris. The history teacher and I tried to get permission to spend a day in the Louvre and Versailles, but it was denied :(

@Tinkeringbell breakfast was in the monastery where we stayed, we were provided with lunch bags from there as well. But dinner was in the city. But it was really easy to get dinner for less than 10 euros a day in restaurants

I think we visited a lot of McDonalds when in Paris for lunch as well

hmm, we did go to the vatican museum

that place is huge

@Tinkeringbell X) That's not really French gastronomy :p

@Ælis hey now

9:35 AM

@JAD That's one I'd like to visit some day :)

french fries

@Ælis I... wasn't really fond of the French gastronomy of my hosts :P

We got some kind of cooked (but cold) cauliflower dish that had a lot of vinegar on it?

@Tinkeringbell I ate pizza for 7 days straight lol

@JAD Our trip to Disney was McDonalds for dinner 4 nights in a row...

D:

9:37 AM

The other dinner we spent at the hotel, I have never been so glad to see a vegetable!

(Brothers... they're a bit picky)

@JAD I tried this at home once and was successful. :P

@Tinkeringbell Ahah, my mother "French gastronomy" isn't that good either :p But my aunt is a very great cook ^^

hmm, me too. but I don't think I'd manage that for 4 days straight

@JAD chicken nuggets and fries... Honestly, I was amazed they didn't gain weight.

@Ælis Hahaha ;) I am pretty fond of the food my mother cooks in general. I'm more often disappointed that I can't get e.g. the meatballs to taste right when I make them myself

you monitor your brothers' weight?

9:40 AM

@JAD No, they said they didn't gain weight when we arrived home and I complained about gaining despite walking the entire day :P

ah

Don't worry, I'm not that kind of person :P

maybe they went into the rough rides and threw up a lot? :P

They did go in a lot of rollercoasters (I went once, they often went thrice). But I haven't heard them about throwing up XD

A coworker of mine (with who I don't work) just told me "I know how nice you are". And now I'm on an emotional overload because someone gave me an (unexpected) compliment ><

9:45 AM

Give one back/pass it on :)

And savour it for a while :) You deserve compliments as much as any other person ;)

@Tinkeringbell +1. You're amazing.

Thank you both blush

You're welcome, we like making things worse ;) :P

hahaha

It seems like you do. Thankfully, I know I can expect this from you :p

9:49 AM

We're the Making-It-Worse company [TM]

@avazula Or the Giving-Compliment company ^^

^ [TM]

Well, in less fun news, all the talk of food in here, combined with a Skype conversation with a co-worker about food, has made me hungry!

And I still have another hour or two to go before lunch :(

@Tinkeringbell yeah, me too

@Tinkeringbell :/ Don't you have some fruit or other snack you could it before that?

I fell silly but I just put some ASMR to calm myself after this "compliment bombe" and I fell way better now ^^

10:20 AM

@Ælis I just had a cup of tea and a cookie :)

@Tinkeringbell That sound nice :)

Yep. Now I think I can manage until lunch :)

I just ate lunch haha

Already? :P

@Tinkeringbell That's a good thing. I know I can't focus when I'm hungry but can't eat.

@avazula I won't eat before 1pm ^^

10:23 AM

yup. I'm hungry at 10:30AM even when having breakfast in the morning

Hahaha... I can't focus on Fridays anyways, so :P

@Ælis I know :p

I'm constantly counting down... did I make 8 hours yet? Yes! Weekend!

@Tinkeringbell So, I guess Friday is a good day to be hungry :p

It is :P

I'm already hungry for tonight too... my brother and I will be the only ones having dinner at home, and we're going to order food that's deliverd to our house ;) I'm curious if that's going to be nice :)

10:25 AM

@Tinkeringbell I never had food deliver to my house but, in my imagination, it's always nice :p

@Ælis what?! What was it on Monday evening? Ordered food delivered by me! :p

@avazula Haha, true that :p Too bad I can't just order you on a restaurant menu. "Hum, today I want to eat pizza with avazula" :p

That'd be so cool ♥

♥

Oh, we have an anon user editing posts to express their disagreement with them

10:40 AM

@Tinkeringbell what are you getting?

@JAD Right now we're thinking spareribs, but perhaps we'll switch to pizza or hambergers later today :P

guilty pleasure for me is kapsalon. You guys got that up north? :P

Of course we do! Although I don't know if they'll deliver it :)

most places here do, but I got one shop on like 400m distance, so that wouldn't be a problem here either :P

also, since the start of the year a Domino's has opened near the station in Gouda. The smells are so good/bad/torture

@avazula I rejected two of them just now. Seem to be the same you got

11:00 AM

I guess y'all found the vegan, so to speak.

Let us know if it becomes too much for the community to handle the declining ;)

so far it's just two

don't they get a popup after x rejected edits?

maybe that should enlighten them to the error of their ways

I don't know if that happens for anonymous users as well.

@JAD IMO, They will probably just think we are against veganism (which is funny because we definitively can't say that @ava is against veganism :p )

11:32 AM

I found a (French) article talking about a genderless AI voice and I think it's really cool! Here is a audio (English) video of the voice in question:

Meet Q: The First Genderless Voice - FULL SPEECH

@Tinkeringbell hmm, the two edits were linked to the same user, so it might be

@Ælis if they read the reject reason they might understand

Extroverted Main Man

12:14 PM

0

Q: Responding to half sister about biological father not returning her messages

I'm asking this on behalf of my partner, as he's asked me to help him respond to his half sister. Background: They both share a father. My partner was not brought up by his biological father and only started having contact with him after he turned 18. They talk on the odd occasion, and once a y...

conflict-aversion family

IPS Comment Bot

12:44 PM

Add to the last M/M: high-5s, fistbumps, backslapping, rowdy jibes and laughter. — Stian Yttervik 1 min ago

#1951 Stian Yttervik (875 rep) | A: Why do men shake hands with each other but hug women? (score: 17) | posted 574 days ago by user2322082 (287 rep) | Toxicity 0.14440645 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

1:01 PM

@Ælis Wait, you mean that Ava isn't a militant carnivore? </sarcasm>

@JAD yes indeed

@Ælis haha, no we can't :p

@Rainbacon Darn it, I'm spotted!

don't eat me, ava

@Mithrandir but you're delicious

ba dum tss

eeeek

1:24 PM

Time for a bad joke

@JAD is just AJ in reverse with Distinction. ;)

Wait, mine wasn't bad enough?

I have copyright on that.

But this term confuses me

Is it a right to copy or it means it is right to copy. ;)

Bad jokes end

1:38 PM

Morning

Hello!

Ugh, I just remembered that my self assessment for my review cycle is due today. I hate self assessments

@Rainbacon they're a pain in the assessment if you know what I mean :(

I very much do

To be fair, I also hate writing assessments of other people, which I have to do far more often than assessments of myself

Oh dang. But that just means you have responsibility for all those people, yea?

The price you pay for power and all that

1:44 PM

Sort of. The way my company works is that everyone gets reviewed every 6 months, but they are staggered, so some people get reviewed in march and september and others get reviewed in june and december. The person who writes your review isn't necessarily working directly with you, so they rely on collecting assessments from everyone you work directly with. So every 3 months I have to write assessments for anyone on my team who is up for review

Oh what on earth

That sounds terrible

All the responsibility of a manager writing reviews without the power

^ +1

@avazula tp

How dare you

@avazula rude

1:47 PM

I really hate it, but it's a pretty good system for the person being reviewed. You get reviews from a lot of people, so you can't get screwed over by a manager that doesn't like you.

@Rainbacon I guess that's true. Just means a lot more work from everyone else though when they could be productive doing other stuff. Give and take I guess

@scohe001 beep boop Invalid feedback. Allowed feedbacks are "you're awesome Ava", "I wish I were like you Ava", "Ava could you teach me how to rule the world?", and "I'm gonna name my child after you even if it's a boy"

3

@scohe001 No, it's worse than that. We are required to bill 40 hours a week to the clients. The reviews are expected to be done outside that

Ooh we could actually have the bot ping whoever gave it an invalid feedback, that's a clever idea

@avazula Ava could you teach me how to rule the world?

1:49 PM

@Rainbacon Sure

Yay!

Just keep doing whatever you're doing rn

Then I won't have to write reviews

Because you're doing a heck of a great job

@Rainbacon booooo. That's a whole lot of bs then. I'm really against billing hour by hour. I feel like it never works out

1:50 PM

Except reviews, reviews suck. Go have an ice cream instead.

Awwww bot Ava is so nice

@scohe001 I think billable hours are the worst metric for productivity

@scohe001 :D

@avazula I wish I were like you Ava

@avazula I'm getting ice cream tonight!

1:50 PM

@scohe001 No you don't, you're better than me

You're a handsome yellow square :D

My fiancee and I are going to go here

With nice jokes that I (almost always) understand

@avazula liessssss it's impossible to be better than the German pub girl!

@avazula awwwww this yellow square has some red on his cheeks

@scohe001 If Cash were here he'd say that Elmo's better

@Rainbacon sad face the link doesn't work on my computer :(

Elmo? Like the little red guy?

1:52 PM

But that's great you're gonna get ice cream!

@scohe001 nah, the green one

@scohe001 oops Elfo, sorry

@avazula now you've lost me O_O

user image

Ohhhh that makes a little more sense lol

@scohe001 Elfo's the green one ^

@avazula Very sad, it's an old-timey ice cream parlor/soda shop

1:56 PM

Good morning :)

TGIF and when I finish I start my spring break!!! plus my 1st year anniversary being married to @El'endiaStarman is on the 17th yay :) ... also watched Castle in the Sky last night, another fantastic Studio Ghibli movie.

@ElizB Yay!

Ugh, this stupid review is bringing up horrible memories from my project last fall

:/ aww.

stay calm and drink tea. :)

2:14 PM

@bruglesco Evening!

user image

my tumbler says this:

user image

I have coffee, does that count?

I do have music for calming though

Good whatever you do for calming down and reminding yourself that you are good at what you do, is good

Well, reviews don't help remind me that I'm good at my job. They actually make me question if I'm good at my job. Incidentally, I've been looking for a new job for a while

@avazula Uh oh, are there multiple deities in the chatroom now? :o

2:28 PM

@TheTinyMan who?

@Rainbacon oh :( you don't feel good there?

It's kind of weird reviewing myself against criteria that I honestly couldn't care less about. Context: current role is tracking towards project manager, but I hate managing and just want to be an engineer

@avazula You of course, and Tink had like a congregation once I think! It's okay, The Awkward Silence can be pantheistic!

@avazula I like the company, but I don't like the career path

@TheTinyMan It's a God(desse)s world!

I'm also not a huge fan of the growth model here. It's very much focused on shoring up your weaknesses rather than capitalizing on your strengths

2:30 PM

ugh, yeah that doesn't sound like a pleasant growth path there.

@avazula Sounds fitting!

@Rainbacon I just tuned in but that sounds...frustrating at best.

It's certainly an acquired taste. Some of my coworkers love it

yeah, I wouldnt like it either

@AJ Did you know the British drive on the right side of the road?

2:58 PM

@Rainbacon Sounds actually very French

@avazula That's odd as the company was started and is primarily run by a bunch of people from Texas

@Rainbacon haha. French people make it very important to outline your weaknesses. Don't you dare showing off your strengths!

If I had to pick anywhere in the US that was likely to emulate France, it wouldn't be Texas

The idea is that they want us to all be well rounded generalists. But I would much rather be the best engineer I can be and to hell with managing a project

@JAD na

@Rainbacon Wow, project management is the kind of weakness they want their devs to shore up??

I changed my mind, that sounds awful now!

3:07 PM

@TheTinyMan I work for a consulting company. We come in as devs and work our way towards project managers

@Rainbacon Ohhhh. That's a very, uh, specific path, but it kind of makes sense?

So, my current title is Associate. One more promotion will get me to Manager, at which point I'll be doing PM stuff instead of dev. I hate PM stuff and I love dev

@TheTinyMan that's actually how 90% companies in IT in France work ...

That's mind-boggling. Doesn't that lead to too many PMs? And...why? They're entirely different skill sets that I would think appeal to entirely different kinds of people! At the very least, the PMs I've known seem to have entirely different skill-sets from developers, and that seems like a good thing?

@TheTinyMan yeah, well, in France it's a promotion to be a manager. I wanted to be one but was turned down because I don't have "enough dev XP"

3:11 PM

@avazula Wait, maybe we're using different terms. Where I work, a "dev manager" and a "project manager" are very different things.

@TheTinyMan there's no such distinction at my workplace...

@TheTinyMan I think it only works because we do consulting. If you have 50 people who are PMs, then you can sell 50 projects. If you have 100 PMs then you can sell 100 projects

@TheTinyMan We also have no such distinction

@Rainbacon So it's like a hybrid role?

Okay. So I can kind of...at least conceptualize the idea...of requiring a lot of dev experience to be a dev manager. It's certainly not a path I ever want to take. :-P

@Rainbacon are you sure you're not in France? :p

haha

It's not necessarily a hybrid role. It depends on the project.

@avazula pretty sure. Though my company may get to Paris someday.

3:14 PM

@Rainbacon :/ I'd not work in Paris ...

Right now we're only in the US, but I think we might be getting our first international office this year

@Rainbacon ooh! expansion!

I probably won't still be here when Paris happens

@Rainbacon oh, so it's kinda decided for you ...

I can't do anything except supporting you, I'm changing jobs in June

Well, I've decided that I want to go somewhere else

Now I just have to convince somewhere else that it should let me go there

3:16 PM

Haha, a lot of that going around it seems, I'm about to change jobs myself in the next 3 weeks :-)

@TheTinyMan wooh! congrats!

Aren't you guys afraid that it won't do it in the other place?

I'm terrified they don't like me at my new workplace

@avazula I'm afraid of everything, ergo I fear nothing

2

I think I'm more afraid of getting married than switching jobs, and I'm in love with the person I'm marrying

ok, review has been sent. Time to go cry in a corner

@Rainbacon :(

lots of love and support to you. You got this. It'll get better soon, you're gonna find something better suited for you!

When are you guys getting married?

Thank you all! We're getting married in July

@Rainbacon wooh, summer wedding :D

If you don't mind me asking, why are you afraid?

3:24 PM

Yep, she really wanted a fall wedding, but summer is easier because she's a teacher.

I'm scared because it's a big change

Major life changes can be really hard for people with autism. I'm sure I'll be fine, I handled college, getting a job, and moving halfway across the US already

@Rainbacon I know what you're talking about. I'm scare about those things too but I know I need stability more than anything. Hopefully everything will be fine, like everything you've accomplished so far :)

We love each other, and she's really good for me, so I'm sure it will be ok

Though I'm hoping after we get married that her mother's influence over her will drop a bit

@Rainbacon :/ in-laws may be quite difficult to handle. I'm lucky on that point.

@Rainbacon oof I just did this same thing a few months ago. Where in the US did you wind up?

Went from Indiana to New York City

3:35 PM

@AJ it's the others that drive on the wrong side

I'm so triggered now oi... my sister wants to move in june into an apartment above my dads barn/garage and I just cant deal with my dad now... he's giving me the cold shoulder now because when he found out that I was bringing my 16 year old sister to get her stuff he threw a fit because i've been really cruel to him, ghosting him and all that... yes i've been doing that but for my own sanity

@avazula My in-laws are fine, it's just that she will completely change her mind based solely on one thing that her mom says

I was telling her and warning her please dont do it

@Rainbacon damn that's a big one. I hear the Big Apple is a crazy place

@ElizB :( lots of love to you

@JAD I was waiting for it ^^

3:37 PM

@scohe001 It is crazy, but I really like it here

@avazula :)

@Rainbacon you're probably close to @ElizB and @El'endia then. Idk how y'all deal with that weather O_O

@avazula thank you. I need to learn to stay out of it and if she ends up in a decade long lawsuit it's not my fault but my heart hurts because it just ugh i dont want to hear about it

@ElizB Some of my sisters choose to go on a slippery slope. I gave them my 2 cents and tried to warn them but once this is done, there's nothing more I could do ... except being here for them if it backfires. Which I will

@scohe001 it's actually really nice out today!!! 58 now high 67 and cloudy :D super nice compared to the bitter cold!!

@avazula yeah i just dont know if I can bear watching them slip on that slope

3:40 PM

@ElizB I understand... but sometimes you can't do otherwise :/

oof, triggered and hungry. I better get lunch. :P

@avazula i knowww. huffs I wish people would listen. :/

@ElizB Have a bite and relax as much as you can. We got your back anyways and be there if you need to talk :)

thanks. I'm gonna go to the cafeteria and grab a sammich.

my song for calming me down is In Christ Alone/Solid Rock by Travis Cottrell. yes, it's a christian worship song but it gives me a lot of peace and courage.

@scohe001 Yep, I'm a couple hours south of them. Also, they tend to get worse weather than I do

@ElizB I'm kinda fan of Hillsong too

3:43 PM

@ElizB If it works for you then it's good

@scohe001 you really sound like the California guy :p

Oh sorry, who moved to Texas huhu

@avazula I never realized how awesome our weather was until I lost it. Now I'm a weather wimp :(

hahaha

Also we had 60 mile/hr gale force winds yesterday (100 km/hr)

@avazula hillsong is great :) did they do Oceans? Yeah, I think they did

3:46 PM

Even when it's not that cold, the weather is still trying to kill me

@ElizB yes they did! Beautiful song.

@scohe001 wow and you survived!

@avazula that's another meditation type song I like to listen. Another one is It Is Well with my soul

@ElizB our building at work was shaking. We were all worried

@ElizB Sometimes I miss being a Christian

@JAD hahaha

3:51 PM

@scohe001 ooh that's scary.

@avazula you can tell me about that if you like. I'm curious now.

Ugh another trigger I just got informed that an interpreter was assigned to one of my presentations and I do not like her. She's an arrogant person that just....ughhhh I need food lol

@ElizB Well, I "first met Jesus" at around 11/12 y.o., back when I was in a very dark place. I got baptized at 14. Religion was very important to me until ... 19/20? IDK why exactly, I got a faith crisis at that time. Now I'm more or less seeking spirituality and really miss the mass, prayers and community spirit, but I don't feel home anymore whenever I try to go back to those things.

@ElizB Comfort food, yay!

@avazula raised Catholic, faith crisis at 19/20 and feeling better now after quite a journey lol my faith is semi-strong ish and I've built up more of my own spiritual relationship instead of depending on church to provide that to me

@avazula Ehh. I've had a few different jobs in my industry now and I've had that fear a lot in the past but I think I've been exposed to it enough that it doesn't bother me so much now. That, and I don't really fit in where I am very well.

@Rainbacon Sounds exciting but scary! Congratulations, and also good luck! ^.^

@ElizB I recognize myself in what you're saying. I'm Catholic too ^^

@TheTinyMan what are you gonna do in your new job?

@ElizB That sounds absolutely heart-wrenching, but it's good that you can be there for her as much as you can at least. But urgh, my heart goes out to you both, I'm glad I don't have strong ties to any toxic family members. :-(

@ElizB Isn't that part of what Christian worship songs are supposed to do for Christians? :o

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