The Awkward Silence

3:59 AM

Hey @KabaKun :)

Welcome to The Awkward Silence :)

6:02 AM

→ 14 messages moved to Trash

morning

Marcus

o/ @Magisch

7:19 AM

Morning everyone

\o

o/

How are you? :)

eh

have a cold, didn't really sleep last night

Oh :(

I hope it'll get better

7:27 AM

Yeah... took a couple pills and now I'm slightly queasy. So... hopefully it'll clear up in the next few days, it's been hanging around for a few days already

*pokes YouTube*

did the temperature decrease at your place?

We lost 10°C today, which is very pleasant

not really, which is good actually, because I feel better in the warmth

still projected for 37C at our place

helps my nose

@Mithrandir Ah yeah, you already explained that you're good with the heat :)

7:30 AM

@avazula Indeed 10°C drop in temp but much higher humidity so I donno yet if it'll be that much better :p

@Magisch :(

Hopefully though end of the week it'll drop due to rain

@Magisch Wow, that's hot.

@Magisch It just dropped here!

@Imus ^^ I don't know which would be better for your wedding between rain and tremendously hot temps

7:31 AM

I'm having all windows, doors etc. open right now, trying to see if I can get the house temperature from 24.5 to the outside 21

29C here, apparently.

@avazula preferably clouded without rain :)

@Mithrandir Also, Mith, shipping the keyboard isn't going to work ;) That'd cost more than the whole thing is worth :)

Yeah, I suspected that. Unfortunate, but...

@avazula I also donno which would be worse ... if it's dry we can have the reception outside ... otherwise it'll get crouded real fast XD

7:33 AM

@Imus You planned an outside wedding?

After wedding in Church we got an inside reception - dinner - danceparty. Where different people are invited for the reception for example. We have reserved 2 big rooms, both connected where the bigger of the 2 will be set up for the dinner and dancing later on. The reception is in the smaller room and we'd prefer it if we could keep our guests for only reception outside of the other room

only that smaller room is most likely too small to fit everyone for the reception, so it would be great if we can have the reception mostly outside instead

flag-pls,del-pls (NaA): interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/17364/4550

@Imus okay, makes sense :)

7:51 AM

close-pls (Off-topic) : interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/17426/4550

How's that that OP could use leaf-blower and blowers as tags for their question?

This is so weird

(Although I didn't know one could just create tags like this)

you can create tags at 300 rep (at least on graduated sites, don't remember what it is for beta sites)

150 on beta apparently

8:06 AM

Hello everyone :)

Hi there :)

Just waiting for my fruit punch gatorade to get cold - it's in the freezer :)

I can't wait...

refreshing :)

yeah :)

@avazula I have an interview on Thursday - some portfolio analytics job :(

You don't like the idea of such job?

8:13 AM

whatever pays the bills for now, ya know?

Ah, yeah, I get it

I actually think it's pretty cool

Great then :)

thanks :)

@avazula regarding your crush question

eyeballs-requested | How to improve communication between friends?

8:19 AM

what landed up happening? did your crush fade away, as you had hoped / expected?

Q: How to improve communication between friends?

@JalapenoNachos Indeed!

I shall admit I got help on that though ^^

(Another question I asked was how to handle my coworkers saying threatening things toward one category of people, and they were part of them. If I still had a crush on them at that time, the problem would definitely have been solved then)

@Mithrandir +1

Extroverted Main Man

-1

I just want to reach out and ask for some help dealing with a good friend of mine. We have never had the best practices in communication. I think this is mainly my fault because I’m scared to bring up certain topics in fear she will get angry at me. To give an example of her behavior, we were...

relationships friendship

@ExtrovertedMainMan spam

@avazula Hmmm... I thought abusive nonsense... but okay ;)

either one, they're essentially the same thing

8:24 AM

@Tinkeringbell Sorry. I was more looking for the result than the description ^^

the difference only applies when there are review audits enabled on the site

@avazula good to hear :)

@Tinkeringbell how do you flag "abusive nonsense" posts to make them deleted right away as it's the case for spam?

@avazula Rude/Abusive

The flags are functionally the same.

2 mins ago, by Mithrandir

the difference only applies when there are review audits enabled on the site

@avazula If a mod does that, they're gone ;)

8:28 AM

I'm not sure I get you both. What should I have done in such situation?

Flagged as either spam or rude/abusive.

ah, ok .

That question "How to improve communication between friends?" could be a good one to answer - it's not really a make-a-decision-for-me question, it's asking how to improve communication with that person who keeps flipping out unpredictably

9:18 AM

My manager asked me to give my work to a provider in Morocco who will pursue what I've done. When I asked why I couldn't pursue my works, I was told: "because we don't have the money for that"

I think I'm indeed sentenced to code Java gibberish (no offense @Tink) :p

@avazula that's rough

@avazula :(

@avazula Hahaha Java is okay ;) it's better than Magik :P

At least Java gibberish has a documented manual

@Tinkeringbell You don't like Magik in the end?

@avazula I do have a love hate relationship with it. I like the project and the challenge. At the same time I hate the fact that there's no documentation on e.g. the best way to loop under certain circumstances... I can find the methods I can use, but there's little or no guidance on best practices

9:25 AM

@Tinkeringbell Yeesh. That's hard

@avazula Yeah. It leads to moments where I think I created this little masterpiece, where I'm so proud I figured it out on my own... And then a colleague points out an even better way XD

The (sad?) truth of programming... If I ever learned humility, it's when I began programming

The more you know, the more you think you still have a lot to learn xD

@Tinkeringbell I get that from time to time

I write something and feel good about myself for 5 seconds before someone else has a better idea or makes it 5x faster

@Tinkeringbell Once you realise that programming is 90% figuring out what is actually needed and 10% actually writing it down ... you don't need to feel bad that someone else can point out that that the writing down part can be done more efficiënt in some other way. That's the easy part :p

9:41 AM

Yeah, I know... It's just such a buzzkill ;)

@Tinkeringbell no, that's the murderous @cashbee

:P

@Magisch Exactly that. And I know full well that it's part of learning a language... But so is being overexcited when the code works ;)

@Tinkeringbell It does help your more experienced colleague if you can show him code with "this is WHAT it should do, now how do I write it better?"

you can still feel proud that you managed to figure out the WHAT already

@Imus Oh sure ;). That's what I do anyways, comments everywhere lest I forget what I did XD

@Tinkeringbell oh god no! not comments telling the what please -.-

:p

isn't the first time I saw a comment telling one thing and the code another and you have no idea if the code should be fixed or the comment is outdated

9:46 AM

@Imus Ah. Yeah. Ehm.

@Tinkeringbell I still get that little rush of dopamine every time a complicated function or code of mine works

Just pretend you didn't see it?

Or everytime something does exactly what I want it to

@Magisch greatly amplified if it took you 2 days to fix those few lines of code to finally work

I'm now at over a week on this bug that I don't know how to fix

gonne sit together with my teamlead later this day to see if we can find it together

Bonus points if it's 1000 line deep into a legacy monstermethod written by a guy no longer working here who thought 1 letter variable names were perfectly fine

9:48 AM

@Tinkeringbell I loved doing programming in Java during college. It's sad that I couldn't get a job in this language.

@Magisch In long variable names, there is a chance of misspell. ;)

@AJ or you use autocomplete

@Magisch this, exactly :)

type 3 letters, ctrl+space

(or whatever hotkey your IDE supports)

So you can use those longer names that immediatly tell what they are like: GenericListModelComboBoxAdapter

(actual class name I have written which made sence back then ...)

variable names should indicate what exactly they're doing as much as possible

in Game Development, Jul 9 at 18:24, by DMGregory

I get sooooo lazy with autocomplete. I don't know half the debug commands in our game, I've just boiled them down to the minimal letter combination it takes for auto-complete to fill in the actual command I want. ;)

in Game Development, Jul 9 at 18:34, by DMGregory

Every so often I fail to notice my keyboard focus is in a different document and I've added a bunch of lines of just
`addallc
`
`ui.relo
`
`nuk
`startti
`

If I read my own code 3 months down I might as well read a stranger's

@doppelgreener I have exactly this on my mc server. 2/3rds of the long plugin commands I just know the 2 letter plugin prefix and their position in the scrolldown autocomplete :p

11:00 AM

eyeballs-requested | having difficulties understanding why it's still open | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/17398/1599

*points to parrot lugging hammer*

(VTCed)

This is @Tinkeringbell

@Tinkeringbell You do have that binding cv tho

@Magisch I am asking if I'm missing something ;)

well, it's closed now

11:15 AM

eyeballs-requested | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/17438/29

@Mithrandir I love that kind of handwriting ;)

eyeballs-requested | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/15812/29

12:23 PM

→ 7 messages moved to Trash

That sent me an invite to join that room. :P

12:51 PM

@Magisch after you've been in the field long enough, the dopamine rush you get when code works is replaced by the abject terror of knowing that something must be wrong.

still having trouble with my question in the sandbox. any help would be appreciated..... not sure how to make it on topic.

@RichardU I'd phrase it more as "What techniques can I use" or "What method could help me" to make it specifically about an interpersonal skill

@Magisch yeah, the rigid thinking is getting in my way. I feel like I literally do not have the words to express that.

Do you want me to give it a go?

And see if you like it?

@Magisch yes please. I just can't seem to make it fit. thank you, much appreciated.

This is awful, I'm ready to have a meltdown over a post about having a meltdown.

@RichardU You're going to be okay. We're here :)

1:07 PM

@RichardU edit made

Check it out, it's quite a large one

@avazula it's one of the frustrations I have with myself. I'm competent, I'm very employable, but sometimes my brain just doesn't let me form things in certain ways. Then I either end up mute, or worse, saying the wrong things.

@Magisch thanks, I will

You'll be OK. Are there exercises you should do? Any medication you should take?

@Magisch wow, that's great! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

You could also step away and leave it be for a few hours or days, if that's something you need to do and can do. It'll be there when you're back.

Oh cool. :D

@doppelgreener thanks. Yes, I do have relaxation techniques, and I take Lorazapam to stop the panic attacks from getting too extreme.

@doppelgreener but I think I'll take your advice and walk away for a bit.

1:10 PM

(I need to see a doctor about getting a refill on my own anxiety attack medication...)

@doppelgreener I'm having one right now...

I'm upset, I was better these last years but now it's back and it's getting worse u_u

that's very disturbing at work

Oh goodness, that is not a fun place to have one. :(

I'm "lucky", my coworkers don't seem to notice it

Is there anything you can/should do to help take care of it? Any safe quiet space you can find to be for a while whilst you work through it?

Anyone else here has time to look over my edit to richard's question for topicality: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3215/2347

I think it'd be on topic now

1:15 PM

@Magisch will do :)

(I hope those prompts don't come across as condescending or anything, but I've had someone ask me those a few times and they've been helpful reminding me of things I hadn't done to help manage it)

that sounds perfect @Mag

@doppelgreener I appreciate that you do :)

gotta admit, that question does hit a little close to home

it's not as extreme for me, and online I can extricate myself quite well, but I've had similar issues

@doppelgreener I don't have a safe place but I do have a "special kit": a tiny box with tiger balm in it (I massage my temples with it and under my nostrils to help me breathe), and a very short walk to go get 3 glasses of water. Usually it's better when I come back

@avazula That sounds helpful. :)

1:19 PM

@doppelgreener That works for me, at least :) and if it's not enough I go see if my colleague would like to take a break and chat. What works for you?

Usually if I'm experiencing intense anxiety I can only get past it by talking to someone close to me about the fact it's happening, getting regrounded, then if i'm avoiding talking to anybody i'm accountable to (e.g. i'm behind in work and haven't told my colleagues) I need to talk to them.

I don't have anything else I can do, and I don't get full shutdown panic attacks like a friend of mine gets.

I used to turn to my relatives too. I remembered asking for holding my bff's hand back in high school. Sounds romantic when I think of it again xD

But they didn't mind and I'm glad for that :)

how long have you been suffering from those?

At least since high school. They mostly occur when I have something I need to do and I haven't done it and I'm not sure how to do it and haven't been able to focus on it.

Wow, it's a trigger for me too!

I used to work as a consultant so had a very hard time with that, because it was very rare that someone who was my colleague was also my friend. nowadays i'm working at an organisation where i managed to tell my two teammates this morning i'd been dealing with an anxiety episode and poor productivity and they said yeah, no problem, that's alright, no rush, let us know what we can do to support you.

having a conversation like that would've been unthinkable in my consultant work

Ironically I can do it if I just soldier ahead doing what I think I need to do, including planning stuff out and breaking it down, but it's hard to do that while anxiety mode is piloting.

1:35 PM

I understand. It's nice that your coworkers are willing to help, at least understand

Q: How to act more politely despite of beng mixed up?

Yeah. :)

We're a startup and there's other people in the organisation and on my team who have, or have experienced, difficult mental health issues, so that helps a lot.

Extroverted Main Man

1

Today again I called up a colleague and potential boss to ask about my application status to his department but totally forgot to greet him and ask how he is doing etc. Partly in our nerdy organization this is even maybe okay but I do not like myself behaving like that. So how can I manage to f...

phone-calls

0

Q: How to maintain a (possibly romantic) relationship while being married?

I am happily married male, mid-thirties, Central Europe, two nice kids. With my wife, we have a great relationship and no big issues, just the normal ones (if she only didn't burn the meal that often :) ). Couple of years ago, we moved to her birth town, which led to me losing literally all of m...

friends romance marriage

@ExtrovertedMainMan "what should i do"

@ExtrovertedMainMan intrapersonal pb

@doppelgreener It's nice that they're willing to be (at least a bit) open about their mental health issues. It's a big taboo around here. I had a major depression after surviving terror attacks, people were stunned to learn it; "but, depressed people don't hang out / don't smile / cry all the time / can't sleep / ... ). Sometimes these troubles are not visible, guys!

I've taken to clarifying that the opposite of depression isn't happiness, the opposite of depression is activity.

It sures rings a bell in me

1:48 PM

Neither of you knows Dutch, right?

It's a way a couple of therapists put it, and it really worked for me. It sometimes also shifts preconceptions out of the way and helps people realise they might not understand what it is, which clears the way for conversation about that.

Not me. :(

@Tinkeringbell not really, why?

Hi Qyburn, this sounds like a difficult issue, but unfortunately to keep the site focused IPS is not here to give opinions on what is OK or what you should do. If you could edit so there is one question about achieving a specific goal, we might be able to help with that. It would have to be narrow though, like "how do I talk to my wife about how I feel" or "how do I enforce boundaries with my friend" or whatever you decide. — Em C 14 secs ago

#17448 Em C (8553 rep) | Q: How to maintain a (possibly romantic) relationship while being married? (score: 0) | posted 15 minutes ago by Qyburn (4 rep) | Toxicity 0.042316608

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1:51 PM

@avazula There's this really great page where people with any kind of mental health problem write posts explaining stuff. One of my friends (anorexic) once linked me to it... It for example explains why drinking water might be a problem for some anorexic people...

I don't know, maybe Google can translate it for you.. dsmmeisjes.nl

Oh cool. :)

@doppelgreener It's a really great resource, but it can also be... Very dark.

At least in the English-speaking world I decided soon after being diagnosed with anxiety that I did not want to allow it to be stigmatised, nor perpetuate stigma or the idea it needs to be hidden, so I chose to talk about it openly and clarify whatever came up. When I later received a diagnosis for an episode of depression, a short while afterwards I made the same decision for that as well.

@Tinkeringbell Thanks for sharing, I'll have a look on it

In meatspace, most people I know who have experienced anxiety or depression, I only found that out after I said I experienced one of those and they replied that they had too. So it definitely moves some conversation and openness to happen.

1:55 PM

@doppelgreener In general, Dutch culture is already a lot more open when it comes to talking about mental health stuff ... Which at the same time makes it harder not to underestimate how many things people may be struggling with.

@Tinkeringbell that second half of that sentence isn't a bad thing, right?

@avazula if you do, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear more people tell me it's a good resource ;)

@Tinkeringbell I sure will :)

@doppelgreener a little? It's like 'oh, another depressed person, next!'. And of course there's still people that take years to get a proper diagnosis/medicin, and if it's pretty out in the open you're likely to go 'oh, X had that too' while the struggle might be worse/entirely different....

So because it's so common, it gets harder to keep in mind how hard stuff can be

@doppelgreener This is what I'm also having panic attacks for, and it causes me to basically not be able to move forward with what I need to do. In this case, I have a 8-10 page paper due in a week and half.

2:01 PM

Oohhh. Only 8-10 pages?

@Tinkeringbell oh, i see, readiness of poor understanding or it's so normalised it's dismissed

Getting help with the paper is what's helping- my boss and another co-worker are helping me make sure it's edited properly and sounds good.

Hint: increase the font of your periods to 1 size bigger than the text ;) no one will notice and it apparently gives a lot of extra space XD

@ElizB if you don't mind, i could link a writing method that's helped a lot when i've been stuck or frozen up.

@Tinkeringbell ha! brilliant

@doppelgreener the second... Because people don't understand properly ;)

2:02 PM

@Tinkeringbell .... I don't want my advisor to notice that AND it seems a lot more tedious...

@doppelgreener Oh, go for it! I'd love any and all advice.

@ElizB Search and replace ;)

[rummage]

@Tinkeringbell XD i knew that.

Derp.

@doppelgreener I know one...it's a list that starts with 'kill someone'

Writing: voyage out, voyage back

Apr 12 '13 at 21:53, 2 minutes total – 6 messages, 1 user, 0 stars

Bookmarked Sep 8 '13 at 11:46 by BESW

@ElizB ^

2:03 PM

Meaning a book character, but it's funny ;)

@doppelgreener Thank you!!!

I do my outlines in voyage out mode, for large essays. I write the headings for the sections I think I'll have, then under the headings I describe what I think will be in those sections (still voyage out, no editing/refinement, just thoughts onto paper).

@doppelgreener that seems to be what i'm doing. That's a good name for it. It's basically "brainstorming and put something on paper" mode

Yeah. :)

The concept of voyage out / voyage back creates a mindful separation of "writing mode" from "editing/revision/second-guessing mode" for me so that I can make sure I'm not doing both at once.

@doppelgreener Yup. I'm gonna throw more stuff on there. Something else I've been doing is remembering something vague about the research I'm doing and putting a sentence there, then putting a "____" or "(SOURCE NEEDED)" to remind myself to put a reference or put a complete quote there

2:14 PM

I was ready to write an answer but... long-short: you can't. End up the relationship and build your home with your wife. — lukuss 10 secs ago

#17448 lukuss (1234 rep) | Q: How to maintain a (possibly romantic) relationship while being married? (score: 1) | posted 39 minutes ago by Qyburn (9 rep) | Toxicity 0.64452356 | edited 15 minutes ago by Qyburn (9 rep)

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@ElizB sounds perfect

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2:21 PM

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@doppelgreener Thanks for your advice! :)

focus mode

do good :D

Will do! power stance

@Tinkeringbell I overlooked this but I find that's a fairly unconventional writing method

Possibly not very sustainable as well

@doppelgreener Hahaha. Its probably a joke post anyway: pics.me.me/…

2:30 PM

Can't really do that for a research paper....

I'm sure you could figure something out.

@El'endiaStarman What are you suggesting?

Insert someone that dies as a result of whatever problem is being researched. :P

@El'endiaStarman That's what I thought, but... feels overly dramatic.

Drama sells!

2:34 PM

-_- sigh

@El'endiaStarman In ... healthcare? Really? xD

@avazula Thank you! See, it's not the best thing ever to panic people....

Anytime :*

@avazula Does Martin Shkreli count as a counterexample? Well actually, the drama there didn't sell...

@El'endiaStarman Who?

2:44 PM

> In September 2015, Shkreli received widespread criticism when Turing obtained the manufacturing license for the antiparasitic drug Daraprim and raised its price by a factor of 56 (from US$13.5 to $750 per pill), leading him to be referred to by the media as "the most hated man in America" and "'Pharma Bro'".[13][14][15][16][17][18][19] (Wikipedia)

@El'endiaStarman Ha, that guy yeah... He is a mean one

I didn't know the price raise prevented him from selling his shot though

@El'endiaStarman Yeah, I remember something like that happened for an HIV/AIDS shot

@avazula I'm mostly just guessing that he did lose some business due to the price increase, but more so, he was put in jail March 9, 2018 for shady financial stuff (after being arrested in December 2015).

@El'endiaStarman Oh wow, that's recent. interesting.

@El'endiaStarman That's quite a long time after his arrest

2:53 PM

I wonder if he was also associated with that HIV/AIDS drug, but I could be wrong.

@avazula Yep. Took a long time to go to trial and then a while for the trial to progress, and then he appealed his conviction.

@ElizB I think that was Daraprim, actually.

> The drug's most prominent use as of late 2015 was as an anti-malarial[67] and an antiparasitic, in conjunction with leucovorin and sulfadiazine[68] to treat patients with AIDS-related and AIDS-unrelated toxoplasmosis.[69]

The drug was supposed to be the cheapest available helpful preventive medicine for people in Africa that couldn't afford it, but the pharm company upped the price and made it impossible for thousands of people to get it.

@El'endiaStarman yeah, that's it.

4:10 PM

Seems like you left out one or more sentences in the conversation. For example, is there a missing sentence before you said "Why are you upset?" Otherwise, why did you assume she was upset instead of just saying "Thanks, glad to help." Did you leave out the sentence where you said, "every dumb person would google that" or did she make an assumption that you said it? — Soenhay 1 min ago

#17393 Soenhay (101 rep) | Q: How to answer a technical question without sounding patronizing (score: 29) | posted 26 hours ago by PCh (248 rep) | Toxicity 0.60783094 | edited 19 hours ago by Tim (426 rep)

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@ElizB Worse yet, that was their entire business model

buy life necessary drug patents for niche drugs and then increase the price several dozen fold and enjoy the captive market

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apparently it's very profitable

shkreli made the additional mistake of being very publicly smug about it too

4:30 PM

Congratulations @EmC!!!

9

Congrats and I hope you do well on the team @EmC! :)

@Magisch Yup.

Congrats @EmC! I'm glad you're on the team. :)

@EmC Congratulations! Sorry for all the flags we're going to be sending your way ;)

Em C

4:51 PM

sneaking in here on my lunch break - thanks all :)

@sphennings time to delete ALL THE COMMENTS muahaha (jk, jk)

Nothing like the heady rush of new power. :)

Em C

well, I'll have a lot of homework to do tonight, reading up on the tools :)

@El'endiaStarman yeah, did you experience that?

@EmC Just press buttons and see what they do :P

2

Em C

@Tinkeringbell hahah that's probably a good way to expedite the next mutiny :P

4:57 PM

Good. We haven't had one scheduled in a long time ;)

blame @Mithrandir

@ElizB I once considered (for a fraction of a second) suspending one of the founders of Stack Overflow just to see what would happen.

@El'endiaStarman bahaha i think I recall you talking about that way early on, like you just had gotten elected?

Yeah, probably within the first few weeks of becoming a pro-tem IIRC.

No, i think it was when you got officially elected.

5:05 PM

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That was several years ago, so my memory's a bit fuzzy.

@El'endiaStarman Yeah, no worries.

5:16 PM

I got my sister addicted to Pocky :P

I just had an epiphany. I am having such a hard time here because I've memorized social skills and responses. I have no idea why they work, only that they work.

Learn something new every day.

Huh? Memorized stuff is giving you a hard time? Usually that makes life easier..

@Tinkeringbell No, that's not what I meant. I meant that I have everything memorized. I know the WHAT but not the WHY

So that's why I can't come up with good answers.

Oh... That makes more sense.

I just answered a question at TWP which made me realize this.

So, everything for me is an affect.

5:28 PM

@RichardU That's how I started learning social skills. I started with some very scripted interactions when I was delivering pizza and over time I started figuring out how to deviate from those scripts appropriately. It then took me 10 years of asking myself "why?" before I started answering questions on this site.

I have an excellent eidetic memory, so I have a response for nearly every social interaction, but I cannot extrapolate because I don't know why.

@sphennings sometimes I feel like a dog that has been scolded for peeing on the carpet. You yell at the dog, so it doesn't pee in that spot, it pees six inches to the left of that spot.

So, I learn not to do something, then I do something similar because I don't see how the similar thing is also wrong

this has been very enlightening

I know the feeling. That's the reason I started trying to ask the why question was when I realized that the scripts I had were very domain specific and weren't transferable outside of specific social circles.

@sphennings some of my friends use this to their advantage (in a good natured way). One time in a social situation, a friend of mine sat in my lap just to see what I'd do. I was completely at a loss. It was funny though because my reaction was... interesting, and we had a good laugh at it.

I won't say I haven't done that to friends in the past but as I've gotten older the novelty of watching someone in circumstances like that wears thin.

This has really gotten me thinking.

5:38 PM

Honestly I've been trying to figure out how to explain how to parse situations like that since some of the people I hang out with lack the same experience with groups of people who are socially physically affectionate that me and my partners have.

5:48 PM

@sphennings if you haven't already done so, would you mind taking a look at this: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/17448/…

I'm pretty sure I've stayed on target, but a second opinion would be appreciated.

@apaul Sure thing. Thanks for asking.

user15026

@apaul I'm not him, but I like that you mentioned "relationship broken, add more people" is a bad idea, and also I second morethantwo as a reference point :) I think you do get to the heart of it, based on my reading of the post.

user15026

(because as much as they say they don't want anything to change, they do have to face that this is likely going to change stuff.)

@Ash This twitter thread sums up my thoughts on poly pretty well.

@Ash Yuuppp

More than "likely", it flatly will change stuff.

5:53 PM

@apaul It looks good to me.

It's not the best fitting answer, since the OP doesn't seem to know what they want, but you lead by acknowledging that and suggest a way of attempting to approach the issue.

@sphennings "I'm a yeller" love that bit.

@apaul I just took a look, and I agree. I have a friend that is poly, and he explained a lot to me about what it's about and what it's not about, and directed me to different resources and I did my research, and that answer is good.

@sphennings This. I like your approach here, apaul.

@sphennings Kind of tried to make the point that they were starting at a desired end result, but needed to back way the hell up and do the research and thinking first.

Seriously, a lot of issues would be solved if people did more of this. ("back way the hell up and do the research and thinking first")

@ElizB Painfully true... Unfortunately love tends to be blind, and kinda stupid, most of the time.

5:58 PM

@apaul Your answer is definitely more "Try poly" than "here's how to have a conversation with your wife" but unfortunately the OP hasn't given much information about what they're wanting to get from that conversation.

@apaul I know it, by experience....

hence why I have an ex :P