The Awkward Silence - 2018-11-24

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12:47 AM

@Noon Ah, I see. Thats an important info. Before editing my answer. Would making some sort of appointment with her directly before or after the event work? Or would that be such sort of „weird situation“? As that makes it way more complex :x

Extroverted Main Man

1:24 AM

0

Q: Untangling the intersections of transphobia, fetishization, and reality

This is an issue that I've been running into quite a bit in the last year or so, primarily on an online image/meme sharing site. It usually pops up in the context of cosplayers' or animes' depictions of transgender or crossdressing fictional characters, which almost inevitably kicks off a roaring...

online-interaction lgbt+

3 hours later…

El'endia Starman

4:09 AM

whistles nonchalantly

Cute.

Extroverted Main Man

4:30 AM

0

Q: Is there an existing term for what I call "Verbal Cannonballs"?

My question is specifically about whether this idea already has a name. By extension, if there has been some written on this idea, I welcome that also. I define a "verbal cannonball" as an extra word or phrase that adds no meaning at all, but we often unconsciously add as bad habit, usually havi...

conflict-aversion conflicts

0

Q: What should we do if someone ignores us although we take very good care of his/her?

I have a friend i take very good care of his/her in each situation of daily life but he/she always ignores me. He/She have more interest in company of someone else(it hurts). What should i do? i should leave him/her or should stay with his/her.

relationships friendship making-friends

4 hours later…

8:31 AM

@dhein As I travel with some other family member, making this kind of appointment wouldn't be possible

@Noon Why didn't you mention that, makes my answer kinda useless >.<

God the party yesterday was horrible.... Hadn't much contact to my mom the last 1~2 years and no one warned me that she actually got a much larger social circle than I was used to >.< Usually her birthday partys had been with ~10 guests. Yesterday when I arrived there were like 35 guests, from which there were like 5 known faces.... I felt so uncomfortable.

And ofc everyone knew who I was but not vice versa. :x

@Noon: And if you invited her for a dinner or somethign like that and you would meet somewhere halfway?

Extroverted Main Man

8:49 AM

0

Q: How can I gently question my friendship with someone who may or may not be my friend?

Sorry for formatting and spelling as I'm on mobile. I moved to a metropolitan area for work so I didn't and still kinda don't know many people. I have a few friends now but am not trying to lose anyone so I've considered just breaking off all comms but that idea is on hold. I met this one girl t...

friends reconnecting

5 hours later…

2:03 PM

@dhein I like your answer, I just need to be a bit creative in how I could have a one-on-one with her. Maybe I just have to ask for a one-on-one at the beginning of such event, even if it's weird. Or, if I arrive late, maybe I should do it on the phone, so that she would have time to thing about it

@dhein Arf, I would have disliked such a surprise too :/

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

3:10 PM

0

Q: How to be Polite without giving wrong signals (because this happened before!)

Few years ago I was super friendly to people (in office setting), and got unwanted attention. So much so that not only I cut off that person (directly said "I am not interested"), but cut off everyone else. I was miserable. My coworker (recently joined us) always smiles and says hello to people ...

Extroverted Main Man

3:56 PM

0

Q: How can I help my roommates ignore my difficult childhood?

I have recently moved in an apartment with two other guys because I was going to university outside of my home town. I come from northern germany and moved a good bit further to the south. I am living here for about almost two months now and I have already made good friends with my roommates and...

friends personal-information

4:22 PM

→ 28 messages moved to Trash

5:00 PM

@Noon Ok :) If you need help feel free to ask me. But you just mentioned everything that would have come into my mind without additional thoughts ^^

And yeah.... having dinner right now and then 1 more hour of driving and I have finally time to relax :3

IPS Comment Bot

5:47 PM

I like this advice. — Marium 1 min ago

#20033 Marium (3 rep) | A: How to be Polite without giving wrong signals (because this happened before!) (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Kate Gregory (28642 rep) | Toxicity 0.014476351 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

6:41 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan Any thoughts on how to get this reopened?

@apaul Maybe make this about a specific time where you tryed to made someone aware of how X was problematic and how it failed? But I'm afraid this might sound as a phrasing request :/

Hmm.

7:15 PM

What are you all up to? :)

El'endia Starman

Working on a webpage so I have a place to publish puzzles that I've made for Tametsi.

7:28 PM

nice :)

After spending 2h30 "hidding" in my bed because I was too scared to call an aunt (a different one than from my question) with whom my side of the family doesn't really get along, I finaly had the courage to call. But she didn't answer... Now I will have to do it all over again tomorow :(

Why you need to call her if I may ask?

@Noon This is the aunt you want to talk to about not talking to you over the phone for a few hours, right?

I'm vegan and they want to have the "togheter pre-christmas meal" (we don't spend chrismas together but we do a meal before or after to still see each other once a year) at a grill restaurant. So, basicaly, if I want to spend a nice time and be able to eat I have to call them to ask to do the meal elsewhere (and I don't want to be "this pain in the ass vegan)

@WillHunting No, it's a different one

@El'endiaStarman These days, they have Soduku, Tametsi, etc. So confusing, lol.

@Noon I am sorry but did you mention you have Asperger's just like avazula?

7:40 PM

@WillHunting I have asperger, yes. Was this your question?

@Noon Yes, I am just wondering who has what, because I got a bit confused. =)

@Noon How many aunts you have, and are there any not causing truble? 😅

@WillHunting A lot of us in here are on the autism sprectum ^^

I have 3 aunts who caused me a lot of trouble already @Noon, LOL.

@dhein I only have two, so no :P

7:42 PM

@Noon I guess my OCD isn't really that, but it still sort of counts, kind of. =)

@Noon But don‘t they have also nice plates for vegans at grill restaurants if it is a good one? :x

o/

\o

@Mithrandir That is a beautiful picture you have.

\0/

7:43 PM

points to @avazula custom drawn ;)

@dhein Ahah, we are in french, the only thing that I will probably be able to eat are fries ^^

And thanks! :D

@Mithrandir She drew it for you?

@Mithrandir Hey you, long time no see :)

yep

yep x2

This is the full version, @Will:

user image

7:45 PM

@Noon You have French fries in France? I thought France didn't have French fries, LOL. I am so ignorant.

@WillHunting We have this, not sure what you call them:

user image

@Noon whats wrong about fries, tho? 😂

@Noon Yes, I call them French fries, but I thought the French only eat whole potatoes, LOL.

Those certainly look like fries...

@Mithrandir That's because they are fries, LOL.

7:47 PM

;)

@dhein Well, nothing wrong with them, it just that it would be nice to be able to eat something else. Also, I'm a bit afraid of the smell

I don't wanna trouble avazula to drw a picture for me.

I think ava actually isnt troubbeling her self with drawing ;)

@Noon I see.... ahhhh poor you v.v

Now I am wondering if everyone in this room has a picture drawn by ava.

@WillHunting Only Mith and I :)

7:57 PM

Wasnt there one made for tink aswell? I was like I read something like that.

@dhein Ava was thinking of doing one but still hasn't yet

@dhein So, turns out that this restaurant has self-serve buffet. So, at least, I will be able to have a decent vegetarien meal. But now I'm stress that my aunt will call me back ><

@Noon don't ;) you can just tell her you wanted to check something but already found the answer, and that you're looking forward to seeing her ;)

@Tinkeringbell I'm afraid my brain is still stuck in "panic mode" so, unfortunately, it's easier said than done :( But, if she does call me back, I think I will still try to double-check that the restaurant is a self-serve buffet. But the "looking forward to seeing you" is a good line, I should try to use it

@Tinkeringbell I can‘t talk for Noon, but for me personally it isnt the conversation that would be stressy, but more the fact that you dont know when or if at all the phone will ring 🙈

@Noon Actually, even if it is buffet you should check what kind of food they have. They might not have many vegetables. =)

8:04 PM

@dhein Yeah, that too

@WillHunting I found pictures on the internet. I will probably be unable to eat vegan but vegetarien is good enought for this kind of circonstances

@Noon I like it that you are flexible. =)

@WillHunting I would rather not be ^^ But it's too stressful and tiring otherwise

@Noon Yeah, I kinda forgot that thing might not be as easy for you. I didn't really like phoning a lot until i realized most calls follow a pattern, and it helped to be prepared, to know what I wanted to say/ask so that I could take charge of the call

For now, you could even focus on just you and not even pick up when the phone rings. Call back when you feel a bit better.

@Noon Why are you even in panic mode?

As tinker said, no need to be :)

@Tinkeringbell I always repete several time what I have to ask before making a phone call. And, sometimes, I even write everthing on a paper, it helps me relax. For the not picking up part, I'm not sure I'll be able to do that. Picking up is stressful but not picking up is also stressful >< But, hopefully, they will be no phone call tonight and I will very likely be better tomorow

8:14 PM

@Noon Can‘t you just turn it off?

@Noon I have been stressed every day for so many years because of my OCD that I no longer know what no stress means. =)

@dhein I'm not sure, I had a tiring day (I did some kind of social activity for 3 hours today, it was a lot) and then, I learned about the restaurant thing and it upset me and my brain decided that will definitively have a terrible christmas if I go to this restaurant but that I will also have terrible christmas if I applied the solution I found. But, now that I'm a little less stress, I can see that all of it was just my brain overreacting

@dhein Ahah, but what if she call? answer the stressed part of me :P

@WillHunting Fortunately, I have some drugs for my anxiety now which is very helpful. Except when it isn't enought, like today. But yeah, being always stressed is no fun :/

@Noon Same will happen what happened when you just called her. Be fair with your self x)

@dhein Don't try to be reasonable with my unreasonable brain, it's not really working ^^

@Noon I repeat: „Be fair with your self“ ;P

Well, just take it into consideration the next time you are insuch a situation. I know it feels not like being an option, but a) others can‘t reasonably blame you for being unavailable. And b) it is the least stressy of the options, as it removes the sourceof the overstimulation ;)

8:35 PM

@dhein I know a lot of people on the autism spectrum do turn they phone off/reject all vocal phone-call, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. There is still this "what if" who is "killing me". But know that I'm a little bit less stress, I know I can manage a conversation with my aunt. I just dislike very much, as you said earlier, the "will she call?" and "when will she call?"

„But, what if....“ the villain of an aspie :x

@dhein Yeah, definitively the villain of every anxious person on earth :P

@Noon Well for me thats not easy either, so I totally aminline with you. Its just, sometimes I am driving my self crazy in a viscous circle. And in that situation, I just force my self turning of my phone and not allowing me to turn it on before point X. But yeh. Isnt easy l,I know

also obviously just helps temporary, as when turning it back on, the stress starts over again. But the time till then be used to be prepared for that :)

@dhein So, I just turn my phone off. It's near bedtime so not answering won't be too unusual. I will see if it helps or not

8:51 PM

Yeah. :)

@doppelgreener late reply but this is super cool!! knitting and ai, two of my favorite things :)

just finished my half of the road trip home so I'm catching up on my internets now :P

could someone write either write S or D for me? Or run a RNG for me with a range of 2 values? 😂

@EmC Where were you tripping? :)

S

@dhein I pick.. "S"

haha

But it's probably not random, the mind is really easily influenced

@EmC I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving :)

9:00 PM

@dhein SO and I drove to my family's for Thanksgiving, it took 12hr there but hopefully only 10 this time! city traffic on the way out, plus we took a couple wrong turns >.>

@Noon thanks :) I hope you had a nice Thursday and Friday too :D

@EmC They were really nice regular days :P

@EmC Wow, that's a lot of road to do!

@Noon yeah.. we decided too late, so flying would have been way too expensive :( it's not as bad with two people at least

@Noon Thats why I added the alternative. Ofcause you picked S not because thats what your brains RNG came up with, but cause for some reason you liked S right now more then D xP

But works for me 😂

So thanks for the help you 2 :)

@EmC hah. Just had 2 10 hour drives behind me too. Hope you enjoyed it there :)

@dhein were you traveling for holidays too?

@dhein No, I think there is a posssibility that I picked S because it was the first you tell us about. If you had say "could you pick D or S?", I might have picked D. And there is a possibility that every brain is wired this way. For example, I know if you ask people to choose a number "between 1 and 4", they will almost always choose 2 or 3, even if they could have choose 1 or 4. (it's a trick magicien use)

9:08 PM

it went better than expected.. I may sandbox a question tomorrow though ;)

@EmC That will definitively makes apaul happy :P

El'endia Starman

@Noon My favorite example of this is: "pick a number between 1 and 100, but it can't have two of the same digit, so 33 is not allowed, for example", after which IIRC the most common answer is 37.

@Noon Hmmm interesting.... But now I feel not satisfied by that answer anymore, as I feel now like I predetermined the result 🤔

@El'endiaStarman Ahah, that's definitively a nice trick! I use to know about a similar one. The magicien say a color and you have to answer with an object. The magicien then give you an example before saying "red". In the most commun case, people (at least in France) were answering with "hammer"

@El'endiaStarman Can you recall the reason for that? :0

9:14 PM

@dhein Ahah XD Can't you google for "random number"?

random.org

I could. But I like others making decisions for me. But a machine I can‘t blame for a bad decision xP

El'endia Starman

@dhein People generally like picking 3 or 7 as random numbers and you're helping them along by suggesting 33.

@Mithrandir Ok, that should work, tho. Thanks :P

np

El'endia Starman

9:16 PM

@Noon How are "red" and "hammer" related?

I'm surprised google doesn't have a built in generator for that :P

@El'endiaStarman brilliant. Indeed my speed automation in car usually is running on xx3 xx7 or xx9 🙈

@dhein what are you using this for, if I can ask?

Google does have a "flip a coin" thing.

oh neat! I didn't think to check that term

9:18 PM

@EmC Deciding if I play now/later skylanders or red dead redemption 2 on my new acquired PS4 🙈

El'endia Starman

@Mithrandir Oh cool! And "roll a die", although sadly "roll a d20" doesn't work.

:(

@dhein haha I see! have fun :D

@El'endiaStarman what the.... thats not complete then...

@El'endiaStarman In my mind, it's because of this hammer: outils-machines-haumesser.com/fr/marteaux/… But I think I don't remember my example correctly so... :/

9:20 PM

Thanks, but for now I will stick here. its interesting right now :P

El'endia Starman

@Noon Huh, interesting.

random.org says skylanders aswell :3

@dhein I thought you were talking about Intel i3 and i5 and i7 processors. =)

naaaah :D

Ok now its awkward silent 🙈

No problem, we can just keep quiet. =)

9:30 PM

I see.... you want me turning on my PS4 now :D

I don't like Play Station, but I like Post Script Tricks for drawing. =)

10:06 PM

I dont like playstation either..... I bought a ps3 game assuming I could play it.... But no.... ps4 has no backwards compatibility.... wtf....

So I gonna sleep now 😅 Gn8 everyone

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