last day (16 days later) » 

21:13
116
A: Inadvertently used the wrong bathroom to shower. How should I handle this situation?

Monica CellioSeveral answers here say variations on "don't bring it up". None of them are from users who are obviously women. As a woman, I have a different perspective. Women, even in the liberal parts of the west (to say nothing of more-conservative parts of the world), can feel quite vulnerable in such ...

+1 for a woman's perspective. As a woman myself, I have no problem with nudity in places like a gym changing rooms or showers, but only among people of my sex. However, something like what happened to OP would make me feel so ashamed of myself I wouldn't be able to face my coworkers for several days.
This is an important perspective- More importantly in my opinion, it is suggesting the best approach you can take to defuse any discomfort you might continue to feel. You have clearly posted this after having gone home withj at least 1 possibly 2 shifts break before seeing these guys again. Not saying anything at all is probably less than helpful - it would be better to address it in this light fashion as suggested.
It's nice to have a female perspective, but given that the question here is about how she's perceived by her male colleagues rather than about she should handle the feelings on her own end, it only seems appropriate that men would be the ones mostly responding here. Given that the consensus among men seems to be that you should just forget it ever happened, it seems a little weird to advise her to bring it up again, even briefly. (That might answer the question of "how do I make myself feel better about the situation", but less so the question of "how might my actions be construed"...)
@Mehrdad -- that's the key issue. Making a mistake -- and a woman using the men's showers would never been interpreted as anything but the purest of inadvertent mishaps -- is easily forgiven, but bringing it up again to try to ameliorate your own feelings would seem needy and inappropriate.
@Mehrdad she seems to be asking how to handle it, with one of several points being concern about whether bringing it up would go too far. At least in the current version (I didn't go through the edit history), it's not just asking "how do I make my coworkers feel ok about this". The way I read it, the OP herself is uncomfortable and that's part of what she's asking about. I think there's discomfort on both sides.
21:13
@MonicaCellio: That's fair, but it doesn't seem to jive with your answer. Right now you're saying "Most men know this and would want to avoid causing that reaction" and then "I'd want to reassure the other people involved that I goofed and they don't need to fear walking into their shower in the future"... both of which are entirely about comforting the the men. If you're trying to address how the OP should stop herself from feeling uncomfortable, you might want to change your answer accordingly...
I think this answer nicely complements the other answers. Bascially: There is no need to bring it up at all, but if you feel you need to address it, this answer explains how.
@Mehrdad I do not read it that way; I read it as OP wanting to know the best course of action to resolve the issue. She seems to only care about 'placating men' insofar as it will engender a resolution to this event.
This answer assumes that the person in question was seen naked. I didn't take that away from the question. The question doesn't deny this and it would explain the gravity of the situation that seems to be present in the question.
The question seemed pretty clear to me that the OP was seen.
both of which are entirely about comforting the the men @Mehrdad - No it's not. Reassuring the men is about being certain that the men don't harbor any bad feelings about this, which would OP feel better since they're worried about future retaliation. In fact, this is the only answer that suggests a way for the OP to make sure everyone else is OK with what happened. Everyone else insists she just has to live with her anxiety about it.
21:13
@Jasper Even if the person in question wasn't seen naked, at least a few women I know would certainly be uncomfortable in that situation anyway, for the same reasons.
As a man in a western culture I largely disagree with this answer. Leave it alone. The men will feel uncomfortable knowing that they've made you feel uncomfortable, will assume it was an accident and leave it alone. What does happen (having been in a situation like this) is that there is going to be at least that one guy that thinks it was intentional but won't work too hard to push the theory. If the woman is then bringing it up again, it would be perceived as her drawing attention to it, and would reinforce that one guy that is fantasizing that he's been sexually preyed upon.
I can tell you that if any woman casually started talking about that time I saw her naked, even if it was to apologize, I'd be put off. Only the guy who has a porn addiction is trying to convince himself it was anything but an accident. Everyone else knows exactly what happened without saying any words, and will do their best to forget it.
As a man of western culture, this is exactly the advice I would have given. If she said nothing, I'd be extremely uncomfortable because I would not know what to say or how to behave around her. Just signal that it was your fault, it's ok and there is no need to talk about it any further. That's all the info I need to return to normal.
@BSMP Given that this is OP's mistake, it is indeed OP's responsibility to deal with it. It's not the responsibility of the colleagues to make OP feel better about it, and OP should not make it their responsibility by bringing it up if they would rather let it lie. Sex and gender entirely aside. (That said, I'm not convinced by the argument "many males here feel one way so OP's colleagues do too" either. This should be evaluated on an individual basis IMO.)
It's not the responsibility of the colleagues to make OP feel better about it @MatthewRead I never suggested it was.

  last day (16 days later) »