@Bamboo I'm sorry about your loss, and for the things you've been going through. That's no fun. My grandpa supposedly committed suicide (off a bridge) when I was about 12. I never met him or talked with him (I didn't even know he was alive), but soon before he died, he had talked with my sister on the phone and apologized for stuff, and said he'd make it up to us. She doesn't think he killed himself.