Nine ignored other people's pain by being desperately glib because he was working through so much of his own.
Shalka was massively cold, though you got a glimmer of something else in his relationship with the Master.
Ten... I think one of the reasons I dislike Ten so much is that I know people like him: they want to be good and nice and considerate but only know how to do it through grand gestures, they've never mastered everyday little kindnesses.
So everything they do "for" other people winds up being about making a spectacle themselves.
Ten didn't know how to decline Martha's love gracefully, but he made a copy of himself for Rose to snog.
(Have I mentioned that my head canon is that the Time-Crisis duplicate of Ten goes on to become the Valeyard after Rose breaks up with him?)