Thanks that's helpful! — Phil A 39 secs ago

Sounds like a really rough situation, unfortunately we can't really tell you what to do. Once you decide what to do, we may be able to help you figure out how to do it. — apaul 35 secs ago

I upvoted this because it's a much better look into the mind of people who do this (again, myself included, although I've gotten much better after years of active practice). — AHamilton 1 min ago

I'm curious to know why the downvotes. Is there anything I can do to improve this answer? — avazula 33 secs ago

Agree with @Davor - introversion is not lack of social skills. This sounds like emotional babysitting rather than including someone in a group. Interacting with a person shouldn't feel like work. — data 1 min ago

I disagree with your assessment @Ian, and a quick Google search would reveal that there's a difference of opinion on when, and how often you should say "please" and "thank you". huffingtonpost.ca/rhonda-scharf/… psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/ambigamy/200902/… In my experience, in the north tone is much more important than the actual words, where in the south we have the importance of the words themselves drilled into us from a young age. — AHamilton 1 min ago

Would like to agree with @Maaark, try not to rely on the kids as a pressure to change the behavior but rather as a positive outcome of the behavior changing; although setting a good example for the kids is an end goal and it's clear that OP (and his wife!) have their hearts set on providing a great environment for them, one must take care not to appear like the kids are a bargaining chip for the behavioral change. This answer has a great point about not passing it off as OP's idea however, which I think is a very good point. +1 from me. — nostalgk 18 secs ago

The OP has reason, day after day I start to hate SO because of people just reading the title and then starting by downvoting and commenting and even answering ... if you really read all the description i am wondering if you will really write such a comment — Moslem Ch 1 min ago