@MechMK1 I wish I could say I understand that... But, I don't, not really.

I really, really enjoy being alone almost always.

Of course. Always.

@MechMK1 That is fair. I used to need human contact a decent bit before. But not so much the last 2 years.

Not even because my girlfriend is here, I just do not like people in general.

I also don't like people being around me or whatever, it makes me feel crowded.

Like, a friend stayed over for two days and by the end I had so much like.. Anger.

Not because of him, he did nothing wrong.

I just felt so crowded by his presence on top of my girlfriend I wanted to be alone for a week.

And that happens with pretty much everyone. I just don't like people being around me, it makes me feel so trapped.

I don't mind being around lots of people I know outside my house.

Yeah, I wouldn't say I really like parties.

I have this weird thing that if someone is in my house or walking around in the house I REALLY struggle to focus.

I don't know if you experience this?

But it is one of the reasons I like to stay up around opposite hours to my girlfriend because if I can hear her walking around or doing something, I can't focus on my work.

It's not her fault. It's just me. And the same applies for anyone around me when I am working, I just do not like it one bit.

@MechMK1 hqhahahhahahahahahahah :D

Fucking PRO TRIXSTER DUDE

I have noise cancelling headphones.

It doesn't help, it's their presence.

I just dislike movement around the house when I am trying to work. I can sense it and it makes it really hard for me to focus.

That is why I either get up really early or go to bed really late because then everything is silent, stationary, just me and my work.

It's weird, I know.

And I've tried to find solutions but the only one is genuinely just nothingness.

I cannot focus if someone is walking around, watching TV, eating, showering, using the bathroom, cooking, cleaning, opening doors, or just any action.

Because I know their doing it

ANd it puts me off.

I might be a little ADHD

I don't know. But I just know that I cannot focus with others in the house doing something.

Oh God.

I like most music.

But this, this I do not. This sends my senses into overdrive.

My autism cannot take music like that.

It literally makes me mad to hear it.

If I listened all the way through by the end I would want to break something.

And probablyhwould break something.

Yeah, I can't deal with that :D

I am angry enough most days.

I don't need to start smashing my desk up.

I have a really short fuse.

It's really, really bad.

I can literally go from perfectly calm to complete rage in a matter of 3 seconds.

I really don't like it.

Hahahah :D

I should note: all of this makes me sound like a lunatic reading it back

I can confirm I am NOT a lunatic.

I just have a lot of anger...

You know, this reminds me of a story I have, you'll like this.

So, basically, I was talking to someone who knows my girlfriend and he asked me about my autism.

I was talking to him about how sometimes things make me really fucking mad very quickly and I really dislike it.

Then he started going on some fucking tirade about how he hopes I am not domestically abusing her.

I was like "what the fuck are you talking about dude?"

"A. why would you think of that. B. I would never do that. Are you fucking crazy?"

And he then just started saying shit like "well i dont think you should be around women if you get angry easily"

I was like "HELLO!? WHAT DECADE ARE WE IN, I CANT CONTROL IT YOU ASSHAT" and he was like "well maybe go to anger management then?" and I said: "anger management cannot cure autism you dumb ass. Quite a lot of autistic do get angry quite easily especially when they cannot do something, a friend of mine for example has exactly the same problem. And for the record I do anger management exercises via therapy"

So, I wanted to know why the fuck someone would say all of this random shit to a STRANGER.

So I asked my girlfriend about him, turns out he had a massive crush on her for most of her teenage life and became a real creep and started turning up at her house unannounced.

What's even more weird is that he literally reached out to me, I didn't even know about him, he added me on Discord

Which means he went out of his way

to find out she was dating me, then add me, pretend to be friends with her and then talk to me for a long while before turning into a total lunatic.

Yeah, pretty much.

Then he tried to use something I told him (which I am mostly open about anyways so it's not something secret) thinking he was one of her friends (because that's what he told me) to try and get me to admit to something I have never done or would never do.

Oh, he isn't in my life. This was a while ago, but I just thought about it then when I mentioned I get mad easily.

I was just like "what the actual fuck".

What a weirdo.

Also I am more scared of my girlfriend and her slippers than she would be of me :D

Jesus.

Look at the...

nice booba.

Big? They're fucking basketballs.

11/10.

Hahaha :D

I mean, if it makes them happy!

Then I don't see a problem with it.

What an actual girlfriend? :D

Yeah, agreed. She's annoying.

(she's stood right here hence that message)

Hahaha, she did actually cook a few days ago.

Musakhan, one of my favourite dishes.

So much bread though.

All they eat in Palestine is bread and chicken I swear.

But its damn good.

We order a lot.

I don't know about you but I love to order food.

I am like a little kid when it comes to takeaway.

I'll happily eat takeaway 3 times a day or more.

I love it a lot.

You know when dogs know their owner is coming back?

That is me when the uber eats man is outside

:D

and they always come to our apartment floor which i love a lot because its super awesome

Oh that sounds fucking good.

Can I come over?

I want that.

See, I'd just be ordering food.

When I lived on my own though, before my girlfriend moved here it got out of hand.

So she stops me ordering 6 times a day because I would.

I don't really gain much weight either I need to eat like 6000 calories a day to gain any real kinda; weight.

@MechMK1 Yeah, makes sense.

Oh, I love food.

I am one of the lucky ones who doesn't gain any weight not much.

One day I ordered mcdonalds breakfast, then I had five guys for lunch, I think it was like chinese or thai for dinner then i had a shawarma late in the night and i finished the day with a fudge brownie

That was like a 9000 calorie day i think

something like that.

lol

@MechMK1 Sadge :(

I get it though.

No, I understand.

But as I said, I think you'll find someone, really.

It might take a while, but I am sure of it.

You just gotta' be patient, stop being so hard on yourself and keep looking :)

Sadge :(

I feel really bad.

I wish I could help, sadge.

^^ this is sadge.

You need like a hugging buddy.

Not sex, just hugs.

LOL

Accurate :D

But these days it's more something like "wagwan bossman, what you tellin me? you good yeah? let me get a lical bottle of evian and dem tings there bigman you get me?"

Now, you might be wondering how I know so much London slang.

The short answer is: I am friends with a lot of Londoners around their mid 20s who speak like this but are also in infosec. Strange, I know. But there's the explanation.

If you're not sure what that sentence means, allow me to translate.

"How are you shop keeper? What has been going on? You feeling good? Allow me to have a small bottle of Evian or some form of bottled water, thanks."

Now, we can make it even more London if we want.

"Wagwan boss, what you tellin me? Let me get a lical water cah here what im saying my mouth is DRY yeah, like these roads big man you know them ones? yeah its mad styll. but ere what im saying, you take care boss"

^ thats what we call the driller londoner

Thats the londoner whos in a gang, thats how they speak to bossman

They always got to talk about the roads and the opps, in every sentence.

Yeah, London has quite a vast array of slang.

Most of it is Jamaican origin, to be fair.

London is a wild place, believe me.

I like it though. Not so much anymore, but deep down I love it still.

Take care of yourself.

Goodnight :)

Nah, don't make me sadge you again >.<

You'll be fine :D