a guy meets an old pirate, very stereotypical - wooden leg, hook for hand, eye patch, the whole deal.
Guy: "So, you must have some real stories to tell! How'd you lose your leg?"
Pirate: "Oh, twas a big sea battle, matey, the Her Majesty's fleet were comin at us from all sides, we fought them off but a cannonball landed not 2 feet from me and took my leg."
Guy: "That's horrible! And how did you get the hook?"
Pirate: "Oh, twas a stormy day, and the bullets were flyin' ever'where, damn cap'n took my hand with his cutlass right before being thrown into the' sea."