Not sure I would describe myself as an asshole. No need for profanity towards me.

Modulo the judgemental tone -- although this post does come across more as whining about the situation than about seeking ways to manage the workload -- this is the right answer. Be supportive of your co-worker, and help the boss understand how much you can and can't pick up so they can do something as reasonable as possible given the constraints. Even if OT isn't possible, comp time may be.

Not whining at all. I'm living the reality of it.

@DiligentWorker25 - Yes, I'm harsh - but you crossed a pretty major line and before I help you, I'm going to make sure that I've pointed to said line and said your actions weren't acceptable.

I've been through my own struggles and everyone can't fall apart when one person is falling apart. I feel helpless to do anything for her or her son. And I still have to come in and work every day.

AITA is a big community that uses this "profanity" as a standard tag to ask whether one's behavior is acceptable. I wouldn't get too worried about that term. Sometimes I think people use strong words too loosely. (I use them sparingly, so, that when I use them, people know I am unhappy - but it is when I become extra polite that they have to really worry ;-) In any case, it's a pretty standard term for the community where people ask for their etiquette bearings.

@DiligentWorker25 That's the point - you have to go into work every day and do your job. Your job has been temporarily expanded and you can't keep up. It's up to you to clearly let your boss know that, and it is your bosses job to find a way of handling that. Jane's absence led to that situation, but that's not your problem, it's your bosses.

Maybe I handled it wrong with asking if she would be in next week. I didn't know how to handle it and I get stressed out when work piles up. Also I think asking her that was my way of trying to bring some normalcy back. The whole situation with her is emotionally overwhelming and I have been hearing about it every day leading up to the surgery, then the surgery, and now after the surgery. I'm trying to cope with it all and not be sad, upset, emotional with all of it. I'm feeling almost numb to hearing about it.

.... But this isn't reddit AITA thread and OP didn't ask to be called names, so big -1.

@TymoteuszPaul - sure, but then the OP did call someone who was in the middle of a medical Emergency to ask them when they'd be back at work. That deserves a rebuke. And as rebukes go, it's pretty mild. If I was at my child's hospital bed and my co-worker (not my manager) dared ask when I'd be back - the vitriol that would flow forth would make a sailor blush.

I've corresponded with Jane and and let her know my intention was not to hurry her back to work but just to ask what were her plans. Also telling her about the workload was just me updating her on the happenings of the job. This whole situation is a new one for me -- having a co-worker who is having a family emergency. She replied that she knows I didn't mean what I said in a bad way. I then followed up with asking how her son was doing, how's she doing and rest of family is doing.

I have been thinking that maybe I don't trust that management will manage the work overload and I'll be left to deal with all the work. I've seen and heard things in the department that lead me to this conclusion. I told my manager by Teams that I would focus on doing X and W until it is finished. She responded thanks for keeping her updated and to really just focus on X. So I have my orders. Z duties really worried me because it has exponentially increased but I was not told to do Z, so I have to trust they will somehow get that work done with other employees and not get stressed out.

@DiligentWorker25 yes: it is not your job to worry about how the work will be done, that's what they have management for. You do what you can and let management know what you can't (and get priorities from them)

even if Jane was not dealing with a medical emergency. It's not her role to deal with the priorities in her absence.There's no reason for not having talked directly to your manager instead.

There is no reason to claim that OP is worse at Jane's task unless they seriously feel that to be the case. Even if OP is better at Jane's task than Jane is OP currently still has the workload of 2 people to do alone. OP can not manage that and needs the managers decision on what they should prioritize here.

I've rephrazed it a bit. No need to specifically call OP an AH, but kept the intention that it could be considered a AH move.

@TheDemonLord We are here to aid OP, not to judge OP. By insisting on the specific tag even after OP explicitly expressed his discontent with it, you're doing the latter.

@DiligentWorker25 "I've been through my own struggles and everyone can't fall apart when one person is falling apart. I feel helpless to do anything for her or her son. And I still have to come in and work every day." The fact that this is what you focus on when you've crossed a major line, to me very much disproves your claim that there's no selfishness in your actions. That's not to demonize you but you really need to take a step back and consider your priorities here, because you're clearly more invested in how Jane's situation impacts you personally than you claim to be.

I've become numb to the situation. I have been hearing about her son for weeks and her own medical condition and her other family member's medical conditions. It's overwhelming and I think I've reached my max and I think this is how I cope -- to become detached.

I also think you're overly harsh. It's natural for the coworker to wonder how soon she expects to be back, since it directly affects him. If he shows sympathy first and isn't too insistent about her returning, I think it's an appropriate balance. "I'm swamped here, I hope you'll be back soon" may be inappropriate, but a simple "Do you have any idea how long it will be?" is not too bad.

flagged for abusive language. Although you are on the right track, this is not an acceptable way to answer a question on this site. Do better.