Why don't you ask your boss for specifics and ask how you can acquire and develop these skills?

What do you think it means? What do your friends think it means? Don't ask perfect strangers on the internet. We don't know you personally. Ask your boss, ask your friends, and ask your colleagues. Maybe he was full of it, we don't know. Definitely, ask him for more actionable feedback. The feedback, as vague as it is, is not actionable.

Ironically, not asking your boss for clarification if they say something you don't understand is a wonderful example for "lacking soft skills".

And ironically, failing to explain something like that, shows that the manager's soft skills could be improved!

@B.Goddard Ehh, that is quite the strong accusation given the context of the situation. Telling a high functioning autistic person they lack soft skills isn't bigoted. Honest and direct feedback isn't bigoted. To be direct, telling someone on the spectrum in any manner other than honest and direct is a complete disservice to that person on the spectrum. To come close to determining if there is bigotry we would need a lot more detail and context. What is the job role, does it require customer interaction? Is there any other pertinent discussion of the soft skills with the manager?

@DavidS If it were, literally, ANY other "difference", then everyone else would be expected to adapt to the difference. Does it make you uncomfortable to deal with our black/muslim/female/paraplegic sales rep? Too bad. But aspergers aren't accorded such courtesy. That's bigotry. You have one standard for some handicaps and a different standard for another.

@B.Goddard To much missing context. We need more. There are plenty of jobs in which restrictions are listed, but applicants may ignore or bypass for whatever reason. If the office job requires the ability to lift 30lbs, someone with a bad back shouldn't apply and would be rightly fired if it was discovered they lied about meeting that restriction. Not every job can accommodate every applicant, to suggest so is flatly wrong and has nothing to do with discrimination on disabilities. I've never known anyone with Asperger's that prefers coddling over simple direct honesty.

@DavidS "Since this position requires interaction with the public, people with Freddie Kruger burn scars should not apply." This bigotry is so deeply ingrained that most people can't see it and won't even try. This isn't about coddling. It's about where you put the onus of responsibility. If I hire Freddie as a cashier, then I put the onus on the customers to be mature and understanding. If you hire Aspy, you put the onus on him.

@B.Goddard I'll end with this. As the question stands, the context is missing to make a confident assertion of bigotry. You're a little too focused on your cause for social justice to see that I've provided counter-examples to how bigotry may not be involved. You've made it plainly evident you want to see bigotry here. There very well may be, but to make that assumption is incorrect. There is no comment of disciplinary action. No context on if this is a bad thing, feedback for needing improvement, or feedback about general perceptions.

@DavidS Maybe I'm better at reading the situation than you are. There are a lot of clues here. I think you missed them.

When you're looking for "clues", you're sure to find them in every situation.

@MikeB Why would the manager explain it if the OP gave no indication that they didn't understand it?

"how come I never encountered this type of feedback ever before" -- no one can answer that without being omniscient. Neither we nor you can read the minds of everyone who ever could have given you feedback.

@B.Goddard - As someone with autism... Telling someone with it they lack soft skills isn't being bigotted by default. It could be thinly veiled bigotry but there really isn't enough information to show us that. Also, just because someone's autistic doesn't mean that their ability to do a job isn't important. Soft skills cover a hell of a lot more than just communication. Feedback is feedback and should be honest, frank, and fair. If autism is the direct cause then sure, reasonable adjustments can and should be made. It, however, crucially doesn't abdicate the person from responsibility.

@ScottishTapWater You're not getting it. Of course people have to self-accommodate and struggle through as best they can. That's not my point. My point here is that automatically all the burden is put on spectrum people. If a customer gets put off by my Freddie Kruger scars, then people think less of the customer who can't overcome his revulsion and conduct business like an adult. But if a customer is put off by my stilted personality, well, "who can blame them....?" Telling someone they lack soft skills isn't much different than saying "you're ugly, so you have to work in the back."

@B.Goddard - It's totally different, it's also job dependent and dependent on which soft-skills the boss is referring to. I've also not actually seen anywhere that indicates the OP is autistic (although that might be in a deleted comment or something). Soft skills also includes things like organisation, the ability to self-motivate, mentoring etc. etc. basically everything that surrounds the core skill actually required by your job. As I said, it can be underhanded discrimination, but I just think you're assuming the worst with little evidence to support it

@ScottishTapWater I think there is a lot of evidence. First, OP doesn't know what soft skills are. Second, if it were something like "organizational skills" then the boss would have pointed to something disorganized. He didn't. I'll bet good money that my picture is accurate.

You've never heard the term in 10 years? Is English your first language? It means you're not a people person.

@ScottishTapWater Does anyone actually use "soft skills" to refer to non-technical skills? Sure, technically soft-skills might be all things non-technical but I don't think anyone uses the term like that. It only seems to come up when people are bad at interacting with other people to allow the speaker to say the person is bad at interacting with other people without actually saying so, whether it be for communication, socializing, negotiating, selling, teaching, whatever.

For the 'why haven't I seen this before?' could you possibly add some of the positions you've held previously and what your new job is?

@DKNguyen >>Does anyone actually use "soft skills" Absolutely. It's currently a bit buzz-wordy but you'll find providers everywhere referring to 'soft skills': Linkedin, LeadershipTribe, SkillsCamp. Also, somewhat confused: 'You've never heard the term in 10 years?' vs 'Does anyone actually use the term?' Either way, one explains the other.

@mcalex You took only part of the sentence that I said thus bringing it out of context: "Does anyone actually use "soft skills" to refer to non-technical skills?" (As in non-technical skills in general, not just the aformentioned people skills).

''Soft skills'' may also refer to language skills, these skills enable communication but are not technical in nature so are considered to be soft in most places.

"you lack soft-skills" can be an indirect way of saying "you lack political acumen". That is the skill of persuading people to go along with your proposals without them getting defensive or feeling criticized. If you lack "political awareness" it can basically mean that a manger feels that the way you put forward your analysis and proposals does not fully take into account whether the audience will be persuaded, or dissuaded, to act on your recommendations, based on their personal motivations.

Possible reasons to have not encountered this before is (a) the environment is more political than you have been in before, (b) you were more embedded into the prior environment and/or trusted so a lack of political acumen was fine, or (c) you are now promoted to a level where it is expected that you can navigate the politics a little. Personally the toughest time we have with great engineers wishing to step up to be lead engineers is getting them to learn to "navigate" the "optics"

managers do not like to have to fully brief engineers as to the politics; as that exposes them. so it can be hard to get concrete actual feedback on exactly who was likely not receptive to your suggestions based on their context. try asking "how could i have been more persuasive in those discussions" and "were their people on that email/meeting who would be unreceptive to my proposals". if that doesn't work then "who's toes was i stepping on" may help.

if this is the issue, and its a guess on my part, based on seeing this pattern on repeat ;-) then if you adapt your approach and demonstrate some "political awareness" your manager will hopefully open up. i would recommend, especially about bad news, asking your boss if there is way to phrase things to avoid people feeling overly criticized. ask them if there is likely to be some resistance based to your suggestions ahead of making them. good luck!