Do you have any clue as to why your manager insists on having these meetings outside working hours? And (not sure if relevant) do you have unusual working hours?

What to you feels like a satisfactory reason for you having to be there? What will you do when your manager gives you an explanation he thinks is reason enough and you still don’t feel like attending? I was actually thinking about closing as off-topic, since standing your ground about this is more of an intrapersonal skill.

What do your colleagues think about these meetings? Do some/the majority of them also try to avoid them?

@Jeroen as for the first one, my best guesses are that these meetings are often not seen as 'work', but more like very initial stages of what eventually might become business proposals, so almost brainstorm sessions or knowledge sharing ones. As such, having them outside of work hours makes this cheaper? I have no 'unusual' work hours. Core hours are from 9-16, the remaining 2 hours are flexible. I usually work 7:30-16:30. These meetings often start at 17:00 or 17:30, at which time you're expected to have your 'regular' 8 hours done.

@Ael the meeting is described as 'fun' by my manager, but it's not 'fun' as in having drinks, playing games or chatting informally with co-workers, the topic is going to be work-related like I just described for Jeroen.

@Ael - I suppose they’re not directly related to a project or a client, but still not the kind of “colleagues playing a round of games together” activities. We have these at work as well, like tech talks or something.

@AsheraH Any reason at all besides 'I just want you to be there' would be an improvement, but a very satisfactory one would at least explain a clear role I have to play in these meetings, besides 'presence'. Like, am I asked to give a presentation? Answer questions on the current thing I'm working on? Do I have technical knowledge that the other participants won't have? As for 'intrapersonal', the focus should be on the part about how to decline and getting either a better reason for requiring my presence or declining in such a way that there won't be any further invites.

@Peter I haven't talked much or with every co-worker about this, but the more 'managerial' coworker I often talk with seems to think these meetings are a great idea, using buzzwords like 'team spirit', 'business opportunities'... I have one other, more technical co-worker that I once heard express the same as me: These meetings should have a clear reason for requiring someone's presence, or only be held for those interested. It's a bit hard to gauge the rest of the co-workers, as I'm not the one that sees the replies to the invites (for every such meeting).

Have you considered mentioning your manager that any time within working hours would be a perfect match for you?

Would an outcome where you can compensate the duration of the meeting on another day (stay for meeting two hours today, leave two hours early tomorrow) be acceptable? Or do you want answers to focus solely on saying no to this?

@LaurentS. Yep. He's a busy man, never has the time for that, it's a meeting with more than just me and the manager so we can't keep my co-workers from their work, because these meetings aren't 'exactly work' like I told Jeroen. So that's not going to happen :(

@Jeroen It can't count as overtime, so any compensation, either monetary or just switching hours is a no-go (unless I just do it and tell no-one). I shall edit my post to include that I work for a company, but that company has 'sold' me for 40 hours a week to a client. These meetings are organised by the company manager, so if I accept leaving early because of a meeting that wasn't work-time, the client-side will probably start being grumpy.

Shouldn't this question be part of the workplace rather than IPS?

@LaurentS.: I remember a similar question on SE workplace (can't find it now) that discusses whether skipping these kinds meeting will negatively affect your career. I think most people agreed that would be the case. That is sort of relevant but a different question.

@LaurentS. Scope overlaps a little between IPS and TWP when it comes to interpersonal skills used in the workplace. Since this is about "declining an invite in such a way that ..." it can fit on both. If this was about what to do (legally or something) when a manager keeps pushing for these types of things, TWP would definitely have been better! I'm a mod here, this site can use the traffic, and I generally like the answers here a bit better due to way this site enforces the citation expectations so if I can I try to post on IPS.

I've only worked in the USA but I was under the impression that Europe was far more "worker friendly". Doesn't pressuring you to attend a work meeting outside of work break (or at least bend) the law in the EU??

@DaveG I do know that requiring me to be there and resorting to repercussions if I'm not is forbidden, but I'm not aware of any law that forbids 'asking', even when that 'asking' comes with a certain amount of insistence that your presence is necessary. At this point, there haven't been any (threats of) repercussions yet, so I'm not sure if I would call the behavior 'pressuring' or just 'annoying'. I shall add that these are infrequent, and that there are plenty where the first option (just decline the first invite without any comment) work fine :)

@DaveG There are plenty of (mostly) startups that try to pull this sort of stuff here. I think this is quite a common problem. The line between technically and effectively mandatory can also blur quickly when e.g. your next bonus or promotion or whatever depends on this sort of stuff.

Is asking for a raise (that effectively compensates you for attending; but don't tell anyone) an option?

@CaptainEmacs That's more the kind of options you'd explore if you ask this on TWP ;) Like I said, this is IPS so the question right now is just on declining these invites in a hopefully more effective way.