Did you communicate with your supervisor that you were taking a break for an entire year?

I don't understand: did your supervisor completely changed their mind between before and after the break, or did they think poorly of you before but lied about it? Either way that doesn't look like very professional behaviour to me.

@Erwan I don't know which it is, that is what is confusing for me. It seems like his mood completely changed from being understanding to wanting me to leave.

I'm trying to make sense of the supervisor's statements. The 'one of the strongest students' seems to be a quote, and the 'how terrible my performance had been so far and that he strongly advises I should quit' seems to be a paraphrase. Did he actually say "terrible" or did he say things like: the performance so far fails to convince me that you will make it through to the end?

@YemonChoi He said he strongly advises I quit given the performance so far. But he seemed to accept it before the break and believe I had the ability to turn it around. It bothers me more that there seems to have been a change in attitude. If he said before "you have depression and taking a break will make no difference to me you should quit now" it would be another thing.

But he was supportive and even suggested a break and said he wanted to see me succeed. Now wanting to return, it has gone. It makes me wonder if it was a lie or something drastic happened meanwhile.

Is it possible that he was kind of testing you to take a break and was expecting that you will say - 'no I don't need that long break..maybe a few weeks will be enough'?

I want to reiterate my question from before... How did you two discuss this break? Is it possible you and your supervisor had different ideas about what a "break" means? If they said "I think a break would be good for you" and expected you to take a week off, and then you show up a year later, then it might make sense they are disappointed in your performance over the past 51 weeks.

@BryanKrause A break would be understood to be at least one term, so four months. While this was longer, I don't know why his attitude changed so dramatically between four months and 12 months.

@user50229 "Would be understood" sounds like you are making an assumption about what someone else is thinking, which can be dangerous, rather than communicating directly. Did you at any point explicitly say to your advisor "I am talking a 12 month break", or check in after 4 months and say "I still need more time"? Differences in expectations are the source of much interpersonal conflict. I'm still not convinced your supervisor even realized you were taking a full 4 month break unless you explicitly discussed that (even if there is an official "break" at your school meaning 4 months).

@Dukhiatma I don't think he is the sort of person to play a game like that, he is blunt to a fault.

A friend who was very depressed for years was told by a therapist "you will know when you better when you are able to feel a sense of "deep boredom" " because depressed people can't get bored, they are too busy worrying. When you are at a time in your life when you have rested enough to feel the emotion of deep boredom, it will mean that you have stabilized. A PhD should be a complement to a happy and well fulfilled few years, it can be stressful, especially if it was in the first place. some are funner than others.

@BryanKrause I did not explicitly say.

@user50229 Then, although I can't say for sure because it is an assumption of my own, I suspect that is the reason for the change in attitude from supportive to not: you didn't communicate the extent of your absence, and your supervisor expected you to come back to work and you didn't.

@user50229 That's awesome that you took the time to take care of yourself. I appluad you!