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12:09 AM
@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇: Updated my GeForce driver. Took a while, but no trouble.
And now I have the NVIDIA GeForce Experience app, which optimizes graphics for all my games. Sweet.
Didn't even need to reboot. Things have changed in 15 years.
 
 
1 hour later…
1:14 AM
Nice. BTW I finally started watching community. It's pretty good.
 
1:54 AM
Damn straight.
 
 
2 hours later…
3:34 AM
@Robusto Does the keyboard come with some kind of configuation app?
 
 
5 hours later…
8:42 AM
There really is an international conspiracy to drive The Onion out of business.
 
9:19 AM
@Cerberus No. Why would it need one?
 
9:37 AM
Inhabitants of the ghetto. Doesn't it sound awful?
 
Yes. Should be ghetto tenants.
 
 
1 hour later…
11:01 AM
@RegDwigнt Them and Bizarro comics.
 
Is Bizarro like a bi Zorro?
 
Could be.
I guess if Superman is straight, then Bizarro just has to be gay.
What's with the main site? Apparently cdn.sstatic.net is shitting the bed and pages aren't loading.
Now they are. I just had to go on record bitching about it first, I suppose.
 
What did you expect from a company that's named after the SS.
 
I thought it was named after Miley Cyrus.
 
Yes, many confuse the two.
 
11:18 AM
Those people should be put into camps.
Or Kampfs.
Interesting, but OT.
 
11:43 AM
Uninteresting, NARQ.
The origin is your brain. You are asking about a pattern that does not exist. You have deliberately picked three idioms out of thousands. You might as well ask, what is the origin of using the letter E in all three of them? — RegDwigнt ♦ 19 secs ago
In fact, he couldn't even name three idioms without clutching at French straws.
Certainly there are more than three things that are a source of annoyance. If animals were universally associated with things that are a source of annoyance, you'd be able to name hundreds of idioms.
We've had similar questions in the past. Always closed as NARQ.
 
12:12 PM
I'm cool with that.
0
Q: A grammar question

Zhiwu LiWhich sentence is correct or better? In discrete event systems, a predicate can be a set of states or a language, therefore, behavioral properties can be classified into two categories. In discrete event systems, a predicate can be a set of states or a language, and therefore, behavioral proper...

Fuck. This. Shit.
Vote. To. Close.
 
I have a question, therefore, off-topic.
I have a question, and therefore, off-topic.
I have a question. Therefore, off-topic.
 
I have a question. Therefore, ESAD.
I still think we need some kind of flag for posters when they write "Is this correct?" or "Is this grammatical?" in the title. Some big, threatening picture that says we will smoke you where you stand and eat your children if you persist.
 
I have a regime. Therefore, Asad.
 
ESAD = Eat Shit And Die.
 
s/smoking/posting/
 
12:25 PM
 
@Robusto so you're saying, Asad = ate shit and died?
 
The misspelling kinda ruins it for the folks, yeah?
Maybe if you smoked more weed you would spell better.
@RegDwigнt Could be.
 
I can smoke weed better then spell.
In this order.
 
Also doesnt != doesn't.
Also cant != can't
 
Cool. You smoke weed. We get it.
 
12:26 PM
I can't stand people who define themselves as Holier Than Thou Not Stoners.
I would rather hang out with stoners than with intolerant pricks.
 
Phew. Thank God I just am holier than though and don't have to first define myself as such.
Sorry, misspelled dont.
 
I'm looking for one verb which describes the action of covering a hole or a ditch with dirt.
 
That was found when I did an image search for "smoke you where you stand."
 
opposite to unearth.
 
@JustynaNogala We fill in such a hole or ditch.
 
12:36 PM
thanks
 
I suspect that doesn't make you happy, but that's how it is in English.
 
yeah, it sounds bad in Polish
because we have a separate verb for this.
 
You need to get over that.
 
I will
 
It's probably not even a separate verb. They just slapped a prefix onto it and pretended it's something new.
 
12:43 PM
man, how unnew
 
So, a gravedigger can say to another gravedigger; dude, lets fill in that hole quickly insread of the lets cover it with dirt yeah that makes sense
 
Like in German. They only have ten words, but they keep combining them to pretend they have more words than English.
 
@RegDwigнt you're right.
 
@JustynaNogala OMG here comes no apostrophe!
 
You don't cover a hole with dirt. You fill it in. You cover blood stains with dirt.
 
12:44 PM
You cover your eyes with dirt. It's called "beauty".
 
@RegDwigнt Did you mean apos'trophe?
 
OMG I was unprepared for the s. You bastard.
I shall write a script that prepend's an apostrophe to all your po'sts. Ju'st in ca'se.
 
In case of Justin?
 
No amount of warnings can prepare for a Justin. Let alone Justyna.
 
Do you play chess?
 
12:49 PM
@Robusto you scrub and scrub and they still don't come out
 
I play everything as long as The Price is Right.
 
nice move
 
@Mitch That's why Edison invented dirt.
 
@Robusto I'd rather be pricked than stoned
 
@RegDwigнt I can't offer you any price
 
12:50 PM
@JustynaNogala I do. Why do you ask?
 
I want to beat you.
 
@Robusto What? Who did Edison kill with his bare hands?
 
You don't need chess for that. Use a bat.
 
@JustynaNogala Me? Why, what did I ever do to you?
 
24 hours ago, by RegDwigнt
Nothing that works.
 
12:51 PM
@RegDwigнt Or a rook. They're both flying animals.
 
Oh yeah, the one-chord band.
 
Not in real life you kidders
 
Beat Status Quo by 50%.
 
I want to beat you in the game of chess
 
12:51 PM
@Robusto no need to crow about it.
 
Wait. Chess is not real?
Mind = blown.
 
You can play chess online.
 
@RegDwigнt Now we really need to clean up these stains
 
How could I hit you with a bat now?
 
I've been on Gameknot for ten years, kiddo. You can't teach grandma to suck online.
 
12:53 PM
@JustynaNogala how about dots and boxes?
Chess is so last century
 
dots and boxex?
I've never heard of.
 
Now you have
 
Chess is the political game.
 
Now I wanna sniff some glue
 
@JustynaNogala People also cheat online. That is why I quit. And I'm not fast enough to play lightning chess.
 
12:55 PM
For all your sniffing needs.
 
Perhaps you mean *glue.
 
@Robusto Cheating is for liars
 
@Robusto what, just because they asked Kasparov for help you can't beat them? You suck.
 
xDDD
Kasparov won against super computer.
 
Dots and boxes (also known as Boxes, Squares, Paddocks, Pigs in a Pen, Square-it, Dots and Dashes, Dots, Line Game, Smart Dots, Dot Boxing, or, simply, the Dot Game) is a pencil and paper game for two players (or sometimes, more than two) first published in 1889 by Édouard Lucas. Starting with an empty grid of dots, players take turns, adding a single horizontal or vertical line between two unjoined adjacent dots. A player who completes the fourth side of a 1×1 box earns one point and takes another turn. (The points are typically recorded by placing in the box an identifying mark of the player...
 
12:57 PM
No sorry, He lost.
 
My mobile phone has more power than the super computer. And my mobile phone is from the 1990s.
 
@JustynaNogala I think that's a draw
 
Chess is the mathematics.
 
@RegDwigнt I don't need no stinking musicals
 
@Mitch holy nostalgia, Batman. The last time I heard of that game was when I last played it. In fifth grade. In a country that doesn't even exist anymore.
 
12:58 PM
but no human being can foresee 10 moves.
 
@JustynaNogala if by the mathematics you mean the bomb, the I don't know what you're saying.
@RegDwigнt Things have progressed since last year.
Also East Timor? Northern Sudan? Byurmar?
 
@JustynaNogala I can. They just have to be the only ones I'm thinking of.
@tchrist considers hyphens
eye twitches
 
@Mitch this.
 
@RegDwigнt but they can count to like 2 or 3
 
1:01 PM
Do you mean only your moves or the moves of your opponet too?
 
No human being can foresee all possible 10 moves. But the chess is not about all possible moves. 99% of all possible moves are crap, and 99% of the rest lead to a loss for the opponent.
 
Oh sure, the other person can make moves too.
@RegDwigнt That still leaves like 3 or 4 moves. Which sadly the Ramones can't do.
 
@Mitch What? What kind of chess is that?
 
Reg's chess
 
@RegDwigнt You ever seen Star Trek? It's like that but with less polyester
 
1:03 PM
Never heard of Star Trek.
Is it like Glee?
 
Likewise
 
@JustynaNogala Not really. In all cases, both computer and human, it's about pattern recognition and memorization.
 
It's sort of like Glee, but with some differences. Like plot and character and belly laughs and life itself.
 
Computers have the advantage because they have fast database lookup of almost every position that has ever been played.
 
I have recognized this pattern today.
 
1:05 PM
that's not a chess move
 
Tomorrow I will recognize two more.
 
@Mitch you're not a chess move
 
@RegDwigнt I do not recognize that pattern. You win.
 
just pointing out a subtle distinction
 
@Mitch I haven't even moved yet, duh. I am still at the recognition stage.
 
1:05 PM
@MattE.Эллен Chess? All this time I thought we were talking about Chest. It's not really a game
 
Only 3000 roubles. Compare that to my usual rate of 3000 dollars.
 
Deep Blue vs. Garry Kasparov was a pair of six-game chess matches between chess champion Garry Kasparov and an IBM supercomputer called Deep Blue. The first match was played in Philadelphia in 1996 and won by Kasparov. The second was played in New York City in 1997 and won by Deep Blue. The 1997 match was the first defeat of a reigning world chess champion to a computer under tournament conditions. The 1997 match was the subject of a documentary film, The Man vs. The Machine. == Summary == == 1996 match == === Game 1 === The first game of the 1996 match was the first game to be won b...
 
@Mitch if you don't have game they you can't win
 
Never heard of Kasparov.
Is it like Glee?
 
Chess is a musical with music by Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus, formerly of ABBA, and with lyrics by Tim Rice. The story involves a politically driven, Cold War-era chess tournament between two men—an American grandmaster and a Soviet grandmaster—and their fight over a woman who manages one and falls in love with the other. Although the protagonists were not intended to represent any real individuals, the character of the American grandmaster (named Freddie Trumper in the stage version) was loosely based on Bobby Fischer, while elements of the story may have been inspired by the chess careers...
 
1:06 PM
Never heard of Chess. Is it like musical?
 
@RegDwigнt more like a boat, or inspiration. if that's what we're talking about
 
Musicals with music? What will they think of next?
 
@Mitch Here's a metric shit boat full of inspiration.
 
@MattE.Эллен I don't have game ... sulks
 
1:08 PM
Actual google result for "metric shit boat full of inspiration".
 
@RegDwigнt that boat won't float.
but this dog will hunt
 
It's Hollywood.
What do you expect.
 
I expect a lot for $12. and then the popcorn.
 
For $12, you can have an ounce of popcorn.
 
nice. feed the world
with peanut butter that's a complete protein
 
1:12 PM
@RegDwigнt I don't speak Swahili, sorry.
I don't think you're right about that. — Robusto 10 secs ago
@Mitch Completeness is overrated. So are proteins.
 
Without proteins there'd be no egg whites, and then where would we be? Brunch ruined, that's where.
 
@tchrist I got your invitation today. Meaning I got it eight days ago, but it's two hours ago that I checked.
 
heh
 
Which one of these robots doesn't belong?
 
1:17 PM
That one
 
Seven.
 
the one I'm pointing at
 
Liar. You didn't point at anything.
 
I'm doing it behind my back
 
@Robusto Where you pull that one on up out of?
 
1:18 PM
anyway it's #4. it has a neck
 
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
Just remember, darling, all the bots
Are belong to me.
 
sings Sesame Street song
 
that makes me think of a sunrise
I don't know why
Is that haiku about pandas and bamboo?
or trash cans and vermin?
 
In winter.
 
speaking of which, I just finished listening to the complete works of the Ramones. 22 min 37 seconds.
 
1:21 PM
@tchrist I cheated.
 
Well, some of these comments, well, they got me quite crossways. But the sun is quite kind. — RegDwigнt ♦ 14 secs ago
@Mitch that is 22 min 38 seconds more than the complete works of Miley Cyrus.
 
[ SmokeDetector ] Repeating characters in title: Passive voice >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> by Anita Halley on english.stackexchange.com
 
@Robusto Well, because you said some of the keys were wrong?
 
@RegDwigнt Me too!
@tchrist You're fighting against the tide.
or the waves. one of them
or both.
your choice
Snackzeit!
 
1:44 PM
snackgeist
 
@Cerberus It's not an ideal keyboard, but it is a real keyboard as opposed to a virtual one. I can type much faster and more accurately, though not perfectly.
@tchrist I'm looking for a single word to describe a published author of technical books who gets annoyed by stupid questions and lives in the mountains with two cats and likes Tolkien but looks askance at Martin.
I'm sure that word must exist, but I can't think of it right now.
 
Gverdtsiteli.
You are looking for gverdtsiteli.
 
Thank you. I knew there had to be one.
 
Tamar "Tamriko" Gverdtsiteli (Georgian: თამარ "თამრიკო" გვერდწითელი, Russian: Тамара Михайловна Гвердцители, born 18 January 1962 in Tbilisi) is a Jewish, Georgian, Soviet singer, actress and composer, People's Artist of Ingushetia, Georgia (since 1991) and Russia (since 2004). == Discography == 1982 — Debyut. Tamara Gverdtsiteli (min'on) 1985 — Muzyka: poyot Tamara Gverdtsiteli 1992 — Tamara Gverdtsiteli poyot svoi pesni 1994 — Vivat, Korol'! 1996 — Spasibo, Muzyka, tebe! 2000 — Luchshiye pesni raznykh let 2001 — Posvyashcheniye Zhenshchine 2002 — Vivat, Lyubov', Vivat! 2002 — Mne vchera prisnilos...
You can even write it in other scripts. Figure that.
Can you do that with other words? I doubt it.
 
@RegDwigнt Well, now that I see the definition I don't think that's it. Sorry.
 
1:50 PM
That's not the definition. That's the wiki article. It is the opposite of the definition.
 
Also, you're speaking Swahili again.
 
I thought you knew.
 
@RegDwigнt That depends on how you define definition.
 
@Robusto I am not speaking anything, you noob. I type in complete and utter silence. And awe. For myself.
 
I guess that makes one.
 
1:51 PM
It takes Juan.
And just to round it up: Ms Gverdtsiteli very much is a published author of technical books who gets annoyed by stupid questions and lives in the mountains with two cats and likes Tolkien but looks askance at Martin.
She suits your definition to a tchrist.
Where do you think Georgia is?
Oh right, I forgot, you're American.
 
@RegDwigнt Right next to Alabama, of course.
Why in hell would they name a Russian-speaking country after a southern American state? Beats me.
 
Yes, yes. And the Eiffel Tower is in Las Vegas, next to the pyramids and Piazza San Marco.
I did say I forgot you were etc.
 
So I will edit my question: "I'm looking for a single word to describe a man who is a published author of technical books who gets annoyed by stupid questions and lives in the mountains with two cats and likes Tolkien but looks askance at Martin."
 
What is it about Ms Gverdtsiteli that makes you think she's not a man.
That's racist, dude.
 
I just have a hunch.
 
1:56 PM
You're the hunch who stole Christmas.
 
I propose that be renamed to .
 
2:12 PM
@Robusto I like it
 
It is not ceasing.
0
Q: What to call this person?

EhaanSomeone you love who has only hurt you. Never returned the same love. Even when she knows how much you love her. Not infidel or disloyal but something which also keeps the essence of love like you know she hurts but you can't say she does. Is there a word which is not negative but defines the ...

 
It's for a friend
 
@RegDwigнt I think there's your candidate for 'Gverdtsiteli'.
 
Yes. I think I will introduce a new Gverdtsiteli prize. I will deposit one million dynamite in a bank, and every year one laureate may take their interest. One free match included.
It can have categories, too. Like, not just Literature. Also World Peace and Religion.
 
@RegDwigнt justnotthatintoyou
 
2:27 PM
@Mitch no, that's the thing. That's not what he's saying. What he is saying is that you have no idea what he's saying.
At best the word is something like "normal".
Cuz breaking news: just because you're in love doesn't mean anyone is under any obligation whatsoever to owe you jack shit.
 
Hey! Spoiler alert!
 
ELU is an advice column now? "What's a word for when I met this girl and we really hit it off and her mother won't talk to me, and did I mention I'm left handed. Also the mom is deaf. And her mouth was full at the time. I told her dinner was wonderful. What did I do wrong?"
@RegDwigнt I have no idea that what he's saying is what he's saying. If you have any idea what I'm saying.
 
My favorite question was the "What can I possibly say instead of my girlfriend to not imply that she's my slave? The word "my" implies she's my slave. But she is not my slave. What word can I use instead?"
@Mitch say what?
 
@RegDwigнt Only if girlfriend = slave. Brits say "my queen" all the time without ever implying ownership.
 
@RegDwigнt Yeah, I thought that was kinda presumptive. "Why is she so cold to me?" Well, just bec.. oh... what you said.
 
2:31 PM
@Robusto no, his beef was with the "my". You see, if you say "my mother", that means you legally own her.
And then people would actually discuss that for days in earnest.
 
@RegDwigнt concubine is euphemism for going steady, really steady.
 
"My country 'tis of thee / sweet land of liberty / I own your ass"
 
@Robusto implies you are owned
 
Or pwned.
@Mitch Whence the origin of the phrase "steady as she goes."
 
Whence the origin of the steady bear.
 
2:52 PM
I'm probably suffering from male-orientation bias, but conversations between women in the kitchen seem particularly stupid.
"I was like OMG, dog, why don't you eat your breakfast? And she was like 'Don't want to.' Arf arf! Don't want to! And then she barfs all over the rug! OMG! After Justin made filet mignon for dinner the night before!"
 
@Robusto So the OnePlus 2 and the Moto X phones have been announced.
 
@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 And when should we expect them?
 
The OP2 in September, I think, but you need an invite and those may be hard to get. The Moto X Play in Aug, the Moto X Style in Sept.
But sadly all of these phones are huge.
 
The Spanish Inquisition will be bringing them.
 
@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Yeah, I'm still thinking about the LG G4 for nexties. Not a phablet, probably at the limit of what is usable as a normal phone.
 
the G4 is too large for me
 
@RegDwigнt Wall Street.
Back when that brick was a state-of-the-art phone.
 
Yes. We now hold the bricks at a 90° angle. Like our guns.
Progress, sweet lady Mary.
 
3:09 PM
BTW, if you see a person driving a pickup truck in America, there is a fair likelihood that person is a gun owner.
@RegDwigнt I hold no bricks. I let them go a long time ago, in the last market crash.
 
@Robusto Smaller vehicles can't accommodate the gun rack.
 
Remember when Elton John still could do power pop?
 
it looks more like he's saying hello to the yellow brick road
 
it's gettin' late i gotta see my mates
 
3:12 PM
I used to be the main express, all steam and whistles heading West.
But this train don't stop there anymore.
 
Now he's all like "candle in the wind" and shit
 
Actually, no. That's thirty years ago.
 
Wevs.
He ain't all "Saturday night is the night for fighting" anymore.
 
Also yeah, fuck that Marilyn Monroe shit. You have no influence over what shit people will end up liking. Case in point: Marilyn Monroe herself.
You go and write For No One, but all people listen to is Yesterday. You go and write You Belong To Me, but all people listen to is Blowing in the Wind. Fuck people. People's the worst.
 
@RegDwigнt You’re no JFK.
 
3:15 PM
@RegDwigнt Revolver is possibly the best Beatles album.
 
In my capacity as Elton John, I have not been doing either power pop or candles in winds for three decades. You'd think people notice. But they don't.
 
Not to be too cynical, but Mr. John sorts his tears of the largest size for dead princesses and starlets first, and everyone else from there on down.
 
Just go ahead and name three EJ albums from the 70s. Now go ahead and name the most recent three. QED.
@Robusto there's no business like no business.
 
@RegDwigнt You mean that don't have "Greatest Hits of the '70s" in the title?
Actually, Elton John's "Greatest Hits" kind of implies '70s.
 
And very sadly so.
 
3:19 PM
He would rather be rich than happy.
 
Songs from the West Coast was a diamond compared to Madman Across the Water.
The latter got over 9000 pages of praise from the Rolling Stone.
The former didn't even get a mention last I checked.
 
Just like the Ramones
Good music is a young man's game
 
No. Nonono. You're still not getting it.
Popular music is a young man's game.
 
@Robusto Yes, it sounds perfect for when you're on the train or holidaying.
 
Actually, he was kinda done by Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. There were a few songs after that, but no stellar albums, IMO.
@Cerberus Or sitting on the couch in front of the TV while setting people straight on the internet.
 
3:22 PM
Beethoven's 9th? puh lease. B stopped 'creating at #3, all the rest is inarticulate groaning with violins
 
@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Still very happy with my G2.
Only the Stagefright bug bugs me.
 
@RegDwigнt Let's Dance most popular piece of crap ever
 
@Robusto Hah, like now?
 
@Mitch Now, now, you'll strain your sense of humor.
 
I don't own a television set.
 
3:23 PM
@Cerberus No. I'm at work now.
 
Ah OK.
At home, I just use my normal computer keyboard through Wifi Keyboard (app).
 
@Robusto I'm not volunteering to name one, either. The Gary Osborne stuff was just easy-listening 80s stuff. Made in England was half bad but no Honky Chateau by any stretch of imaginations. The aforementioned Songs from the West Coast was very good. Mature. I've heard good things about Peachtree Road but never gave it a listen.
 
@Cerberus Mostly I use the TV for games. Because TV is so boring these days that I have to have a diversion.
 
But, actually, I don't need to any more, because all the things I need to type longer texts in are available on my desktop, such as this chat, Whatsapp, Telegram. Okay, maybe not all.
@Robusto Better.
 
@Robusto Strain it through a viola. Which reminds me...why do they call a viola a Bratsche in German?
 
3:26 PM
@Mitch Because viola players are the wurst!
 
Because that's the sound it makes in the garbage disposal.
jinx!
 
The Captain and the Kid was sorta forced. And tired. At once. Even the current album is better IMO.
 
Usually viola players are looked on as failed violinists.
 
Yeah what's the deal with that.
Violas are fucking hard to play.
Like, you have to be physically apt.
 
Right?
 
3:27 PM
Is that like the Captain and Tenille?
 
Anyone can fiddle a fucking violin.
Just look at the TV. All Saxon violins these days.
 
organs always impress me, you have to use hands and feet and then the stops
 
Stop.
 
Hammertime!
You have to pull all registers, too.
 
but an orchestra you're just standing there waving your arms while everybody else does the hard work.
 
3:28 PM
And . . . something about manuals.
 
No organ porn in this chat.
 
@Mitch Only if you're the conductor. I never waved my arms once.
 
@Robusto ?? i thought they were peduals.
 
an.porn.org
 
@MattE.Эллен That link doesn't work very well
 
3:29 PM
@Mitch err. Because Italian?
Da braccio in Italian.
 
don't give us none of your aggravation / we've had it with your discipline
 
As opposed to di gamba.
 
@RegDwigнt They borrowed that from the arabic, al barak which means congratulations you're the president of Egypt.
Thanks, Obama.
 
@Robusto yeah here's an interesting fact about myself I should mention: I never understood people's obsession with that song. Frankly, it sucks. The weakest on the album. Even Roy Rogers was better.
 
Yeah, and the deutschbags call tympani Pauken and violins Geigen. Geezis.
@RegDwigнt I like it. It shows EJ's darker side.
 
3:32 PM
@Robusto Well. What do you suggest we call the Geiger counter?
Quick! Everyone bring violin counters to Tchernobyl! Cause Robusto said so.
 
@RegDwigнt viola of the arm? there's no violin di gamba. writes up business plan
 
If you play both, you'll be gambidextrous.
 
@Robusto how about, then, Your Sister Can Twist But She Can't Rock'n'Roll. From the same album even, if memory serves me right.
 
The whole album is a classic.
 
It's a maverick. You can see Russia directly from its porch.
 
3:33 PM
@Robusto makes me want to listen to Dead Kennedys
 
@Mitch They are not only meta-dead, they're actually dead.
 
The Walking Metadead.
 
what? first the ramones, now them?
 
Ramones-Rashmones. Rashomons!
 
Nah, Jello Biafra is still alive, IIRC.
 
3:35 PM
@RegDwigнt That's a weird point of view
 
Tell Biafra I said jello.
2
 
@Robusto It din't work out for Biafra
 
Perhaps he should have tried Viagra.
 
After four hours you should see a doctor
 
After twelve hours you should see Paradise.
 
3:36 PM
Wouldn't that be funny? Take Viagra and go to the doctor?
 
Depends on the doctor
 
Okay, here's my educated guess.
 
@Robusto Or take three and demand a manual-frisk at the TSA check-in lane.
There are youtube videos of this.
 
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