The Overlook Hotel

Kit Z. Fox

12:06 PM

I like your moody avatar, @arrowfar.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Thanks Kit! :)

user116848

I try my best to entertain you guys ;-)

user116848

You may throw tomatoes now!

user116848

@KitZ.Fox How are you doing?

Kit Z. Fox

Haha. Aren't shoes the traditional thrown thing in your culture?

@arrowfar Eh. Lots of work lately and not enough headspace to sort things out.

But generally, I'm good.

user116848

12:10 PM

Good

Kit Z. Fox

How are you?

user116848

I am fine, thanks. Just chatting.

user116848

And see some questions on the main site occasionally.

Kit Z. Fox

I don't even chat much these days.

user116848

Yeah, I know.

Kit Z. Fox

12:12 PM

I like meeting people though. It's interesting to learn what other people are like.

user116848

Me too. Meeting interesting people is nice.

Kit Z. Fox

I don't think of myself as particularly provincial, but sometimes it surprises me.

user116848

I see.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Well, I was thinking what meaning of provincial you are using :)

user116848

This one?

Kit Z. Fox

12:17 PM

Limited in my world experience.

user116848

> a person who lacks urban sophistication or broad-mindedness.

Kit Z. Fox

Yes.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Ahh, I see :)

Kit Z. Fox

I've never been overseas, for instance.

I've still traveled more widely than the average American.

user116848

Yeah, travelling is fun.

user116848

12:21 PM

@KitZ.Fox So, my vocabulary improves when I chat with you guys. For instance, the word "provincial". I was familiar with its first meaning, that is "local".

user116848

Nice!

Kit Z. Fox

Yes, it carries the general idea of someone who is local and has never gone anywhere.

I like words.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox That makes sense.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Me too.

user116848

But I never consider myself a nerd. I don't know why.

user116848

12:24 PM

I don't consider myself a geek either.

user116848

Well, I don't wear glasses for instance XD

user116848

I only know the cliche I guess.

user116848

Sorry geeks. looks innocent

BESW

Heh. I recently had a rather interesting conversation about labels and how they position the labelled and labeller.

user116848

Hi!

BESW

12:29 PM

Hey.

Kit Z. Fox

I'm trying to decide if I'm offended or not.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox By me? I am sorry.

user116848

Or by someone else?

user116848

@BESW You can share it here if you want :)

BESW

It requires some context.

user116848

12:37 PM

I see.

BESW

There's a word here for people from the mainland US, haole. It's often synonymous with "white person," and has connotations of "transient."

Kit Z. Fox

@arrowfar Just that I wear glasses and I'm sensitive about being called a nerd.

@BESW Maybe like "snowbird" for Florida tourists?

BESW

Most commonly it's applied to folks connected to the military who are only here because the military brought them, and they'll leave as soon as they are no longer stationed here. That means it's associated with people who aren't interested in the local culture or people except as entertainment while stuck on a tiny island.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Oh, no. I was just rambling. I didn't know :)

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Btw I wear glasses too sometimes. For example, when I sit at the end of a class. It gets blurry for me otherwise.

BESW

12:41 PM

I'm born and raised here. I grew up in a part of the island that a lot of locals haven't actually visited themselves. However, I'm not part of any of the local family networks--my parents and their families are from the mainland US. People who meet me usually assume I'm an off-island contract worker of some sort, and that's only because I avoid haircuts and clothing which are stereotypically military.

Kit Z. Fox

@arrowfar I bet you look very sophisticated.

user116848

@KitZ.Fox Nah. I don't know. You all know how I look like.

Kit Z. Fox

@BESW So you don't look local.

BESW

Strictly speaking I'm a haole. I'm a white guy who has no ties of obligation to other local families because my extended family isn't here. I'm the minority, and people expect me to be uncomfortable about that, and to be upset when things on the island aren't the way they are in the mainland.

Kit Z. Fox

You can't be the only one like you on the island, though. Right?

BESW

12:46 PM

Not at all--but I'm quite rare, and rarer that I still live here despite being almost 30.

Most white people who have lived here for 30 years are ex-pats who settled here as adults.

Kit Z. Fox

Ancient.

So you are frustrated?

BESW

So I'm also a local, despite not being ethnically native. I actively avoid using a local accent because it'd be offensive, but I grew up in this culture and I have its values. I have ties to the families and history of the place in ways that folks who came as adults usually can't, although my ties aren't typical of locals because I didn't get an extended family as part of the package.

I'm pretty content with my identity. But this is where labelling comes in: when I'm called a haole, it's technically correct. However, it also otherises me.

Kit Z. Fox

That's what labels are meant to do.

Draw lines around people.

BESW

When locals (called Chamorros) want to express that a haole isn't really an outsider to them, they say "You've been here so long you're not really a haole," or "You're a Chamaole" (a word which usually means one of your parents is white and the other is Chamorro).

Kit Z. Fox

You're blended.

BESW

12:51 PM

So here's the conversation I had the other day: a very good friend of mine, a Chamorro, expressed disbelief that I felt being called a haole put emphasis on the ways in which I am not part of Guam.

Kit Z. Fox

Huh.

How could it not?

BESW

Exactly my response.

She felt it was simply a comment on my skin colour, rather than my social positioning.

Kit Z. Fox

What did your friend say? "If you were native, you'd understand the connotation."

Huh. Oh. Huh.

BESW

But I call myself a haole partly as a pre-emptive defence, because being a haole --in my mind-- comes packed with the implication that I think Chamorros are the minority and my culture is the dominant one.

So calling MYSELF a haole calls attention to my recognition of my status as "not the norm."

Kit Z. Fox

Seems like a "look, it's because most poor people are minorities that I assumed you were poor" sort of claim.

BESW

12:55 PM

Folks who come to Guam from the mainland tend to act rather atrociously.

Part of it is military BS, a lot of it is delayed culture shock: Guam seems a lot like the US, but acting like it's the US is inappropriate. Folks who come here the first time often take a couple months to notice, at which time they become belligerently defensive of how insensitive they were.

So when someone meets me, there are a lot of assumptions to overcome before they "look at" me. Those assumptions are, for me, summed up in haole. That I'm tai mamåhlao (without shame, self-centred), that I'm impatient with the slow local pace, that I don't know how important it is to know how you're connected to people because they think I'm connected to no one.

For many of my Chamorro friends, this is understood as well: "not really haole" is a tacit acknowledgement that being haole is undesirable.

But this is what got me thinking about it in terms of the above geek/nerd stuff, because I've had similar experiences with that: it's largely a matter of who gets to decide if I'm haole.

My skin and accent, like your glasses, gives other people permission to place that label.

Kit Z. Fox

Right.

That's the frustrating part.

BESW

The onus is then on me to dig myself out of it.

I have to "prove" that I'm "not really haole," and I have developed a number of cues to quickly clue the person in without calling attention to it.

Kit Z. Fox

You have to prove that you are not, and for some people, you will never be able to do that.

BESW

Because if I WERE a haole, I'd have no problem saying "Actually, you're wrong." But I would be tai mamåhlao if I made someone lose face like that.

Kit Z. Fox

Very clever.

BESW

1:07 PM

So I learn to work clues into the conversation, like mentioning where I grew up, or asking questions about their familian that an F.O.B. (fresh off the boat) haole wouldn't know to ask.

Eventually the person does a double-take and "looks at" me as someone they can find lasting connections with, rather than a thin spectre who will soon vanish without making any impact on their lives.

Kit Z. Fox

What kinds of questions are expected?

Things like "How is your mother's health?"

Or something more complex?

BESW

When two people meet, they try to find connections with each other.

For haoles this is usually going to be about common interests, like entertainment.

Kit Z. Fox

So "where are you from? What school did you go to?" Or more like "Do you know the Millers?"

BESW

For Chamorros it's about finding out how you're connected through ties of relationship and obligation.

Kit Z. Fox

I'm not sure if I understand. Can we roleplay an example?

BESW

1:11 PM

@KitZ.Fox Yes: "where did you graduate and what year?" is about finding out if you went to school with someone I knew. "What village are you from?" is about figuring out what broad collections of families you're tied to.

@KitZ.Fox Sure.

Kit Z. Fox

Oh. OK. We're kind of like that in my village. Mostly we just assume we know people.

BESW

@KitZ.Fox Aye, there's a lot of "Oh, if you're from Agat then you must know Pilar Williams." "Yeah, she was my principal at Notre Dame!"

Kit Z. Fox

Oh, hi @BESW, it's nice to meet you. I used to know an SW in high school. Are you related to NESW at all?

@BESW Ah yes. "Oh, down from Brookline? My aunt lived there, between the Sullivans and the Oulettes on East Mill Road."

BESW

@KitZ.Fox Ah, no, she's a Santa Rita SW. Do you remember when she dated Rick? That's my cousin on my auntie's side.

Kit Z. Fox

I can see why haole wouldn't do that. We wouldn't know anybody or any place.

@BESW Oh so you knew Rick then? He was captain of the cross-country team I was on freshman year.

BESW

1:16 PM

@KitZ.Fox Absolutely! We ushered at Senator Borja's rosary together, and his reared mom was the techa.

Kit Z. Fox

So is the purpose of the conversation to establish yourselves in the common social web relative to each other?

BESW

Yup.

Kit Z. Fox

How do you know when you are done? Or is that pretty much just the social standard?

BESW

It's absolutely crucial to know how your social and familian circles interconnect. Once you've established the groundwork of that, you're good.

One tie is enough for a casual meeting, two or three is usually plenty.

Kit Z. Fox

What does that tell you? What sorts of obligations you have? Like whether I should invite you to dinner?

BESW

1:20 PM

Kinda, yeah. It's... sorta hard to explain in English. There are ties of mutual obligation running between extended families, but there's also a sense of shared experience.

If I know how you're related to me, I know you.

Kit Z. Fox

Are there a lot of rituals associated with interconnectedness then?

BESW

The culture is deeply rooted in a sense that the individual's importance and value --even her basic identity-- is defined in terms of her relationship to the community.

So yes, there are many customs and rituals to reinforce the interconnectedness and interdependence of people and families on each other.

I have to offer what connectedness I have in a very deliberate way, because my connections aren't the ones people usually look for.

Kit Z. Fox

So yours aren't family ties, which are the most common. What are they then?

BESW

Lacking an extended family, I can't engage in the usual rituals of mutual obligation because the other family wouldn't have enough opportunities to reciprocate: they'd wind up owing me instead of balancing out.

Kit Z. Fox

Can you be "adopted" into a family?

BESW

1:25 PM

@KitZ.Fox Place, experience, acquaintance. Where I grew up and went to school, where my mother went to high school, where they've seen my art.

Kit Z. Fox

Your conversations must take a lot longer then.

BESW

For example: my high school principal was Pilar Williams, which connects me to most of Santa Rita and about eight years' worth of graduates of Notre Dame and five years of graduates of St Agustine.

Kit Z. Fox

So what does that do for your positioning? Is that sufficient, or do you need more connections?

BESW

@KitZ.Fox Yes. Especially since it often takes the other person a while to notice I'm having the "how are we connected?" talk.

@KitZ.Fox It's a start. But I'll never have "enough" connections because I can't have the ones that matter most: blood.

@KitZ.Fox Theoretically, yes. But in practice...

Kit Z. Fox

At least not until you have children.

BESW

1:29 PM

I know a white woman who was adopted as a baby by a Chamorro family. She was raised in the rural south, the most conservative and traditional parts of the island. She identifies fully as Chamorro and is unquestionably a member of that familian.

Kit Z. Fox

Have you tried pinning flags on all your stuff? I hear it works great for when traveling in Europe... ;-)

BESW

But every day she has to prove it to the people she meets, and there's always a pall.

It's always going to take effort for her to take away the right of other people to call her a haole.

user116848

Nice discussion going on guys.

BESW

I know a very few people who have "honorary Chamorro" status, and yes--often it involves bearing a gaggle of children and raising them on the ranch.

Kit Z. Fox

more children = more Chamorro?

BESW

1:32 PM

Depends on how you raise them.

Part of mamåhlao is the idea that the way you act brings pride or shame to your family because it means they raised your well or poorly.

Kit Z. Fox

Makes sense.

I feel like that about my job.

BESW

If your children are tai mamåhlao (without shame), you become mamåhlao (shamed).

But if your children are mamåhlao (which now in this context means "having a healthy sense of humility"), this reflects positively on you and your own respect in the community will grow.

("Shame" and "humility" are totally the wrong words, but English can't do better.)

Kit Z. Fox

I kind of get the idea. It's about social status.

BESW

It's got to do with service to others, and keeping people from losing face, and all that stuff.

The overarching concept is inafa'maolek, literally "making it better." It's the idea that you make choices for the good of the community first, before worrying about your own benefit.

Kit Z. Fox

If only more people would do that.

BESW

1:38 PM

Tai mamåhlao means you act for yourself without concern for how it impacts the people around you.

Kit Z. Fox

Careless.

Wanton, even.

BESW

Also arrogant.

Kit Z. Fox

So what happens if you can't find a connection?

BESW

We're polite and friendly while we're together, but are unlikely to have any lasting impression on each other.

Kit Z. Fox

Can you create a connection?

Is that a socially acceptable path?

BESW

1:41 PM

Yes, but it's rarely offered to haoles because there's no expectation the person will understand or value it.

Kit Z. Fox

I see.

user116848

I gotta go. I'll chime in a few hours. See you guys!

Kit Z. Fox

See you!

BESW

ttfn

user116848

Kit Z. Fox

1:42 PM

@BESW So is that a gesture of friendship? Is it very meaningful, or more like a "hey, you seem cool, let's friend each other on Facebook"?

BESW

Oh, it's serious.

As I said earlier, I have to be careful not to form certain kinds of connections because the mutual obligation can't be fulfilled equally on both sides.

Kit Z. Fox

Ha. I think I also had that conversation with you when I first learned where you were from. ("Oh, my former boss goes to Guam twice a year. Also, I knew a guy who was stationed there.") I think I'm pretty lame.

BESW

It was a good conversation.

Kit Z. Fox

@BESW Because it obligates your whole family?

And your whole family isn't island-born.

BESW

@KitZ.Fox Because I don't have enough family for them to reciprocate with.

Kit Z. Fox

1:45 PM

I see.

@BESW Does that mean I'm not too typical mainlander?

BESW

Chenchule' is reciprocal giving, an eternal bond between two extended families where each side contributes goods, labour, and/or money to the other during major life events.

Kit Z. Fox

Like our "bonus" family.

BESW

I can give chenchule' at weddings, funerals, christenings, birthday parties, graduations, for siblings, grandparents, aunties and uncles, cousins...

But I've only got me and my two parents here on Guam. That extended family has far fewer opportunities to help us, just because we're so small that we don't have as many major events.

The imbalance would make them horribly shamed.

Kit Z. Fox

So they'd have to bring casseroles for every time you cut yourself shaving.

BESW

Yeah.

And that's honestly not too much of an exaggeration.

Kit Z. Fox

1:48 PM

I can see why that would be difficult.

And why you'd want lots of children then.

Make it easier on your friends.

BESW

So my family does ika, the chenchule' specific to funerals, with a few families we're very close to. And that's it.

Ika is a category all its own, so it doesn't have to bleed into obligations for other events.

Kit Z. Fox

Interesting.

BESW

@KitZ.Fox Kinda, yeah. It told me that you could think of me as more "real" because we share ties of place.

Kit Z. Fox

I think that's probably similar here. Funerals carry their own weight.

@BESW Albeit extremely weak ties.

BESW

For the Internet, it's enough.

Kit Z. Fox

1:52 PM

Would reading your posts count?

Like our SE community?

BESW

Helping improve a post would count. Passively observing someone's actions on SE wouldn't. I don't know why, that's just what my gut says.

Over on SF&F, however, I bonded with someone over a common admiration for an LJ blogger we both used to read. And on RPG chat everyone in my Time zone--Guamanians and Eastern Australians--share a common bond.

There has to be something shared or exchanged, I guess.

Kit Z. Fox

Hmm.

BESW

And, well. As evidenced by my friend who feels haole is descriptive of how I look but says nothing about my connections or attitude or culture, these things aren't set in stone.

Some familian track chenchule' in a big black book to make sure it's all even, while others feel that defeats the purpose of the tradition. Coworkers will sometimes create miniature models of these structures within a workplace, divorced from their family obligations.

Plenty of people would contest my right to even talk about these things, and I don't claim to be an authority on it.

Kit Z. Fox

Huh. I never felt it was proper to "keep score".

Social behaviors have always been difficult for me.

Jasper Loy

Hello @KitZ.Fox.

Kit Z. Fox

2:07 PM

Hello @Jasper. How are you feeling today?

Jasper Loy

I was just talking to my mum about what happened since childhood. It's like reliving 30 years in an hour.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@BESW Can I just point out that this conversation is fascinating. Thanks for sharing all of this! Also, good morning.

BESW

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Hi! And glad you're enjoying it.

Kit Z. Fox

Yes, it's very interesting. Thank you for letting me ask all these questions.

Jasper Loy

What I feel now is that my 30 years spent on earth doesn't make sense. I don't know how to better describe it.

Kit Z. Fox

2:08 PM

@JasperLoy Hey, you're making progress!

BESW

Tell someone you love them today because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German because life is also terrifying and confusing

Tweeted by cervixsmash on May 10, 2012 at 1:30 AM

Kit Z. Fox

hahaha

Jasper Loy

@KitZ.Fox Somehow what you said makes sense.

Kit Z. Fox

Hi @Matt!

Matt E. Эллен

hi!

Kit Z. Fox

2:10 PM

Wow, everybody showed up at once.

Matt E. Эллен

it must be Tuesday

Kit Z. Fox

And right before I went to shower. Which is good, because now you can keep each other company.

Matt E. Эллен

I'm hungry.

I should have made lunch before I was hungry

hi @JasperLoy

hi @Mr.ShinyandNew安宇

hi @BESW

BESW

Hey.

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен Hi. I don't know what to say now. I feel overwhelmed by my conversation with my mum just now.

Matt E. Эллен

2:15 PM

@JasperLoy sounds productive :)

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен You shrinks say weird things!

Matt E. Эллен

I'm not exactly a shrink :) I do say weird things

Jasper Loy

I was reading about internet censorship around the world. I now feel very lucky to be in Antarctica.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@JasperLoy your ping times must be awful

Jasper Loy

Only 100 websites are blocked in Antarctica, compared to millions elsewhere.

BESW

2:22 PM

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Was there anything in particular you wanted to know more about?

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@BESW Well, not really, but it's quite interesting all the same. Have you written more about this? an essay or blog post, perhaps?

Kit Z. Fox

So if I meet someone from Guam, now I know that the first thing I should do is tell them I know someone from Guam.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

I guess I would kinda like to know about the size and scope of the obligations people can incur, and the rules about what's acceptable or not when repaying the obligations. Can repaying an obligation be rude because it incurs further obligation on the part of the recipient?

BESW

I haven't written about it formally, no.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@BESW I wonder if your Chamorro friends would be interested in your perspective on their culture, and your view of it as both an insider and outsider.

BESW

2:35 PM

And no, obligations are never fully repaid: the point of them is to create an unending mutual contract of support between two families.

It's basically a socially formalised "My family will always help yours, and yours will always help mine" agreement.

Jasper Loy

Hi @DeltaEscher.

BESW

As for size and scope, it depends on how close the families are.

Delta Escher

Hey

BESW

The best way to tell how bonded families are is to look at rosaries and funerals.

The families that bring the food each night of the rosary? Those are some of the tightest bonds in existence.

Jasper Loy

@DeltaEscher When you are ready to tell me your name you can.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 You often visit Aruba?

Stack Exchange

2:42 PM

0

Q: Gracefully state novelty of a thesis in the introduction

I'm being asked to 'clearly state the novelty' in my thesis. I suspect my supervisor would love to actually have a section titled 'Novelty' in big, black letters. Personally, I think this is against the spirit of writing a thesis, because a thesis is not a report of what one has done with their...

Delta Escher

You seem to really want to know ;)

Jasper Loy

Fritzl case

The Fritzl case emerged in April 2008 when a 42-year-old woman, Elisabeth Fritzl (born 6 April 1966), told police in the town of Amstetten, Austria, that she had been held captive for 24 years in a concealed corridor part of the basement area of the large family house by her father, Josef Fritzl (born 9 April 1935), and that Fritzl had physically assaulted, sexually abused, and raped her numerous times during her imprisonment. The abuse by her father resulted in the birth of seven children and one miscarriage; four of the children joined their mother in captivity, and three were raised by Josef...

Whenever I think about my suffering, I read this story.

It helps me to know that there is much great suffering in this world.

@DeltaEscher I am a busybody.

Delta Escher

And?

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@JasperLoy I've been 5 times.

@BESW Let's say you have a relatively rich family and a relatively poorer family (they don't have to be poor, just that the two families are imbalanced). Can the richer family create obligations for the poorer family just by doing more stuff? giving more/larger gifts, etc? Should they moderate their gifts in terms of the wealth of the recipient?

BESW

Yes, that can create tensions depending on the relationship.

If taken to extremes, the richer family will be considered rude for showing off, and/or the obligations will be paid in less standard ways that might lead to problems.

Sometimes this sort of dynamic is exploited for political gain.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

3:04 PM

So if my family knows two other families, and one is poorer than mine, and one is equally wealthy as mine, and they both have the same life event, I would need to moderate my response to the poorer family in order to avoid embarrassing them, being seen as rude, or causing them to feel they are incurring an unmeetable obligation? What if they learn of my more extravagant response to the other family?

Jasper Loy

@DeltaEscher You are very quiet today.

BESW

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Your response should be in measure to the closeness of the families involved, and there are ways to do it which don't have obvious monetary equivalents.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@BESW Ah, I see

BESW

For example, each night of the rosary one family will bring the food and another family will provide the ushers for that night (usually kids and youth of the family).

Fancy catered food is less valued than home-made food.

And having the youth of the family usher for the rosary doesn't really compare directly to either home-made or catered food; its value will depend on how the ushers conduct themselves.

And the families with less close ties will attend the rosary. How close they are will determine how many nights they come. They will also give a monetary donation to the grieving family; its value depends on closeness as well.

My family attends rosaries and sometimes gives money.

We will sometimes bring a little food if we're really close to the family, to be added to the table, but we've never been responsible for a night.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

3:22 PM

What exactly is a "rosary"? I only know it as a sort of necklace with beads on it that you use as a mnemonic for counting prayers.

BESW

It's related. The rosary is actually a collection of sets of special prayers.

The word is also used for various things connected to those prayers--including the beads for counting them out, and the pre-funeral rituals which feature them.

Guam has a strong Spanish Catholic background, so we take this stuff seriously. The rosary is a communal prayer service performed nightly for about a week, culminating in the funeral.

(Some other cultures just have one night of the rosary, immediately before the funeral.)

On Guam, the rosary is led by a techa, a woman trained in the ritual, and it's often recited in Chamorro.

Anthropologically, it's a highly ritualised wake ceremony.

Delta Escher

3:41 PM

@JasperLoy Sorry, had a seminar to attend.

Career building and such,

Kit Z. Fox

@BESW Personally, I think those are the most important ceremonies.

BESW

Yup.

Even in my own religion, which generally eschews formalised rituals and specifically avoids call-and-response communal prayer, the prayer for the dead is both mandatory and communal at funerals.

Delta Escher

You know what bugs me?

That people think atheists detest religion.

Jasper Loy

3:58 PM

What bugs me is bugs.

BESW

Wait, I have a tweet for that too.

#YouAreNotFunToDrinkWithIf you're an endless cascade of tiny spiders pouring forth in scuttling waves from cracks in the wall

Tweeted by thomas_violence on March 29, 2015 at 9:40 AM

Jasper Loy

@BESW Is that your face?

BESW

No, it's not my account.

Delta Escher

@JasperLoy What bugs me is arachnids.

Jasper Loy

@DeltaEscher Don't they?

Delta Escher

4:02 PM

They sure do.

I woke up and got out of my bed one day.

Then a spider landed on my bed from the ceiling.

Multiple screeches occured.

Jasper Loy

I mean don't atheists detest religion?

BESW

It's a false question. The idea that atheists share opinions on religion is similar to suggesting that women all feel the same about shoes.

The set is too large and diverse for meaningful generalisation.

Kit Z. Fox

Women do all feel the same about shoes. Also, babies. Also, chocolate.

Jasper Loy

I like only two things in this world: mathematics and beautiful women.

Kit Z. Fox

I do not like beautiful women.

Jasper Loy

4:09 PM

I thought you are bisexual?

Kit Z. Fox

I am.

Most beautiful women are too fake to hold my interest.

Or sincere but shallow.

Jasper Loy

I have been taking the meds for about two weeks, the anxiety has reduced a little.

I see. It might sound shallow of me to say this, but I think that L is both beautiful and deep, even though I never met her in person.

I read a lot about her activities on her websites.

In fact, I just looked at her blog. She updated her about.

L loves music, math, psychology and running, just like me.

Kit Z. Fox

You love running?

Jasper Loy

Ten years ago, lol.

I ran about 4 km every day.

I have now attained my ideal weight of 60 kg and will maintain it at that. I am no longer fat.

Who knows, one day I might bump into L, LOL. That would be really a miracle, LOL. But L is probably still with A.

Kit Z. Fox

4:24 PM

I didn't know there was an A

Stack Exchange

0

Q: How to engage a child audience when my characters have no language?

Good afternoon all, I find myself in a predicament: I'm writing for 8-10 year-olds who, as I understand it, are very dependent upon dialogue to keep the story engaging. Unfortunately the protagonist of my story and his family are proto-humans who have sign language but not yet developed sophistic...

creative-writing dialogue children

Jasper Loy

@KitZ.Fox OK, I just did a google, A and L are getting married in Jun. No more hope for me.

@KitZ.Fox Hey let me show you their wedding website...

@KitZ.Fox theknot.com/us/lauren-gundrum-and-andrew-brown-jun-2015/wedding

Kit Z. Fox

Wow, that guy is a douche. He is probably already cheating on her.

Jasper Loy

@KitZ.Fox Are you joking?

I know this sounds absurd, but I just like L so much...

Kit Z. Fox

Eh. I think they are too young to get married.

Jasper Loy

4:28 PM

I think L is the girl I liked the most in my entire life.

I think they have been together for many years. I should be happy for them. When I can't find happiness myself, I can be happy that others are happy.

I just told my mum tonight this, and I have been thinking about this for a while. I think I have a 1 per cent chance of getting well. And when I get well, I think I have a 1 per cent chance to get into grad school and find a job in academia after that.

Kit Z. Fox

Those are pretty good odds.

Jasper Loy

You know, no words can describe the pain I feel in my heart. No tears can express that pain adequately.

I guess for now, I should be content with just having food and shelter.

Most of the pain comes from this: thinking about what could have been if I were normal.

Kit Z. Fox

Is it painful for you to imagine what your life would have been like if you were a woman? Or black? Or born in Norway?

Jasper Loy

If I were normal, I would have gone to Cambridge and gotten a first class honours. I would have finished my bond and earned a huge sum of money. I would have finished my PhD by now and be a professor in a top math department. I would have gotten married to someone as wonderful as L.

Kit Z. Fox

If I'd have been a gymnast, I would have been in the Olympics and gotten my face on a cereal box and then branched out into an amazing acting career where I performed incredible stunts in martial arts action flicks.

And I may have been as happy as I am now, or maybe I would not have been.

Jasper Loy

4:39 PM

I go to this temple now and then and get divination lots.

When I was 18 and started to go mad, the lot read 'What has been lost cannot be recaptured. Life is full of tragedies. It is difficult to escape your destiny'.

Kit Z. Fox

You will be happier if you focus on the things you have rather than the things you haven't.

4

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@KitZ.Fox that's good advice

Jasper Loy

Wow, that got immediately starred.

Kit Z. Fox

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I use that to diffuse my anxiety at work.

diffuse? defuse?

hmm

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@KitZ.Fox I wonder to what extent positive thinking can be learned, and how much can it help.

Jasper Loy

4:42 PM

@KitZ.Fox The problem is not so much the discontentment. The problem is that all my problems came from one person in my life, that is the problem I cannot accept.

Kit Z. Fox

You can't accept? Does it matter if you accept it? You can deny that you are hungry, but lack of eating will still impact you.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I don't know if it's positive thinking, but I have significantly improved by changing the way I think.

Another one that has been helpful has been for me to remember that I'm unlikely to be the only one feeling frustration.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@KitZ.Fox That's good.

@KitZ.Fox Another useful thing to remember.

Jasper Loy

What helps me much is to read other people's tragedies eg the Fritzl case.

Kit Z. Fox

I don't know, @Jasper. That seems like a clever way of invalidating your feelings to me.

Awful things happen in this world. Does genocide reduce my grief over the loss of my father?

Jasper Loy

Sometimes, I don't know if all this was destined to happen for me to attain enlightenment this life.

Kit Z. Fox

4:48 PM

I understand you need to manage a huge emotional burden, but pretending that your feelings don't matter because worse things have happened to other people is only going to put off the inevitable.

Jasper Loy

I am just uttering random deep thoughts today.

Kit Z. Fox

I guess I am too.

Jasper Loy

There can be miracles when you believe.

Too bad this did not save Whitney. But I think it saved Mariah at least.

I am very happy to talk to you @KitZ.Fox. I think maybe you understand me best among all people in this world, as superficial as that sounds.

So two months ago I went to the same temple and got the divination lot 'One's mind is full of worries day and night'. And indeed I was filled with great anxiety this period. Basically, all the divination lots I have gotten over the years at this temple sort of came true.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@JasperLoy Yeah but vague statements like that are often true for many many people.

That's the basis behind most fortune telling.

Kit Z. Fox

Hey, I'm really good at that.

And also making it appear as though I've said something specific.

"The requested resource does not support http method 'GET'."

So it's going to be like that, eh?

Where UAT is doing unit testing.

Jasper Loy

5:08 PM

@KitZ.Fox pousy.blogspot.sg/2005_06_01_archive.html this is one of the girls I used to like about ten years ago, lol.