Well, I tried it again now and the certificate stuff works fine, but I get the same UTF-8 junk as before.
Ahh... that UTF-8 junk was gzipped data. Fixed.
@Undo No, I found out that it works now with cURL, if you follow the steps here (the first method, with php.ini, worked fine, but the second method didn't).
@Seth ahh I hate my motherboard. It disabled my graphics card and used onboard... when I re-enabled it Ubuntu runs with less errors and it can compile some things.