IPS Comment Bot

@yo9cyb OP is in an awkward situation because their parents made a decision on their brother, not their sister. They didn't make a boundary with the sister, and so OP is feeling the pressure of an interpersonal conflict with the sister where they have to set up a boundary with their sibling on their parent's behalf. — Nepene Nep 1 min ago

@NepeneNep I see some problems with this answer. First, the OP asks specifically not to object to her parents' decision. Second, we don't know if this house is where the children grew up (and, as other people here commented, it's normal to have boundaries even with adult chidren). — yo9cyb 34 secs ago

Asking "is there anything you want in particular?" is delicate, and does not serve the original purpose. you must be prepared to do it. — yo9cyb 1 min ago

I agree. A child's moral support is priceless for a mother. Just showing extra love to your mother, just telling her not to mind, is huge. — yo9cyb 2 mins ago

@Daniel Unless your grandmother specifically asked to do it without your mother's consent, the request is open to interpretation. I think that you can tell your grandmother truthfully and politely, with all sympathy, that your mother did not consent. Your grandmother will be hurt, so do not argue with her at the moment. Just respond with "I am so sorry grandmother". At a later date, if she faults you, you can point out it that the alternative may have been even more painful — yo9cyb 9 secs ago

Hi! Asking "what should I do" is off-topic here. There is not much details to go on too. Can you tell us the reason behind their fight and the interpersonal skills issue you're having? — A J ♦ 31 secs ago

Thanks for this answer! I upvoted this too since there is value in here as well for some people. For me though, like DJClayworth mentioned, I had lots of trouble interacting with people when not knowing their type (since I can't understand why they do that, so I keep forgetting and falling back to my natural assumption). Understanding why they do that (which the labeling does good enough) is the first step for me to make their behavior (with different type) resonates with me, so I can respond more naturally but still catering their style. The next step, of course, is like your answer. — justhalf 2 mins ago

You may have been in the right about your vaccine facts, but have you put yourself in your friend's place? He shared his objection with you, and your first response was to attack it and then press the issue. How would you feel? That should be the start of your mending the relationship. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

I don't care what The Atlantic thinks; calling it "guess" culture is stupid and wrong. It's more "indirect" vs "direct". The "guessers" aren't just guessing, they are still probing for data, they just do it indirectly. — swbarnes2 2 mins ago

@DJClayworth: By a wide margin, pre-emptively judging people has caused more social friction (to say the least) than simply getting to know a person while interacting with them has. — Flater 28 secs ago

A wonderful post describing reactions to an ideal person. If only people actually were like that. — DJClayworth 1 min ago

I am all for "live and let live", and will generally default to letting people make their own decisions about most topics. However, vaccination (of a pandemic, to boot) is one of those rare cases where personal decisions can take such a devastating toll on the public interest at large, that I don't disagree with consistently pushing the topic towards people getting vaccinated and tackling misinformation. That's not to say that there are no reasonable limits to pushing, and you certainly reached that limit with John, but (possible phrasing aside), I don't think you were in the wrong here. — Flater 21 secs ago

If you're going to change the question, make sure to specify whether this is about you driving in a car of your own, or you wanting to drive in a car owned by your parents. — Erik 1 min ago

This site isn't here to judge whether your parents are controlling/taking advantage. Like our help center states: Don't ask whether there is a problem, focus your question on the interpersonal skills you need to resolve your problem. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 33 secs ago

A far more useful question would be "how can I ask my parents to explain why they won't let me drive" or "how can I explain to my parents why I want to drive" or something focused on the communication between you. Even if this question got a definitive answer (it won't, because it can't really be answered) what would you do with that? "Oh, someone on the internet says my parents aren't controlling. I guess I no longer want to to drive." I don't think so. Or "hey mum and dad, these internet people agree you're too controlling!" Will that put keys in your hand? Ask a better question. — Kate Gregory 2 mins ago

@NepeneNep I see some problems with this answer. First, the OP asks specifically not to object to her parents' decision. Second, we don't know if this house is where the children grew up (and, as other people here commented, it's normal to have boundaries even with adult chidren). — yo9cyb 36 secs ago

Asking "is there anything you want in particular?" is delicate, and does not serve the original purpose. you must be prepared to do it. — yo9cyb 1 min ago

I agree. A child's moral support is priceless for a mother. Just showing extra love to your mother, just telling her not to mind, is huge. — yo9cyb 2 mins ago

@Daniel Unless your grandmother specifically asked to do it without your mother's consent, the request is open to interpretation. I think that you can tell your grandmother truthfully and politely, with all sympathy, that your mother did not consent. Your grandmother will be hurt, so do not argue with her at the moment. Just respond with "I am so sorry grandmother". At a later date, if she faults you, you can point out it that the alternative may have been even more painful — yo9cyb 12 secs ago

Thanks for this answer! I upvoted this too since there is value in here as well for some people. For me though, like DJClayworth mentioned, I had lots of trouble interacting with people when not knowing their type (since I can't understand why they do that, so I keep forgetting and falling back to my natural assumption). Understanding why they do that (which the labeling does good enough) is the first step for me to make their behavior (with different type) resonates with me, so I can respond more naturally but still catering their style. The next step, of course, is like your answer. — justhalf 3 mins ago

I don't care what The Atlantic thinks; calling it "guess" culture is stupid and wrong. It's more "indirect" vs "direct". The "guessers" aren't just guessing, they are still probing for data, they just do it indirectly. — swbarnes2 2 mins ago