Ginger, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him
Redwolf: You did WHAT–
mathcat: William Snakepeare

user, talking to lyxal on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?
lyxal: You bet!
user: At what temperature?
lyxal: 535.
user: That's the clock.
lyxal:
user:
lyxal: 536.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Redwolf: Thanks fam!
lyxal: oh no
user: *cries* I love you too
Ginger: Sounds fake but okay
mathcat: *A flustered mess*
caird: can i get a refund

Redwolf: lyxal... How do I begin to explain lyxal?
user: lyxal is flawless.
Ginger: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.
mathcat: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.
caird: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Q: Who am I?
A:

You are the person asking the question.

Q: What is my Stack Exchange Username?
A:

Your Stack Exchange Username is the name you use to log in to Stack Exchange.

Q: If I give you my stack exchange id, can you return my username?
A:

Yes, if you provide your Stack Exchange Username, I can return your Stack Exchange Id.

Q: Okay, my stack exchange username is "mathcat"
A:

Your Stack Exchange Username is "mathcat".

Q: What is my id?
A:

Your Stack Exchange Id is "mathcat".

Jo King: We need to distract these guys
Hyper-Neutrino: Leave it to me
Hyper-Neutrino: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.
PyGamer0, Fmbalbuena, and lyxal: *Immediately begin arguing*
user, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Redwolf: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
lyxal: What if it bites me and it dies!?
user: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, lyxal, learn to listen.
Ginger: What if it bites itself and I die?
mathcat: That’s voodoo.
caird: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
lyxal: That’s correlation, not causation.
Ginger: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
mathcat: That’s kinky.
Redwolf: Oh my God.

Ginger: Yo is user sleeping or dead?
Redwolf: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.
mathcat: Yeah, so did I.
user: Okay first of all, fuck you-

lyxal: Hah! 69! You know what that means?
emanresuA: What?
mathcat: That you're a child.
hyper-neutrino: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

Fmbalbuela: Centaurs are insects because they have six limbs.
PyGamer0: No, they're not! They're mammals because they have fur!
Fmbalbuela: No, they're not! They're insects because they have six limbs!
lyxal: No, they're not! They're mammals because they have fur!
user: * facepalm*

lyxal: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
emanresuA: Put spaghetti in it.
lyxal: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
mathcat: Put spaghetti in it.
lyxal: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
hyper-neutrino: Put spaghetti in it.
lyxal: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Redwolf: Hewwo.
lyxal: Hihiiiiii!
user: Greetings, Humans.
mathcat: Three kinds of people.
Ginger: I want pudding.
Redwolf: Four kinds of people.
caird: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?
mathcat: Five kinds of people.

Bgil Midol: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
emanresuA: Okay, but what is updog?
mathcat: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
hyper-neutrino: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
lyxal: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
user: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Redwolf: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
lyxal: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Redwolf: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
user: Actually I did the math, lyxal would have $225, not $0.15.
lyxal: Fam I’m right here....
Ginger: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Redwolf: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Bgil Midol: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*
emanresuA: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents
Bgil Midol: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you
mathcat: Actually I did the math, emanresuA would have $225, not $0.15.
emanresuA: Fam I’m right here....
hyper-neutrino: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)
Bgil Midol: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Bgil Midol: emanresuA isn’t answering their phone
mathcat: I’ll call
Bgil Midol: hyper-neutrino and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
emanresuA: Hello?

Fmbalbuena: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.
Fmbalbuena: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

Redwolf: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Bgil Midol, playing a VR game: You see, that’s the thing. It PROBABLY is fine. It’s PROBABLY 100% okay. There are PROBABLY no spiders in this headset.
Bgil Midol: BUT- as you may be able to relate to- If you find a spider in your headset, and then have to put that headset on to play video games...
Bgil Midol: YoU jUsT dOnT gEt ToO cOMfOrTaBlE.

user: Goodnight moon.
user: Goodnight tree.
user: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

mathcat: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

Jo King: *Accidentally hits Hyper-Neutrino in the face*
Jo King: *Trying to decide between saying 'I’m fucking sorry' and 'Are you okay'*
Jo King: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Hyper-Neutrino: What’s wrong with you?!

caird coinheringaahing: I CAN'T DO IT!
Redwolf, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!
caird coinheringaahing: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE
Bubbler: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.
caird coinheringaahing:
caird coinheringaahing: I appreciate it,
caird coinheringaahing: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-
Adám: caird coinheringaahing-
caird coinheringaahing: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Ginger: You know those things will kill you, right?
Redwolf, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.
mathcat, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.
user: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

'Can I copy the homework?'
caird coinheringaahing: I can help you with it!
Redwolf: Yeah, sure.
Bubbler: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.
Adám: lol nope.
xnor: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!
Doorknob: *Read 5:55pm*

caird coinheringaahing: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Bubbler, not looking up from their book: Spear.
caird coinheringaahing: BLOCKED.

Neil: I trust Charcoal.
Retina: You think they know what they're doing?
Neil: I wouldn't go that far.

Neil: I trust Charcoal.
Retina: You think they know what they're doing?
Neil: I wouldn't go that far.

user: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!
user: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.
user: More or less, I guess...
user: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!
user: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.
user: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

*The squad is over at מִשׁתַמֵשׁ's house*
user: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
מִשׁתַמֵשׁ: ... N-No...
מִשׁתַמֵשׁ, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
user, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
વપરાશકર્તા: I see a-
מִשׁתַמֵשׁ, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
user: Oh, well I-
מִשׁתַמֵשׁ: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
מִשׁתַמֵשׁ, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
gebruiker: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

matematyczny kot: μαθηματική γάτα is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. What should I do?
mathcat: Punch them in the stomach. Then, when they double over in pain, kiss them.
ଗଣିତ ବିଲେଇ |: Tackle them!
ریاضی پیشو: Dump them.
մաթեմատիկական կատու: Kick them in the shin!
μαθηματική γάτα: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

ریاضی پیشو: The floor is lava!
mathcat: *helps matematyczny kot onto the counter*
ଗଣିତ ବିଲେଇ |: *kicks μαθηματική γάτα off the sofa*
մաթեմատիկական կատու: *lays on the floor*
ریاضی پیشو: ...Are you okay?
մաթեմատիկական կատու: No.

குமிழி: בובלר, let’s go!
בובלר: Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter.
குமிழி: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance.
בובלר: What-?
குமிழி: Mom, Dad, בובלר smoked pot in college.
בובלר: You are such a tattletale!
בובלר: Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was حباب ساز who was smoking the pot but... It was me. I’m sorry.
குமிழி: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, בובלר did.