stop the merry-go-round - 2019-05-14 (page 1 of 2)

Yes it sounds strange to us also but to have it signed off by security we are trying to find an authoritative source to say it is not part of the GUI and it is expected to be managed by the OS. BTW: Our MS Support contract expired and will not be renewed. — Herkimer 9 hours ago

anyone know of an "authoritative source"?

Paul White

An authoritative source dot com

Sean Gallardy

> SSMS 2000

LMFAO

Thank god they don't have support anymore, that would be a terrible customer

2

Erik Darling

One more close vote...

Paul White

1:03 AM

When will SSMS add support for banana smoothies?

I bet ADS has it as a plug-in

Erik Darling

Guys

GUYS

When will ADS have an SSMS add in?

Sean Gallardy

lol

also, can we be real, "our security team requires every application to have its own usage time out lock lock screen"

Erik Darling

I don't get why you wouldn't just have a generic login timeout

Sean Gallardy

like... let the OS do OS things?

that's crazy talk

Erik Darling

Of 18 seconds

Sean Gallardy

1:09 AM

don't you know our security team is the only and bestest ever

Paul White

Install SSMS 18. The regular crashes will serve the same purpose

Erik Darling

😊

Sean Gallardy

hey-yo

Paul White

I wonder how the Security Team copes with Notepad

Sean Gallardy

it's a real piece of work, that notepad

calculator too

Paul White

1:13 AM

I heard they're not even encrypted

Probably a Huawei back door

Erik Darling

The SSMS timeout sounds like a great idea until it goes flat in the middle of modification query.

Josh Darnell

2:15 AM

I did it. I closed that question. Because Paul refused to.

Josh for moderator 2020

2

Joe Obbish

3:29 AM

one more delete on this: dba.stackexchange.com/questions/238048/…

Paul White

6:32 AM

2

A: XQuery doesn't update XML data

If you have the XML in table you should use UPDATE instead of SET and there you can put the namespace declaration outside the XML_DML expression using WITH XMLNAMESPACES. with xmlnamespaces(default 'DataService/1.0.0.0') update DataImpTable set serviceData.modify('replace value of (/SMObjInfo/Ce...

Paul White

9:50 AM

And my Office icons changed again. This is weird.

Paul White

10:32 AM

2

A: Chat.se, chat.so and chat.mse seem to be down

One of our ISP links to the NY data center was flapping which meant any traffic in or out of the data center to certain parts of the world was not being routed correctly. For now we've disabled that link and all traffic is being routed over our other ISPs

> flapping

Sean Gallardy

Guys, I marked a question as a dupe all by myself. Like NewNess--

Sean Gallardy

10:47 AM

@JoshDarnell I could get behind this, what's your platform?

Paul White

Newness for all, I expect

Max Vernon

11:00 AM

@PaulWhite that answer should be accepted. I upvoted it. I thought about the fact I was using a variable for my test, but knowing almost nothing about XML, I figured it wasn't a big deal.

Paul White

I'm starting to think Mikael knows his way around XML

Paul White

11:33 AM

Updating XML in the database is a strange thing though

Storing, shredding, or generating XML? Sure, fine in the right circumstances. But updating?

Erik Darling

This is a really helpful post.

dcac.com/blog/sql-server-performance-monitor-objects

Paul White

TL;DR

too much detail

screenshot was awesome tho

Erik Darling

Great visual aid

Paul White

I often wondered what perfmon would look like if I ran it on an old CRT monitor

Bookmarked for when I have the time spare to dig in as it deserves

Erik Darling

11:48 AM

That's the new "pink eye" Instagram filter I think

Very hip

If I were the type of person to leave comments I'd say that link only posts are discouraged.

Paul White

ha!

clearly we've been over-thinking this blogging business

Erik Darling

12:05 PM

We should follow the lead of someone whose business wins awards.

@JoeObbish your first post is quite popular on the twitter

Paul White

I only take awards seriously if they're presented in AOL style

Erik Darling

You don't take my wine awards seriously?

Paul White

Well that wasn't an online thing

Erik Darling

12:33 PM

today i will do it

today i will pay quarterly taxes

Joe Obbish

@ErikDarling it is?

Erik Darling

yes

Joe Obbish

12:47 PM

I don't see it

is it a Great Post, Brent?

Erik Darling

Great post!!👏🏻👏🏻 https://twitter.com/erikdarlingdata/status/1128151051587158016

Tweeted by gbissio on May 14, 2019 at 11:59 AM

Max Vernon

any chance I can get some "love" for this idea? feedback.azure.com/forums/908035-sql-server/suggestions/…

> The resource you are looking for has been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.

Erik Darling

next thing you'll be asking for stats usage counts

they'll have to differentiate between loaded and used

what a mess

Max Vernon

@JoeObbish There should be a nice big photo of you on your posts.

@ErikDarling yah, I saw a few of those suggestions. Seems harder than you'd think at first glance.

Forrest

@JoshDarnell May I suggest a minor edit? You describe PAGEIOLATCH waits as "latch waits" but it's probably easier for the OP to understand them as "IO waits"

Erik Darling

12:57 PM

just make the edit

he's more new than you

PULL RANK

Forrest

But then what's to stop me from going mad with power?

Josh Darnell

@Forrest Sure! Good call.

Erik Darling

@Forrest paul

lack of a dragon

idk

Josh Darnell

@ErikDarling I didn't realize Forrest had edit privileges.

=P

Wanna add a link to sqlskills.com/help/waits/pageiolatch_sh while you're in the ninja window?

Forrest

will do

Forrest

1:11 PM

@JoeObbish I like your custom type easter egg

Max Vernon

1:22 PM

this is very coool, @joe:

> If you’re wondering about the temporary stored procedure creation, it’s a habit that I’ve gotten into whenever I write a T-SQL while loop. While not applicable here, very fast loops can incur ASYNC_NETWORK_IO overhead due to the passing of DONE tokens to the client.

also, a small typo:

> roughly check if you are running of IDs

appears to be missing "out", as in :

> roughly check if you are running out of IDs

Erik Darling

joe doesn't make typos

he adds easter eggs for dummies to fixate on

Max Vernon

it was a good one

Josh Darnell

1:38 PM

Are table (heap) scans always allocation order?

2

Forrest

hmm, I actually don't even know if there's a linked list to traverse

I'll DBCC PAGE and find out

It appears that there is no page linking, so I would presume allocation order is the only way.

Josh Darnell

Sweet.

Joe Obbish

1:58 PM

@Forrest Sean is like Donald Trump

he only reads blog posts if you put his name in them

@ErikDarling you editor, where you at?

Erik Darling

working on becoming a world class sql server educator

also getting ready to get my passport replaced

the TSA owes me $200 i think

Josh Darnell

2:17 PM

Context for my allocation order question: sqlgene.com/2019/05/14/t-sql-tuesday-114-an-unsolved-sql-puzzle

I left a comment.

This World of Ours - that guy is a genius writer.

> If the Mossad wants your data, they’re going to use a drone to replace your cellphone with a piece of uranium that’s shaped like a cellphone, and when you die of tumors filled with tumors, they’re going to hold a press conference and say “It wasn’t us” as they wear t-shirts that say “IT WAS DEFINITELY US,”...

Security through futility.

Forrest

"As part of that, I like to show that if you pull a single row from a heap, it has to read everything."

Ummm...

Josh Darnell

Heh, it's not phrased really well. If you look at the actual query, he's talking about reading a single row by ID without an index - meaning reading the whole table with a residual predicate being applied to each row.

Forrest

2:33 PM

isn't that exactly the same as a clustered index though?

Josh Darnell

Yeah, if there's a unique value in a column that's not the clustered index. I guess his point applies to querying any unindexed column.

Maybe he has left out some context from his actual talk.

Joe Obbish

@Forrest lies and slander

Josh Darnell

3:01 PM

We are engaging in a new, efficient git branch naming strategy where the feature branches are named according to the story id in Azure DevOps.

"Hey Josh, will you take a look at the feature X I'm working on?"

Super helpful.

Now I have to find feature X in the sprint, and click on it to find the ID.

Could we at least name them "feature/6540-feature-X"?

No, too much typing.

I know this room isn't the right target audience for my rant.

Forrest

Sorry, I don't quite get it

Something about a missing index?

Joe Obbish

so are any of you jokers going to show up on skype tomorrow?

Forrest

I had something else planned :(

Otherwise I totally would

been thinking of skipping out on my plans...

Erik Darling

3:17 PM

is tomorrow wednesday?

Joe Obbish

@ErikDarling yes

hth

Erik Darling

i think i'm supposed to take my kid to a movie

if not i'll be there

can i use something other than skype?

Joe Obbish

you could use an airport

Erik Darling

will there be tacos?

Joe Obbish

there's pizza from a hole in the wall type place

I doubt it's up to your snooty NYC standards

Erik Darling

3:21 PM

...

Josh Darnell

@JoeObbish I was hoping to, but I'm going to see Endgame instead.

Joe Obbish

it's a real cornucopia of excuses in here

Erik Darling

we had to find out THROUGH TWITTER

😒

Joe Obbish

you should be happy that twitter was useful for something

not that typing out clapping emojis isn't useful, of course

Erik Darling

twitter: 1
joe: 0

Joe Obbish

3:26 PM

erik won't even let me see how many views my Great Posts are getting

he is a cruel wordpress administrator

Josh Darnell

Sounds like a real tyrant.

Erik Darling

i have no idea how to do that

Joe Obbish

jk I don't care

Erik Darling

uncaring blogger

i should have sent you to dcac

this person seems helpful

HandyD

2.1k 1 2 14

Josh Darnell

3:45 PM

Are you sure they're not just trying to trick you?

Erik Darling

everyone is

especially joe

Josh Darnell

@Nick_Craver Hey Nick, thanks for reaching out. It's because our developers are clueless and have no idea what they're doing. But on a positive note, it's a great sign that our infosec is terrible and we'd probably be easy to hack. Thanks for being a valued customer, have a great day! /FM

Tweeted by M0NOPRICE on May 14, 2019 at 11:39 AM in reply to Nick_Craver

Sounds like someone on their social media team needs an extra cup of coffee or something.

Joe Obbish

looks like a joke account to me

M zero N O

Forrest

context?

Josh Darnell

Oh haha it is fake.

Joe Obbish

3:55 PM

look at how gullible the new guy is!

Erik Darling

Hey @monoprice, Why can't I have a * or a # in my password?

Tweeted by Nick_Craver on May 14, 2019 at 12:40 AM

Joe Obbish

I bet OPs trick him all the time

Josh Darnell

@JoeObbish They really do.

Forrest

4:09 PM

I'm glad I've gotten devs to start asking for advice before submitting stored procedures. The downside is I'm now staring at one with 4 temp tables, a cross join, and a full outer join.

Erik Darling

get the strap

Joe Obbish

all of those sound fine to me

Erik Darling

at least they didn't just chain together 8 ctes

Forrest

same dev suggested sp_getapplock earlier, when his proc wasn't working right with simultaneous executions

Erik Darling

i like this dev

Joe Obbish

4:15 PM

sounds like a problem solver

Forrest

Great at Googling

Josh Darnell

@Forrest They probably came across Erik's blog post.

ahem

Had to clean up my implicit biases there.

Forrest

I said "his proc" so you picked up correctly

Josh Darnell

Oh good.

Erik Darling

i'd hate to see you go into your first sql saturday with that kind of stain on your reputation

Josh Darnell

4:25 PM

It would certainly make things tough.

Erik Darling

4:36 PM

so imagine this

New intern starts today. Manager asks: "Have you ever used Windows?" Intern: "No, never" #GetOffMyLawn

Tweeted by DBArgenis on May 14, 2019 at 3:59 PM

an intern got hired at microsoft and no one asked them if they've used windows before the day they started

that's... that's some process

Forrest

Top Linux Sentient Entity

Joe Obbish

ahem

Forrest

implicit bias removed

Joe Obbish

Top GNU/Linux People

I'd think linux people wouldn't want to work at microsoft

probably uses macs

Erik Darling

I'd just like to interject for a moment. What you're referring to as Linux, is in fact, GNU/Linux, or as I've recently taken to calling it, GNU plus Linux. Linux is not an operating system unto itself, but rather another free component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful by the GNU corelibs, shell utilities and vital system components comprising a full OS as defined by POSIX.

4

Sean Gallardy

4:41 PM

This guy.

Joe Obbish

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT

Erik Darling

🤭

Josh Darnell

@ErikDarling I didn't know @Zane started already.

Erik Darling

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Joe Obbish

I bet Zane uses a Sun workstation at home

Erik Darling

4:48 PM

this is coming from a guy who owns a jitterbug

Joe Obbish

I don't even know what that is

Erik Darling

more joe trickery

Joe Obbish

I'm the only OP that doesn't try to trick you

Josh Darnell

@ErikDarling lol

Those commercials...

Erik Darling

the greatest trick op ever played...

Joe Obbish

4:50 PM

I don't watch commercials

Erik Darling

was convincing the world they weren't trying to trick them

Joe Obbish

I use adblock on my GNU/Linux personal computing device

wait, is adblock free software?

Erik Darling

> not reading the eula

it's like you want to give up your rights and privacy

Joe Obbish

5:02 PM

I feel deep shame

Erik Darling

-_-

Joe Obbish

brentozar.com/archive/2018/10/…

I can't believe that didn't get comments

@ErikDarling you aware of any fixes?

for which part?

any of it

no

5:08 PM

kind of seems like a disaster

Erik Darling

hasn't changed afaik

yep

LIGHTWEIGHT BABY

Joe Obbish

I was hyped for this

Erik Darling

i'm surprised you're not totally jaded by now

Zane

6:19 PM

@JoshDarnell lol

@JoeObbish I have a PC that I use for most stuff and a poopy old laptop that barely works for my xcel stuff.

Erik Darling

@JoeObbish it's your dream come true!

tomshardware.com/news/…

> Intel Reveals New Spectre-Like Attack, Advises Disabling Hyper-Threading

Joe Obbish

my main issue with HT is that it makes observability so much more difficult

if it makes the workload faster, great

Max Vernon

7:17 PM

Am I the only one who can't understand what the 2nd sentence actually means here

> When you are using READ UNCOMMITTED, if your query reads rows using an allocation order scan (using IAM pages), you might miss rows if another transaction is causing a page split. This cannot occur when you are using read committed because a table lock is held during a page split and does not happen if the table does not have a clustered index, because updates do not cause page splits.

There are just one or two many double negatives in there.

This seems blatantly false, though:

> does not happen if the table does not have a clustered index, because updates do not cause page splits.

if a table has a clustered index, it still has page splits on inserts, even if the row being inserted is at the end of the index.

Josh Darnell

@MaxVernon That seems to be saying that page splits don't happen in heaps.

"does not happen if the table is a heap (aka does not have a clustered index)"

Max Vernon

@JoshDarnell that's kinda what I thought, but like, it's wordy.

Josh Darnell

It is a hard to follow for sure.

Sounds like PR time.

Go Max!

=P

Max Vernon

lol, I was reading the page to try to get a better understanding of when exactly a page split can lock the table. That didn't really help me at all.

I need source code access, dammit.

although one certainly thinks having source code access would still be a pretty big hill to climb.

@JoshDarnell and page splits certainly don't happen in heaps... there is nothing to "split". Inserts are just written in the order they occur.

I thought I had a pretty good command of the language, but that just doesn't make sense to me.

Josh Darnell

@MaxVernon I know =)

Max Vernon

7:43 PM

5 hours ago, by Josh Darnell

Context for my allocation order question: https://www.sqlgene.com/2019/05/14/t-sql-tuesday-114-an-unsolved-sql-puzzle/

Josh Darnell

o_o

Erik Darling

you're both fired

Josh Darnell

What a relief.

Transcript for

♦ stop the merry-go-round