Hi James. Thank you for this suggestion. Inviting Bill and his wife to me and my GF's house is something we should do anyway. If the question of a boardgame comes up, well I have a bunch to chose from. — jeffry7 42 secs ago

@Anilla: (1/2) my first comment was criticizing the two premises of your answer. In essence, my comment was: I have to say that I totally disagree with the two first points at the beginning of the answer. 1) I don't think that the ex can do anything she wants with the pictures. There are legal aspects in using other people's image and even if it was legal, she is not morally allowed to do whatever she wants. The photos were taken in a precise context (the privacy of a bedroom) and most people would agree that photos that were taken in a private context should stay private... — Taladris 6 secs ago

@Anilla: (2/2) (except explicitely allowed by people on the pictures). 2) That's totally B.S. No problem in the past means there will never be a problem? Seriously? Phones get lost, phones get stolen. OP and his ex are friends now, but what if they have an argument and she wants to use the pictures as revenge. The OP didn't say to her he wasn't comfortable with the pictures; what if the ex think it is fine to publish more pictures and the OP got recognized? You don't need to assume that the ex is malicious for things to go wrong. — Taladris 1 min ago

It feels like you have a question in there somewhere, but all I see are statements. You may feel the question is clearly implied, but there's a bunch of different questions it could be, and questions get closed due to being unclear or too broad. This is also fairly short as questions go. That's not necessarily itself an issue, but it's possible more background information might be in order. It's really tough to say about whether more background information would be useful without clarity on the exact question being asked. — Ed Grimm 56 secs ago

Not the downvoter, but I'd remove the first section about legal considerations. This site isn't a legal help site. — gparyani 27 secs ago

@gparyani I've removed that altogether and instead included a direct link which references legal considerations the OP may want to look at. Whoever did DV I would appreciate an explanation so I might improve things further :) — Anilla 28 secs ago

Answering questions that, as they are currently worded, violate the off-topic section of the on-topic help center guidelines is generally frowned on here. Specifically, this question doesn't state the goal clearly. — Ed Grimm 55 secs ago

Seemed pretty clear to me. What do you do about an unwanted guest at an event you're hosting? Part of interpersonal skills is knowing what people want, without them specifically asking for it. — AnonymousCoward 29 secs ago

"n spite of more "politically correct" answers that society today seems to value, which I believe is the reason our society has so many problems" +1. Totally agree with that statement. — Nico 1 min ago

Hi Anon, welcome to IPS. Could you please extract the most interesting part that you'd like to point to from the link you've joined to your answer? Links may go broken or missing so if you think it does really bring something important to your answer it might be useful to cite said part in your answer. Thank you! — avazula just now

Hi Ed. Could you explain why you think telling them such a thing would work best according to you? How do you think they will respond to it? I know you already explained what personal experience you have to answer this, but I'd like to know what to expect as a response from the person who's told this. Thanks! — avazula 42 secs ago

Hi Denise, welcome! This is a really broad question. Could you please include details of why do your family not like to be around her, and what is it you're trying to achieve- is it "how to balance the talking when in a family dinner one of the convives monopolizes all the conversation?", or maybe "how can I make her understand her talkative habits disrupt the dinner?". It'd be great if you could edit your question to add those details and provide a narrower question. — avazula 1 min ago

@avazula - Done. — AnonymousCoward 47 secs ago

Hello, this has turn into a (very) long post but I don't find the part which is about "How to ask ex-girlfriend to seek professional help". Can you add it or highlight it if it's already there? — Ælis 1 min ago

-1 because this is more of a personal rant than an answer to the question. — Pyritie 1 min ago

I would agree with this if OP was the only person she was being distant towards, but her clamming up from everyone doesn't make me think that it's simply a "she wants a breakup" situation. Mental issues can make people not think straight and be self-destructive like this -- it's not a rational thing for anyone to do otherwise, especially if they were happy before. Nobody would willingly sabotage their own life like this. — Pyritie 1 min ago

That’s a personal judgement of the situation.She has her own life and the right to make her own choices and take her own decision, even if you, or me, don’t agree with them. More so, jumping from his perception of how she’s acting to “mental issues” is, honestly con offending and harsh. She may face her issues however she wants and closing up is one of them that doesn’t involve “mental issues”. Maybe she’s taking help on her family (for example) or some other friends. RESPECT her space. — Jorge Córdoba 1 min ago

Welcome to IPS! This looks like a frame-challenge, however, for your answer to be considered a valide frame-challenge you need to provide an alternative solution. Could you edit to add that? — Ælis 47 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell I edited the third part to had an example you can hopefully use. For the second part, it could help me if you have an example where you give her a compliment and she keeps pushing. — Ælis 1 min ago

Not that my issue is more about the fact that the answers are bad frame challenge. — Ælis 8 secs ago

Be careful with making edits that invalidate most of the existing answers. — JAD 11 secs ago

With all due respect, I have provided an alternative solution. You don't bring it up. You can't go telling people they "needs mental-health support, probably professional". You can't normally do that, you can't definitively do it when it is your exgirlfriend. I've explained why he can't tell that to her exgirlfriend and how her ex has set boundaries by ending up the relationship. He's violating those boundaries and I also explained that part. — Jorge Córdoba 55 secs ago

Welcome to IPS! Do you talk from personal experience here? Also, please take some time to read our faq about writting good answers, especially the part about back up — Ælis 1 min ago

She is a very sweet girl. And I normally do not mind having her around. the family does not care for her. Being a Christian mom I want to extend an invitation for her. at the same time she is very disruptive in the family. She's very loud and tries to monopolize the conversation. like she wants the conversation focused on her. just kind of torn, she doesn't really have family to spend time with. I don't know how to politely tell my daughter-in-law not to bring her. I guess I want to make everyone feel comfortable. With her here it's very awkward. — Denise 2 mins ago

This is indeed out of personal experience: i have used this method a few times myself, the successes were mixed, but the approach has been accepted every time (that i tried) — ThisIsMe just now

So when you say you'd "rather not", you're saying that it's not in this site's best interest to be on HNQ? Just wanted clarification. — gparyani 18 secs ago

That's great, could you add that into your answer with details on how exactly it went and what you said to your partner to "convince" them to try it out? — Ælis 1 min ago

Do you need to express that you dislike your given name, or would it be enough to explain that you prefer this other name? Are you hoping that your family will start using the new name instead of your given name? — Upper_Case 47 secs ago

@Denise You should edit your question to include what you said in your comment, particularly what you are trying to accomplish. I think the key is "I don't know how to politely tell my daughter-in-law not to bring her." — DaveG 1 min ago

@Upper_Case I edited in answer to your comment — Ælis 1 min ago

We have high standards for frame challenges, since we do want to respect the OP's request. I think this answer is a good example: it says why they think OP can't directly suggest therapy - with backup - and provides an alternate way to reach that end goal of helping the ex-gf. But in this answer, there aren't any citations for why you believe it's impossible to do what OP wanted, can you edit to add that? — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

I'm afraid saying "I've been using this name for a while now and it's grown on me" will just bring more question. Like "but why did you change???" — Ælis 1 min ago

@Ælis: Nicknames form all the time. Pretty much everyone in my circle of friends has ended up with a nickname that is used (in our circle) as if it's their given name. Additionally, you have the benefit of claiming that it was done because of privacy, as you used this name online. — Flater 53 secs ago

I wouldn't be able to answer that because it's not true (and this was definitively not done because of privacy reason, it's more like the opposite). — Ælis 1 min ago

@Ælis: One can argue that you were in fact hiding your real name. You can leave it unspoken as to whether thay was because of privacy, or instead disliking your old name. But you can't have it both ways. Either you avoid telling the truth (and when you can't avoid lying, you resort to a white lie), or you tell the truth as it is and accept that your family will need to accept it. If you're going to be truthful, it's best to be open and direct so you don't sow seeds of confusion or wrongful inference. That doesn't mean you need to be blunt about it, but you should tell the genuine truth then. — Flater 40 secs ago

I don't want to avoid telling the truth. I just want to tell it in a not too armful way. — Ælis 1 min ago

Can you add citations for why you think this will work (either personal experience, or other references)? Is this idea based on actual conversations you've had in the past? If so, it'd be helpful to be more specific about those circumstances as this sort of conversation might depend a lot on the existing relationships / personalities involved. — Em C ♦ 52 secs ago

@scohe001 I will specify it's a personalized mug and my family isn't familiar with my new name. — Ælis 11 secs ago

Hi Flater, could you also edit in your backup? From these comments it looks like this suggestion this is based on your experience with nicknames? That'd be helpful to know and have saved directly in the answer. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

Is your family familiar with your new name already? If you posted a picture of the mug, would they realize that this is a personalized mug with a name you chose? Or would they think that it's just a name of some character you're a fan of that they don't know? When you post it in the group, are you going to specify that it's a personalized mug? — scohe001 2 mins ago

It's just an idea, @EmC. Only OP can try to anticipate how a specific conversation with their mom will go. — Manuki 1 min ago

Your title (and some of the body) talk about telling your mom you don't like your name, but your "Main Goals" say nothing of the sort. Can you edit them to match? — scohe001 1 min ago

@scohe001 I would, but I don't know how to edit the title to something clear and that match my goals. Feel free to suggest something if you have an idea (otherwise, I'll try to think of something later) — Ælis 1 min ago

@Ælis in response to "why?" you could simply say "because i felt like it" or even retort "why not?". People change their names all the time, for a variety of reasons, but all of those reasons boil down to "because I wanted to". You don't have to detail your reasons. — Aaron F 34 secs ago

I disagree with having to cite or backup every answer, many questions are asked about fairly broad topics where not every detail and nuance can be known. Providing an answer for how you would act given your own culture for a hypothetical question should be a valid answer. It will not be as strong an answer as someone who has lived through the situation being asked but it encourages more answers and allows the OP and readers to use their discretion whether they think the answer would help. — BKlassen 1 min ago

Are you the only other female developer in the team? If yes, has she had female IT colleagues before? — Llewellyn 1 min ago

Don't you think we could try to add a notice about good frame challenge under the question? (not inside of it but under it like when we protect a question) — Ælis 28 secs ago

@Ælis Do you mean add such a notice to all questions or have the option to add it if the question starts to get too many bad frame challenges? — Rainbacon 31 secs ago

That's certainly a possibility. Though I'm not sure how customizable those notices are. — Rainbacon 11 secs ago

Just have the mod add such notice to the question with all the bad frame challenge — Ælis 1 min ago

Re: post notices - I believe that would involve coming up with the notice text and then making a feature request, like Workplace did for the controversial post notice. — Em C ♦ 16 secs ago

@EmC Interesting. I guess we might need another meta about that then (to see if people are interested and think it's a good idea). — Ælis just now

We have a meta lying around that says if answers focus too much on irrelevant details, think of editing. That same post also mentions 'failing to answer the question'. So I'd be a little more hesitant to say that editing should never be done if it invalidates an answer: if the answer doesn't answer the actual question but looks like a reasonable frame challenge due to many details in a question, an edit bringing out the actual goal/question and commenting on the answers preferable. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

So a question getting a lot of frame challenges may lack a clear goal. In the last case, no matter how many answers there are, an edit to make the goal clearer is best. Bad frame challenges don't answer the question and can be moderated as such, for the difference between good and bad see interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3269/1599 and interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3309/1599. One of those at least may be useful to link to, to make it clear you're thinking of good frame challenged not warranting an edit ;) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

Hi! It seems this question is attracting a small range of answers saying 'dont tell people you think they should visit a shrink, it's rude and not your business'. Can you clarify whether you really want to do so, or if this is a bit more nuanced, more focused on suggesting the idea than telling her she should/needs? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 28 secs ago

Well, if your question is specific to LGBT+ issue, then adding it is okay. However, the question and its answers as of currently written don't say anything about it. Everyone (not specific to LGBT+) can dislike their given name for some of these reasons. — Andrew T. 1 min ago

I’m not contributing again. Should probably reflect on the site how “welcoming” it is to newcomers. — Jorge Córdoba 15 secs ago