However, if you feel that there's a certain extent of some "vice" that would be a dealbreaker for you because it will likely lead to unacceptable problems eventually, then it may be better to ask about it neutrally first to get better information. If you state a strong position immediately, the other person may "tell you what you want to hear" and then try to hide their vice, until one day they can't anymore. Instead, after you get an open answer, you can respond openly yourself with either "that could work for me, I hope you can do so-and-so to accommodate me" or "sorry, this won't work out". — nanoman 1 min ago
12:26 AM
#16228 nanoman (101 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 64) | posted 53 hours ago by Jess K. (14775 rep) | Toxicity 0.12697764 | edited 42 minutes ago by Pharap (616 rep)
1 hour later…
1:54 AM
@MonicaCellio: "self-defense" is not what springs to mind from the loaded term "threatening violence"; and "threatening self-defense" is an oxymoron. Then again, what legally does or doesn't constitute self-defense varies hugely by country, state and municipality. So "offensive violence" vs "defensive violence" aren't clearcut. Also, some IPS users are overly prone to label answers as "recommending" or "promoting" violence. — smci 35 secs ago
#3099 smci (146 rep) | A: Should IPS allow answers that suggest threatening or harassing someone? (score: 11) | posted 3 days ago by animuson (105 rep)
#16226 tj1000 (325 rep) | Q: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 28) | posted 55 hours ago by NotThatGuy (2529 rep) | Toxicity 0.30168554 | edited 36 hours ago by NotThatGuy (2529 rep)
#16267 V2Blast (209 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 3) | posted 5 hours ago by arieljannai (619 rep) | Toxicity 0.045644768
#16264 V2Blast (209 rep) | Q: How to handle girlfriends past / social media usage? (score: -2) | posted 7 hours ago by HeavyRain (5 rep) | Toxicity 0.05691981 | edited 5 hours ago by TheRealLester (3197 rep)
This question is indeed on-topic here, but you might also be able to find some helpful guidance by asking on Workplace.SE. — V2Blast 15 secs ago
#16245 V2Blast (209 rep) | Q: How to dispel the awkwardness after getting promotion and now managing my peer who vied for the same job? (score: 2) | posted 38 hours ago by ApplePie (111 rep) | Toxicity 0.01455505 | edited 36 hours ago by A J (6237 rep)
Rather than editing your post to explain what action you took, you should instead leave that as a comment on the answer whose advice you followed, or as a new answer to your own question if the action you took was different from any one of the existing answers (or was a combination of multiple answers). Relevant meta: How should a question asker explain the results of using specific advice? — V2Blast 36 secs ago
#16094 V2Blast (209 rep) | Q: How to approach a person that has stood me up several times? (score: 6) | posted 5 days ago by ElizB (297 rep) | Toxicity 0.050139032 | edited 26 hours ago by ElizB (297 rep)
2:45 AM
@V2Blast theoretically, yes, but unfortunately in practice that doesn't always happen. A new user will see their question is on hold and give up, and even if they do edit, people vote to open much less often than they vote to close. — Stacey 21 secs ago
#16264 Stacey (9091 rep) | Q: How to handle girlfriends past / social media usage? (score: -2) | posted 7 hours ago by HeavyRain (5 rep) | Toxicity 0.047075544 | edited 6 hours ago by TheRealLester (3207 rep)
2 hours later…
4:25 AM
Eh. I would just do it your self. Hate to be blunt but, especially when you are not paying people (even more so with younger kids), if they don’t have the motivation from the start then they never will. I am in high school also :) and a programmer (check my profile. I want to go into cyber security, I digress...) I have learned from a very young age that if I want something done I have to do it. Hence why I have created my own, games, websites, programs, server, etc. all self-taught on my own (not bragging just try to encourage and motivate). Not to say you shouldn’t ask for help.... — JBis 1 min ago
#16242 JBis (101 rep) | Q: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 1) | posted 47 hours ago by TheKrustyKrab (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409
If you need help that’s fine to ask. And you should. I have found asking for specific things (“Yo Bob, I need some help with created the Empire State Building in photoshop Can you help?” ) instead of getting a “team” together (“ok team let’s make a game centered around New York. Bob, you work on making buildings”) works much better. — JBis 1 min ago
#16242 JBis (101 rep) | Q: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 1) | posted 47 hours ago by TheKrustyKrab (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.018889632
#16242 JBis (101 rep) | Q: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 1) | posted 47 hours ago by TheKrustyKrab (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.0776355
@user13232774 I would not suggest “delegat[ing] a team leader”. With high schoolers especially that may lead to fighting for power between members, and possibly mutiny. “hey why does Bob get to be the leader...yeah, I want to be the leader...no sam, your an idiot why are you even here....Fine maybe I’ll leave, come on guys let’s create our own game we don’t need you”.... OP: left with a half the original team — JBis 1 min ago
#16251 JBis (101 rep) | A: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 0) | posted 32 hours ago by YElm (724 rep) | Toxicity 0.64452356
5:09 AM
@Stacey: In such cases, rather than not voting to close, people should still vote to (temporarily) close the question while it's refined - but at least some of those voting to close the question should also leave a comment welcoming the asker to the site (if new) and explaining why the question is unsuitable in its current state, and hopefully giving some suggestions to edit the question into a suitable form. At least, that's how I see it. — V2Blast 1 min ago
#16264 V2Blast (209 rep) | Q: How to handle girlfriends past / social media usage? (score: -2) | posted 10 hours ago by HeavyRain (5 rep) | Toxicity 0.031746402 | edited 8 hours ago by TheRealLester (3217 rep)
5:42 AM
Hi! Welcome to Interpersonal Skills! While this link may answer the question, it is required to include essential parts from it in your post. This answer might become invalid if this link expires. — A J ♦ 2 mins ago
#16273 A J (6237 rep) | A: How to maintain healthy conversation with a partner long term (score: 0) | posted 28 minutes ago by iceman (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.038072627
6:15 AM
I am by far the most sensitive person I know of when it comes to smells, and tobacco in particular. So my approach for a romantic interest would be to make it a hard stop -- if you choose to date an even occasional smoker, you're gonna have smoke in your life. Just don't. — KlaymenDK 32 secs ago
#16226 KlaymenDK (101 rep) | Q: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 31) | posted 59 hours ago by NotThatGuy (2544 rep) | Toxicity 0.4596619 | edited 41 hours ago by NotThatGuy (2544 rep)
7:08 AM
#16228 Angelo Fuchs (181 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 72) | posted 59 hours ago by Jess K. (14855 rep) | Toxicity 0.138469 | edited 7 hours ago by Pharap (616 rep)
Good answer. I would like to add that smokers are well aware how harmful smokes are for them and their surroundings, but the nicotine is just needed at times. They will always find a way to discipline themselves in non-smoking environments. OP, I guess your date is also used to that and knows when and where it is okay to smoke, and when and where not to. And if there is a way to make them stop smoking for good, it's even better — gl_prout 51 secs ago
#16228 gl_prout (368 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 72) | posted 59 hours ago by Jess K. (14855 rep) | Toxicity 0.20051827 | edited 7 hours ago by Pharap (616 rep)
7:28 AM
Yeah my boss likes to make this kind of jokes. But we all don't take these things personally. I also don't mind if my team makes jokes about me. Even if I try a serious approach they usually just whine around about how little time they have or that a 1 hour job is just too much. If I joke I can at least cheer everyone (including me, not gonna deny that) a bit up and they stay more focused on working. — KillBean 1 min ago
#16209 KillBean (4 rep) | Q: How to tell employees that I don't mean my insults seriously? (score: -8) | posted 2 days ago by KillBean (4 rep) | Toxicity 0.16351604 | edited 54 hours ago by Em C (8460 rep)
7:40 AM
Don’t do this. Try „I‘m not asking for your age because you look really old, but because...“ any time and expect a handful. These qualifications can even be used intentionally manipulative („I‘m not asking this because I think you don’t work enough“ -> work more) because they will always leave the latter comment with a negative connotation — Narusan 1 min ago
#16271 Narusan (103 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by user3306356 (585 rep) | Toxicity 0.30062985
8:03 AM
#15407 Tom (752 rep) | Q: How do I convince my parents that I'm doing my best in class? (score: 48) | posted 27 days ago by bio (343 rep) | Toxicity 0.11432981 | edited 27 days ago by A J (6236 rep) | Has magic comment
8:20 AM
@AngeloFuchs It's a symbol of peace - it's something someone offers to show they want to stop fighting or arguing. That said, I'm not sure it really makes sense in this context. The answer specifically says what they should do to avoid arguing which is not the same as stopping an existing argument. — Michael 1 min ago
#16228 Michael (789 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 75) | posted 2 days ago by Jess K. (14885 rep) | Toxicity 0.16613507 | edited 8 hours ago by Pharap (616 rep)
8:37 AM
I agree. If you are adamantly against smoking then you'd be better off not dating a smoker. — user1261710 1 min ago
#16229 user1261710 (750 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: -1) | posted 2 days ago by spiral succulent (1091 rep) | Toxicity 0.4873798 | edited 59 hours ago by spiral succulent (1091 rep)
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Arwen Undómiel 21 secs ago
#11884 Arwen Undómiel (2127 rep) | A: How to tell an overweight person that the hike will be too hard? (score: -4) | posted 115 days ago by Adonalsium (143 rep) | Toxicity 0.082642265
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#16274 Arwen Undómiel (2127 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by gnasher729 (4010 rep) | Toxicity 0.082642265
Seems like a bit of a rant. Unsure whether there is a valid question here. Voted to close. Hopefully the OP will revisit to focus on asking why their post was deleted, rather than misguidedly insisting it is fine and should be undeleted. — Rory Alsop 1 min ago
#3094 Rory Alsop (2782 rep) | Q: Kindly un-delete the valid and nice answer posted to the question (score: -8) | posted 6 days ago by guest271314 (154 rep) | edited 6 days ago by HDE 226868 (6951 rep)
8:57 AM
To be honest, all the options listed contain judgement or an action. You could also just ask one question and that is "How can I help you?" It puts the responsibility and ownership with the husband and when he doesn't come up with anything just let him know he can always ask. Most people will start talking as they're in the driverseat and it could be just "I don't know yet". — hspaans 1 min ago
#16267 hspaans (101 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 14) | posted 12 hours ago by arieljannai (729 rep) | Toxicity 0.059305485 | edited 11 minutes ago by Pierre Arlaud (123 rep)
9:24 AM
"Are you satisfied with your progress?" is a mean question to ask ;) I'm not even involved or under any pressure and yet the first thing my mind added to that was an implied "because I don't think you should be". — Mark 40 secs ago
#16267 Mark (254 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 14) | posted 12 hours ago by arieljannai (729 rep) | Toxicity 0.19630618 | edited 38 minutes ago by Pierre Arlaud (123 rep)
The title may be misleading, from what i get its more a "How to have dinner without romance involved" or "How to communicate to partner that dinners with members of opposite sex are non-romantic" — Marcus 51 secs ago
#16276 Marcus (59 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 18 minutes ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.46095464
#16276 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 19 minutes ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.55681
#16276 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 24 minutes ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.025603537
@Mark, I think that if that's the first thing that comes into your mind - you are very used to get cynical or mean sayings from others around you - will you think/feel the same if your mate a relative or a good friend will ask that? — arieljannai 20 secs ago
#16267 arieljannai (729 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 14) | posted 12 hours ago by arieljannai (729 rep) | Toxicity 0.1669399 | edited 47 minutes ago by Pierre Arlaud (123 rep)
9:44 AM
Where I am from, this would be dependent on the place. It would make a big difference if you took her to a fancy restaurant that is a bit out of your usual price range compared to some place for let's say a younger audience where they serve burgers with french fries. A restaurant has a mood (btw you don't need to be cheap to be non-daty) and that's not always clearly 100% romantic. Are all restaurants that you would even consider romantic? Can you think of places that you would describe touristy or authentic or exotic or exciting or cheap or some other mood primarily? — Raditz_35 1 min ago
#16276 Raditz_35 (189 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 35 minutes ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.119504444
Apart from his feelings about this questions... it only really gives him something to talk about if the answer is negative. — Mark 19 secs ago
#16267 Mark (254 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 15) | posted 13 hours ago by arieljannai (739 rep) | Toxicity 0.12642227 | edited 1 hours ago by Pierre Arlaud (123 rep)
@arieljannai I rarely have anyone around me say anything mean to me ^^ It just sounds like a very odd question to ask. It's so oddly formal and seems like a question asked in performance evaluations at work. Which I guess is why I'd immediately associate being judged with it. And keep in mind the pressure is on in this situation and he already reacts defensive to everything she asks. — Mark 1 min ago
#16267 Mark (254 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 15) | posted 13 hours ago by arieljannai (739 rep) | Toxicity 0.042186625 | edited 1 hours ago by Pierre Arlaud (123 rep)
10:37 AM
Hello Spiritualist! Since this is a site about Interpersonal Skills, the people coming here often struggle with things like 'real communication' and 'setting boundaries'. Could you edit your answer, and explain how to do these things? We'd like answers to be a little more precise than 'boundaries will solve your problems'. Ideally, answers are backed up with either a reference or personal experience, so try and incorporate stuff like how you usually set your boundaries and why you think that works. And welcome to IPS! — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago
#16278 Tinkeringbell (18285 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: -3) | posted 1 hours ago by Spiritualist (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.07137543
10:52 AM
#16139 DDD (175 rep) | Q: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 74) | posted 4 days ago by Chilly (478 rep) | Toxicity 0.41578278 | edited 4 days ago by Tinkeringbell (18285 rep) | Has magic comment
@Marcus sorry, I couldn't think of a good title that gets all the information across. Feel free to edit it. — Omegastick 1 min ago
#16276 Omegastick (101 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.038625386
#16276 Omegastick (101 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.09662272
@Cashbee I've been in this situation with a couple of girls in the past. The girl this time is an acquaintance I met a couple of years ago in university. — Omegastick 59 secs ago
#16276 Omegastick (101 rep) | Q: How to tactfully deal with members of the opposite sex wanting to have dinner alone? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.119040504
@DDD I completely agree with you, that wouldn't get me anywhere helpful any time soon - most definitely will not be going on a date with any of these guys "just because", it just isn't gonna help. — Chilly 27 secs ago
#16139 Chilly (478 rep) | Q: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 74) | posted 4 days ago by Chilly (478 rep) | Toxicity 0.3010912 | edited 4 days ago by Tinkeringbell (18285 rep) | Has magic comment
Yeah, both parties can insult each other. I don't mind if they call me "Ass-crack" or something. If I say 'egg-head fix that!' they are free to say 'Ey boss-baby I need 3 hours more. Now do something that's real work'. I also told them that. — KillBean 6 secs ago
#16217 KillBean (4 rep) | A: How to tell employees that I don't mean my insults seriously? (score: 6) | posted 2 days ago by tim (964 rep) | Toxicity 0.6298367
Ey I have respect for my employees. I just point out a property of them. It's like if you are a tall person and I'd call you 'long pyro'. They are whiny and I want to encourage them to be better than that — KillBean 12 secs ago
#16212 KillBean (4 rep) | A: How to tell employees that I don't mean my insults seriously? (score: 12) | posted 3 days ago by pyro (223 rep) | Toxicity 0.19020939
#16214 KillBean (4 rep) | A: How to tell employees that I don't mean my insults seriously? (score: 9) | posted 3 days ago by F1Krazy (197 rep) | Toxicity 0.31832018
@Omegastick I have edited your question accordingly. It is better to ask about a specific instance than generally. The title does not have to contain all information. If you disagree with my edit, feel free to roll it back to your version. — Cashbee 49 secs ago
#16276 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.08863114 | edited 3 minutes ago by Cashbee (3431 rep)
The way you said that you're from the UK makes me believe you do not live there. If so, the current country / culture would also be valuable information for future answers. — Cashbee 48 secs ago
#16276 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.13171083 | edited 6 minutes ago by Cashbee (3431 rep)
11:35 AM
@Cashbee That edit is fine, no worries. I live in Japan now, but the people that come to visit can be from anywhere. The current girl is from some scandanavian country I think. Norway maybe. — Omegastick 29 secs ago
#16276 Omegastick (101 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by Omegastick (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.11895409 | edited 24 minutes ago by Cashbee (3431 rep)
@NotThatGuy unless they're going to get changed afterwards you will still smell it on their clothes and hair. The word "repulsed" from your question certainly makes it seem like a big deal to you, that being the case I'd expect you to notice those remnant smells. Occasional is a word with a lot of coverage though. It could mean anything from twice a year to "whenever in a pub with Dave". — Jontia 27 secs ago
#16229 Jontia (101 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 0) | posted 2 days ago by spiral succulent (1101 rep) | Toxicity 0.24562061 | edited 2 days ago by spiral succulent (1101 rep)
I edited all information from the comments into the question. All the comments can be removed ;) — Cashbee 17 secs ago
#16276 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Omegastick (106 rep) | Toxicity 0.048892193 | edited 37 seconds ago by Cashbee (3431 rep)
12:22 PM
#16280 Martijn (3189 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by QEDemonstrandum (342 rep) | Toxicity 0.1872892
12:37 PM
Keep in mind that he might get defensive when you ask only because he himself already thinks that he isn't working hard enough. This might, of course, be the case, even if it isn't true that he isn't working hard enough. — Alexander Kosubek 56 secs ago
#16265 Alexander Kosubek (101 rep) | Q: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 18) | posted 16 hours ago by Stacey (9161 rep) | Toxicity 0.13953549 | edited 16 hours ago by TheRealLester (3337 rep)
#16168 Skyler (101 rep) | A: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 12) | posted 4 days ago by crazyloonybin (319 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409
I'm not sure I understand why romance is implied. I could see your perspective if these were local people who wanted to have one-on-one dinners, but these are people visiting from far away who you will likely not see again in a long time. There would have to be some serious backstory to imply that a dinner while traveling could be the start of a long-distance relationship. — David K 46 secs ago
#16276 David K (1176 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by Omegastick (113 rep) | Toxicity 0.11528834 | edited 32 minutes ago by A J (6236 rep)
I disagree on almost every point: 1. She hasn't clearly rebuffed them, saying "Oh I don't know how my boyfriend would like that" can come off flirtatious and receptive in most situations, especially if there is any language barrier whatsoever. 2. Your motivations are more caricatures of men more so than what men actually think about. 3. Judicious mild shaming combined with a rejection in clear terms is effective on men. 4. Talking about the boyfriend won't really do much. 5. Your friend embellished their story a bit unless she was focused on cruel shaming, effective but bad for workplace — Skyler 1 min ago
#16163 Skyler (101 rep) | A: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by Raz (47 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 2 days ago by Raz (47 rep)
Jousting with them is similar to the testing that men regularly experience on the dating scene so that's bad, especially since for some it just makes you more attractive. Being cruel is bad because she should just get them to accept the role of coworker or at most friend, rather than office enemies. I do agree that going to HR as is is a bad idea for a similar reason. Clarity is her best friend here, simple as that. — Skyler 1 min ago
#16163 Skyler (101 rep) | A: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by Raz (47 rep) | Toxicity 0.20300013 | edited 2 days ago by Raz (47 rep)
1:28 PM
This question isn't about downvoting questions on the Main site. This question is asking when is it ok to challenge the premise of the OP, or post an answer basically saying "Don't do the thing you are asking about". — sphennings 55 secs ago
#3103 sphennings (6332 rep) | A: To what extent do we respect the OP's request? (score: -8) | posted 43 hours ago by sag (142 rep)
1:47 PM
#16276 Flo (154 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 3) | posted 4 hours ago by Omegastick (118 rep) | Toxicity 0.06366236 | edited 1 hours ago by A J (6236 rep)
Going on a date with someone could very well be taken as "leading them on", which, at least in UK culture, is rude. — Belle-Sophie 23 secs ago
#16285 Belle-Sophie (2392 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: -1) | posted 2 minutes ago by PeterJens (1540 rep) | Toxicity 0.34698412
Find a hobby.... "She does Studio Art and I'm a Programmer." There's got to be some kind of cross-over there? Could be a great project to work on together. — Darren Bartrup-Cook 27 secs ago
#16186 Darren Bartrup-Cook (101 rep) | A: How to maintain healthy conversation with a partner long term (score: 75) | posted 3 days ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Toxicity 0.12459362 | edited 1 hours ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
2:02 PM
Someone needing help in a new city or location, is not a date. Maybe some people live under a rock, and have no social interaction skills, but eating out is a good way to see a city and its people. If the individual cannot cope with such one to one, then you make it a group thing with some friends or family. — PeterJens 58 secs ago
#16285 PeterJens (1540 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: -1) | posted 14 minutes ago by PeterJens (1540 rep) | Toxicity 0.108772635
Is sex before marriage ok for him/your family? (focusing on the religious aspect) — QEDemonstrandum 1 min ago
#8017 QEDemonstrandum (342 rep) | Q: How do I caution my brother about getting married two weeks after meeting someone? (score: 3) | posted 207 days ago by Stacey (9196 rep) | Toxicity 0.7009271
#16287 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: How do I politely decline a lunch invitation from a friend's family? (score: 1) | posted 20 minutes ago by Russ Wilkie (193 rep) | Toxicity 0.07205348 | edited 10 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
#16287 Russ Wilkie (193 rep) | Q: How do I politely decline a lunch invitation from a friend's family? (score: 1) | posted 25 minutes ago by Russ Wilkie (193 rep) | Toxicity 0.052336466 | edited 2 minutes ago by Russ Wilkie (193 rep)
#16287 Cashbee (3431 rep) | Q: How do I politely decline a lunch invitation from a friend's family? (score: 1) | posted 32 minutes ago by Russ Wilkie (193 rep) | Toxicity 0.022035832 | edited 9 minutes ago by Russ Wilkie (193 rep)
Also, if this a complete stranger, how would we know if they'd be offended? Do you have more details on the person you're dealing with, so that we can properly answer that? Otherwise, it might be better to just drop the second question... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 39 secs ago
#16289 Tinkeringbell (18287 rep) | Q: How to tell if someone is a male or female (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by KAS (76 rep) | Toxicity 0.18958263
You meet people, you don't hear what their name is, and that's why you want to know their gender? I'm not really following the jumps you're making here... So, let's start at the beginning: Did you try asking them to repeat their name? We're talking complete strangers here, why is knowing their gender important to you, would that somehow help you figure out their name? Also, could you add a location tag? Socially acceptable differs for each society so we need to know what society we're dealing with (at least). — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago
#16289 Tinkeringbell (18287 rep) | Q: How to tell if someone is a male or female (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by KAS (76 rep) | Toxicity 0.2419054
I do agree with this answer and have experienced the same things. However, doing the opposite opens the door to getting tricked by a "yes man", someone who is willing to lie (or at least innocently hide) something that will eventually end a relationship (as the stereotype goes, men will say anything to get a woman in bed. It's a cliché stereotype but serves as a good example here). OP should decide which of the two evils is lesser: coming across as grating to a potential long term partner, or opening themselves to a relationship that is unsustainable in the long term. — Flater 1 min ago
#16228 Flater (5129 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 82) | posted 2 days ago by Jess K. (14970 rep) | Toxicity 0.2403839 | edited 14 hours ago by Pharap (616 rep)
+1 on the recommendation to ask people for specific work to be done rather than assigning roles. This answer could be edited to preserve some conciseness however, and note that the OP likely enjoys the social aspect of this project and wants to work on their networking skills with other aspiring professional developers (or else they wouldn't have made this club!). — nostalgk 2 mins ago
#16286 nostalgk (51 rep) | A: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 1) | posted 38 minutes ago by JBis (111 rep) | Toxicity 0.04353098 | edited 28 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
2:33 PM
@RoryAlsop Already decided the answer is fine. There is no need to ask why the post was deleted. There is nothing misguided about the question. Again, the original answer is direct and to the point. — guest271314 54 secs ago
#3094 guest271314 (174 rep) | Q: Kindly un-delete the valid and nice answer posted to the question (score: -8) | posted 6 days ago by guest271314 (174 rep) | edited 6 days ago by HDE 226868 (6961 rep)
"Sometimes I meet people that appear very gender neutral and I do not always hear what their name is." I don't know why the name comes into it. I have a friend named Noah who is actually female, which is why this statement doesn't make much sense to me. — TheRealLester 1 min ago
#16289 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: How to tell if someone is a male or female (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by KAS (76 rep) | Toxicity 0.15602045
#16289 Owen Hughes (101 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by KAS (79 rep) | Toxicity 0.044491228 | edited 18 seconds ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
I edited the title to better fit the actual question, but feel free to roll it back if it's not acceptable. — TheRealLester 51 secs ago
#16289 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 0) | posted 18 minutes ago by KAS (82 rep) | Toxicity 0.054827277 | edited 1 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
How does this work for complete strangers? I get the impression from the question this is about complete strangers, you mention friends and partners... Also, how are you so sure this wouldn't offend the person KAS is dealing with? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 57 secs ago
#16290 Tinkeringbell (18286 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by Jess K. (14978 rep) | Toxicity 0.11678784
Setting a hard boundary can make it feel a little business like. "Yeah, I can spare you 2 hours and 43 minutes of my life" - But I like the touch of co-inviting the S.O. like you suggest. I travel a lot for work, so I end up in many such situations with coworkers and semi-aquaintances abroad and ad-hoc dinners. It really is possible to enjoy a dinner with the opposite sex without it being romantic - but I can accept the fact that it perhaps takes a few practice runs. — Stian Yttervik 11 secs ago
#16280 Stian Yttervik (623 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 2) | posted 4 hours ago by QEDemonstrandum (342 rep) | Toxicity 0.25281227
Some folks may have negative reactions to "prefer", I've stumbled on that. It was explained to me that asking what pronouns someone prefers makes their gender sound like a preference, a choice. Sounds polite, but it may not be received that way. — apaul 45 secs ago
#16290 apaul (39536 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 0) | posted 15 minutes ago by Jess K. (14988 rep) | Toxicity 0.20935711 | edited 9 minutes ago by Jess K. (14988 rep)
@QEDemonstrandum no, and this probably was a factor for his decision. It's now 9 months later and he's married, we've met her, and they are now pregnant. It's not an ideal situation by any means, but what's done is done. — Stacey 35 secs ago
#8017 Stacey (9206 rep) | Q: How do I caution my brother about getting married two weeks after meeting someone? (score: 3) | posted 207 days ago by Stacey (9206 rep) | Toxicity 0.11603476
#16289 apaul (39536 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -1) | posted 34 minutes ago by KAS (80 rep) | Toxicity 0.10642706 | edited 17 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
I'm going to challenge the frame of your question a bit: I think you DID have a gut reaction that the all-hands meeting was a bad idea. Otherwise, you would have just asked your colleague how they see the meeting being organized, instead of phrasing your question so negatively. Giving constructive criticism is an important skill and you're getting good advice about it here, but there's also a lot to be said for knowing which of your negative thoughts should just be swallowed. — user37208 1 min ago
#16188 user37208 (101 rep) | Q: How to address a detail of an idea without appearing to shoot it down? (score: 9) | posted 3 days ago by Rumi P. (146 rep) | Toxicity 0.3096002
This is pretty context dependant, if you could add some context your question will probably have a better chance of getting reopened. Why do you want to know? Simple curiousity? Pronouns? Dating? — apaul 23 secs ago
#16289 apaul (39536 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -1) | posted 40 minutes ago by KAS (80 rep) | Toxicity 0.079895824 | edited 23 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
I think this is bad advice because it's putting the blame onto your SO, and could potentially cause bad blood between a possible friend/acquaintance of yours with you girlfriend. — GrumpyCrouton 1 min ago
#16277 GrumpyCrouton (113 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: -2) | posted 5 hours ago by Rob (644 rep) | Toxicity 0.3011918
@apaul that requires a big level of ignorance and I feel like the want to be offended if they act that way. I can prefer being called something, even if it's not my choice (in terms of what I feel what my gender is). Being offended by that... You just can't make it right for everyone, can you? Interesting anecdote anyways, thanks. — Mafii 42 secs ago
#16290 Mafii (1169 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 1) | posted 34 minutes ago by Jess K. (14990 rep) | Toxicity 0.41535372 | edited 29 minutes ago by Jess K. (14990 rep)
@GrumpyCrouton - My reasoning is explained. Your comment implies "tell them no and offer no explanation" or "lie". Is this how you treat an acquaintance if you wish to improve (your relationship over time) to friendship? Interpersonal.SE is about trying to offer good advice, not trying to sabotage relationships. — Rob 1 min ago
#16277 Rob (640 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: -3) | posted 5 hours ago by Rob (640 rep) | Toxicity 0.20429088
@nostalgk While I agree that in the perfect world this would be a great social, business, and recreational activity, I feel that the social aspect might bring down the business (less efficient), and recreation (not fun because of problems that will arise when there is lack of leadership, etc.). But you are correct that the OP most likely "enjoys the social aspect" (as I would too :) ). — JBis 1 min ago
#16286 JBis (111 rep) | A: Motivate Highschoolers in my Tech Startup (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by JBis (111 rep) | Toxicity 0.025404947 | edited 1 hours ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
But sabotaging a relationship is exactly what your advice would be doing; it would be sabotaging the relationship between this possible acquaintance and your SO, which in turn would be sabotaging your relationship with the acquaintance due to your SO not liking them. My comment in no way applies "tell them no", "offer no explanation" OR "lie", in fact, the OP isn't even trying to get out of the dinner at all, it requests how to remove the subtly of a "date", so your answer doesn't even actually answer the question. — GrumpyCrouton 1 min ago
#16277 GrumpyCrouton (113 rep) | A: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: -3) | posted 6 hours ago by Rob (640 rep) | Toxicity 0.20446075
@Tinkeringbell I am not talking about a specific person. I am talking about more in passing. Seeing someone, and not knowing. — KAS 5 secs ago
#16289 KAS (78 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.17316231 | edited 48 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
@RoryAlsop Already decided the answer is fine. There is no need to ask why the post was deleted. There is nothing misguided about the question. Again, the original answer is direct and to the point. — guest271314 1 hour ago
#3094 guest271314 (174 rep) | Q: Kindly un-delete the valid and nice answer posted to the question (score: -8) | posted 6 days ago by guest271314 (174 rep) | edited 6 days ago by HDE 226868 (6961 rep)
@guest271314 You deciding that the answer is fine, would be great if your perspective was the only one that mattered on this site. I've found that it's useful to be aware of and consider perspectives other than one's own, especially when it cones to large, collectively governed, communities such as this one. Note how your repeated assertions to the fact that the question should be reopened haven't lead to the question being reopened. It seems a reasonable hypothesis that there are other perspectives at play here that may have reached a different conclusion. — sphennings 1 min ago
#3094 sphennings (6332 rep) | Q: Kindly un-delete the valid and nice answer posted to the question (score: -8) | posted 6 days ago by guest271314 (174 rep) | edited 6 days ago by HDE 226868 (6961 rep)
3:47 PM
#16289 apaul (39536 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.04647562 | edited 3 minutes ago by KAS (78 rep)
#16270 Onyz (236 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: 0) | posted 18 hours ago by guest271314 (172 rep) | Toxicity 0.13891108
#16271 David Thornley (101 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 2) | posted 11 hours ago by user3306356 (603 rep) | Toxicity 0.09596576
#16292 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Chilly (492 rep) | Toxicity 0.1471901
@TheRealLester if I don't put anyone down on my application then I will be put in with three random people who also didn't put down anyone so I don't have to find people myself thankfully! — Chilly 24 secs ago
#16292 Chilly (492 rep) | Q: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 1) | posted 6 minutes ago by Chilly (492 rep) | Toxicity 0.2807389
How does this answer the OP's question about how to offer to make repairs to their landlord? — sphennings 14 secs ago
#16270 sphennings (6330 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -1) | posted 18 hours ago by guest271314 (170 rep) | Toxicity 0.10597371
@scohe001 yes, I mean they were cold towards me - I'll edit that now to clarify! — Chilly 17 secs ago
#16292 Chilly (492 rep) | Q: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Chilly (492 rep) | Toxicity 0.07529497
#16292 scohe001 (6549 rep) | Q: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Chilly (492 rep) | Toxicity 0.2007727
4:21 PM
I did actually speak up about everything that happened but all that resulted in was things getting progressively worse for me up to the point of moving out. — Chilly 36 secs ago
#16297 Chilly (494 rep) | A: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by scohe001 (6549 rep) | Toxicity 0.129028
"what are your pronouns?" may be better than "what pronouns do you prefer?" "Prefer" implies a choice and may be off-putting to some. Would you mind editing? — apaul 8 secs ago
#16290 apaul (39536 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Jess K. (14990 rep) | Toxicity 0.14627105 | edited 1 hours ago by Jess K. (14990 rep)
KAS, are these really people you meet in passing, like they're strangers and you're not likely to meet them again? Could you explain how knowing a gender helps you to appropriately talk to them and interact with them (again, this may be because a location/culture is lacking, is this related to how your native language is constructed? In English you can use 'you' for about everything except talking about said person). Right now, it's still very hard to see why a person would be offended, and thus what an answer should take into account to avoid said offense... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 2 mins ago
#16289 Tinkeringbell (18296 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.27533355 | edited 41 minutes ago by KAS (78 rep)
This isn't an answer so I will post in comments. I suggest that you print out your post or copy to an email and review with him. It was written very well and I think gets the point across clearly and with good intent. The 7 week mark is a very tough time, open communication can help TONS. In any case good luck and congratulations :) — Joe 17 secs ago
#16265 Joe (101 rep) | Q: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 30) | posted 20 hours ago by Stacey (9221 rep) | Toxicity 0.01817634 | edited 4 minutes ago by Kat (2139 rep)
#16290 Jess K. (14990 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Jess K. (14990 rep) | Toxicity 0.03830217 | edited 2 minutes ago by Jess K. (14990 rep)
#16262 zzz10n (44 rep) | A: Frequently rebuffed when trying to initiate or join a conversation (score: 4) | posted 28 hours ago by YElm (764 rep) | Toxicity 0.13965167
Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
4:46 PM
possible-aic:
- q: short\Wanswer
- q: why\Wnot
- q: sounds\Wlike
- q: short\Wversion
- q: bottom\Wline
- q: just\Wsaying?
- q: worth\Wconsidering
- q: the\Wissue\Where
- q: tl.?dr
- q: ^you\Wneed\Wto((?!\?).)*$
- q: two\Wcents
- q: ^.*respond((?!(meta|\?)).)*$
- q: tell\W(them|h(im|er))
- q: if\Wi\Wwh?ere
- q: an?\W(answer|solution).?\Wbut
- q: ^(.{1,50})?just(.{1,50})?((?!(\?)).)$
- q: ^(.{1,20})?".*"$
offensive:
- q: (shit|(mother)?fuck(ing|er)?)
- a: (shit|(moth(a|er))?fuck(ing|er)?|bitch(es)?)
- q: short\Wanswer
- q: why\Wnot
- q: sounds\Wlike
- q: short\Wversion
- q: bottom\Wline
- q: just\Wsaying?
- q: worth\Wconsidering
- q: the\Wissue\Where
- q: tl.?dr
- q: ^you\Wneed\Wto((?!\?).)*$
- q: two\Wcents
- q: ^.*respond((?!(meta|\?)).)*$
- q: tell\W(them|h(im|er))
- q: if\Wi\Wwh?ere
- q: an?\W(answer|solution).?\Wbut
- q: ^(.{1,50})?just(.{1,50})?((?!(\?)).)$
- q: ^(.{1,20})?".*"$
offensive:
- q: (shit|(mother)?fuck(ing|er)?)
- a: (shit|(moth(a|er))?fuck(ing|er)?|bitch(es)?)
possible-aic:
- q: short\Wanswer
- q: why\Wnot
- q: sounds\Wlike
- q: short\Wversion
- q: bottom\Wline
- q: just\Wsaying?
- q: worth\Wconsidering
- q: the\Wissue\Where
- q: tl.?dr
- q: ^you\Wneed\Wto((?!\?).)*$
- q: two\Wcents
- q: ^.*respond((?!(meta|\?)).)*$
- q: tell\W(them|h(im|er))
- q: if\Wi\Wwh?ere
- q: an?\W(answer|solution).?\Wbut
- q: ^(.{1,50})?just(.{1,50})?((?!(\?)).)$
- q: ^(.{1,20})?".*"$
offensive:
- q: (shit|(mother)?fuck(ing|er)?)
- a: (shit|(moth(a|er))?fuck(ing|er)?|bitch(es)?)
- q: short\Wanswer
- q: why\Wnot
- q: sounds\Wlike
- q: short\Wversion
- q: bottom\Wline
- q: just\Wsaying?
- q: worth\Wconsidering
- q: the\Wissue\Where
- q: tl.?dr
- q: ^you\Wneed\Wto((?!\?).)*$
- q: two\Wcents
- q: ^.*respond((?!(meta|\?)).)*$
- q: tell\W(them|h(im|er))
- q: if\Wi\Wwh?ere
- q: an?\W(answer|solution).?\Wbut
- q: ^(.{1,50})?just(.{1,50})?((?!(\?)).)$
- q: ^(.{1,20})?".*"$
offensive:
- q: (shit|(mother)?fuck(ing|er)?)
- a: (shit|(moth(a|er))?fuck(ing|er)?|bitch(es)?)
@Chilly Oops! Guess you don't need that lecture then :) The first part still stands though! — scohe001 14 secs ago
#16297 scohe001 (6559 rep) | A: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 1) | posted 33 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep) | Toxicity 0.38367227 | edited 30 seconds ago by scohe001 (6559 rep)
I've nearly given up on using this site because of the @sshole mods' attitude. Happy to see people like you still trying to genuinely help instead of going on a power trip. — zzz10n 10 mins ago
#16262 zzz10n (44 rep) | A: Frequently rebuffed when trying to initiate or join a conversation (score: 4) | posted 28 hours ago by YElm (764 rep) | Toxicity 0.13965167
@Tinkeringbell Gender affects how people relate to each other beyond grammatical usage. — DaveG 31 secs ago
#16289 DaveG (1050 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep)
@DaveG If KAS could include one such example in their question then, of where they've struggled relating because they didn't know gender, that might be helpful with answers focused on avoiding offense as well (since that's even more difficult if a person is already offended by you through a wrong interaction). Right now, this question is asking how to avoid offending any stranger, which is really too broad/a lack of detail (and I might say virtually impossible to answer 'right') — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago
#16289 Tinkeringbell (18294 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.19430886 | edited 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep)
thanks for posting an answer! It would be more helpful to the OP, if you try to address some of their concerns, that is "I don't want to Give up on them before having brought this up (even if that might be the best idea)". Right now you are not answering the question: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/how-to-answer — aaaaaa 1 min ago
#16300 aaaaaa (1496 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 0) | posted 29 minutes ago by Jim ONeill (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.030855844
I currently live in Massachusetts (a state that recently legalized marijuana). I lived in Washington DC (a city that recently legalized marijuana) for 6 years. — Bryan Schwimmer 1 min ago
#16192 Bryan Schwimmer (37 rep) | A: How to ask friends to visit a dispensary without looking like a junkie? (score: 2) | posted 3 days ago by Bryan Schwimmer (37 rep) | Toxicity 0.106070906 | edited 3 days ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
@Tinkeringbell When I meet someone there's usually a bit of trying to find some common ground. I might mention something and if it's of interest, the other person remarks on it. It can be awkward at first. In general men and women are interested in and talk about different things, and what I mention (or the other person mentions) would be different, depending on gender. — DaveG 40 secs ago
#16289 DaveG (1050 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.23826073 | edited 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep)
#16192 scohe001 (6558 rep) | A: How to ask friends to visit a dispensary without looking like a junkie? (score: 2) | posted 3 days ago by Bryan Schwimmer (37 rep) | Toxicity 0.14519542 | edited 3 days ago by TheRealLester (3377 rep)
#16295 alephzero (101 rep) | A: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Onyz (266 rep) | Toxicity 0.7009271
Also, we have this question from the early days of this site that may help you, KAS: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/1536/…. Unless you include more details, this is likely just a duplicate of that one. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 30 secs ago
#16289 Tinkeringbell (18293 rep) | Q: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by KAS (78 rep) | Toxicity 0.030471087 | edited 1 hours ago by KAS (78 rep)
@Chilly - Please post exact statements that were said. You look great in that dress is a nice compliment. Your boobs or ass looks great is sexual. These are the 2 extremes.. if you write down the specific statements it would be easy to get accurate where in the middle of the two this is. — Alex S 1 min ago
#16139 Alex S (131 rep) | Q: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 75) | posted 5 days ago by Chilly (499 rep) | Toxicity 0.78130203 | edited 4 days ago by Tinkeringbell (18293 rep) | Has magic comment
The root problem is that the percentage of women I'm interested in and who are interested in me is too low to make filtering out a good chunk of them an attractive option. Although I'll concede that becoming more interesting, looking harder and not being so quick to judge are probably all better options. — NotThatGuy 16 secs ago
#16291 NotThatGuy (2589 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Carl Witthoft (121 rep) | Toxicity 0.11307563
@Chilly - Also what kind of a industry / domain is this company in? A lot of finance, banking, consulting types are very conservative. A lot of people who I know in advertising, media, entertainment and similar spaces talk and do a lot of stuff that I would not dare to do take to work; its like they are coworkers, hookup and also date & talk smack and gossip sexual stuff too.. yeah! and especially the females.. very different flavors of entities — Alex S 5 secs ago
#16139 Alex S (131 rep) | Q: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 75) | posted 5 days ago by Chilly (499 rep) | Toxicity 0.4602099 | edited 4 days ago by Tinkeringbell (18293 rep) | Has magic comment
You seem to be assuming that all of the roommates participated in and were fully aware of the incidents/transgressions, but I do not see evidence of that in the question. The chilly relationship may be shared by all, but the incidents could be the secret acts of a single person. — RBarryYoung 59 secs ago
#16295 RBarryYoung (101 rep) | A: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Onyz (266 rep) | Toxicity 0.11708445
5:53 PM
#16302 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep) | Toxicity 0.031999126
#16265 ggiaquin16 (1864 rep) | Q: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 31) | posted 21 hours ago by Stacey (9226 rep) | Toxicity 0.12891728 | edited 1 hours ago by Kat (2139 rep)
Was the acquaintance laughing genuinely or was there an underlying sadness to it? — TheRealLester 18 secs ago
#16302 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep) | Toxicity 0.061412066
@OldPadawan quoting from your answer: "Should IPS continue allowing answers that advocate violence/harassment? Short answer: NO [...] Long answer: NO". Note the presence of "violence/harassment", as if they are the same thing, and unqualified bold "NO"s. If that's not what you meant, you might want to edit. — Monica Cellio 1 min ago
#3099 Monica Cellio (13583 rep) | A: Should IPS allow answers that suggest threatening or harassing someone? (score: 12) | posted 3 days ago by animuson (105 rep)
@MonicaCellio : the quote IS the question. OP put them together. Not me. To me, Tinkeringbell thinks it's the same, as it's the way I understand it, therefore, my NO as an answer. But I may be wrong and misinterpreting... — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#3099 OldPadawan (12040 rep) | A: Should IPS allow answers that suggest threatening or harassing someone? (score: 12) | posted 3 days ago by animuson (105 rep)
6:17 PM
late to the party here, but if you guys really are caring about the wellbeing of a person, why not offer a 3 room place to get and have her stay with you guys? Privacy would hinder some impromptu couple activity, but why can't all of you guys live together if it's that important? Otherwise, Jesse's comment and Jane's below are right on! — ggiaquin16 47 secs ago
#10083 ggiaquin16 (1864 rep) | Q: How to tell roommate about planning to live with someone else (score: 3) | posted 155 days ago by Olynx (16 rep) | Toxicity 0.118613325
@OldPadawan the question put them together, which is why in my answer I said you can't do that. — Monica Cellio 1 min ago
#3099 Monica Cellio (13583 rep) | A: Should IPS allow answers that suggest threatening or harassing someone? (score: 12) | posted 3 days ago by animuson (105 rep)
I dont personally see an issue with a "Oh it's not a problem" response without more context. You stating you are tired means that you are suggesting you are working slower, more sluggish, maybe you come in later than normal because you were slow to wake up. His "oh, it's not a problem" might be him giving you a free pass on all of that in attempting to be understanding of your altered state... — ggiaquin16 1 min ago
#16259 ggiaquin16 (1864 rep) | Q: How to handle interpersonal issues with my supervisor at work? (score: -1) | posted 34 hours ago by user1261710 (750 rep) | Toxicity 0.33681157
#3104 Catija (12161 rep) | Q: How can we make a Sandbox happen? (score: 1) | posted 20 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep)
#16295 Onyz (286 rep) | A: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Onyz (286 rep) | Toxicity 0.21028242
#3104 scohe001 (6559 rep) | Q: How can we make a Sandbox happen? (score: 1) | posted 27 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by scohe001 (6559 rep)
6:31 PM
#16292 Ian MacDonald (101 rep) | Q: How to get across to flatmates the reason behind not wanting to live with them again? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Chilly (509 rep) | Toxicity 0.23279028 | edited 2 hours ago by Chilly (509 rep)
#16276 d-b (214 rep) | Q: How to have dinner without romance involved (score: 8) | posted 9 hours ago by Omegastick (146 rep) | Toxicity 0.5610786 | edited 6 hours ago by A J (6236 rep)
Can you tell (even in a comment, so to be less visible--you can even delete it afterwards) in what industry do you work? It's extremely uncommon for HR to be dominated by men, even in men-dominated industries, like computing etc. — Fizz 40 secs ago
#16139 Fizz (101 rep) | Q: I'm in a committed relationship and I'm being hit on in the workplace - how do I stop it without bringing it to HR? (score: 75) | posted 5 days ago by Chilly (509 rep) | Toxicity 0.12203383 | edited 4 days ago by Tinkeringbell (18293 rep) | Has magic comment
6:49 PM
Hmm. The reason I actually posted this is because I was writing up a question to post but wanted some feedback on it first! Does that make me one of the users you'd want me to reach out to? Also, I feel like asking users with closed questions (who are usually laser focused on getting their question opened and answered) to write a meta for me might not work out too well. — scohe001 1 min ago
#3105 scohe001 (6575 rep) | A: How can we make a Sandbox happen? (score: 0) | posted 28 minutes ago by sphennings (6330 rep)
If you'd like feedback on making a question a good fit for this site I'd be glad to help. You can either post a question on meta or reach out to me in chat. — sphennings 44 secs ago
#3105 sphennings (6330 rep) | A: How can we make a Sandbox happen? (score: 0) | posted 35 minutes ago by sphennings (6330 rep)
7:10 PM
Possible duplicate of Elevator awkwardness, collegue makes self deprecating comment — TheRealLester 1 min ago
#16302 TheRealLester (3377 rep) | Q: Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by scohe001 (6575 rep) | Toxicity 0.14984529
@NotThatGuy Take some advice from a rather older fellow (me): give it a little time and more opportunities will show up. — Carl Witthoft 25 secs ago
#16291 Carl Witthoft (121 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by Carl Witthoft (121 rep) | Toxicity 0.08819461
You seem to be missing the point of my question, which is to have them not smoke around me. If they don't smoke around me, how would any of these things apply? If they would smoke around me, I wouldn't want to date them, as stated in my question, again making this point mute. Also, you seem to be making some harsh assumptions about non-smokers in general (confirmation bias, probably) - I, despite my discomfort, have never done anything you mentioned (I have waved smoke out of my own face, but I assume, or at least hope, you're talking about instead hand-waiving in someone else's face). — NotThatGuy 1 min ago
#16306 NotThatGuy (2589 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 0) | posted 31 minutes ago by Tetsujin (133 rep) | Toxicity 0.46095464
I'm not the one missing the point. You obviously abhor smoking. So stay away from smokers. Don't insist they conform to your bias. That is controlling behaviour. — Tetsujin 41 secs ago
#16306 Tetsujin (133 rep) | A: How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me, or at least gauge how such a request would go down? (score: 0) | posted 32 minutes ago by Tetsujin (133 rep) | Toxicity 0.7009271
It might be helpful to note that you cannot control whether he is defensive or not. You could say all the right things, and he might still respond that way. You can only control and take responsibility for your own actions. — mbomb007 45 secs ago
#16267 mbomb007 (230 rep) | A: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 34) | posted 23 hours ago by arieljannai (799 rep) | Toxicity 0.03678732 | edited 3 hours ago by Kat (2139 rep)
8:31 PM
Possible duplicate of Elevator awkwardness, collegue makes self deprecating comment — sphennings 21 secs ago
#16302 sphennings (6330 rep) | Q: Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by scohe001 (6575 rep) | Toxicity 0.14984529
#16265 Stacey (9251 rep) | Q: How can I ask my husband about his actions without him becoming defensive? (score: 36) | posted 24 hours ago by Stacey (9251 rep) | Toxicity 0.050146982 | edited 4 hours ago by Kat (2139 rep)
1 hour later…
10:10 PM
Asking someone who has not the slightest doubt that they are male or that they are female "what is your gender" will also be very offputting. — gnasher729 55 secs ago
#16290 gnasher729 (4010 rep) | A: How to ask about someone's gender? (score: 4) | posted 7 hours ago by Jess K. (14990 rep) | Toxicity 0.562779 | edited 5 hours ago by Jess K. (14990 rep)
1 hour later…
11:12 PM
#3094 guest271314 (176 rep) | Q: Kindly un-delete the valid and nice answer posted to the question (score: -8) | posted 7 days ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | edited 7 days ago by HDE 226868 (6961 rep)
@Onyz Removed references to masonry. The same point applies to carpentry and building. — guest271314 10 secs ago
#16270 guest271314 (176 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -2) | posted 25 hours ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | Toxicity 0.08608345 | edited 55 seconds ago by guest271314 (176 rep)
@sphennings Did you not read the first and last sentence of the answer? It is a bad idea. OP should not get involved with projects where they have any "worries", especially where they currently reside. Keep residence and business entirely separate. If something goes wrong OP could get into a situation where they lose their residence. It is not worth that. — guest271314 1 min ago
#16270 guest271314 (176 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -2) | posted 25 hours ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | Toxicity 0.15079316 | edited 3 minutes ago by guest271314 (176 rep)
@sphennings You are exactly wrong. OP is describing a situation which they should avoid. Unless they are alright with risking their current residence if something goes wrong. You obviously have not been involved in a similar situation where something went wrong. — guest271314 1 min ago
#16270 guest271314 (176 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -2) | posted 25 hours ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | Toxicity 0.15777184 | edited 6 minutes ago by guest271314 (176 rep)
We are here to answer questions about interpersonal skills. Whether or not the OP should get get involved with the project is irrelevant to this question. — sphennings 2 mins ago
#16270 sphennings (6330 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -2) | posted 25 hours ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | Toxicity 0.07655441 | edited 7 minutes ago by guest271314 (176 rep)
11:42 PM
Hey guest271314, it sounds like you're trying frame challenge this question (you're saying the premise that OP should even think of asking their landlord this is wrong). Your answer may be improved if you explicitly state this is a frame challenge and follow the steps in that link. — scohe001 1 min ago
#16270 scohe001 (6585 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -2) | posted 26 hours ago by guest271314 (176 rep) | Toxicity 0.10685825 | edited 30 minutes ago by guest271314 (176 rep)
Hey and welcome to IPS! This sounds like a tough situation and I'm interested to see what kind of answers you get. But I think you may need to edit your "Question" portion. We prefer one question per question here :) Maybe you can narrow this down to "How can I approach my partner about helping make plans with me even though it's something he hates?" — scohe001 1 min ago
#16310 scohe001 (6585 rep) | Q: How to avoid time managemet conflicts with my partner? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by HelloMyFriend (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.17143513
@scohe001 People are free to squeeze themselves within the parameters of others if they so choose. The language of the answer is clear: it is a bad idea, for the reasons stated at the answer. Am not here to appease question and answer critics or fit into some pseudo categorization scheme. — guest271314 1 min ago
#16270 guest271314 (174 rep) | A: How should I present the idea of doing repairs and minor renovations to my landlord? (score: -3) | posted 26 hours ago by guest271314 (174 rep) | Toxicity 0.20357955 | edited 42 minutes ago by guest271314 (174 rep)
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