@AzorAhai I'm personally not alienated at all. This really isn't about that. I'm asking how the question isn't in direct violation to the rule. Why would I want OP to change the title to something else just as irrelevant? — Clay07g 17 secs ago
12:05 AM
#2776 Clay07g (1146 rep) | Q: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -1) | posted 4 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep)
12:18 AM
@u_r_grounded This is not a forum for discussing the histories and prejudices of various countries. This is a forum for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. I understand this is a significant issue, but this is not the place to resolve it. If you still want to discuss it, please do so in chat — Lord Farquaad 2 mins ago
#2779 Lord Farquaad (1217 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 6) | posted 4 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17295 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17295 rep)
@Clay07g something else just as inflammatory I am not sure what you mean by that. || I don't understand why we should be okay with someone asking how to politely filter people based on race This is a very imprecise reduction of what the question is asking, and you know it. — Azor Ahai 38 secs ago
#2776 Azor Ahai (243 rep) | Q: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 0) | posted 4 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep)
12:54 AM
#2776 Clay07g (1146 rep) | Q: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep)
1:17 AM
I suspect - and I've seen the same thing on other questions here about more mundane subjects - that "deal with" is just in place of "handle a situation involving". It doesn't have to be have a negative connotation, and I didn't read that here. — HDE 226868 ♦ 1 min ago
#2776 HDE 226868 (6461 rep) | Q: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep)
3 hours later…
4:11 AM
@LordFarquaad context is key in every situation, and the context of race relations and atrocities in the USA is extremely relevant to a modern person figuring out how to discuss (or decline to discuss) those issues. Nobody is trying to turn this into a historical debate, that was a bit hyperbolic IMO. — DoritoStyle 34 secs ago
#2779 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 6) | posted 8 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17295 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17295 rep)
I'm glad that your answer focuses on the fact that the text being discussed was just noise on the answer. I did the initial edit on the answer primarily because it was noise rather than because it wasn't particularly nice as the other answers here mention. I was going to post my own answer to this meta, but I think you and sphennings did a good job of covering all my points. — Rainbacon 47 secs ago
#2785 Rainbacon (1336 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 4) | posted 6 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
@Clay07g I sincerely hope you will stop and think hard about this: You said, "let's separate the race and situation from OP's question". That is impossible to do. The problem OP faces is inexorably tied to race. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2778 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 10) | posted 8 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
Be Nice explicitly applies to activity that targets groups as well as individuals: "Language likely to offend or alienate individuals or groups based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc." — goldPseudo 1 min ago
#2788 goldPseudo (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 20 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
#13083 Reid (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 4 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
4:27 AM
Well, I wouldn't say rational people are "likely" to be offended by frank mentioning of historical fact. Global dominance by white people is one such fact. — DoritoStyle 24 secs ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 25 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
With that being said, I'm not an idiot, so I won't pretend that a lot of white people wouldn't be offended by frank discussions on race, but I can't say it's likely, and I definitely don't think it violates that clause of "Be Nice". — DoritoStyle 11 secs ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 26 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
This answer prevents unpleasant truths, but it might be good advice anyway (that is very often the case after all). Recommending sources helps to let them know you want them to grow, but you can't personally educate and discuss with them. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#13084 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by Atcrank (11 rep)
@Reid7 you have made this answer about yourself instead of the OP, not the best strategy. Really, your 3rd paragraph is all that would be necessary to answer the question without accidentally equating black & white American experiences (even if that wasn't your intention). — DoritoStyle just now
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
@DoritoStyle Actually, the top answer of that question is advice that isn't limited to any race, so assuming it is what the OP was looking for (probably, judging from his response), it means the question most certainly can be separated from race. But that's not even the point. The point is that it's not possible to further your interpersonal skills while also asking people how to reject engagements from people based on the color of their skin. It turns out that rejecting engagements of discussion is the same no matter how light the other person's skin is. — Clay07g 25 secs ago
#2778 Clay07g (1146 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 10) | posted 8 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
Additionally, by the time you posted your answer, very similar core advice had already been given. (P.S. I did not downvote; this is just my perspective) — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
@DoritoStyle, thank you for your reply. I made it about myself as far as offering a different model and a different perspective. Second, my advice involves affirming the person asking the question of the black male OP by continuing to engage the questioner and not leave it hanging. But I get that people take things in ways not intended. — Reid 48 secs ago
#13083 Reid (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
@DoritoStyle OP's experiences and purpose behind the question are inexorably tied to race. The question itself doesn't have to involve race at all. Rejecting white people is the same as rejecting non-white people. The OP is allowed to use the advice on just white people if he wishes, but that's unneeded information at best, and inflammatory at worst. — Clay07g 1 min ago
#2778 Clay07g (1146 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 10) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
4:44 AM
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
re: It's not possible to further your interpersonal skills while also asking people how to reject engagements from people based on the color of their skin." I completely disagree. That is your personal opinion, and it doesn't seem rarional IMHO. — DoritoStyle 25 secs ago
#2778 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 10) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
Assuming you are referencing Monica's answer, she absolutely does not separate race from the answer, it's in her first sentence. If it's not the point, then don't belabor it, but it very clearly IS the point. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2778 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 10) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
We are not talking about additional protections. Offensive statements should be protected by our current rules. I'm simply asking why the question does not violate such rules. I'm downvoting because this is just a paragraph about what you "think policy should be about". Even if you are 100% correct, it's off topic. I can see why you think I'm offended, but this isn't about that (and in fact, I'm not quite offended). — Clay07g 39 secs ago
#2788 Clay07g (1146 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 46 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
re: "Rejecting white people is the same as rejecting non-white people." That is the basis of the so-called reverse-racism concept, but that is far from accepted truth. At this point I think we need a chat room if you wish to go deeper into these points. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2778 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 11) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
#13083 Reid (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
Meta is FOR stating opinion instead of fact. As someone claiming to be a stickler for the rules you should know that? — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 50 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
@DoritoStyle Actually, yes, please provide me with information on how one would reject engagements with white people that doesn't also apply to non-white people. Please do so in chat, as we are beyond off topic. — Clay07g 54 secs ago
#2778 Clay07g (1146 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 11) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
Well, this is a Question/Answer forum, and interpersonal skills are not a great fit for the format IMO, so i kind of agree with you. Cheers! — DoritoStyle 45 secs ago
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
#2778 Clay07g (1146 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 11) | posted 9 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Cascabel (391 rep)
5:13 AM
@DoritoStyle that is not true at all, we try to encourage answers backed up by personal experience here. — Jesse 27 secs ago
#13083 Jesse (3744 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -4) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (101 rep)
In my opinion, the down-votes would be because of some combination of A: Your suggested response is a bit off/awkward for real conversation. B: The connection and reasoning between your experience, your response and OP's situation is a little lacking. C: This answer does not contain that much that has not already been covered in previous answers — Jesse 15 secs ago
#13083 Jesse (3744 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -3) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (111 rep)
All of this would be helped if you explained a bit more thoroughly how the insight from your experience leads to your solution and how this applies to OP personally, I have +1'd just because you backed it up but this answer still needs some work — Jesse 45 secs ago
#13083 Jesse (3744 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -3) | posted 5 hours ago by Reid (111 rep)
For what it's worth, I'm 27, male, with a BMI of 15.5, and I have nothing wrong with me, and naturally people notice I don't eat much. I just smile and assure them all is well, and laugh with them when they make jokes about it. — Edmund Reed 2 mins ago
#13064 Edmund Reed (101 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 21) | posted 17 hours ago by Cashbee (2727 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
It is important to keep in mind that there is no single "the black experience" and that the experience and viewpoints of black people is not homogeneous. pewsocialtrends.org/2016/06/27/… — Reid 1 min ago
#13084 Reid (111 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -1) | posted 3 hours ago by Atcrank (11 rep)
@Jesse partially disagree, we try to encourage answers backed up with references and written context, which CAN include anecdotes, but anecdotes are risky at the best of times since they aren't factual, and even more so in a site like IPS where facts aren't even necessarily "good" answers. — DoritoStyle 10 secs ago
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -3) | posted 6 hours ago by Reid (111 rep)
It's probably worth addressing the Elephant In The Room as well. In the USA, equating a white person experience with a black person's in a very ineffective strategy that will cause tempers to flare in many cases. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -3) | posted 6 hours ago by Reid (111 rep)
6:24 AM
Reid, that's somewhat true, people and communities vary widely. I'd happily drop the 'the'. How do you read that link though? There is a spectrum of experience and opinion in both communities, and the black spectrum varies significantly from the white spectrum almost all the time. If racism comes from inaccurate ideas projected on black people because they are black, the variations of black responses to questions are less relevant than the average white responses (as an estimator of the sample of white judgments of black people) deviating widely from where black people see themselves. — Atcrank 52 secs ago
#13084 Atcrank (11 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -1) | posted 4 hours ago by Atcrank (11 rep)
#13083 Jesse (3744 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -2) | posted 7 hours ago by Reid (121 rep)
#13083 Jesse (3744 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -2) | posted 7 hours ago by Reid (121 rep)
6:51 AM
#13083 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -1) | posted 7 hours ago by Reid (131 rep)
Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of @Smellys API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)
@RichardU : Beside that, as an expert (as you say so, I'm not kidding in any way), do you think that the original question, the one that led to so many comments / answers and meta post and a flaming war that upset so many people, do you think it is a troll? That's exactly what I thought when it was posted, I just kept an eye on it, and... well... so predictable... :( — OldPadawan 9 secs ago
#2786 OldPadawan (8932 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 2) | posted 8 hours ago by Richard U (7052 rep)
@Clay07g meta.stackexchange.com/questions/47634/… "Unlike normal Stack Exchange sites, Meta Stack Exchange invites the community to discuss, debate and propose changes to the way the community itself behaves, as well as how the software itself works. On many posts, especially feature requests, voting indicates agreement or disagreement with the proposed change rather than just the quality or usefulness of the post itself." — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
Policy should exist to protect those who are likely to be disenfranchised, not those already benefiting from advantage (historical or otherwise). Stack policy protects and treats everyone equally. Nobody gets a pass, nobody gets any special treatment, we don't care who you are, only what you post. This is one of the core principles of stackexchange and not up for debate or change from what I know. — Magisch 1 min ago
#2788 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
@Magisch respectfully, you are not in a position to make such a claim. StackExchange's owners and executives are very clear about initiatives to promote diversity, discourage exclusion, and develop underserved voices. — DoritoStyle 1 min ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
@apaul Quietly deleting these responses is what we're supposed to do. Our goal isn't to provide the best and most reassuring experience for OP, the goal is to build high quality Q/A. Meta commentary on the formation of a particular question or answer is noise detracting from that. Ideally, after we're done with this mess and things have settled down, all that should be left is a as helpful as possible question and as helpful as possible answers with no chit chat or commentary leftover. — Magisch 1 min ago
#2787 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 9) | posted 8 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
stackoverflow.blog & the excellent podcast go into detail on these issues more accessibly than you will find in the flood of meta posts. — DoritoStyle 17 secs ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
@DoritoStyle Do you want me to quote from the relevant places of authority? The prime and only goal here is to build quality Q/A. To that end, we're all expected to moderate and care about content, not users. I realize this can get lost in the crossfire of such a site as IPS, but really, nobody gets a special pass to ignore the rules. — Magisch 51 secs ago
#2788 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
#2788 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
@Magisch if you think you have a reliable and well-referenced post stating such an Ayn Randian philosophy i'll take a look, but I remain skeptical. — DoritoStyle 7 secs ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
I have no idea what you're talking about any more, maybe this would work better in a chat room. — DoritoStyle 23 secs ago
#2788 DoritoStyle (101 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
7:32 AM
Somewhat offtopic: Have you considered going to the gym and try to add a little muscle tone? It'll increase your overal size a bit (im not talking full Schwarzenegger), which people often interpret as healty. Because you are slim, a little muscle will be visible quick. — Martijn 19 secs ago
#13064 Martijn (2598 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 23) | posted 20 hours ago by Cashbee (2737 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
Hi @Pharguin! I edited your question in the goal of putting it in scope. Please, let me know if I got you wrong and that you don't agree with what I said. Cheers! — avazula 19 secs ago
#13070 avazula (3846 rep) | Q: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 1) | posted 17 hours ago by Pharguin (16 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by avazula (3846 rep)
#2788 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 0) | posted 3 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
#13064 Cashbee (2737 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 23) | posted 20 hours ago by Cashbee (2737 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
#13064 Astralbee (9263 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 23) | posted 20 hours ago by Cashbee (2737 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
#13064 Cashbee (2737 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 23) | posted 20 hours ago by Cashbee (2737 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
8:00 AM
I don't understand the problem here. What happens when you say "Sorry, I prefer not to discuss that"? Do your acquaintances keep insisting, or get offended, or something else happens? — Dmitry Grigoryev 49 secs ago
#13071 Dmitry Grigoryev (507 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 44) | posted 17 hours ago by u_r_grounded (360 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
8:13 AM
#13070 Pharguin (16 rep) | Q: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 1) | posted 18 hours ago by Pharguin (16 rep) | edited 37 minutes ago by avazula (3846 rep)
I don't know about the sunglasses. Do you know people who wear sunglasses indoors and aren't creeps? I'd assume that if someone wore sunglasses, they just want to keep staring without being noticed, especially after a session of "wandering eyes". Depending on your culture, it might seem impolite. And it will certainly interfere with your game, since human contact is essential and hiding your eyes destroys a lot of that. — Luaan 1 min ago
#12789 Luaan (355 rep) | A: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt? (score: 7) | posted 7 days ago by barbecue (187 rep) | edited 6 days ago by barbecue (187 rep)
8:33 AM
#13070 Daniel (2515 rep) | Q: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 1) | posted 18 hours ago by Pharguin (16 rep) | edited 57 minutes ago by avazula (3846 rep)
Would it be accurate to summarize the sentiment you're trying to convey as 'while I recognize that your experiences with certain people probably sucks, it doesn't mean you get a pass to exhibit similar behavior'? As with the question under discussion I think it becomes much easier to find the solution to the problem if we make it abstract and remove the parts that are causing emotions to flare up. — Cronax 1 min ago
#2776 Cronax (1244 rep) | Q: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: 2) | posted 13 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by Clay07g (1146 rep)
8:50 AM
If you ever wondered: Yes, you aren't mistaken if you think some white people want to discuss these issues just to "pay their debt so they can feel they owe you nothing anymore" or even "get the license for their privilege renewed". Comes with the territory of a social trend: Some of us are non-racist, some slightly racist, some appalingly so, but we are all expected to subscribe to the same hypocrisies :) — rackandboneman 45 secs ago
#13071 rackandboneman (317 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 44) | posted 18 hours ago by u_r_grounded (363 rep) | edited 8 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
Can I briefly suggest "Show, don't tell" (a common writers aphorism). The more you say "I'm fine, it's fine, no problem, no worries", the more it'll sound like you're trying to cover a problem. Just relax when asked the question give a non-commital "yeah, fine" and move on as if nothing's happened. — AJFaraday 26 secs ago
#13064 AJFaraday (101 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 25) | posted 21 hours ago by Cashbee (2747 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
"be nice you bastard" probably is more against the spirit of a BNP than saying something non-nicely :) — rackandboneman 1 min ago
#2788 rackandboneman (317 rep) | A: How does this question not violate the "Be Nice" Policy? (score: -1) | posted 4 hours ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep) | edited 59 minutes ago by DoritoStyle (101 rep)
#13064 Cashbee (2747 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 25) | posted 21 hours ago by Cashbee (2747 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
9:12 AM
Welcome to Interpersonal Skills! Thank you for your answer, I think it is a very good approach and will keep that in mind. You did elaborate nicely on your rather short comment to the question (which btw would be nice if you deleted it).I will delete my comment (this one) in 5 minutes as it is not really appropriate here, but I still wanted to welcome you and show appreciation! — Cashbee 14 secs ago
#13089 Cashbee (2747 rep) | A: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 2) | posted 9 minutes ago by AJFaraday (121 rep)
9:33 AM
#13090 Cashbee (2747 rep) | Q: How to let my family know that I suffer from depression? (score: 1) | posted 22 minutes ago by M. S. L (6 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by M. S. L (6 rep)
#13080 benxyzzy (101 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 21) | posted 13 hours ago by G. Ann - SonarSource Team (840 rep)
As a skinny person (who flirts with the underweight section of the BMI scale regularly), I tend to focus on physical fitness. For example; I may be skinny but I can focus at work, I don't get overly tired, I run and cycle and I clearly have enough energy to walk around town and climb flights of stairs. Therefore I am healthy. Obviously these may not apply to you but chances are the people who worry about you are not as physically fit as you, and if so this can be a good avenue to (POLITELY) pursue. Obviously don't call out someone who is overweight for being overweight... this is IPS here. — Smeato 27 secs ago
#13067 Smeato (101 rep) | A: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 22) | posted 21 hours ago by Link0352 (1816 rep)
"but you're tacitly painting our community as a hostile place." It downright is. Many other SE communities are also. — Phil 30 secs ago
#2785 Phil (105 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 6) | posted 12 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
#2785 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 6) | posted 12 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
This kind of attitude can only lead to nothing ever improving. One can't call out someone else's bad behavior, because it is not "nice" to do so. — Phil 10 secs ago
#2785 Phil (105 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 6) | posted 12 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
@Phil You can absolutely discuss behavior. On meta. With examples. While still being nice. Nice towards the person (assume good faith and all that) while being constructively critical of behavior. If your "calling out" or criticism isn't actionable, it can't be actioned. — Magisch 19 secs ago
#2785 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 6) | posted 12 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
9:55 AM
The ambiguity of "I'm fine" did indeed not occur to me, as in German/Swiss-German it is not as ambiguous as it is in English. But it still is a little! Good inputs! — Cashbee 57 secs ago
#13091 Cashbee (2747 rep) | A: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 1) | posted 13 minutes ago by Astralbee (9273 rep)
It's an easy trap to fall into but you can be nice and fiercely critical at the same time. Sort of like what we're doing in this post right now. It's necessary to decouple your feelings about particular users from their behavior and address the behavior in an independant way. — Magisch 54 secs ago
#2785 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 6) | posted 12 hours ago by Magisch (7465 rep)
#13090 Stacey (7269 rep) | Q: How to let my family know that I suffer from depression? (score: 0) | posted 44 minutes ago by M. S. L (4 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Stacey (7269 rep)
#13064 Andrew T. (157 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 25) | posted 22 hours ago by Cashbee (2747 rep) | edited 19 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
Welcome to IPS. This answer requires some editing and more detail. The first 5 sentences are just comment on the question rather than an answer. This point really should have been made as a comment below the original question. Your final sentence is an answer of sorts but you don't say why this is a good response. — Astralbee 14 secs ago
#13093 Astralbee (9272 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -2) | posted 13 minutes ago by gerard (1 rep)
#13093 henning (3762 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -2) | posted 13 minutes ago by gerard (1 rep)
#2787 Reid (131 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 11) | posted 11 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
10:14 AM
The specific problem of black people being expected to explain racism and the issues around it to white people cannot be equivocated with a black person discussing the topic with another black person. The original asker has already described, and there are countless others on fora/comment threads, the maddening insistence that white people have on getting what they want from the black person regardless of how ironically terrible that is, or how negative the effects. Pretending this is just an application of the general case? Nonsense. — Nij 1 min ago
#13093 Nij (107 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -1) | posted 25 minutes ago by gerard (11 rep)
Meta discussion on this question: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2790/… — Stacey 15 secs ago
#13090 Stacey (7297 rep) | Q: How to let my family know that I suffer from depression? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by M. S. L (14 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by Stacey (7297 rep)
10:34 AM
Can you be a bit more specific in what you want answered here? Think about what interpersonal skill you are struggling with and what the desired outcome should be. As it stands, it will probably get closed as off topic. — Daniel 44 secs ago
#13095 Daniel (2515 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (6 rep)
In some cases a person may read a message, but the messaging app doesn't register it as read. For instance, reading through a notification without opening the app, or closing out of the app too early. — gparyani 6 secs ago
#13094 gparyani (204 rep) | A: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 0) | posted 21 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep)
Before we can even help you edit the question, what is your goal? What do you wish to communicate to your wife? — D.Hutchinson 59 secs ago
#13095 D.Hutchinson (3789 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (6 rep)
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (6 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (6 rep)
@gparyani: what does that have to do with anything? Op states * the network messaging system is conveniently telling me that she saw message* so this is not the case here! — Daniel 19 secs ago
#13094 Daniel (2515 rep) | A: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 0) | posted 24 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep) | edited 11 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep)
+1 for repeat and make boring. When we want a conversation over, we need to resist the urge to be interesting and instill life in the conversation. — Emilio M Bumachar 1 min ago
#13073 Emilio M Bumachar (199 rep) | A: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 7) | posted 19 hours ago by BradC (1338 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by BradC (1338 rep)
#13094 gparyani (204 rep) | A: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 0) | posted 25 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep) | edited 12 minutes ago by Daniel (2515 rep)
Excellent question. You know, I was sat with my Mrs (we are in Europe, not British) and watching some US based tv program, and my Mrs asked me "what is the problem in the US with blacks vs whites all the time?" and you know we had a long discussion about how only recently, like in the 60s or 70s, did the US actually basically stop black segregation and start to admit that their whole economy was originally built on top of black slave labour, and that there is no way in hell such a set of atrocities and cultural/economic tectonic shift can be forgotten in less than a generation or two. — Sentinel 57 secs ago
#13071 Sentinel (1490 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 49) | posted 20 hours ago by u_r_grounded (388 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (6 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 1) | posted 15 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (6 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (6 rep)
It's a bit like Belgium and their relationship to the Congo for example, but my point is, kind of, that a) this kind of issue is way too deep for short conversations and I understand you wanting to avoid them b) this question needs culture tags. Eg is it Congolese with Belgian colleagues, French colonials, South African with Netherlands, or a US thing? — Sentinel 6 secs ago
#13071 Sentinel (1490 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 49) | posted 20 hours ago by u_r_grounded (388 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
It is always draining to talk about a generalized and trivialized situation, it is just as consuming for white people to talk of white privilege, since it is something most white people have never noticed - and is a catch 22. Either you are doing bad in spite of being privileged, or you are successful and all your achievements are because of the privilege. Casual racism isn't really a thing either, people distrust people that are different from them until they have experienced enough to learn otherwise. This is automatic and cannot be corrected by claiming it is racism. — Stian Yttervik 1 min ago
#13079 Stian Yttervik (573 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 53) | posted 16 hours ago by Monica Cellio (11375 rep)
I don't think this has much to do with majority/minority. I think it's down to history, if we are talking about the US. You know, the whole USA was built on black slave labour, which put the white man in power and left a legacy of black poverty. This has to be put to rights actively, with active ongoing compensation to the black communities to bring equality. It can't all be left to be forgotten in time and left to the free market. That's a cop-out. People black/white/etc live in a bubble and are all too willing to forget their ancestors and why things are the way they are. — Sentinel 1 min ago
#13079 Sentinel (1489 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 53) | posted 16 hours ago by Monica Cellio (11375 rep)
(ran out of characters) I say this just as a matter of adding to the answer, not as a criticism. I think the majority/minority aspect can be left out. — Sentinel 19 secs ago
#13079 Sentinel (1489 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 53) | posted 16 hours ago by Monica Cellio (11375 rep)
@Sentinel Comments are for requesting clarification and suggesting improvements to a post. This is not the place to have a wide spanning discussions about race relations in the USA or elsewhere. Please take that to chat if you're so inclined. On such conversation has already been moved to chat here: chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/75855/… — Magisch 1 min ago
#13079 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 53) | posted 16 hours ago by Monica Cellio (11375 rep)
11:05 AM
@Mindwin Well, fat people live longer. Or, fat elderly people live longer, to be specific. If you have no reserves, that last pneumonia will kill you faster. There are pro's and con's to both ends of the spectrum, and nutritional research is in general low quality and lacks repeatability. (because xkcd.com/882) — Stian Yttervik 1 min ago
#13067 Stian Yttervik (573 rep) | A: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 22) | posted 22 hours ago by Link0352 (1816 rep)
Do you have anything to back up why this would be effective? Your answer here could benefit from being supported by personal experience or sources. Please elaborate if you can. — Magisch 55 secs ago
#13087 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 1) | posted 5 hours ago by patrick (11 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by A J (5647 rep)
@Reid No-one who isn't a Mod, CM or Developer has the ability to see deleted comments. — sphennings 20 secs ago
#2787 sphennings (5159 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 11) | posted 12 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
@sphennings on IPS that isn't strictly speaking true. The IPS comment bot keeps a permanent archive of all posted comments barring exceptional circumstances. — Magisch 2 mins ago
#2787 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 11) | posted 12 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
11:25 AM
#13064 Cashbee (2747 rep) | Q: How can I be more persuasive when assuring people that I am perfectly fine and healthy? (score: 25) | posted 23 hours ago by Cashbee (2747 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Jack Aidley (396 rep)
#13098 lukuss (111 rep) | A: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Astralbee (9283 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (9283 rep)
In this case I've followed the guidance given for suicide cases, and notified a Community Manager at Stack Exchange, who said that they will reach out to the user. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#2790 Arwen Undómiel (1932 rep) | Q: Dealing with borderline on-topic mental health questions (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Stacey (7307 rep)
@OldPadawan In my opinion, it was a troll post and flamebait. The OP's defense of it seemed a caricature. I think I posted in chat that if I wanted to disrupt this site, I would post something nearly identical to that. We have a multinational membership and I have noticed a bit of an anti-american tone (not much of one, but it's there) and throwing in the phrase "thankfully, not the USA" was guaranteed to get the Americans outraged, and the non-Americans to say "what's the big deal"? It's a classic "Let's you and him fight" move. — Richard U 7 secs ago
#2786 Richard U (7052 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 4) | posted 13 hours ago by Richard U (7052 rep)
#2786 OldPadawan (8932 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 4) | posted 13 hours ago by Richard U (7052 rep)
@OldPadawan it also hit just about every touch-point to be controversial and inflammatory. You have racism, the whole talking about "white people" in such a way as to drive a wedge to the point where anyone even asking to soften the tone gave the OP the opportunity to respond by calling people racist and wanting to silence them for speaking out. I've used a similar tactic elsewhere to yank people's chain, — Richard U 31 secs ago
#2786 Richard U (7052 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 4) | posted 13 hours ago by Richard U (7052 rep)
11:50 AM
#2790 Stacey (7307 rep) | Q: Dealing with borderline on-topic mental health questions (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Stacey (7307 rep)
#2790 Arwen Undómiel (1932 rep) | Q: Dealing with borderline on-topic mental health questions (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Stacey (7307 rep)
@gparyani: Oh, ok maybe my statement was unclear. I´ll try to improve it. IT´s about managing your exaction not about messenger funktionality. — Daniel 15 secs ago
#13094 Daniel (2515 rep) | A: How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Daniel (2515 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Daniel (2515 rep)
@ArwenUndómiel Sure, but yesterday it was consistently up iirc and so it serves as an archive of yesterday's events — Magisch 39 secs ago
#2787 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 11) | posted 13 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
@Magisch - Although it's not wise to depend on the bot, seeing as it's maintained by essentially one person, and is liable to go down sometimes. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#2787 Arwen Undómiel (1932 rep) | A: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: 11) | posted 13 hours ago by Jon Ericson (239 rep)
She plays games all day? so, she doesn't work? Who takes care of the kids when she's playing? A 2 year old needs a lot of attention ! — peufeu 8 secs ago
#13095 peufeu (10673 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (26 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (26 rep)
@peufeu - Usually an hour or so in the morning and then all night. Youngest is either asleep or watching tv. — Depressed_Hubby 31 secs ago
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (31 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (31 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (31 rep)
12:14 PM
+1, but I've got a question, statements such as "I am committed to making our marriage work", "I want our marriage to survive". Are they too strong? The OP has seems to be on eggshells because doesn't want to risk any further rifts in the relationship. Are you suggesting this language because his relationship is already on that track, and therefore it's almost inevitable and should be brought up? The second quoted point "I'd like you to stop all communication with this guy online. That is something you need to decide on." is also an ultimatum that may cause the rift the OP doesn't want. — Philbo 19 secs ago
#13098 Philbo (131 rep) | A: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 4) | posted 54 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep) | edited 48 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
Putting the kid in front of the TV isn't parenting. Does she have friends (real life, not online), and a social life, or does she stay home 24/7? — peufeu 38 secs ago
#13095 peufeu (10673 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep)
#13098 Philbo (131 rep) | A: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 4) | posted 57 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep) | edited 51 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
Suggestion about creating the time: she's on this game most nights. You think perhaps he should look for a couples retreat (without kids maybe) for a weekend/week/fortnight? Break her cycle of talking to this guy. Get evenings back to being the two of them? See if she uses that time to keep in contact with the guy, or is overly looking forward to getting back to the game (and him) which would suggest an emotional bond she cannot break - which would be very worrying. — Philbo 17 secs ago
#13099 Philbo (131 rep) | A: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 3) | posted 52 minutes ago by lukuss (141 rep) | edited 40 minutes ago by lukuss (141 rep)
12:19 PM
You say you want not sound fed up. But you said, in so many words, that you ARE fed up. You are asking how to appear to be something you are not. I think this is the root of the discomfort that prompted you to post this question. What's wrong with letting people know (politely, respectfully, firmly) that you really are fed up? To me, the most effective way to let anyone know that I am fed up about anything is to simply sound that way. If they already have blinders on that prevent them from seeing that, there's not much you can do anyway. — mickeyf 24 secs ago
#13071 mickeyf (143 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 47) | posted 22 hours ago by u_r_grounded (387 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
@peufeu - Not much of a social life (quite like me). She does go to the gym 3-4 times a week for an hour, I also go with her once a week so that it is something we both do. — Depressed_Hubby 31 secs ago
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep)
Is the "how you found out" really not important? There's a difference between being shared this information by your partner (which might suggest anything from she thinks nothing about it, to she's looking to open the relationship); and you stumbling across something she's been trying to keep hidden. You don't need to share, but it might help us gauge the level of this relationship of theirs. — Philbo 55 secs ago
#13095 Philbo (131 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep)
@Philbo Fair comments which I respect, but all indicators point to the seriousness of this. Follow the link to 'emotional affair' on wikipedia, her withdrawal from affection would suggest it is at this stage. Plus, if he cannot communicate his love via affection, his words need to be affirmative and clear. Her stopping communication is what the OP sets as a goal and so this needs to be expressed verbally. — Astralbee 47 secs ago
#13098 Astralbee (9313 rep) | A: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (9313 rep) | edited 55 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
@Philbo - I read some of the chat log (not intentionally as I didn't know what it was as it was saved in a file). I asked her about it and she explained about how it is all a fantasy. She did mention to me before I read this log that they make sex jokes together. I didn't think it was to this level. — Depressed_Hubby 12 secs ago
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | Q: Did not give enough attention to wife, now she gets it from someone else (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep)
#13095 Astralbee (9313 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (34 rep) | edited 58 seconds ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
You are facing a gaming addiction, an emotional affair, and using a television as "parenting" - this should be dealt with by a professional therapist, not a bunch of strangers on the internet. — David K 15 secs ago
#13095 David K (939 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
I appreciate your positive outlook here, but I've never seen this work. Usually at this stage (from every instance I've witnessed among friends and family). This is usually worse then a normal affair and ends in divorce quite quickly. Do you have any back up as to why your strategy will work? — Magisch 42 secs ago
#13098 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (9313 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
Ok, that sounds like she's actually been involved in extended role playing of sexual activity? That's very different to a comment such as "yeah, if you were single I'd definitely have sex with you" as a form of weird confidence boosting (still crossing my personal line), or some joke about having a big appendage and how good he is with it. If they're playing out sexual fantasies together, I think you need to pay attention to the answer @Astralbee gave. — Philbo 1 min ago
#13095 Philbo (131 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
@DavidK - My wife does look after the kids. She plays an hour in the morning then spends time with the little one. And she picks up the other from school. She does the usual house chores: cleaning, cooking, washing etc. — Depressed_Hubby 1 min ago
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (32 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Astralbee (9313 rep)
@Depressed_Hubby Ah, sorry, I interpreted "an hour in the morning" as playing with the kids for an hour, not playing the game. Regardless, I think the issues you are dealing with are outside of what an online community can do for you, and I think you should really look for couples counseling. — David K 1 min ago
#13095 David K (939 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (37 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by Astralbee (9323 rep)
#13095 Depressed_Hubby (37 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (37 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by Astralbee (9323 rep)
#13100 lukuss (141 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 1) | posted 16 minutes ago by Tom (3931 rep)
12:37 PM
interesting half-related meta: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1905/1599 — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#2790 Tinkeringbell (17295 rep) | Q: Dealing with borderline on-topic mental health questions (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by Stacey (7317 rep)
You say you withdrew your attention in the past. What caused you to do this? (also please edit the question and add all the details you gave in the comments, it's better to be clear about your current situation) — peufeu 24 secs ago
#13095 peufeu (10673 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | edited 11 minutes ago by Astralbee (9333 rep)
#13095 peufeu (10673 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | edited 12 minutes ago by Astralbee (9333 rep)
@Magisch I myself am divorced, after a situation similar in a lot of ways to this one. It would be easy for me to be negative, but I do believe that it is possible to rescue the situation if both parties want to. And that is what makes the difference. What I believe firmly is that the OP in this situation needs to focus on controlling his own behaviour and not anybody else's. That is the best chance of fixing the situation. Even if it does not work (and I hope it will - other comments suggest I'm being too negative!) he will have done the right thing. — Astralbee 52 secs ago
#13098 Astralbee (9333 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (9333 rep) | edited 17 minutes ago by Astralbee (9333 rep)
@Astralbee You're right, the comment wasn't entirely helpful to OP in this situation, I retracted it. — Magisch 36 secs ago
#13098 Magisch (7465 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 7) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (9343 rep) | edited 22 minutes ago by Astralbee (9343 rep)
Sort of derivative of my answer, but more negative. It sounds like you have some direct or indirect experience of affairs, I am sorry if you do, I also know this is a very painful experience. I would say this - just because you don't hear many success stories doesn't mean there are none. Many issues like this are sorted out between married couples privately. — Astralbee 16 secs ago
#13101 Astralbee (9343 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Magisch (7475 rep)
@Astralbee Yeah, I didn't want to suggest to you to make your answer more negative. I do try to be positive but I think one critical point is recognizing the severity of the issue. I also think couple's counseling might be the best bet here. — Magisch 8 secs ago
#13101 Magisch (7475 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Magisch (7475 rep)
This is really beyond the scope of IPS and requires the services of a professional. — Richard U 10 secs ago
#13095 Richard U (7051 rep) | Q: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by Depressed_Hubby (42 rep)
Incidentally, found a useful online resource for anyone who might need it. I suggest bookmarking that link, as I fully expect the vocal majority to force this question to be amended beyond recognition, closed or entirely deleted from this site. There is precedence for this sort of behaviour, and I for one am used to it. — u_r_grounded just now
#13071 u_r_grounded (407 rep) | Q: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: 51) | posted 22 hours ago by u_r_grounded (407 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by justhalf (103 rep)
#10151 Strawberry (101 rep) | Q: How to communicate with neighbour with banging door without making her uncomfortable (score: 5) | posted 65 days ago by simon_smiley (128 rep)
I didn't say that the gaming addiction is the problem. But it's a very strong clue that something much bigger is going on. If you see an elephant in your room, you should seriously ask yourself where the heck it came from and how it fit through the door. — Tom 54 secs ago
#13100 Tom (3931 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 1) | posted 35 minutes ago by Tom (3931 rep)
@Astralbee - Thank you for your advice, it sounds really helpful and makes sense with the model. I will have to find the place and time to discuss this with my wife. — Depressed_Hubby 1 min ago
#13098 Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 7) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (9343 rep) | edited 33 minutes ago by Astralbee (9343 rep)
Thank you for your advice, I understand that I need to make things right and am trying for us to do more things together so hopefully it is helping. — Depressed_Hubby 1 min ago
#13099 Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by lukuss (143 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by lukuss (143 rep)
Deray is openly racist himself. I'd suggest excluding him for a better example. — Physics-Compute 55 secs ago
#13084 Physics-Compute (213 rep) | A: How to politely deal with white people wanting to talk to me about racism/race issues (score: -2) | posted 10 hours ago by Atcrank (17 rep)
Thank you for your advice, it is incredibly difficult to discuss with my wife as I keep putting it off. I have to really force myself to talk to her about it. — Depressed_Hubby just now
#13097 Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Violet Flare (21 rep)
@Magisch - Thank you for your advice, I was afraid of there being an emotional detachment. My wife has been depressed for a while but neither myself nor herself knows why. She doesn't believe talking about it with anyone would help. — Depressed_Hubby 56 secs ago
#13101 Depressed_Hubby (42 rep) | A: How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair" (score: 2) | posted 16 minutes ago by Magisch (7485 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by lukuss (143 rep)
« first day (251 days earlier) ← previous day next day → last day (1224 days later) »
