What is your actual question? The only question mark I see in your post is in the title and unfortunately "How can I deal with people around me?" is a very broad question. Is there a particular problem you are trying to solve? — sphennings 45 secs ago

Maybe a general advice? if you ever have experienced something similar? — Piyush Verma 40 secs ago

We're not a general advice site. We're here to help people solve specific problems that they have when interacting with other people. We're not here to share stories except in pointing out that you've tried a solution and found it to work for yourself. We need you to narrow your question down to a specific question with a specific problem and explain what your desired outcome would be. — Catija ♦ 57 secs ago

@AllTheKingsHorses As far as I can see, none of that applies to creating standards after hiring someone that violates them, and clearly has been doing so all along. — sgf 1 min ago

Remember that this is happening in the more formal context of a date where there should already be an effort to behave well on their own initiative. They shouldn't be texting here anymore than they would in a job interview. The person texting is being egregiously rude to the person they are presumably trying to impress. An exclamation of surprise toward that bad judgement is entirely proportionate and much more likely to succeed than a PR but weak response. — Thisiswhatyoudo 1 min ago

I like the second response. Having to forward those emails just so he can fix it is counterproductive. — doctordonna 1 min ago

Remember that this is happening in the more formal context of a date where there should already be an effort to behave well on their own initiative. They shouldn't be texting here anymore than they would in a job interview. Texting in this situation is being egregiously rude to the person they are presumably trying to impress. An exclamation of surprise toward that bad judgement is entirely proportionate and much more likely to succeed than a weak PC response. — Thisiswhatyoudo 1 min ago

I don't have the rep on here yet to post an answer to a protected question. But a few thoughts come to mind: (1) (Applies only to a first meeting) For personal safety, she (wisely) arranged with someone to notify her situation - let them know all is OK. (2) (Also applies to a first meeting) Arranged with someone to feed her an excuse to break off a date if it's not going well "excuse me, something's come up I have to attend to". (3) Genuinely rude; I'd suggest you ask "Is there something you need to attend to right now? Shall we end our date and reschedule?" — Anthony X 1 min ago

He does not have to pay. But I guess if a man invites a women to an expensive restaurant and he pays then this will increase his chance that the woman he wants joins him. Obviously the idea should not be to "buy her" but to give her the opportunity to get to know the guy in a nice environment free of charge. — Edgar 14 secs ago

I do believe the core issue here is mismatched expectations, including how formal the date is. — arp 1 min ago

Indeed. I took the perspective as framed by the OP. — Thisiswhatyoudo 1 min ago

The comic is mocking our obsession with phones and concurrent decline of social graces. Very apt counterpoint to this discussion. — Thisiswhatyoudo 9 secs ago

@Nij both - in not-so-formal situations, e.g. not in academia or the workplace, I typically use "girl" instead of "woman". Context matters. Also, when my girl friends go on their dates, they'd winsomely say, "I'm seeing this boy tonight ... ". However, if you want to get technical about it, "girl" is still correct usage: google.com/… — D.Hutchinson 1 min ago

The question has protection for a reason. Don't subvert comments to post an answer when you do not have the rep to get past it. @AnthonyX — Nij 1 min ago

@Tinkeringbell Of possible interest to you are some of the results in this search that address this topic from several perspectives. These don't answer your question per se but are certainly closely related dialogs — Thisiswhatyoudo 1 min ago

In the guidelines about protection there is Do unprotect questions that aren’t currently attracting a lot of attention and don’t have a long history of unproductive answers.. Is this done at least sometimes when question cools down? — Piro 28 secs ago

I think any good answer is incomplete without even mentioning human biology. Everyone you are dating comes from a long line of serial reproducers. Every single one of their ancestors, all the way back, all of them made babies. It's not fair or reasonable to be upset with someone who "changes their mind" about not having kids. It's basically the strongest instinct after self preservation and it's well known for subverting one's logic and reason to fulfill it's goals. To call the results of this influence "dishonesty" is like blaming them for being human. You should expect it. — gunfulker just now

Surely at 40 he has some assets .Explain to him that he could lose half of his assets and at v40 he may not have time to bounce back . — Autistic 13 secs ago

If done often (say, more than once to the same person within 12 months), I would begin to worry about potentially receiving a negative response of some sort. Depends on who it is and how I know the person, but even without an overtly hostile reaction like the one @ChrisK describes, that does not mean you haven't annoyed the person and/or given the impression you are an unusually forgetful person. — A.fm. 14 secs ago

This question disgusts me. I am waiting for a second question to appear here. Something like, I have recently started a new job, and many of my colleagues are backstabbing me because of my physical appearance. None of them have said anything to my face. One of them complained about me to my boss, who didn't mention it to me. This same colleague has even taking to me on a public question and answer site. This makes me feel victimised and excluded. Any advice on how I should deal with my colleagues under these circumstances? Or should I just quit the job? — Dawood ibn Kareem 1 min ago

Ok. You don't always have to use the question ID. Just mention the question title and its link in your post. Like you mentioned the question title in your post title. — A J 8 secs ago

@ArwenUndómiel But link doesn't. — A J 1 min ago

@AJ - titles change, and having the post ID helps to reduce confusion. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

link or post ID is fine, it ain't that hard ... ugh ... — D.Hutchinson 9 secs ago

@ArwenUndómiel Never mind. It can work either way. — A J 20 secs ago

What do you people say "bless you", when someone sneezes? <-- also doesn't need to belong on IPS either. Just Google it ... — D.Hutchinson 6 secs ago

Seems like this question is easily answered by a quick Google search ... not sure what value it would add to have it on IPS ... — D.Hutchinson 1 min ago

Just because something is Googleable doesn't mean it's off topic. — sphennings 1 min ago

@sphennings I guess that's true. But I think questions like these, where it's so open to a bunch of different types of historical interpretation, when IPS gets a bunch of different answers that compete against each other, the OP will just come away even more confused - it'll be hard for any answer to be the clear favorite, the "correct" answer. It's near-impossible ... and it'll just lower the quality of the site ... we should focus on actionable IPS questions ... not historical interpretations ... — D.Hutchinson 1 min ago

@sphennings I dunno, though. Let's see what Catija thinks in the morning. — D.Hutchinson 43 secs ago

Oh ... hmm ... I see ... — D.Hutchinson 48 secs ago

This is not an answer to the question. The question is not whether this type of question should be on topic or not, it already is. The question concerns a specific question (hence the tag). — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

@AnneDaunted although it's on-topic, shouldn't the site focus on actionable IPS questions; in this case, perhaps ask "how to best communicate to my date that I wish to pay for the first date, based on my beliefs?" rather than ask for "why men pay for a first date", which opens up for many possible historical interpretations ... that doesn't seem like the direction IPS would want to go in ... — D.Hutchinson 1 min ago

I like the end of your answer, where you offer possible lines to communicate to her, but I dislike your accusing me of using the word "girl" in some derogatory context; no, I don't follow interpretations of the differences between "woman" vs. "girl" as given in, say, the Huffington Post. You can use a dictionary to verify that I have use "girl" correctly (and respectfully, too). — D.Hutchinson 57 secs ago

Seeing how the OP defines the issue as a recurring problem in the population he is dating, this really is the only right answer assuming the OP wants to leave open the possibility of a continuing relationship. — dotancohen 1 min ago

Another thing that doesn't add up is Eric said he received messages from Liam AND his girlfriend. I only saw Liam. I guess if Liam is crazy he could have got his girlfriend to do this, but he didn't seem crazy (and he did tell me how to find Eric). — KeepOffGrass 1 min ago

@Stacey it's possible. Another thing I can't get my head around is how Eric said he received messages from Liam and his girlfriend when I never even saw his girlfriend. I wonder if Eric is simply lying. (normally I wouldn't think this much but this literally cost me to loose my home) — KeepOffGrass 1 min ago

This question is being discussed on meta — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

How long have you been married? How accustomed are you to coping with her crying? "She cried quietly and I went somewhere else." is indicative that you may not be accustomed to coping with a crying spouse. There is no set rule, but generally ignoring her crying is not the best response. — Stacey 1 min ago

Sensitivity like this is generally due to her emotional needs not being met (or it may just be "that time of the month" - but don't say that!). If she's not feeling emotionally connected to you or emotionally filled up, then things like this (seemingly unrelated) are going to cause over-reactions. In short, she's fragile. I recommend you both do the 5 love languages quiz and then do the things that are her love languages. (5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples - note you don't have to sign up and can just download the pdf version) — Stacey 1 min ago

I have now voted to reopen that question, which is definitely not off topic for this website. OP cold possibly expand it a bit if members feel that it is too brief or needs more details about what OP expects from an answer. — English Student 1 min ago

This answer assumes that both parties understand their own feelings. This may seem silly to state (who wouldn't understand their own feelings?) but very often women (even 30 year-old me!) feel strong feelings that they need to process and often can't put into words. I could have the knee-jerk reaction of "you think I'm lazy" but have not personally gone to the depth to figure out why myself, let alone explain it in words to other people. — Stacey 1 min ago

@sgf Maybe or maybe not, I'm not a German labour law lawyer but I strongly suspect it'd not as easy as "invisible contracts" if it were to go to court. In any case, it doesn't matter much for the answer to the OP: (and I agree with Thorsten S. here) the OP should stay well out of it (because the boss has to handle this) and and under no circumstances should they try to fob this off on Alice. — AllTheKingsHorses 1 min ago

@lightnessracesinorbit to me it sounds like start of a friendship, a transition from acquaintances to being real friends — King Graham 7 secs ago

@Jefromi I addressed your questions with added material, except perhaps for why it is 'polite'. Being polite is being respectful, not insulting. The competition among men for women continues, and remains the social norm, whether or not we reason we should be equals. It feels different to be a woman than a man because our reproductive biology (and costs) are very different. The social norm is that suitors pay for entertainment to reciprocate their date granting them the favor of their attention. Breaking that norm is an insult that says this favor is unworthy of reciprocation. That is impolite. — Amadeus 8 secs ago

Paying for the favor of attention is a very different framing than paying to prove they're a worthy provider, one that makes far more sense to me in the context of dating :) — Jefromi 1 min ago

So, avoiding whether or not anthropology questions are on topic for the moment, I'd note that the origins of a custom may be very different from the reasons it's now thought of as being polite, so it seems like there's a bit of broadness there as well, even in the current form. Do you think perhaps more editing might improve things? — Jefromi 1 min ago

@Jefromi, You're right, that might very well be two different questions... I didn't think twice about that, because the 'rise when a woman leaves' also asks them at the same time... — Tinkeringbell 29 secs ago

@Jefromi I agree with you, but then the question would have been too broad, not off topic. Also, the close voters could have left a comment for the OP indicating the problem and asking for clarification. — Anne Daunted 51 secs ago

@Arandomlady The fact that you consider it part of the picture, connected to what you're saying is a real problem, is one of the reasons people are reacting negatively to it. You might consider just paring down your question a bit. If this is about hair, make it about hair, don't imply you also have a problem with the other things by mentioning them in the same negatively framed list. — Jefromi 45 secs ago

Currently you are asking two questions at once: 1) Why is it still considered polite? and 2) What's its origin?. Please choose one of these two as the question may else be too broad (e. g. the origins of a custom may be very different from the reasons it's now thought of as being polite as @Jefromi noted in a perceptive comment. — Anne Daunted 45 secs ago

@Jefromi I think it both proves resources and recipricocates; I think there is a subtle difference between "payment" and "reciprocation". To me, "payment" implies prostitution and the woman doing something she would not otherwise do. Reciprocation is doing your fair share, in this case providing a pleasant setting. If I invite you to a party at my house, I don't expect you to pay your fair share. Reciprocating by inviting me when you throw a party is polite, not a pay off. IMO they are different and evoke different emotions, rational or not. I don't care to debate that further. — Amadeus 1 min ago

@AnneDaunted Yeah, I'm not saying that means everything went perfectly, mostly just that it could be something to fix before reopening rather than after. Also, close voters are human just like the rest of us, so it's not surprising if now and then they get an overall sense of the question including more than one issue but end up focusing on one reason. (Similarly sometimes people overlook issues because of an overall positive perception.) So, not a direct judgment of close or open, but a perspective I've found helpful, at least on other sites. — Jefromi 1 min ago

I did not mean to start a debate about paying versus reciprocating, I merely did an apparently bad job of briefly paraphrasing "suitors pay..." from your comment. The important point was about the difference between proving resources and reciprocating for attention. — Jefromi 1 min ago

This question has been obviously conflicting between the users here. I'm closing it until it's clarified and narrowed. The history of this practice is substantially different than the current implementation and making the assumption that men still pay for first dates requires some evidence of such being true. The question "why is it polite for anyone to pay for a date?" Seems obvious to me... so why do you consider it impolite for a man to offer paying for a date? — Catija ♦ 12 secs ago

Do keep in mind that women will often have an "escape pod" set up with a friend. For example, if the date is really bad they can text their friend that's it's going badly and the friend will ring with an excuse for them to leave. That should only be one or two texts though. — iain 46 secs ago

It seems that the OP mostly cares about the current practice, not its origins - the second question was added in a later edit. See the original version. Also, the OP seems to be interested in "western culture" in general, note how they added the tags united-states and europe in another edit. I agree with you that it's currently too broad and while we may narrow it down to only one question due to the edit history, the other issues remain. But now the OP knows what to do. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

And removing the history question kills the top answer there, which is why it's so important that unclear questions stay closed. It makes fixing them difficult. At this point it seems like the better course is to start over anew. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

This question was mentioned on meta while discussing another question. Why something is considered to be polite and what the origin of such a practice is, are really 2 different questions. — Tinkeringbell 15 secs ago

The time stamps are not helpful to me, but the highest voted answer may have already been written prior to the 2nd edit, i. e. before the question was changed to include the custom's origins. My intention, btw., was not to get it reopened as soon as possible, but to discuss why it was closed as off topic, since it concerns the scope of IPS. — Anne Daunted 55 secs ago

ON the contrary, the behaviors observed on nearly all interactions between men and women, just in recorded history, support this hypothesis, as does modern psychological testing results. You don't have to believe our psychology is shaped by evolution, but you should certainly believe it is shaped by our biological differences and the vast disparity of risks in intercourse. As a professional scientist I welcome reasoned argument but reject disparagement, you provide zero evidence or argument against the hypothesis other than "I don't think so" and "I'm guessing maybe it isn't true." — Amadeus 33 secs ago

@Piro We do unprotect some questions once the heat is gone. — NVZ 1 min ago

@AnneDaunted That answer was written after it was reopened for the first time :) I remember encouraging that OP to make their comment into an answer after the question was reopened. — Tinkeringbell 9 secs ago

@A.fm. Agreed. I would do it exactly one time. Maybe in a few months, depending on the person and the situation, I might consider it again. This strategy is more of a one-time escape valve than a repeatable approach. But it works really well as a one-time exercise. — Ben I. 56 secs ago

Words to live by: "Failure is not an option. It is mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do." -- Maxim 70, Schlock Mercenary — Mason Wheeler 1 min ago

I appreciate the feedback, and agree that leading with a question might come off as a little offensive. Per OneEyedBandit's answer, as well as your own, I am intending on just being blunt and apologizing for being so straightforward. — T James 1 min ago

I feel you, but we can't help you with what to do, but only how to do it, once you decided which course of action to take. — Anne Daunted 50 secs ago

Unfortunately, this question appears to be asking “What should I do?”, which the community has determined to not be a good fit for $SITENAME$ Stack Exchange. We can’t decide for you what to do; after you determine what you want to do, we can help you with your goal, but we can’t make these decisions for you. Sorry. However, if you'd like some input on how to invite those relatives, on how to write the invitation so that it takes into account their health problems, I'm sure we can help you, so please edit your question accordingly then! — Tinkeringbell 14 secs ago

Thanks for the input. I have reframed the question in accordance with community guidelines. — Vingtoft 51 secs ago

Are these people religious? Christian? I have some experience I could share, but it wouldn't be helpful if they're not Christians... — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

They are baptized but do not attend church services other than holidays. From a 1-10 scale I believe they are around 3. This level of religiousness (or the lack of) is normal in Scandinavia. Therefore a religious approach would not work. — Vingtoft 1 min ago

@aparente001 Thank you. I am new to this site and am not always sure how things work in here. I will see what happens in a couplpe of days, yes. — A random lady 32 secs ago

I am very well aware that understanding one's feelings is difficult. As an autistic person, emotions are very difficult (sometimes nearly impossible) for me to process. In my case the discussions were had days, weeks, or months after the original issue. I only suggested that the OP have the conversation soon after the initial issue because they mentioned that their wife sometimes forgets what the issue was. — Rainbacon 1 min ago

Just hang up on them or ignore their calls. If they keep on calling, pick uptake phone and say, “Not interested…” and hang up. Depends on the country and field, but generally recruiter calls can be tossed to the side without ill will on either side. That said some recruiters are obnoxious so you might feel bullied if you push back on their pitch. Again, who cares? Just get on with your life. — JakeGould 38 secs ago

So when you walk down a street and see a female stranger you want to ask them whether they are homosexual or not? — Anne Daunted 22 secs ago

@AnneDaunted No? — Serafina Reisinger 40 secs ago

Are you asking how to identify if someone is a lesbian? Or once you have identified them how you can ask them out? Or what? — Rory Alsop 18 secs ago

are you “indebted” to him in any way, so that you think you have to adapt to this persons behavior? And what is your age, and the culture where this takes place? — michi 1 min ago

"phrase my question so that a homosexual would understand it." You know, homosexuals are human beings, too. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

Or "inshallah", for the same meaning with a different language/religion association. — Rand al'Thor 1 min ago

@AnneDaunted Yeah? — Serafina Reisinger 57 secs ago

If it's non negotiable, stating it as an ultimatum doesn't sound like a bad idea, because that's what it is - she said that she will never want children, so if he want to have a relationship with her, a man must also be willing to not have children, there's no other option. — Johnny 1 min ago

I try to avoid that when I’m with friends or family as i consider this a clear lack of respect. Just don’t bother with these girls, send them a text over like: if you’re reading this and I’m still in front of you, I think we can now call this date done, enjoy the rest of your date with your phone. — Laurent S. just now

Are you asking us for advice on how to ask a complete stranger out? I'm sorry, but that is very broad and primarily opinion based too. Where are you from? How common is it to ask a random passerby out in your culture? Can you provide us with any more details on the person you want to ask out? Is she a friend of yours? Acquaintance? Do you really want to ask her out? Or first find out if she's interested in girls? — Tinkeringbell 23 secs ago

Confusing. If the question is how to ask if they are homosexual then the question is not clear. If it is someone you already know then you should know if they are homosexual. — Paparazzi 1 min ago

It is their anniversary. Has your grandfather asked you for help in how to word the invitation given his concerns? — Paparazzi 6 secs ago

You're making a lot of (possibly unfair/unkind) assumptions here. We're not here to berate the OP for their use of words, we're here to answer their question. Please be sure that your answer focuses on the question and not on lashing out over some implied slight when using "girls" instead of "women". Considering it's common for even women to refer to each other as "girls", I'm not sure that your assertions are correct or warranted and they're largely irrelevant. As such, I'm removing the bulk of your answer. — Catija ♦ 52 secs ago

Also, while using resources to support your answer is great, just linking to them without actually discussing them is less than helpful. The main point of your argument needs to be present in your answer here, not hanging out on a link that may die in the future. Please edit your answer to include more detail. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

my grandmother's letters were peppered with "pg" for "please god" - pretty much every sentence in the future tense included it. When the future thing was either really important or really at risk (eg because someone was ill) she would spell it out. It doesn't mean "please, god, I'm asking you for this" it's more like short for "if it pleases god" or "god willing". — Kate Gregory 1 min ago

@Paparazzi As stated in the question: I want to convince him that he is making a mistake not inviting/recognizing sick friends by showing him how an invitation could look like. Thanks for pointing out the title is a bit misleading. I have changed it now. — Vingtoft 33 secs ago

@Paparazzi Forgot to answer your question: He has not asked me for help directly, but in my family we are expected to speak our mind if we believe one is making a mistake. — Vingtoft 52 secs ago

Other answers state the situation clearly but please be aware of something else: Your perception of what something might be is not an indication of what it will be. Your experience makes you acutely aware of some signs of potential skin cancer, but honestly for all you know this mole is just a mole. Always leave some benefit of the doubt to stuff like this and don’t push or say “I told you so…” but rather be ready to find out your casual acquian — JakeGould 31 secs ago

@KateGregory yes, that's exactly what the deo volente means too. It's not a 'please' but an expression of hope. — Tinkeringbell 46 secs ago

I am suggesting this path could go poorly. — Paparazzi 41 secs ago

Serafina, I think the easiest way to make this a clear, answerable question and start getting you some answers would be to edit your question to describe a somewhat specific situation, e.g. someone you just met vs acquaintance vs friend, as Tinkeringbell mentioned, along with what your goal is (presumably to find out whether she's interested in women, and if so, ask her out, all while avoiding offense and awkwardness as much as possible). Don't worry, we get that this is absolutely a real thing that real people worry about, we just need a clear, specific question to answer. — Jefromi 1 min ago

I've had sick friends tell me that not only does the invitation not remind them (as you said), but they strongly objected to other people making their decisions for them -- the "let me decide if I'm well enough to go!" reaction. If that was part of your experience too, you might want to add something about that -- leaving people out wasn't just neutral but harmful in the cases I'm talking about. — Monica Cellio 1 min ago

@Jefromi I don't have a specific problem, I'm asking how this problem is approached in general. — Serafina Reisinger 1 min ago

@SerafinaReisinger I know, but we need to find a specific portion of this problem to make it answerable, because the general question is a bit broad. I think it might still be useful to you, for example, to hear people's answers for how to approach this with an acquaintance, maybe someone you've met a few times at events and chatted and gotten along with, but not someone close enough to make it really easy to just flat-out ask? — Jefromi 47 secs ago

I don't have the rep to downvote this, but hopefully this comment will help you understand any other downvotes this answer garners. In the IPS exchange, it's really not appropriately to baldly state that an OP is "wrong" and calling behaviour "awful". It's unhelpful, unnecessarily judgmental and, in this case, redundant, since the OP is posing this question since they are already aware that the issue is challenging and they're trying to make the best decision. — Dancrumb 9 secs ago

@emory I'm not searching for a job though. I have 0 interest in moving positions. — Jess K. 15 secs ago

@JessK. being polite should be your default mode. if you do not know rudeness is called for, then be polite. I would recommend that you listen to the recruiters. If they are pitching you jobs that are not interesting tell them bluntly but politely. If they are pitching you jobs that are interesting, ask them for more money. They only make money when you switch jobs. Give them an opportunity to earn that money, but make them earn it. — emory 1 min ago

You have no right to her exclusive attention: you need to earn it by being interesting and engaging and attentive. I don't think it's the way she's treating you that's the problem: I think it's the way you are treating her. — Michael Kay 30 secs ago