00:00 - 16:0016:00 - 22:00
People calling re: emergency will leave a message. And few emergencies would require your immediate input to improve the situation. Most calls would only be to make you aware of the problem. I'm a parent and have no problem ignoring an unknown caller. The only circumstance that I can think otherwise is if it's nighttime and I know my kid is out or something like that. — David 1 min ago
#9484 David (101 rep) | A: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 16) | posted 31 hours ago by BlackThorn (319 rep) | edited 28 hours ago by NVZ (8369 rep)
#9478 Azor-Ahai (229 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 35) | posted 32 hours ago by Jess K. (7400 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Jess K. (7400 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@Azor-Ahai well, Ive been running on the assumption that its possible I could be using these recruiters later on and id hate to have crossed anyone wrong by being rude. They might not help me find a job in the future. However, opinions here have suggested they won't care as much as I've assumed. — Jess K. 41 secs ago
#9478 Jess K. (7400 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 35) | posted 32 hours ago by Jess K. (7400 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Jess K. (7400 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
I have some experience in UGC law... are you familiar with the civil legal consequences which can occur? How do you expect civil liability to work if you do something that results in a lawsuit? — Harper 54 secs ago
#9455 Harper (665 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 49) | posted 38 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1232 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1232 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
Hmmm.... This is certainly some interesting and useful advice, but it doesn't really answer my question, which is about after they already know my age. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#9545 Arwen Undómiel (1231 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 5 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (625 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (625 rep)
#9455 Arwen Undómiel (1231 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 49) | posted 38 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1231 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1231 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic commen
12:52 AM
If we can get it together and we're willing to give up our help pages being updated, we can actually request that the help pages be edited to reflect these guidelines. — Catija ♦ 9 secs ago
#2421 Catija (8758 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 10 hours ago by JAD (3404 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by NVZ (8369 rep)
I sympathize with the OP. I think your partner is very nice. There's a fine line between "hoping she will change" vs "wishing she had a different view" because the latter actually accepts her view as a permanent stance. Honestly, if I were your partner I would be annoyed and see the comments and jokes as a type of nagging. So I can see why OP would want to break up with people who make such comments. — superstar 1 min ago
#9550 superstar (125 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 0) | posted 3 hours ago by Kidburla (101 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Kidburla (101 rep)
1:36 AM
@ArwenUndómiel By the time I answered, there had been many answers from that perspective. My answer is intended to help avoid this situation in the future. — Carl Kevinson 1 min ago
#9545 Carl Kevinson (625 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 6 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (625 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (625 rep)
2:21 AM
#9432 A.fm. (247 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 1) | posted 56 hours ago by Katie (11 rep)
2:33 AM
#9540 Jesse (2475 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 7) | posted 7 hours ago by Steve (788 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
#9545 D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 2) | posted 7 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (635 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (635 rep)
2:59 AM
We need more info about her personality but... I do know certain groups of people that are extremely flexible and fluid with their plans and like to just stumble upon things. They often cancel other plans if something else exciting comes up. The point is that she may not even be aware that this is a problem, and may be unable to even comprehend it is a problem at all, particularly if she has other friends that think the same way she does. — syntonicC just now
#9533 syntonicC (221 rep) | Q: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair? (score: 9) | posted 8 hours ago by Whistling_saint (174 rep)
3:28 AM
@D.Hutchinson - Well, it occurs to me that OP's reluctance to use the telephone might stand in his way both for initiating a long distance relationship and for maintaining one. — aparente001 1 min ago
#9445 aparente001 (986 rep) | A: Best way to tell a new friend I'd like to date her (score: 0) | posted 45 hours ago by aparente001 (986 rep)
4:03 AM
#9467 cybernard (109 rep) | Q: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 31) | posted 38 hours ago by user11781 (161 rep) | edited 35 hours ago by apaul (26321 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
4:22 AM
#9533 jpmc26 (128 rep) | Q: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair? (score: 8) | posted 10 hours ago by Whistling_saint (172 rep)
I don't have an answer, but I want to point out that saying "I never want to have kids" apropos of nothing can come off as weird -- it might be worth clarifying what kind of situations you say it in (e.g. in your Tinder profile, if/when the subject comes up, right at the beginning of the date) and how you say it (i.e. phrasing you tend to use) — Nic Hartley 55 secs ago
#9513 Nic Hartley (101 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 39) | posted 17 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12017 rep) | edited 9 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12017 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
4:40 AM
Maybe just remind him that the inventor of the early pancreatic cancer detection test is a 15yo. — Drunken Code Monkey 28 secs ago
#9456 Drunken Code Monkey (101 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 56) | posted 42 hours ago by Magisch (5688 rep) | edited 37 hours ago by Magisch (5688 rep)
#9557 Alan (101 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 0) | posted 12 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep)
@Alan, mostly, yes. Some are second, third or fourth. The point is that none of these girls are in exclusive relationships with me. So, we are not super close. — D.Hutchinson 27 secs ago
#9557 D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep)
4:57 AM
What is the age group of these women that you are dating? If they are teens to early twenties, i would say it's almost part and parcel of dating this demographic. — SomeoneElse 1 min ago
#9557 SomeoneElse (556 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 0) | posted 26 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep)
#9557 D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 0) | posted 27 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | edited 19 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep)
5:17 AM
#9481 jpmc26 (128 rep) | A: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 109) | posted 37 hours ago by baldPrussian (5231 rep) | edited 33 hours ago by NVZ (8369 rep)
5:37 AM
Related but not sure about duplicate: How can I politely ask someone to get off their phone? — A J 17 secs ago
#9557 A J (4885 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep) | edited 57 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (122 rep)
#9560 SomeoneElse (556 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 1) | posted 6 minutes ago by Jesse (2485 rep)
@BrentHackers I think in that case it would be the sentence used after the last answer that will have the most impact. If she goes for something like
Oh, good, that's a relief. then it should go smoother and not really feel like a 180, but if she goes for something like Oh, that's nice, I didn't want kids either! then that might feel like a 180. — John Hamilton 6 secs ago
#9521 John Hamilton (330 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 11) | posted 17 hours ago by John Hamilton (330 rep)
6:22 AM
#9561 Jesse (2505 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 2) | posted 27 minutes ago by Stacey (3741 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by Stacey (3741 rep)
@Jesse I can't find the meta post to back it up, but IIRC, it is legal to answer "How do I make someone..." with "you don't". In this case, the underlying question really is "how do I make someone respect me?" (on phone => no respect). — Stacey 33 secs ago
#9561 Stacey (3741 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 2) | posted 34 minutes ago by Stacey (3741 rep) | edited 22 minutes ago by Stacey (3741 rep)
@Jesse I can't find the meta post to back it up, but IIRC, it is legal to answer "How do I make someone..." with "you don't". In this case, the OP is feeling disrespected and wants to say something to change that/assert himself and gain respect. It's not really something that can be done with words. — Stacey 39 secs ago
#9561 Stacey (3751 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 3) | posted 41 minutes ago by Stacey (3751 rep) | edited 29 minutes ago by Stacey (3751 rep)
#9561 Jesse (2515 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 3) | posted 46 minutes ago by Stacey (3751 rep) | edited 34 minutes ago by Stacey (3751 rep)
6:56 AM
Which is why I +1'd instead of close-voted ;) for anyone interested, here are 3 relevant and interesting meta links: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1395/… interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1495/… rpg.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/6842/… — Jesse 2 mins ago
#9561 Jesse (2515 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Stacey (3751 rep) | edited 49 minutes ago by Stacey (3751 rep)
7:19 AM
first of all, trying to be polite and nice doesn't means you pay the entire amount for the date (irrespective of how rich you are). Moreover, I would like to see if the girl has got her ethics right in this scenario. For the "using the phone" part: I would try to jokingly ask her if I am really that boring, if she still continues to use her phone, she ain't worth dating! There might be a situation when she would need to handle some urgent task, but she probably should let you know upfront that she needs to use the phone for something urgent. — Doctor Strange 42 secs ago
#9557 Doctor Strange (101 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (137 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (137 rep)
@Catija Rightly said. I've been wanting to say that. There's been a flood of downvotes on meta questions these days. It actually discourages people from asking on meta. — NVZ 14 secs ago
#2415 NVZ (8368 rep) | Q: Should answers on closed questions be downvoted? (score: 4) | posted 24 hours ago by bluevapor (80 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Catija (8758 rep)
Maybe we should add answers about "non-IPS" solutions and downvote it enough to show that we do not accept those here. — NVZ 19 secs ago
#2421 NVZ (8368 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 17 hours ago by JAD (3409 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by NVZ (8368 rep)
7:42 AM
#9385 Sidar (101 rep) | A: How can I convey to a friend that the way she chews is incredibly loud and uncomfortable? (score: 0) | posted 4 days ago by Patrick Morton (9 rep)
8:07 AM
How did you meet these women? If online, they may be living their life there and you are just free food. — Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen 1 min ago
#9557 Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen (154 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (142 rep) | edited 44 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (142 rep)
8:32 AM
So, when it does come up (e.g. I'd be inactive for a few days because of school exams)...I come back, people tell me they missed me and are afraid I was ill or whatever else bad, and I honestly tell them it was just exams... They then ask me how old I am... How do I respond? You seem to work from a premise that no-one will ever ask because it's rude to ask, but I can imagine countless situations where it wouldn't be.... — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9554 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 6 hours ago by Harper (681 rep)
#9557 pipe (103 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 5) | posted 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (147 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (147 rep)
@CarlKevinson that means you're answering a completely different question than the one asked... I appreciate the sentiment of wanting to share another view on the subject, but doing only that makes this technically not an answer to the question. That may gain you some downvotes (and maybe even delete votes) since IPS is pretty strict on it. We do allow frame-challenges though, but they have to include an answer to the actual question. — Tinkeringbell 55 secs ago
#9545 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 3) | posted 13 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (653 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (653 rep)
People calling because of emergency might have a good reason for calling and not leaving a message. An actual (medical) emergency during daytime can be just as urgent as your child standing somewhere crying in the middle of the night with no means to get back home. And people calling for medical emergencies sometimes even legally cannot leave a message (because someone with no legal base to know the patient's medical record could listen to that, they have to at least try and make sure you are the person they need to talk to). — skymningen 7 secs ago
#9484 skymningen (171 rep) | A: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 17) | posted 40 hours ago by BlackThorn (329 rep) | edited 37 hours ago by NVZ (8368 rep)
Also, your answer is very similar to this one that was written 7 hours before yours :/. Could you please explain to me how yours is different? You seem to be giving the exact same advice: Don't disclose your age on the internet... Only you're not even educating the OP as to how they might do so ... — Tinkeringbell 6 secs ago
#9554 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 6 hours ago by Harper (681 rep)
#9562 NVZ (8368 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 0) | posted 33 minutes ago by david (1 rep)
That's a very generic advice. It would be more helpful if you could tailor your answer to the specific question. — NVZ 9 secs ago
#9562 NVZ (8368 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 0) | posted 34 minutes ago by david (1 rep)
#9458 walen (621 rep) | A: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 55) | posted 45 hours ago by Spagirl (2670 rep) | edited 43 hours ago by Spagirl (2670 rep)
Point 1 and Point 2 can and will most likely sound way too harsh and kill the mood. Poit 3 is good as it shows interest in the other persons interests ^^ — MansNotHot 1 min ago
#9559 MansNotHot (603 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by SomeoneElse (576 rep)
@BrentHackers So, you're calling me pointlessly prideful for not having tried internet dating before? Did the thought ever occur to you that I'm not desperate? ;) I've never been hunting for a life partner, but sometimes very nice guys cross my path in real-life, and I end up thinking that stuff might work.... — Tinkeringbell 18 secs ago
#9519 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 20) | posted 21 hours ago by Astralbee (3926 rep)
9:05 AM
#2426 English Student (6141 rep) | Q: Can we reopen question 9506 (How to pitch a message for a Fraternity Election)? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (12045 rep)
I have experience with people who get angry for no apparent reason. Their anger is meaningless. When they get angry, my first response is 'What are you actually angry about?' — Nelson 37 secs ago
#8917 Nelson (311 rep) | A: Is a verbal response that directly expresses anger always the wrong choice? (score: 70) | posted 16 days ago by Kendra (1489 rep)
Please note @Benjamin Sarkis: Now voted to reopen as 5th voter and this question got reopened. — English Student 1 min ago
#9506 English Student (6141 rep) | Q: How do I pitch a message for a Fraternity Election? (score: 1) | posted 29 hours ago by Benjamin Sarkis (19 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Benjamin Sarkis (19 rep)
9:17 AM
#9557 josephine (762 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 8) | posted 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (162 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (162 rep)
Using your phone to do that joke is a good advice. So +1 for that. But other than that you do not really answer the question. You just tell what NOT to do, but imho do not give an advice for an appropriate way to tell the other person what's wrong. — Torsten Link 11 secs ago
#9560 Torsten Link (491 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 6) | posted 3 hours ago by Jesse (2535 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Jesse (2535 rep)
#9554 Harper (681 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 6 hours ago by Harper (681 rep)
Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#9557 Arwen Undómiel (1232 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 8) | posted 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (162 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (162 rep)
#9557 henning (3542 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (167 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (167 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@henning no, the setting is substantially different, I think - the stakes are higher, when on a date, compared to asking one's friend(s) to get off their phones ... — D.Hutchinson 41 secs ago
#9557 D.Hutchinson (167 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (167 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (167 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@Tinkeringbell I did assume that you were hunting a little. You did specify that you weren't looking for a short fling and you've described a pattern that you've noticed when you've been dating that makes it sound like you've been at it for a while, so to me it read as though you were somewhat-actively looking or at least pretty open to the idea of finding someone but not through interned dating. And you've had enough similar relationships to post a dating question on SE about it... And, joking aside, there's a real stigma attached to online dating but obviously I'd highly recommend it. — Brent Hackers 7 secs ago
#9519 Brent Hackers (111 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 20) | posted 21 hours ago by Astralbee (3926 rep)
@D.Hutchinson I agree, and reading the excellent first answer, I retract the vote. — henning 29 secs ago
#9557 henning (3542 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 9) | posted 5 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (168 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (168 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@Tinkeringbell no, you don't. You rip frame challenges to shreds. Maybe frame challenges are ok if tinkeringbell writes them, or whoever else mods this stack. Anybody else gets wrecked for "not answering the question as asked". This question is the picture postcard example of a frame challenge question: OP wqnts to unring a bell and the answer is don't ring it. But saying so "does not answer the question". Either this stack was a bad idea, or the mods here are control freaks. — Harper 55 secs ago
#9545 Harper (665 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 3) | posted 14 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (653 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (653 rep)
Welcome to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer, which are not considered to conform to our quality standards on Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. — Arwen Undómiel 23 secs ago
#9568 Arwen Undómiel (1232 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: -1) | posted 3 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep)
@Tinkeringbell To be clear, the main focus of my post was not to advocate internet dating but rather to draw a contrast between the apparent ability to be up-front about your preferences and the necessity to raise the subject in real life dating. I don't think you sounded desperate or 'on the hunt' in your post at all. — Astralbee 39 secs ago
#9519 Astralbee (3936 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 20) | posted 21 hours ago by Astralbee (3936 rep)
Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer, which are not considered to conform to our quality standards on Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. — Arwen Undómiel 28 secs ago
#9534 Arwen Undómiel (1229 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 1) | posted 15 hours ago by Amadeus (4207 rep)
@WayneEra I would advise against that, extremely. As a social media user and an avid "real life user", I would find that obnoxious and rude. — Hankrecords 47 secs ago
#1998 Hankrecords (101 rep) | A: Explaining why I don't use social media (score: 13) | posted 160 days ago by henning (3542 rep) | edited 48 days ago by henning (3542 rep)
9:50 AM
Your subject asks about getting a sense of communtity, but your content is basically about how to manipulate people to post the content you like. And then you talk all about standards and close and downvotes. how's that "catching flies with vinegar" working out for you? Oh, and "fastest gun in the west" syndrome is your doing, since you yourself have a big issue for anyone you perceive to have been "second" to say something. You honestly expect everyone to carefully read every other answer, and steer a wide berth away from any previous answer. — Harper 27 secs ago
#2403 Harper (681 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 5) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
@TorstenLink Actually it does say what to do: bring attention to the fact they are using the phone too much. If the person doesn't understand it's rude, then as the accepted answer explains, that person is just not a good fit. — Pierre Arlaud 15 secs ago
#9560 Pierre Arlaud (103 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 7) | posted 4 hours ago by Jesse (2545 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Jesse (2545 rep)
#2409 Harper (681 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 1) | posted 42 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4761 rep) | edited 36 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4761 rep)
Yes, but that was exactly the question: HOW do you bring attention to that fact... But maybe I just didn't understand that from your text so it is just me... — Torsten Link 1 min ago
#9560 Torsten Link (501 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 8) | posted 4 hours ago by Jesse (2555 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Jesse (2555 rep)
I believe the system of SE does expect you to do so too: When uploading an umptieth answer to a question, you're supposed to get a pop up that asks you whether your answer really adds new information — Tinkeringbell 9 secs ago
#2403 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 5) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
@Harper You honestly expect everyone to carefully read every other answer, and steer a wide berth away from any previous answer. Yes, WE do. I get the impression you're trying to pick a fight with me specifically on this, but sadly this has been community practice and a problem discussed on meta a few times before: 1, 2, 3. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#2403 Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 5) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12045 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
#2421 JAD (3419 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 19 hours ago by JAD (3419 rep) | edited 19 hours ago by NVZ (8368 rep)
The problem is, your standards for that are way too extreme. I routinely get called out for "similar answers" that are not remotely similar. It's not that I have a chip-on-shoulder with you. It's that you have an chip-on-shoulder with it. You see problems nobody else sees because you want to see them. — Harper 28 secs ago
#2403 Harper (665 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 5) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12063 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
10:09 AM
#9557 PlasmaHH (101 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 12) | posted 5 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (183 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (183 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
Hi Sam - while the info on that link may explain it, you haven't explained here in the post, so editing a précis of the information contained at that link into your post is essential. — Rory Alsop 51 secs ago
#9568 Rory Alsop (2534 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: -4) | posted 35 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep) | edited 13 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep)
#9458 Wendy Lisa Gibbons (101 rep) | A: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 58) | posted 47 hours ago by Spagirl (2700 rep) | edited 45 hours ago by Spagirl (2700 rep)
Arwen Undomiel your assertion of my answer is prejudicial. Because you are not adequately informed on this particular matter, you misjudged my answer and wrongly stated that it does not conform to your quality standards. My answer is a scientifically valid, proven, healthy, and constructive method of communication. If you don't recognize that, you are not qualified to judge quality standards on Interpersonal Skills. — Sam Post 1 min ago
#9568 Sam Post (1 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: -4) | posted 35 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep) | edited 13 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep)
I really appreciate the fact that you're trying to boost my spirits by telling me I'm already doing it right :) Although, other people have beaten you to it. Maybe you can upvote their answer instead? Maybe I should stress it a little more in the question, but I'm also really looking for other ways of handling this, instead of keeping on with what I'm currently doing :) — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9556 Tinkeringbell (12065 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: -1) | posted 6 hours ago by user (99 rep)
10:26 AM
#2421 NVZ (8378 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by JAD (3419 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by NVZ (8378 rep)
For feedback on deletions, those discussions are done on meta. If you want feedback, ask there. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9570 Tinkeringbell (12064 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: -2) | posted 4 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep)
@superstar if OP sees it as nagging then that's a different problem. She should tell her partner that she sees his comments as nagging and she would like him to stop making such comments. If he refuses, then I can see that would be a serious problem. However my reading of the question is that the very fact her partner has such a sentiment is the problem, rather than the fact that he expressed it or the way in which he expressed it (NB: nagging usually involves repeated expression of the same sentiment, not only one time). And if my partner asked me to stop making such comments, I would. — Kidburla 1 min ago
#9550 Kidburla (111 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 1) | posted 13 hours ago by Kidburla (111 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by Kidburla (111 rep)
#9520 Brian H. (105 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 26) | posted 22 hours ago by Bilkokuya (455 rep) | edited 21 hours ago by Bilkokuya (455 rep)
Interesting answer - I would endorse point no. 12 and would like to see that developed more. The rest of the points I feel are already well-known. — D.Hutchinson 39 secs ago
#2409 D.Hutchinson (183 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 2) | posted 42 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4771 rep) | edited 37 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4771 rep)
#9571 Andrew T. (157 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: -7) | posted 8 minutes ago by Sam Post (1 rep)
#9557 Stacey (3921 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 14) | posted 6 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (193 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (193 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
#9458 Spagirl (2700 rep) | A: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 58) | posted 47 hours ago by Spagirl (2700 rep) | edited 45 hours ago by Spagirl (2700 rep)
11:01 AM
#9561 Raditz_35 (179 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 27) | posted 5 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
This doesn't provide an interpersonal solution to the problem, though.... — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#9514 Arwen Undómiel (1236 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: -3) | posted 23 hours ago by Erik (5746 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by NotThatGuy (1844 rep)
#9517 QEDemonstrandum (27 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 1) | posted 23 hours ago by QEDemonstrandum (27 rep) | edited 46 seconds ago by QEDemonstrandum (27 rep)
Does your group have an admission/banning policy? If not maybe it's the time to have one of those, despite what the 1st Geek Social Fallacy may say about it. It's the kind of thing you never want to actually enforce, but you prefer to have it ready and handy if the situation arises (imagine a group gets violent or there's a case of harassment). Be sure to check your local laws according to it. — xDaizu 1 min ago
#9450 xDaizu (101 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 33) | posted 50 hours ago by JAD (3419 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5156 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
I don't think that your statement is not clear, but you take a joke or thoughtless sentence too serious. Have you requested those persons about their remark? do they really expect you to have children in the future? — Bernd Wilke πφ 1 min ago
#9513 Bernd Wilke πφ (101 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 46) | posted 24 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by SQB (3215 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@BerndWilkeπφ, I do often follow up on such remarks by asking people if they were serious, at the same time expressing my worries again. Yes, so far it has always turned out they were serious, they really do hope that I'll change my mind. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9513 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 46) | posted 24 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by SQB (3215 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
#9557 Mehrdad (1708 rep) | Q: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 15) | posted 6 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (198 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (198 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
"Every past event ended in some kind of drama, either public or private, that the organisers had to deal with." Without more information on this, we can't tell if this was her fault, the organisers' fault, other participants' fault or nobody's fault, and you might be about to make a big mistake. For example if she was complaining legitimately of harassment from someone else (or sexist comments, or racist comments), you're trying to exclude the wrong person. If she experienced problems due to a failure to accommodate special access requirements etc, that's also not her fault. — tardigrade 59 secs ago
#9450 tardigrade (101 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 33) | posted 51 hours ago by JAD (3419 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5156 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 38 secs ago
#9555 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 1) | posted 8 hours ago by Sundance (11 rep)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 51 secs ago
#9547 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 2) | posted 15 hours ago by Chris K (139 rep)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9553 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 2) | posted 12 hours ago by Andrew Savinykh (121 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by A J (4885 rep)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9539 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 3) | posted 16 hours ago by JasonInVegas (139 rep)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9538 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 4) | posted 16 hours ago by sphennings (736 rep)
Heads-up: The question has been edited, and might be reopened. Answers might have been affected by the edits, so you might want to review your post and see if you want to change something or if it still stands. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#9542 Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 16) | posted 16 hours ago by Clay07g (951 rep)
11:48 AM
they hope, they do not expect you to change your mind. an anecdote from my life: up to the age of 35 I stated to never become a father - and said everyone to be crazy if they expect me to become it. But then I got newer experiences and some years later a wife with whom I seriously debated how we could get children. This showed me never to say 'never' (just an 'in the moment'). I also would not expect a relationship to stay for the rest of a life, especially if your life expectation is more than 60 years. I expect you to evolve and that you will reconsider your goals for life. — Bernd Wilke πφ 19 secs ago
#9513 Bernd Wilke πφ (101 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 46) | posted 24 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12081 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by SQB (3215 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
@ArwenUndómiel Stock comments plus a downvote make it sound like Official Moderation Business... and it's not. You're free to downvote answers as you wish, but it's misleading to copy-paste the same comment on all of them as if you speak for the site (which seems to be part of OP's confusion here). — Em C 1 min ago
#2416 Em C (4881 rep) | A: Should answers on closed questions be downvoted? (score: -1) | posted 28 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12080 rep)
Is there anything you would be genuinely comfortable with, that still instils the same "I'm congratulating you on work well done" sentiment? For example, hand shakes, hi fives or just verbal acknowledgement. It may be easier to find a solution that works for you if you show your boss it's the method, not the meaning behind it, that you are not comfortable with. — Bilkokuya 1 min ago
#9540 Bilkokuya (465 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 17) | posted 17 hours ago by Steve (838 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
12:15 PM
#9560 Jesse (2625 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 15) | posted 6 hours ago by Jesse (2625 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Jesse (2625 rep)
I did upvote other answers (some were after mine, by the way, not before), and I did understand you are looking for other ways to handle this. But, maybe you should also learn to accept that you cannot change the fact that people are a flux of emotions that can rationally understand what you say, but not emotionally. — user 1 min ago
#9556 user (99 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: -1) | posted 8 hours ago by user (99 rep)
12:26 PM
I've expanded a bit based on this answer: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/9575/5504 — Martijn 26 secs ago
#9561 Martijn (2089 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 38) | posted 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
#8557 Pierre B (101 rep) | Q: How to ask out a German girl in the college? (score: 5) | posted 26 days ago by Piyush Verma (28 rep) | edited 21 days ago by Piyush Verma (28 rep)
we went to a big house party and just locked the tv cable away. The kids went and played in the huge garden and woods, rather than spending ALL day watching films in the dark. — Wendy Lisa Gibbons 27 secs ago
#8628 Wendy Lisa Gibbons (101 rep) | A: How do I encourage my family to talk more and watch tv less when I'm visiting? (score: 0) | posted 23 days ago by paxdiablo (211 rep)
+1. Twenty three years ago I met this girl and we became friends. She was very adamant that she would never have children, and also that she would never have a romantic relationship with me. We have been married for twenty years, and we have eight kids. — Martin Argerami 1 min ago
#9523 Martin Argerami (121 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 8) | posted 23 hours ago by Džuris (430 rep)
#9561 Jesse (2635 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 39) | posted 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
Your answer is still great and I love what it suggests!!! perhaps you could pose it as a frame-challenge or you can answer in the way suggested by the (meta post)[interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1395/… you mentioned where you essentially respond with "you don't + why" ... But either way you must at least address the original question of how to communicate to my date — Jesse 50 secs ago
#9561 Jesse (2635 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 39) | posted 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
@Jesse I respectfully disagree. While it doesn’t answer OP’s specific question, this answer kind of takes a step back and offers an interpretation of the behavior in its specific context. This is an interpersonal skill at least as important as communicating to the other person. I consider this answer very valuable to answer the deeper, unasked layers of OPs question. — michi 51 secs ago
#9561 michi (2248 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 39) | posted 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
1:01 PM
People seeing closed questions with authoritarian looking comments doesn't do much to encourage the idea that this is a "good community" - it's a sign of heavy moderation. THIS — Mister Positive 1 min ago
#2406 Mister Positive (5508 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 4) | posted 53 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 45 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12081 rep)
This answer is excellent. Providing examples in most of the items listed is first redundant, and two will most like hurt someones feelings (or piss them off). — Mister Positive 31 secs ago
#2409 Mister Positive (5508 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 2) | posted 45 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4791 rep) | edited 39 hours ago by The Snark Knight (4791 rep)
You mention laws, but which country are you referring to? At this time, the OP doesn't specify where they are. — 雰囲気読めない人 5 secs ago
#9529 雰囲気読めない人 (1439 rep) | A: How can I tell people that I’m not interested in donating to their charity? (score: 1) | posted 20 hours ago by Astralbee (3956 rep)
1:22 PM
as one of theses "bobs" myself the best way to find out is to make one of the comments once, and see how it goes. — Wendy Lisa Gibbons 17 secs ago
#4706 Wendy Lisa Gibbons (101 rep) | A: How to stop colleague from talking so much when subtle hints are not working? (score: 5) | posted 118 days ago by akaioi (4914 rep)
#9540 xDaizu (101 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 18) | posted 18 hours ago by Steve (843 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
#2403 Mister Positive (5508 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 6) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12079 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
@雰囲気読めない人 I have updated answer to clarify that I am in the UK, and have added a link to further reading on UK charity fundraising laws. I feel this is enough to qualify my answer and prompt further research on the part of the reader. The crux of my answer isn't really about the law anyway. — Astralbee 48 secs ago
#9529 Astralbee (3966 rep) | A: How can I tell people that I’m not interested in donating to their charity? (score: 1) | posted 20 hours ago by Astralbee (3966 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (3966 rep)
Your boss should handle this directly. Not fair to put this on you and Alice. — Paparazzi 51 secs ago
#9581 Paparazzi (706 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by A random lady (42 rep)
Logistics question: if everyone is hugging the person to their left, does that mean everyone is hugging each other's back in some weird pantomine horse fashion, or is it more of a side-hug arrangement? I mean, both would be weird and uncomfortable, but one would be super-weird. — Spagirl 59 secs ago
#9540 Spagirl (2700 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 18) | posted 18 hours ago by Steve (843 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
Think you could even suggest to split the bill if it doesn't work out. I think the reason someone should pay the bill, is because this person invited the other person and hopes on an invitation by the other person where the payment will come from the other party. Don't pay if this is not the case. — josephine 30 secs ago
#9575 josephine (762 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Martijn (2119 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Martijn (2119 rep)
If you have access to PII, but cannot be held accountable by the laws regulating said PII because of your age, then it is understandable that some users are concerned. Just sayin'. This has nothing to do with your abilities; mistakes happen. — walen just now
#9455 walen (621 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 50) | posted 51 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1236 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1236 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
Sports are a hobby he might rightfully not like. Posture, shoulders and arms position are something subjective YOU don't like, not something to be blamed for. Same goes for hair and bear, and as long as they don't stink you can't really tell whether he washes them. Your boss' JOB is MANAGIN EMPLOYEES, so he NEEDS and MUST find kind and polite ways to tell him things without scaring him. Your part ended when you told your boss, then you are out. So is Alice. — Markino 56 secs ago
#9581 Markino (2795 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 19 minutes ago by A random lady (42 rep)
#9513 mickeyf (101 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 46) | posted 26 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12079 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by SQB (3215 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)
Yes I agree, I couldn't come up with a way to add that to my answer without distracting from what I ment (untill myt next edit) — Martijn 19 secs ago
#9575 Martijn (2129 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Martijn (2129 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Martijn (2129 rep)
Does your company have an official dress-code? And does I am ashamed of the image we produce as a company when he looks like that imply it's just you, or are you getting signals from the clients as well? Who hired Bob, and how did he look at that time? — Tinkeringbell 58 secs ago
#9581 Tinkeringbell (12079 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 28 minutes ago by A random lady (42 rep)
#9561 Stacey (3921 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 46) | posted 8 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
A variation on this would be to say 'not this year', and leave open the possibility that she might be welcome in the future. — Sean Houlihane 1 min ago
#9452 Sean Houlihane (111 rep) | A: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise (score: 22) | posted 53 hours ago by Magisch (5758 rep)
The rule of thumb I always use when worrying about an emergency is, if it's a legitimate emergency, they'll call again. Anyone who gives up after one no-answer is obviously not that worried about getting your attention. — thanby 38 secs ago
#9484 thanby (290 rep) | A: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 19) | posted 45 hours ago by BlackThorn (349 rep) | edited 42 hours ago by NVZ (8378 rep)
#9561 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 46) | posted 8 hours ago by Stacey (3921 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by Stacey (3921 rep)
Maybe it's just personal difference, but your conversation strikes me as being anything but masterful. I feel like there's some critical context missing, because the interruption during the second line would have caused me to just hang up. If they can't let me finish a sentence, I absolutely don't want to do business with them. — thanby 1 min ago
#9507 thanby (290 rep) | A: How to politely interrupt recruiters who keep cold-calling me during my work hours? (score: 7) | posted 33 hours ago by Harper (695 rep)
I agree with this because in every relationship there will be compromise. Perhaps one partner has made it clear that they will never wash the pans. Dishes, cups, silverware, sure, but pans never. Is it wrong of the other partner to "hope — Adam Davis 1 min ago
#9550 Adam Davis (985 rep) | A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 5) | posted 17 hours ago by Kidburla (151 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by Kidburla (151 rep)
#9581 Raditz_35 (179 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 49 minutes ago by A random lady (47 rep)
This is a good answer. In my workplace or policy is if your boss refuses, this can be considered harassment. You've stated that you don't like physical touch and it's their duty as management to provide a safe space. — doctordonna 32 secs ago
#9546 doctordonna (966 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 17) | posted 18 hours ago by Rainbacon (271 rep)
#9545 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 4) | posted 19 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (663 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (663 rep)
2:23 PM
#2421 Jesse (2653 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 24 hours ago by JAD (3424 rep) | edited 23 hours ago by NVZ (8378 rep)
@Tinkeringbell We don't have an official dress-code, if we did, this would have been handled already. But since we are consultants, we have values. As to signals from clients - no, and I don't think we will get any since it's not very common in Germany to express that sort of things. As to who hired him - I know who did, that person shares the same opinion as me about Bob's looks and he never thought it would be an issue since at the interview he looked better, and the attention was mostly on technical skills that are most important to us, we have never had issues like that before. — A random lady 34 secs ago
#9581 A random lady (47 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 55 minutes ago by A random lady (47 rep)
I'd be more concerned about offending Alice and suggesting she has 'for hire' friends, and why insult Bob with only two; why not 20 and yourself. You can't tell him the truth but you have no problem lying and coercing his friends to do the same, along with casting disparities upon Alice's friends whom like random men that are tidied up ... -- What impression do you leave ... — Rob 47 secs ago
#9581 Rob (268 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 55 minutes ago by A random lady (47 rep)
#9581 Stacey (3921 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 55 minutes ago by A random lady (47 rep)
@Raditz_35 I think it is relevant, that's why I mentioned it. We have a friendly atmosphere. Actually, he is Italian, which makes it all even more surprising. Italians are known to pay a lot of attention to how they look, our company originates from Italy and we have a lot of Italian colleagues all of whom look like they've left the barber shop a minute ago - except him. — A random lady 1 min ago
#9581 A random lady (47 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 58 minutes ago by A random lady (47 rep)
@Jesse I would like to have a comprehensive list of what every answer must have. So preferably must, but feel free to add shoulds as well. — JAD 53 secs ago
#2421 JAD (3424 rep) | Q: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 3) | posted 24 hours ago by JAD (3424 rep) | edited 24 hours ago by NVZ (8378 rep)
Where I generally agree with the point to suggest things that work great and you liked when testing, rather than accussing. I fear that this answer is not in the correct context. It's a professional environment where the image of the company get's displayed by the employees. As @doctordonna already suggested it should be taken care of by HR or something like that when it has to do with work. In personal circumstances with friends etc your answer is really nice though. — Nico 1 min ago
#9583 Nico (352 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: -1) | posted 43 minutes ago by King Graham (1144 rep) | edited 32 minutes ago by King Graham (1144 rep)
#9539 AndreiROM (7232 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 3) | posted 19 hours ago by JasonInVegas (139 rep)
Attractiveness isn't the same as professional appearance - they might often be linked, but they could easily not be. Discussing appearance in terms of attractiveness at work also seems like a potential minefield. — Rosemary7391 1 min ago
#9583 Rosemary7391 (125 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: -1) | posted 50 minutes ago by King Graham (1144 rep) | edited 39 minutes ago by King Graham (1144 rep)
2:41 PM
I think length is hard to measure objectively. I would say that if all requirements individually are filled, the answer is long enough — JAD 58 secs ago
#2427 JAD (3424 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Jesse (2653 rep)
#2427 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 0) | posted 10 minutes ago by Jesse (2653 rep)
#2427 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 0) | posted 10 minutes ago by Jesse (2653 rep)
If OP doesn't want to utilize HR, this is a better route to go. Saying things like, "Have you ever thought of getting one of those haircuts where (describe a more appropriate haircut for work)? I don't think I could pull it off, but you could rock it" or other various ways of encouraging Bob to change are best. OP isn't his boss. It's out of line for him to tell Bob he must change. — Jess K. 1 min ago
#9583 Jess K. (7450 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 57 minutes ago by King Graham (1154 rep) | edited 46 minutes ago by King Graham (1154 rep)
#9581 Erik (5746 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by A random lady (57 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by Jess K. (7450 rep)
#9539 Pavel Oganesyan (101 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by JasonInVegas (139 rep)
I believe myself to be a fairly good looking guy. Trained, good physique, 5 days beard, long hair(groomed) But if a girl comes to me and (eg.) says i prefer people with short hair, or any other style i dont offer, i think "nice for her". I wouldnt change myself for no amount of sex honestly. — MansNotHot 10 secs ago
#9583 MansNotHot (603 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by King Graham (1164 rep) | edited 50 minutes ago by King Graham (1164 rep)
I'm surprised this isn't the top answer. Apart from communcating clearly on what the agreed plans are with summer, there shouldn't be any problems. Her relationship with Tom is not your problem. Once a plan is definitely agreed on, you can dismiss any last minute changes offered by summer as these aren't part of the plan. — everyone 1 min ago
#9544 everyone (191 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 8) | posted 19 hours ago by Paparazzi (736 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Paparazzi (736 rep)
I completely agree with this answer, and I add that the sentence in the original post "...I have already talked to my boss who also said it would be weird if he as a boss did it..." shocks me. It looks as if he wanted to wash his hands of the issue, when he is actually the one that should be dealing with it. — Alicia 1 min ago
#9584 Alicia (101 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 9) | posted 44 minutes ago by doctordonna (1046 rep) | edited 38 minutes ago by doctordonna (1046 rep)
There are a lot of people who simply don't care about looking nice (or professional), and the main way to identify them is that they don't make an effort to do so. Conversations like this are likely to get responses like "whatever, I don't care". — Erik 58 secs ago
#9583 Erik (5746 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by King Graham (1164 rep) | edited 58 minutes ago by King Graham (1164 rep)
@nico that's a fair comment, I more approached the answer from this way due to how OP phrased the question. It seemed more like a friendly co-worker thing rather than a professional bit (as the boss didn't want to get involved in the situation) but it mostly depends if she wants to make it a work issue or a social one. doctordonna's answer is excellent to tackle this issue in a professional way — King Graham 1 min ago
#9583 King Graham (1164 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by King Graham (1164 rep) | edited 58 minutes ago by King Graham (1164 rep)
2:57 PM
#2423 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 6) | posted 23 hours ago by 1006a (689 rep)
@mansnothot by the sounds of things you're well adjusted, sure of yourself and have friends. The person in OP's post sounds to be worse-for-wear, not saying doing this will work but it might make hime more receptive to new ideas appearance wise — King Graham 59 secs ago
#9583 King Graham (1164 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by King Graham (1164 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by King Graham (1164 rep)
#9547 Chris K (149 rep) | A: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I let her know that she should change this behaviour? (score: 2) | posted 19 hours ago by Chris K (149 rep)
#2422 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 6) | posted 24 hours ago by JAD (3424 rep)
#2422 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: 5) | posted 24 hours ago by JAD (3424 rep)
Excellent answer, it is indeed on OP's boss to address Bobs appearance. In your wording-suggestion, I would add something in the likes of
(This is not an issue but it needs to look tidy and clean), *just like at your interview for example*. Bob has already shown that he is able to groom himself appropriately without having to resort to cutting his hair. Emphasizing a bit more that it is not your intention that Bob cuts his hair, only that he grooms it, could also be of importance. — Cashbee 11 secs ago
#9584 Cashbee (1685 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 10) | posted 1 hours ago by doctordonna (1056 rep) | edited 54 minutes ago by doctordonna (1056 rep)
I feel like you've named three excellent ways to get a drink thrown in your face. — Adonalsium 54 secs ago
#9566 Adonalsium (101 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 4) | posted 5 hours ago by Astralbee (3984 rep)
3:12 PM
#2428 Jesse (2653 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: -1) | posted 21 minutes ago by Jesse (2653 rep)
#2428 JAD (3424 rep) | A: What should every answer contain on Interpersonal Skills? (score: -1) | posted 21 minutes ago by Jesse (2653 rep)
#9590 Erik (5746 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (3984 rep)
@Adonalsium I've never had a drink thrown in my face on a date, or any time. Not even by my ex-wife. — Astralbee 54 secs ago
#9566 Astralbee (3984 rep) | A: How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? (score: 4) | posted 5 hours ago by Astralbee (3984 rep)
One idea that might not be for everyone; fold your arms, put on a comically exaggerated scowl and declare "I don't hug" or "I no longer hug". You might well find yourself still being hugged while the person to your left goes without. This just makes it funnier, but in an informal atmosphere (which you guys seem to have) should gently get the message across. — Grimm The Opiner 23 secs ago
#9540 Grimm The Opiner (149 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 18) | posted 20 hours ago by Steve (843 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
#9590 Astralbee (3984 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by Astralbee (3984 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (3984 rep)
#9578 Grimm The Opiner (149 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Thisiswhatyoudo (29 rep)
@Stacey My boss agrees that the guy looks bad, and that it would be better if something was done about it, but he himself is indecisive for now how to handle this. — A random lady just now
#9581 A random lady (62 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by A random lady (62 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by henning (3542 rep)
#9588 Bilkokuya (485 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 8) | posted 28 minutes ago by DJClayworth (181 rep)
#9581 A random lady (62 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by A random lady (62 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by henning (3542 rep)
#9581 A random lady (62 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by A random lady (62 rep) | edited 28 minutes ago by henning (3542 rep)
@GrimmTheOpiner Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. — sphennings 19 secs ago
#9540 sphennings (816 rep) | Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 18) | posted 20 hours ago by Steve (843 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Anne Daunted (8006 rep)
Thanks for the answer. I also do not like the option of involving Alice. And other colleagues also thought the boss should be the one doing it. Our HR department is kinda "separate" from us and the decisions about hire are mostly made by our technical employees, so they won't help us in this case. We generally strive to have a "family" atmosphere in the company, we are relatively young, but growing fast, and it's becoming hard, but we are trying to leave it like that and it's of utmost importance to our boss, that's why he said it would be inappropriate for him to do it. — A random lady 14 secs ago
#9584 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 17) | posted 1 hours ago by doctordonna (1126 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by doctordonna (1126 rep)
I believe we all live in a society, and there are some norms in this society. Do you think the issue would change if he also did not wash entirely and smelled all the time? There is just a thin line. — A random lady 11 secs ago
#9588 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 8) | posted 37 minutes ago by DJClayworth (181 rep)
I understand my boss as a person, but I guess as a boss he is still probably the most appropriate person to do it. I don't think he thinks this as important. But he does not work with Bob. I agree, this is not something that will ruin the entire career of our company, but for me as a team-member it is something I would really like to change. — A random lady 1 min ago
#9584 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 17) | posted 1 hours ago by doctordonna (1126 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by doctordonna (1126 rep)
#9578 Thisiswhatyoudo (29 rep) | A: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Thisiswhatyoudo (29 rep) | edited 59 seconds ago by Thisiswhatyoudo (29 rep)
Thank you. I think it is a good way to do it in our company, but I am unsure I can convince my male colleagues to do it since they are also confused about the topic. But I have discussed the subject with them several times, and maybe at some point it will happen. — A random lady just now
#9583 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by King Graham (1184 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by King Graham (1184 rep)
@ARandomLady - IPS is for 'how to speak to people', while the workplace site is more focused on 'telling them to shape up and approaching the boss about appearance and dress code' (in this case). — Rob 31 secs ago
#9581 Rob (268 rep) | Q: How do I tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by A random lady (67 rep) | edited 38 minutes ago by henning (3542 rep)
I do agree that the option with Alice is not nice. But I would like to stress here this whole thing is not "my work" since we are all colleagues, and I am just the one who writes this post. About the gradual help - I think it is a good idea, but I am unsure it will help. Alice once asked him why he wouldn't trim his hair and he said something along the lines of "I'm too lazy". Maybe it wasn't the positive position you expressed though. — A random lady 22 secs ago
#9585 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by baldPrussian (5391 rep)
We are actually going to have a "review" meeting about assessing the job we do in a week or so, just came to my mind it could be a good event to mention this. Review is going to be done by the boss and one other colleague. I will talk to that colleague and ask his opinion. Thank you. — A random lady 57 secs ago
#9590 A random lady (67 rep) | A: How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 2) | posted 34 minutes ago by Astralbee (4004 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by Astralbee (4004 rep)
@Tinkeringbell, alright, this is frame challenge then, or possibly an answer to an XY problem. I still believe it has value. Is there anything I need to do other than state that it is such in the answer? — Carl Kevinson 1 min ago
#9545 Carl Kevinson (663 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 4) | posted 20 hours ago by Carl Kevinson (663 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Carl Kevinson (663 rep)
@Arandomlady the line between "I don't like the way he looks" and "bad hygiene" is pretty big, actually. — Erik 52 secs ago
#9588 Erik (5746 rep) | A: How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 10) | posted 52 minutes ago by DJClayworth (201 rep)
#9593 Erik (5746 rep) | Q: How do I politely say to someone that they can't get really drunk at the campsite? (score: 3) | posted 3 minutes ago by Ovaryraptor (116 rep)
#9593 The Snark Knight (4811 rep) | Q: How do I politely say to someone that they can't get really drunk at the campsite? (score: 3) | posted 6 minutes ago by Ovaryraptor (116 rep)
I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this is not a question regarding interpersonal skills, but a "What should I do" question — The Snark Knight 58 secs ago
#9595 The Snark Knight (4811 rep) | Q: Should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 2) | posted 4 minutes ago by T James (493 rep)
@TheSnarkKnight Is there a better place for this question? I have notice many of the interpersonal skill questions have had the tone - "How should I approach this problem?" — T James 9 secs ago
#9595 T James (498 rep) | Q: Should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 3) | posted 5 minutes ago by T James (498 rep)
@TheSnarkKnight It can very easily be rectified. Change the question to "How do I...." instead. — Stacey 59 secs ago
#9595 Stacey (3921 rep) | Q: Should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 3) | posted 5 minutes ago by T James (498 rep)
I think it's fine. "Should I..." Can be interpreted as "Is it appropriate to..", which is on topic (I think) — Stacey 8 secs ago
#9595 Stacey (3921 rep) | Q: How should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 3) | posted 6 minutes ago by T James (498 rep) | edited 50 seconds ago by T James (498 rep)
#9595 The Snark Knight (4811 rep) | Q: How should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 3) | posted 7 minutes ago by T James (498 rep) | edited 37 seconds ago by T James (498 rep)
@TheSnarkKnight I changed the wording to hopefully be more appropriate. I REALLY would like some help with this and this seems like the place. — T James 52 secs ago
#9595 T James (498 rep) | Q: How should I tell someone about a potential medical issue? (score: 3) | posted 8 minutes ago by T James (498 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by T James (498 rep)
Very good answer. To me it sounds like Bob is on the brink of getting harassed just for his looks. #meeto — Geliormth 59 secs ago
#9588 Geliormth (2146 rep) | A: How to tell a colleague to take care of how he looks (score: 11) | posted 1 hours ago by DJClayworth (221 rep)
#9593 NVZ (8378 rep) | Q: How do I politely say to someone that they can't get really drunk at the campsite? (score: 3) | posted 12 minutes ago by Ovaryraptor (116 rep)
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