The Closet

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12:01 AM

I'm also happy that this answer exists. One thing misses from my point of view. You two may be different types of people, you seem more introvert in that you need you time alone so that you can valuably spend time together. Not everyone is like this, and it may be difficult for an extrovert to understand the introvert's needs and vice versa. This infographic might help. (And if I'm wrong assuming that you need your time alone, I truly apologize.) — yo' 1 min ago

#8715 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 12) | posted 4 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1014 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1014 rep)

Is this a tradition of your family? Does it happen every year or it's just this time? — LinuxBlanket 1 min ago

#8720 Q: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by Guy who types fast (61 rep) | edited 48 minutes ago by Guy who types fast (61 rep)

(3) You may be a personality that is not easily making friends. Psychology has various terms ("diagnoses", sort-of) for this and knows how to learn to live with this, but in post-Soviet countries, resources and professionals on this are usually quite limited. Google might be your friend. Either way, I wish you the best! — yo' 12 secs ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (1 rep)

Hello. First, I'm not sure how much on topic this is here. Second, I don't feel qualified to answer, but I'll try to give couple cents (if others feel I should make it an answer, please let me know). (1) You are who you are. Your hobbies are mostly the consequence of your mind and soul, not the other way around, so changing them won't solve the issue. (2) You still can find hobbies that suit you and enlarge the chance you meet with people, but it may be difficult. — yo' 1 min ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (1 rep)

@ArwenUndómiel I knew this was coming. I'm not willing to invest more into a question with doubts whether it's gonna be closed. — yo' 44 secs ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (6 rep)

@yo' - please don't write answers in comments. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (6 rep)

thesecretmaster

!!/quota

Smelly

8402 requests remaining

thesecretmaster

@Mithrandir Is @Smelly being useful?

Mithrandir

yes

@Smelly I'm just yelling at this guy :p

Smelly

@ArwenUndómiel I do not, the OP does, and I'm not at home in this community to judge it. — yo' 29 secs ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 14 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (6 rep)

@yo' - answering a close-worthy question in the comments is the worst of both worlds. if you don't think it's an acceptable question, so please VTC/flag, but then please don't answer in the comments as well. Under pretty much no circumstances is answering in the comments acceptable, and that includes closed questions/questions which you think might be closed. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 14 minutes ago by Arthur Knotts (6 rep)

Smelly

12:26 AM

Thanks for your kind words. I agree with you about most of the reasons they may have had to force me out and I absolutely know and embrace that they love me and I love them. I'd just like to address that I do activities out of my house with my friends and my girlfriend, and my mother knows this.Now I think I just had to be more definitive with my "no". Also I felt kind of upset when they left us at they table after so much insistence about being all together. — Guy who types fast 58 secs ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 27 minutes ago by sharpCode (26 rep)

It's not a tradition but we try to be meet once a year, sometimes more if we are able to. Either they come to our house or we visit them, most of the families live in these two states. I would have to explain a lot more about this. — Guy who types fast 8 secs ago

#8720 Q: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 2) | posted 4 hours ago by Guy who types fast (63 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Guy who types fast (63 rep)

Smelly

12:44 AM

The regret was the worst so I have learnt to just be truthful with them and myself. If I sincerely have something better to do, If I don't then I'll go but always disclaim that I have the right to come and leave as I please as I do want to catch up with friends or the girlfriend (now wife). Nowadays as mentioned I sincerely have more important things and they actually see that so they now just ask and I give a yes or no answer (maybe with a brief reason) and that is that. Those times will come but until then you need to be honest and direct. Stand your ground but don't lie. — sharpCode 40 secs ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 45 minutes ago by sharpCode (26 rep)

1 hour later…

Smelly

1:47 AM

If you could pick, would you rather keep the apartment for alone time, or find a way for her to respect your desire for alone time with the single apartment? — corsiKa 1 min ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 11) | posted 7 hours ago by Steve (69 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Catija (8479 rep)

Smelly

2:02 AM

@Guy who types fast The point we are trying to make is that you don't discuss, you don't come up with reasons; you keep saying the exact, the exact, same thing over and over and over and you don't give in. Whatever they say, you say "It's not going to happen." Or whatever you decide is your mantra. So they get annoyed; so what? You have to choose between being a man or a mouse. They are so wrong, they are so over the line! — ab2 7 secs ago

#8722 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by Forklift (201 rep)

Wow, a genius Charlie Harper move (When Chelsea moves into the Harper beach house, Charlie rents out her vacant apartment to get alone time. S6E22)...Maybe you should give her the link to this question...So she can see that you not cheated on her, you really love her, had no really bad intentions and you are very worried about it and you are very sorry. (that could work...) — Ben 18 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 11) | posted 7 hours ago by Steve (69 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by Catija (8479 rep)

1 hour later…

Smelly

3:28 AM

I think we all know what it means if you feel you can't be honest enough to simply tell your girlfriend you need some time alone. If her reaction to being told something like that is worse than the time, energy, and money of renting a second apartment, then that doesn't sound like a good relationship. I'd also say you need help on understanding what a good relationship looks like, if you could not see this for yourself. — Issel 1 min ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 13) | posted 9 hours ago by Steve (79 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Catija (8479 rep)

I think this answer makes it seem like an explanation is necessary. Family or not, they should respect that OP has made a decision, regardless of the reason. — Forklift 52 secs ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by sharpCode (26 rep)

Smelly

4:00 AM

A reason is a respectful thing to give. If you give someone a "No" answer over and over eventually they won't invite you or call you anymore. So it is fine and good to give a reason. But to have that reason questioned is not right. If you have people questioning then they really shouldn't be your friend. If its family you give them the benefit of the doubt and explain a little further because they do sincerely love you. But if it is constantly requiring an explanation then you will inevitably snap like I did and then after that point it will be fine. — sharpCode 27 secs ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 4 hours ago by sharpCode (26 rep)

Smelly

4:15 AM

Some people don't feel the need to reply or carry on conversations for a minimum time before letting the talk slide. Another reason is that being an Online friend, the relationship of "good friend" might not hold as much as you have with the other person you mentioned. My take is that you're worrying or expecting too much from your interactions with her. Unless you plan to develop this into more than friends, it isn't much to worry about here. — SomeoneElse 1 min ago

#8694 Q: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 12) | posted 13 hours ago by Pyritie (165 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by Pyritie (165 rep)

Bucks party is a common name for it in Australia. — trr 1 min ago

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 58) | posted 41 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep)

I've been to one where we all went lawn bowling, and I've been to one where we all went and played croquet. Stag / bucks parties don't all have to be stereotypical. Yes we went out drinking after, but it was to quiet bars where you can have a pleasant drink and talk, no nightclubs and no strippers. — trr 1 min ago

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 58) | posted 41 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep)

This forum really seems like it's just filled with people who can't say no... It's always okay to say no, just don't say it the wrong way (which is very hard) and everything will be perfect. I had no idea there were so many socially inept people out there., — insidesin 2 mins ago

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 58) | posted 41 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by luchonacho (1417 rep)

It means she doesn't find interest in your conversation. There are millions who don't, find someone who does... — insidesin 7 secs ago

#8694 Q: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 12) | posted 14 hours ago by Pyritie (165 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by Pyritie (165 rep)

Smelly

5:22 AM

It would be wise not to encourage his behavior by not repling often or with long responses. He isn't talking about the break up or his personal feelings, he just wants to have female companionship and from experience might led to him seeing you as a rebound. since it has been some time and you have tried to ask him about the event. Best to let it drop. — SomeoneElse just now

#8697 Q: What's the average comforting time after breakups? (score: 1) | posted 14 hours ago by Sara D.F. (11 rep)

Smelly

5:35 AM

Why would you even bother posting such an answer? — 雰囲気読めない人 38 secs ago

#8736 A: How to deal with someone who won't leave me alone? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by user10916 (1 rep)

Smelly

6:18 AM

In the US, right? Add tag, shouldn't we? — NVZ 1 min ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 2) | posted 17 minutes ago by apaul (24056 rep)

@Ugh... If we must... — apaul 58 secs ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 2) | posted 18 minutes ago by apaul (24056 rep) | edited 43 seconds ago by apaul (24056 rep)

Smelly

7:12 AM

Again (why was my commet removed?!): Wow, a genius Charlie Harper move (When Chelsea moves into the Harper beach house, Charlie rents out her vacant apartment to get alone time. S6E22)...Maybe you should give her the link to this question...So she can see that you not cheated on her, you really love her, had no really bad intentions and you are very worried about it and you are very sorry (that you don't told her about your little need of alone time). (that could work...) — Ben 18 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 16) | posted 12 hours ago by Steve (94 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

Were your friend and the creepy customer alone at her workplace? — Anne Daunted 29 secs ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by apaul (24061 rep) | edited 53 minutes ago by apaul (24061 rep)

@AnneDaunted Not really. There's always at least one other employee/manager on shift. — apaul 1 min ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by apaul (24061 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by apaul (24061 rep)

Whoops, I didn't notice that. Carry on, then :) — V2Blast 18 secs ago

#8708 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 0) | posted 14 hours ago by Roberto Ribeiro (109 rep)

Smelly

7:39 AM

In the end, compliments like "good job!" or "you look nice!" just mean that they think the job you did or the way you look are nice enough to be worth a compliment. Surely you have a deeper knowledge and can judge better, but why spoil the compliment? They saw something and they liked it. So be it! :) — walen 1 min ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 37) | posted 34 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep) | edited 33 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep)

Smelly

8:10 AM

I downvoted, because this is kind of "let's assume the worst and not give her an opportunity to change" -answer. — Boat 2 mins ago

#8739 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (109 rep) | edited 33 minutes ago by NVZ (8276 rep)

Smelly

8:39 AM

Best she get a more senior or male staff to ask the creep in question to stop harassing her. — SomeoneElse just now

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by apaul (24066 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by apaul (24066 rep)

Objection: this is making that opportunity explicit. — bbaassssiiee 27 secs ago

#8739 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (109 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by NVZ (8276 rep)

I meant opportunity for Alice, not OP. — Boat 43 secs ago

#8739 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (109 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by NVZ (8276 rep)

I think the absolute loss of trust in you outweighs any unhealthy suffocating behaviour from her (that does need work but your untrustworthy behaviour and failure to talk about an issue that you felt that strongly about is in my humble opinion totally reprehensible) — bigbadmouse 9 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 18) | posted 14 hours ago by Steve (104 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

I agree with this answer. This is the cost of having a stay-at-home wife/gf moved to foreign environment: time at work is work time, time at home is relationship time, there is no alone time. She has no work, no friends, no family, all she has is you, therefore depriving her of that is unfair. OP could not manage to negotiate alone time from his gf neither accept the costs. This relationship was over even before this huge breach of trust by renting a side condo. — Agent_L 1 min ago

#8714 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: -1) | posted 13 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1757 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1757 rep)

Smelly

9:03 AM

This is a great answer. I always had trouble making friends when I was this age and it always felt like nobody really 'got' me or my interests. Going to university to do what I love and working in has introduced me to many new, great people that I'm still friends with years later. I'm glad I stuck with it, this is good advice. — Groggo 7 secs ago

#8735 A: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 4) | posted 6 hours ago by HDE 226868 (5010 rep)

MMOs are an awesome way to make friends if you're socially awkward, I can heartily recommend this as a weekend activity to reduce your feelings of social isolation. Really boosts your interpersonal skills, including teamwork skills. — Groggo 1 min ago

#8742 A: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Kinaeh (99 rep)

Smelly

9:29 AM

@walen I just feel like I didn't earn the compliment, so I don't feel comfortable with it — Termatinator 34 secs ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 37) | posted 35 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep) | edited 35 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep)

Smelly

10:05 AM

Don't give up anything! Finding/Making real friends is always not easy. I am also a software-developer and almost all of my (real, long-term) friends are not interrested in software-developing in any way. You can try to extend your interests (Sports/Movies) and join some (online/offline) communities. — Ben 1 min ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 4) | posted 10 hours ago by Arthur Knotts (27 rep)

In addition to programmer meetups (which are pretty common) also consider Hackathons, which are also fairly common and involve a lot of interaction. — Erik 51 secs ago

#8748 A: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 1) | posted 52 minutes ago by Mafii (111 rep)

Good answer, although places where I have worked are zero tolerance for this, and wording such as "You are no longer welcome here. Leave now before I call security" would be much firmer. Yes, it is escalation, but it gives a very direct message. — Rory Alsop 1 min ago

#8743 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep)

One variant of coming out is surprising her with that second apartment and what you've managed to accomplish there. Maybe you can paint something related to her, something she'll like. Then you can go there with her for a surprising getaway and spend an evening in a new place. In some sense, this keeps the lie. In other sense, it's not that far from truth. In the end, the reason you've sneaked away was to remain an interesting, well-rested and alive person for her. Right? — Ark-kun 20 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 19) | posted 15 hours ago by Steve (109 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

Thanks for the answer but I don't think it applies here. I should've specified that we're more than just casual friends, we're both in our mid-20's, and I know what she looks like. We are both native english speaking americans. I am friends with her because we have several niche interests in common, and I seriously doubt I could find anyone in my local area with them as well. — Pyritie 1 min ago

#8737 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 0) | posted 6 hours ago by abbie (141 rep)

@Agent_L They both have work. They both just moved to a new foreign environment. They both have no family there. Surprisingly, she has already managed to find enough friends that her network reached a critical mass needed to catch her boyfriend doing his business around the town. QUite a different picture from what you've described, right? — Ark-kun 1 min ago

#8714 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: -1) | posted 15 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1757 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1757 rep)

@RoryAlsop I agree kicking someone out is often necessary, but it seemed as though OP realized that already and specifically wanted answers for when their friend did not want to do so - "because there's only so often you can call the police to run off obnoxious customers before it starts to look bad for the business." — Jesse 6 secs ago

#8743 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep)

I upvoted your answer as I think it is grand, but popped an extension to my comment up as an alternative answer as well. — Rory Alsop 21 secs ago

#8743 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Jesse (1997 rep)

1 hour later…

Smelly

11:45 AM

@Ben, comments are for clarifying points in the question, not for posting answers which your comment sure looks like like. That is likely why your comment has been removed (although I didn't see the original). — RyanfaeScotland 47 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 22) | posted 17 hours ago by Steve (124 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

It sounds like you're looking for someone who programms "on your level" and you either are or think you are on a high level. Consider that for a friendship you don't need to be on the same level - you could also share your knowledge and help potential friends out with your skills. — AllTheKingsHorses 7 secs ago

#8724 Q: How to find friends as a programmer (teenager)? (score: 4) | posted 11 hours ago by Arthur Knotts (27 rep)

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 23) | posted 17 hours ago by Steve (129 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

This is a great answer. In addition, I'd suggest possibly 1) She values what you have too much to risk losing it by saying the wrong thing. 2) She simply enjoys it when you drive. — Easy Tiger 17 secs ago

#8745 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by Boat (156 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Boat (156 rep)

Smelly

12:25 PM

@ToddWilcox My pet theory is that by diminishing a compliment, you're refusing their attempt to build a positive relationship with you. They're extending their hand and watch how you react. If you ignore the hand or bat it away, you're telling them "I want nothing to do with you!" — AllTheKingsHorses 24 secs ago

#8673 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 16) | posted 36 hours ago by Kat (1452 rep) | edited 36 hours ago by Kat (1452 rep)

Just to clarify: did the deleted expletive refer to bodyparts of your friend he liked or was he mainly trying to insult her? Difference being: would he himself think he's complimenting her? — AllTheKingsHorses 1 min ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 6) | posted 6 hours ago by apaul (24091 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by apaul (24091 rep)

Smelly

12:43 PM

No longer than one calender year. — Bookeater 54 secs ago

#8697 Q: What's the average comforting time after breakups? (score: 1) | posted 22 hours ago by Sara D.F. (11 rep)

@Termatinator: Not wanting to take what hasn't been earned is an admirable attitude to have. OTOH, do you reject gifts from friends because you haven't earned them? I see compliments are gifts, to be given and received freely, not something one has to earn. The person offering the compliment is not obligated to offer it, after all. — Tom Barron 1 min ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 37) | posted 39 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by baldPrussian (3360 rep)

@RyanfaeScotland Yes, thanks for the explanation about comments...clearly... the most comments I see here are not to clarify anything...But they were not removed. What is the difference here?! So, it would be nice if the rules apply to all users, not just me. — Ben 1 min ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 24) | posted 18 hours ago by Steve (134 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

@Ben - we try to apply the same rules to everyone, but it's difficult to keep track of everything. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 24) | posted 18 hours ago by Steve (134 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

Smelly

1:06 PM

@TomBarron yes I do reject gifts sometimes, for the same reason — Termatinator 15 secs ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 38) | posted 39 hours ago by baldPrussian (3370 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by baldPrussian (3370 rep)

This doesn't really seem to answer the question. — Erik 56 secs ago

#8751 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 0) | posted 41 minutes ago by Jorrit (1 rep)

@Ben don't take it personally, IPS in particular is plauged by answers in comments (as is The Workplace) but these sites are pretty young in SE terms so a lot of people do it without really thinking about it or knowing better. As for yours being removed but others not: as far as 'rule breaking' goes its a fairly minor one, combine that with the shear volume of them (as you've pointed out) and you can hopefully see why they aren't all always cleared up as Arwen has pointed out. — RyanfaeScotland 1 min ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 24) | posted 18 hours ago by Steve (134 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Catija (8480 rep)

@Termatinator: Oh, okay. I do see your not wanting to take what hasn't been earned as admirable. I guess I see gifts as being in a different category. I don't think I've earned the air that I breathe but I still breathe it. :) — Tom Barron 59 secs ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 38) | posted 39 hours ago by baldPrussian (3370 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by baldPrussian (3370 rep)

Overall nice answer.. and although it is clear you already know this, I would like to re-affirm for others looking at this answer that: Even if you work in a bar/club where such behaviour is maybe more likely to occur, it is not expected for you to put up it. — Jesse 52 secs ago

#8752 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 1) | posted 29 minutes ago by michi (762 rep)

Fine answer in these #metoo times. — Bookeater 19 secs ago

#8750 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by Rory Alsop (2363 rep)

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my question with a suggestion. I apologize for any grammar issues as English is not my first language. I basically texted him and asked him to confirm his attendance and that I'm not sure why he cut communication with me. He responded that sometimes he just likes to work in silence and not talk to anyone and that he would be happy to be my friend but not looking for anything serious at this point. He never mentioned anything about the party so I'm letting this go now. — sillygilz 1 min ago

#8721 A: How to ask a coworker you like if he plans to attend your dinner party without making him feel pressured (score: 5) | posted 15 hours ago by Jess K. (4014 rep)

Zero tolerance is the only appropriate approach IMHO. — Bookeater 1 min ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 7) | posted 7 hours ago by apaul (24096 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by apaul (24096 rep)

@Shufflepants I agree that the answer may not be satisfying, but even in this case, she then knows how the OP feels about it and has time to think about the issue and maybe what she actually wants becomes clear to her as a result. In the end, asking her is the only way to find out why she behaves that way, we can only speculate. Also, the OP doesn't burn any bridges. A more forceful approach ("If you don't tell me why you never ask questions back, I will drown a puppy!") may be more successful, but also damage their friendship. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#8700 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 15) | posted 22 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7613 rep)

@Erik, the answer is that she should talk to her boss so he can answer the question — Jorrit 1 min ago

#8751 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Jorrit (1 rep)

Smelly

1:46 PM

This has received a lot of downvotes because of the unnecessy profanity and general lack of tact, I suspect. It seems to be that this is salvageable and contributes a perspective which is not entirely subsumed by any of the existing answers, but I also imagine there is no way to actually turn this into a useful answer now. Perhaps somebody else would like to find a way to tactfully (if still not entirely constructively) communicate this idea, to show you how it's done. — tripleee 27 secs ago

#8754 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: -8) | posted 7 minutes ago by Heisoka (1 rep)

Smelly

1:59 PM

Unfortunately family members as a whole seem to think that boundaries don't need to exist within the family. This is a decent answer; it also requires firmness on your part. "We want you to go. We won't leave without you" "Fine, then don't go. I'm not going either way" Refuse the guilt trip that family members love to put on each other. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 14 hours ago by sharpCode (34 rep)

I think this is a little extreme if it's not meant to be a humorous answer. — baldPrussian 39 secs ago

#8740 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 0) | posted 7 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (119 rep)

"You give me a credit to which I have no claim, in calling me 'The writer of the Constitution of the U.S.' This was not, like the fabled Goddess of Wisdom, the offspring of a single brain. It ought to be regarded as the work of many heads & many hands." - James Madison — Pieter Geerkens 19 secs ago

#8665 Q: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 34) | posted 41 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep)

This seems like commentary on the post more than an IPS solution. It also doesn't seem to help address what the OP wants to actually do. — Jess K. 25 secs ago

#8740 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: -1) | posted 7 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (117 rep)

@HDE226868: That is well and good - until the question is protected. — Pieter Geerkens 1 min ago

#8665 Q: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 34) | posted 41 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep)

This seems more like a comment than it does an answer. Answers need to contain IPS solutions, as many of the other answers do above. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#8728 A: Can I correct other people's children in front of them? (score: 0) | posted 13 hours ago by Stacy (1 rep)

Regarding your PS2: Yes, if it is such a strong thing in your culture, it actually might be a good idea to not oppose it completely, but instead try to find a way to make it an acceptable experience for yourself as well as your friends. If you really just want to skip the party - skip it, you know when you get married, so you'll have a good chance to spot any fake invitations. Just refuse. But if you see a chance to take a more socially accepted way, let your friends know what kind of party would be your thing - or simply organise it yourself and tell them to come. — jackthehipster 53 secs ago

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 62) | posted 50 hours ago by luchonacho (1437 rep) | edited 26 hours ago by luchonacho (1437 rep)

This is a really good, thoughtful answer. And especially clutch if one has a birthday coming soon. What would you recommend for a situation where it is several months until my birthday? — Forklift 21 secs ago

#8249 A: How to Build a Friendship with a Private Instructor (score: 12) | posted 16 days ago by Markino (1918 rep) | edited 16 days ago by Markino (1918 rep)

Dude / Girl - this person behaves in the most obnoxious way. If he/she doesn't get the subtle hints, and apparently this is so, I can only see 2 other options: face the confrontation and make your position as clear as humanly possible, including the possibility of breaking off all contact, and two, break off the contact without confrontation, which seems to be impossible given the chance you might run into each other. Some things simply have to be made clear, and if that means confrontation, it means confrontation. That's just life. — jackthehipster 28 secs ago

#2047 Q: An extremely confrontational person knows I blocked them - what should I do when seeing them in public? (score: 13) | posted 139 days ago by blueberryredbull (166 rep) | edited 138 days ago by blueberryredbull (166 rep)

@Jesse yes, absolutely! gonna edit. — michi 12 secs ago

#8752 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by michi (772 rep)

Plenty of chances: new car, new house, particular achievement at work (promotion, project completion, raise, etc.), particular achievement in a sport, particular achievement in a hobby, etc. Let your fantasy work. — Markino 49 secs ago

#8249 A: How to Build a Friendship with a Private Instructor (score: 12) | posted 16 days ago by Markino (1918 rep) | edited 16 days ago by Markino (1918 rep)

Smelly

3:01 PM

I'm deleting this in accordance with interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/2003/102; answers need to be more than just suggestions that aren't backed up. — HDE 226868 ♦ 1 min ago

#8300 A: How to ask to pay for products from a friend's shop rather than accepting them as gifts without being rude? (score: 26) | posted 15 days ago by user3306356 (377 rep)

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because asking about what people think (how common it is) is an anthropological question, not a question about Interpersonal Skills. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#8757 Q: Do Asian people generally think it's ok to treat whites bad because of their sexual culture? (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by Boat (166 rep) | edited 44 seconds ago by Boat (166 rep)

I'm not sure whether this is an interpersonal question... — F1Krazy 1 min ago

#8757 Q: Do Asian people generally think it's ok to treat whites bad because of their sexual culture? (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by Boat (166 rep) | edited 44 seconds ago by Boat (166 rep)

@PieterGeerkens It only takes 10 reputation points on the site to answer a protected question; if you want to answer here, you should be able to pass that barrier in no time with a good question or answer to another question. — HDE 226868 ♦ 1 min ago

#8665 Q: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 34) | posted 42 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep) | edited 39 hours ago by Termatinator (464 rep)

Smelly

3:15 PM

Thanks for the details, this helps. Good luck! — abbie 1 min ago

#8737 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 0) | posted 11 hours ago by abbie (151 rep)

Smelly

3:34 PM

You should both start playing Kerbal Space Program. — Grimm The Opiner 1 min ago

#3815 Q: An old friend can't hold a conversation with me anymore, what do I do? (score: 2) | posted 113 days ago by Obsyden (13 rep)

@sharpCode, that seems to imply I don't want to is not a good enough reason, when for a respectful relationship, that should be enough. — Forklift 1 min ago

#8723 A: How can I convince my family to go out without me? (score: 1) | posted 15 hours ago by sharpCode (34 rep)

If the giver cannot make up the difference, the easiest way to resolve this (mechanically easy, anyway) is for the giver to get their undervalue item back, and then replace it with the gift they received. — Grimm The Opiner 48 secs ago

#7964 Q: How to talk to a person not sticking to the rules of a secret santa and disappointing the receiver of their gift? (score: 22) | posted 22 days ago by daze413 (216 rep) | edited 20 days ago by Tinkeringbell (11466 rep)

@termatinator you don't have to earn compliments or gifts. They are given at the other persons discretion. — AytAyt 1 min ago

#8668 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 39) | posted 42 hours ago by baldPrussian (3380 rep) | edited 41 hours ago by baldPrussian (3380 rep)

Smelly

3:57 PM

I'm astonished by the comments on this answer. With the exception that I wouldn't tap the child, but use the back of my hand/forearm to resist their incursion (fingers very clearly not contacting the child) this is what I'd do. This almost identical situation happened to me in Glasgow a few weeks ago at the Transport Museum, I barred the child's incursion with my arm and said, 'Ah-ah, I'm using it just now.' The child was obviously slightly surprised but perfectly understood and stepped back. The point made, I finished up quickly so that the child could use the display. — Spagirl 1 min ago

#4310 A: Can I correct other people's children in front of them? (score: 1) | posted 106 days ago by Dominique (259 rep)

On the rude-to-nice-scale, on which part of the spctrum would you place the cursor? — OldPadawan 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1447 rep)

@OldPadawan he is usually nice, except for that seconds when he scans my body. I mean I find this concrete behaviour definitively rude. — DarkPurpleShadow 7 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1447 rep)

sorry, I edited my comment/question, saw after I was not clear — OldPadawan 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1447 rep)

I would only suggest saying this if it can be followed through on. If someone is truly wanting to harass an individual, they'll only feel more powerful if you threaten them with security and don't follow through. It escalates their behavior, in my experience. OP has suggested that the business is reluctant to call police so I'm not sure how well it can be followed through on. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#8750 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 9) | posted 5 hours ago by Rory Alsop (2403 rep)

@yo' That's a good point and, honestly, should probably be in an answer instead of a comment. — reirab 1 min ago

#8715 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 49) | posted 21 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1214 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1214 rep)

Just a note - "mild autism" and "high-functioning" aren't really appropriate terms to use any more. Just "he has autism" is sufficient, there's no need to separate us like that. You can be more symptom-specific if the situation warrants it, e.g. "he is non-verbal" if you're talking about communication issues, or "he struggles with emotional regulation" if you're talking about a reaction to an event, etc. — Groggo 1 min ago

#638 Q: How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent? (score: 18) | posted 170 days ago by HDE 226868 (5031 rep) | edited 127 days ago by SQB (3144 rep)

Just so you're aware, Autism Speaks is not a reliable source and should not be used as a resource. Some examples of why are here: medium.com/@KirstenSchultz/… — Groggo 1 min ago

#657 A: How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent? (score: 12) | posted 169 days ago by Witan ap Danu (1842 rep)

The fact that he has done this multiple times indicates that the time for politeness is over, this answer is perfectly confrontational while also avoiding doing something inappropriate for the workplace. — Groggo 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 1) | posted 3 minutes ago by Jess K. (4054 rep)

Be aware of what repercussions might arise from reporting this to HR. Once you report someone to HR, then your working relationship with that person then turns toxic and there might be wider implications for the team involved as well once they find out. — Snow 33 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 1) | posted 10 minutes ago by Jess K. (4062 rep)

Reporting a situation like this to HR almost always end badly.... — IamSoNotListening 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 2) | posted 13 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep) | edited 40 seconds ago by Jess K. (4072 rep)

@Snow Agreed, but if you have exhausted all other options and the behavior continues and you still feel uncomfortable, HR or quitting your job are your only avenues left. You may as well see if your job can be salvaged through HRs help before finding a better work environment. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 2) | posted 13 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep) | edited 40 seconds ago by Jess K. (4072 rep)

I would disagree with IamSoNotListening here - reporting this to HR almost always ends up with a positive outcome - IF you make sure you have exhausted interpersonal options first, then keep a log of every time he does it. — Rory Alsop 11 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 2) | posted 14 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep)

@JessK. I entirely agree. I just felt that it's worth pointing out that reporting things to HR can sometimes make things worse. — Snow 35 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 2) | posted 14 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep)

Yes, reporting sexual harassment to HR (which this totally constitutes) can cause tension and problems. We are all aware of this, and this is why you address the issue in the hierarchy manner: The offender, your/their manager, and so on up the chain until HR is necessary- But even pointing it out to the offender can end badly. And reporting to HR isn't guaranteed to end badly. (But seriously, I recommend mentioning the chain of command- It can cause more problems with other people if you go over their head without taking it to them first!) — Kendra 14 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 2) | posted 15 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Jess K. (4072 rep)

Smelly

4:52 PM

@Groggo Autism Speaks was not referenced as a source, as in the creator or originator, of information. Rather they were given as a "host" of information. The source of the information is the American Psychiatric Association and Autism Speaks is one, of three given, place to obtain a readable copy of the material. You are, of course, free to spend your own money and obtain your own copy of the DSM-5 if it pleases you. I'd be more concerned with citing a rant page as a reliable source than an organization that is doing some good for people, even if not as much as others would like. — Witan ap Danu 1 min ago

#657 A: How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent? (score: 12) | posted 169 days ago by Witan ap Danu (1842 rep)

Smelly

5:21 PM

"I remember you said you were trying a new diet for your new years resolution, how's it going?". If somebody told you they are on a diet, it's an invitation to make polite conversation about it - you don't have anything to worry about. — Bilkokuya 10 secs ago

#8767 Q: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by DCOPTimDowd (101 rep)

@Bilkokuya - please don't write answers in the comments. They're harmful to the site, and your comment will get deleted. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#8767 Q: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by DCOPTimDowd (101 rep)

Have you mentioned it to him at all? Is it possible that he doesn't realize what he's doing? Also, what is your culture? — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1475 rep)

Partners shouldn't be punishing each other. It sounds to me like there's some deeper issues if she locks herself away and refuses to deal with situations, especially if stated reasons are to punish you. I recommend couples therapy. Dinner timing is a relatively minor issue that partners should be able to work out rationally. Some professional help should help you guys learn how to do so. — aherocalledFrog 57 secs ago

#8670 Q: If you rely on your partner to do something, how do you ask them to do it better? (score: 2) | posted 43 hours ago by jf328 (122 rep) | edited 43 hours ago by Jess K. (4162 rep)

Good answer, but I'd like to make a note that is so frequently on WP.SE: It's not HR's job to make sure you feel safe and comfortable, it's their job to mitigate legal risk to the company. If this escalates, you may need to use stronger wording with them for them to understand the exact situation. There's a fine line between "checking someone out" and providing arbitration and prevention of a sexual harassment lawsuit; Its up to them to navigate that with an appropriate response. — Anoplexian 28 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 13) | posted 1 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

I had to approach him. My party is posted on a meetup site that he is not a part of the group RSVP and I invited him personally. He still hasn't confirmed either way so I decided to let it go — sillygilz 1 min ago

#8758 A: How to ask a coworker you like if he plans to attend your dinner party without making him feel pressured (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Lawrence (101 rep)

@Grimm - please don't write answers in the comments. They're harmful to the site, and your comment will get deleted. — Arwen Undómiel 2 mins ago

#7964 Q: How to talk to a person not sticking to the rules of a secret santa and disappointing the receiver of their gift? (score: 22) | posted 23 days ago by daze413 (216 rep) | edited 20 days ago by Tinkeringbell (11466 rep)

Does not makes it any better for you but does he do it to other females? — Paparazzi 18 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 10) | posted 1 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1498 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Catija (8481 rep)

I think this is the approach I will take, thanks for all the help — Steve 1 min ago

#8715 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 56) | posted 22 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1229 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by TheTinyMan (1229 rep)

I marvel how this forums can be an outlet for crazy people and how the feminist crowd is active here. Since is it a crime looking at someone? Gosh. — Rui F Ribeiro just now

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 10) | posted 1 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1498 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Catija (8481 rep)

Hi! Welcome to Interpersonal.SE! This is quite difficult to read at the moment, could you break it up into paragraphs to make it easier to read? Thanks! — F1Krazy 43 secs ago

#8769 Q: Best friend and roommate dating a guy i have a crush on (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by Seb693 (1 rep) | edited 37 seconds ago by OldPadawan (7736 rep)

@RuiFRibeiro This question touches on a topic many women have to deal with every day. Does that make the behavior displayed toward women right? No. Also, in a professional setting, she has the right to not be harassed, if his behavior qualifies as such. (IMO it does, but I don't know if I have all the facts). — anon 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 10) | posted 2 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1498 rep) | edited 11 minutes ago by Catija (8481 rep)

@anon It does not, but nowadays everyone goes too quickly to the harassment word. Younger or social inept people often could not know better than staring, for instance, and not be doing it out of malice. — Rui F Ribeiro 12 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 10) | posted 2 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1498 rep) | edited 16 minutes ago by Catija (8481 rep)

Would the/a diet make sense for you? The reason I'm asking is that this might be a way to start diet-themed small talk. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#8767 Q: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 0) | posted 51 minutes ago by DCOPTimDowd (101 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by DCOPTimDowd (101 rep)

This is not the place for discussion about sexual harassment. Take it to chat or somewhere else entirely. — Catija ♦ 46 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 10) | posted 2 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1498 rep) | edited 22 minutes ago by Catija (8481 rep)

My bachelor party was going paint-balling with just my brother. If your best man does not respect your wishes, pick a new one! This is your day! — Bailey S 1 min ago

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 63) | posted 54 hours ago by luchonacho (1442 rep) | edited 30 hours ago by luchonacho (1442 rep)

I'd discuss this approach with management first. Some weak managers completely misunderstand "The customer is always right" to mean that "we can't do anything to potentially irritate a customer." Understanding management's level of support will be critical to either doing this or looking for a new job. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#8750 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 9) | posted 7 hours ago by Rory Alsop (2403 rep)

While I agree with the poster that OP should not get overly emotionally invested, it is obvious that he already is to some degree. At this point, he can only benefit from clearing the situation and not shutting down without further explanation. — Zsolt Szilagy 45 secs ago

#8739 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: 1) | posted 12 hours ago by bbaassssiiee (119 rep) | edited 35 minutes ago by bbaassssiiee (119 rep)

@AnneDaunted As in for me to do along with them? No. — DCOPTimDowd 1 min ago

#8767 Q: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by DCOPTimDowd (106 rep) | edited 34 minutes ago by DCOPTimDowd (106 rep)

What if we're decent work friends? Or if they told me personally about their new diets? — DCOPTimDowd 26 secs ago

#8770 A: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 1) | posted 13 minutes ago by baldPrussian (3430 rep)

Please do tell me if something is not clear or missing, I will improve that part. — Ram Chandra Giri 11 secs ago

#8772 Q: Should I have asked for a reason first when receiving chocolates from colleague? (score: 0) | posted 17 seconds ago by Ram Chandra Giri (381 rep)

Was she upset about you not asking or didn't it matter? Did she smile while she asked you, or did she ask with a playful tone of voice? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#8772 Q: Should I have asked for a reason first when receiving chocolates from colleague? (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (381 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

If you're in a friendly relationship with that person, the chances for offense go down quite a bit (although they never disappear). If they've told you about it, the occasional question is possible. Keep in mind that NY resolutions last about a week or two, so this topic has a pretty short shelf life. Additionally, I find any conversation involving someone else's age, weight, or measurement to not be worth the risk. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#8770 A: How to ask someone how their diet is going (score: 1) | posted 25 minutes ago by baldPrussian (3430 rep)

@AnneDaunted She was not upset but there were other colleagues in room so I felt akward when she asked. — Ram Chandra Giri 1 min ago

#8772 Q: Should I have asked for a reason first when receiving chocolates from colleague? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (381 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

I think a direct approach is unwanted at a company. It does not set a precedent of his acts and a company cant act accordingly to such acts. Also the OP can not be the only one he is "scanning". Plus a direct approach can also result in the OP not properly handling his response, and that could harm her image in the company. The boss or manager in this type of case are not in the chain of command. You usually involve them in minor personal or process misunderstandings, not in sexual harassment cases — Salvador Ruiz Guevara just now

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 17) | posted 2 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

Welcome! Are you saying that you are a native English speaker? Are these friends, coworkers, strangers? Also, you're asking two questions here, please pick one - you can always ask the second one, too. :) — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#8774 Q: Correcting non-native speakers’ language (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by Neil Roberts (101 rep)

@AllTheKingsHorses even if they were things he liked, it's still too much. This is not some club or hookup meet — Emery 25 secs ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 10) | posted 12 hours ago by apaul (24112 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by apaul (24112 rep)

Just to be clear, this reads like you're wondering whether it's common courtesy to do the asking? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#8772 Q: Should I have asked for a reason first when receiving chocolates from colleague? (score: 1) | posted 18 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

@Catija Fair point. I’ve edited the question to make it more clear and removed the second question. Thanks! — Neil Roberts 48 secs ago

#8774 Q: Correcting non-native speakers’ language (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Neil Roberts (106 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by Neil Roberts (106 rep)

@Tinkeringbell I would say like whether it's common courtesy for me to ask first or for someone sharing chocolate to give information. — Ram Chandra Giri 1 min ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 24 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

@jackthehipster - please don't write answers in the comments. They're harmful to the site, and your comment will get deleted. — Arwen Undómiel just now

#8635 Q: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 63) | posted 55 hours ago by luchonacho (1442 rep) | edited 31 hours ago by luchonacho (1442 rep)

This question seems too opinion based for me. We can prove that from the premise of your question. Your coworker seems to expect you to ask what the chocolate was for. You expected that information to be provided. Based on your interpretation of the scenario; both of you think that you acted properly. Therefore, any answers will also depend on our opinions of what is right; and aren't on topic for that reason IMO. — JMac 21 secs ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 28 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

Have you considered asking over at The Workplace where you may get even better advice? — Anne Daunted 7 secs ago

#8777 Q: Asking for Raise after training and certifications (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by chaoslodge (1 rep)

I really like this answer. I've been harassed before; sometimes the person's intent is to get under your skin. It's impossible to know the intent of someone who's been there for 5 minutes, but if that's their intent even saying, 'that's not appropriate' will give them glee. They know it's not appropriate, even if they pretend not to. Have management on your side, and if not, then have other team members. If your friend isn't sure whether they'd be on her side or not, she doesn't need to make it about harassment or legal issues or anything so no one can argue definitions with her. — Emery 1 min ago

#8755 A: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 4) | posted 4 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

Please break it up into readable paragraphs.. — NVZ 33 secs ago

#8775 A: How to deal with an employer's backhanded compliments? (score: 0) | posted 22 minutes ago by stevareno (1 rep)

Perhaps so, but we do not welcome one-liner answers on the site, so please explain the answer a bit further. Thanks. :) — NVZ 35 secs ago

#8778 A: What does not initiating and not asking questions back mean? (score: -3) | posted 7 minutes ago by user10945 (1 rep)

I think this might benefit from a location/culture tag (I know you probably want this as anonymous as possible but:) There are very often cultural differences when it comes to discussing sex and std's. — Tinkeringbell 23 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 4) | posted 14 minutes ago by user10946 (21 rep) | edited 12 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

what is difference between scan and look? — Alexan 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 16) | posted 3 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1528 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

Congratulations on going viral — Strawberry 40 secs ago

#8711 Q: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 33) | posted 24 hours ago by Steve (181 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

@RamChandraGiri Are there cultural differences between you and your co-worker? — Tinkeringbell 55 secs ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 46 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 39 seconds ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

@Alexan Based on context, sounds like scanning would be like a look up and down; essentially making it clear you are looking at their whole body (or "scanning" it). Basically the "I'm definitely checking you out" look. OP should probably clarify; but in the context I'm pretty sure it would be at least similar behaviour. — JMac 1 min ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 16) | posted 3 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1528 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

@JMac, we allow questions about 'etiquette'. I think in this case, the question is good because it has a location tag so answers can be based on the 'etiquette' of receiving a treat in nepal. — Tinkeringbell 2 mins ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 46 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 45 seconds ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

Very good question, at least the subject matter of it. Please add some additional details as asked in the previous comment. — NVZ 16 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 20 minutes ago by user10946 (26 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

@Groggo I'm not sure I agree with that; only because they haven't been confronted. The only action they mention is avoiding him. I don't think it's an appropriate mentality; but some guys would think they are complimenting a woman by checking them out. It's best to let them know it makes you uncomfortable, in case there wasn't any harm meant. I agree that OP should have a confrontational tone, but your tone seems to imply that the guy should know what he did was wrong. I think it's a cultural problem; where some men still think that behaviour is socially acceptable. — JMac 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 20) | posted 3 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

@Tinkeringbell We could say that as she is Magar while I am Bahun. — Ram Chandra Giri 1 min ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 52 minutes ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

I'm putting this on hold pending details as requested. Culture would be helpful, as would information about what sort of interaction you still have with these people and what you want us to help you with, specifically. Right now, it's a bit too nebulous. — Catija ♦ 42 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 26 minutes ago by user10946 (26 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

@Catija it seems pretty extreme to call this sexual harassment. Since when is someone controlling when their own eyes are pointed up to someone else? In general, I think it is rude to stare, but how do we know this coworker doesn't scan everyone he walks by normally? Why is scanning a bad thing? — spacetyper 44 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 16) | posted 3 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1528 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

@Tinkeringbell I'm still not sure if, in general, there is enough of an established etiquette to answer this question in a satisfying way. I really don't think this is about cultural norms at all. Where I live, this seems like the sort of situation that would vary person to person; not culture to culture. They could have been actually upset about OP not asking, or they could've made the comment halfheartedly. I know I've met both types of people in the same general culture. — JMac 13 secs ago

#8772 Q: Is it rude to not ask for a reason first when receiving a gift (chocolate) from a colleague? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Ram Chandra Giri (386 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

@Catija Gotcha! Thanks for clarifying. — spacetyper 16 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 17) | posted 3 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1533 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

@spacetyper I'm talking about the five comments I deleted, not the question. — Catija ♦ 52 secs ago

#8759 Q: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 17) | posted 3 hours ago by DarkPurpleShadow (1533 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Catija (8481 rep)

Yes a lot of the time it's not conscious. Regardless, extending your hand first as an intentional act on your part lets them know that you want to keep your space. — Emery 1 min ago

#1958 A: Why do men shake hands with each other but hug women? (score: 12) | posted 140 days ago by anongoodnurse (17703 rep) | edited 65 days ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

Thanks all for your comments, I have edited my question accordingly. — user10946 1 min ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 4) | posted 46 minutes ago by user10946 (24 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by user10946 (24 rep)

Second @Anoplexian. While escalating this kind of treatment to HR as a last resort probably is appropriate, HR is still not your friend. — jpmc26 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 22) | posted 3 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

Please consider adding paragraph breaks to aid readability. Leave two lines to make a new paragraph. — NVZ 1 min ago

#8783 A: Why do men shake hands with each other but hug women? (score: 0) | posted 37 minutes ago by stevareno (1 rep)

How can you "reconnect" with your current boyfriend? How long has it been since you were last tested? How many past partners are you talking about? How to tell each of them will be different, so you should probably limit this question to be about one person, not all of them. — Catija ♦ 44 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 4) | posted 56 minutes ago by user10946 (24 rep) | edited 12 minutes ago by user10946 (24 rep)

Agree with this answer. If she was unwilling to really hear your needs about time and space before you got the apartment, how likely is it that she will truly understand that now? My prediction: she will either not believe your other apartment isn't just a "shag shack", or even if she truly does come to understand, it will still mean the end of your relationship. Sorry, buddy. — BradC 24 secs ago

#8732 A: How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment? (score: 12) | posted 18 hours ago by trr (539 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by trr (539 rep)

While I can (maybe) accept that there might be alternative reasons why he's doing it (note that finding OP attractive is not an alternative reason - that's what treating someone as a piece of meat implies), I think positive reinforcement (greeting him) for unwanted behaviour is not the way to go, regardless of the reason behind it (because the reason doesn't change that the behaviour is generally unwanted). At best I'd go for a more neutral response like asking if you have something on your clothes. — NotThatGuy 1 min ago

#8786 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by spacetyper (260 rep)

I would want to know why the down vote. any reason this is not a viable solution to her problem? — Salvador Ruiz Guevara 14 secs ago

#8773 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1784 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

It's funny how we can just adopt a non-standard morality and then pass judgement on others who follow the most common morality. The only actual compromise would be just to let each other eat whatever they want, whenever and wherever they want. If you were Jewish, would you allow your Christian partner to only allow you to practice your religion outside the house? — Clay07g 56 secs ago

#8532 A: Girlfriend, vegetarianism and me not wanting to change (score: 39) | posted 6 days ago by apaul (24112 rep)

You'll be able to edit your own question if you log in rather than submitting edit suggestions from an anonymous account. If you're having trouble accessing your existing account, please use the contact us link to request account merge or access. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#8769 Q: Best friend and roommate dating a guy I have a crush on (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Seb693 (6 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

Having spend my live living in Canada, Sweden and Germany, I could very well imagine that for North America you are right (saying that denying/dismissing a compliment is rude); however in Sweden it would be save to deny it and in Germany at least OK, and Martin in his comment indicates that it would be OK in England, too. So with the Netherlands being right in the middle of those countries, I wonder, wound you say your answer holds particularly also for the Netherland? — matec 27 secs ago

#8673 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 19) | posted 44 hours ago by Kat (1482 rep) | edited 44 hours ago by Kat (1482 rep)

I tested positive recently, the exact timing is really none of your business. I have had several partners and as stated in my question, I wish to reach out to them in a way that minimizes communication. Why would I only limit the communication to one past lover? — user10946 1 min ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by user10946 (29 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by user10946 (29 rep)

"My eyes are up here" is a good response even if he isn't looking straight at your chest; everyone knows what that means. — Azor-Ahai 47 secs ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 23) | posted 3 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

Wow that is one hard to follow stream of consciousness post... — Patrice 2 mins ago

#8616 Q: Angry at her and I have no idea why? (score: -4) | posted 3 days ago by Silence (1 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Silence (1 rep)

@Anoplexian That depends on the workplace I would say. At my first job (grocery store), we were told that we should NEVER try to solve problems ourselves, always go to HR FIRST and let them decide how you should proceed. They may tell you to discuss it with him outside of work or something. We had to sign papers saying we understood that, and understood that we would be terminated if HR wasn't our first stop. But usually companies are clear about if they want it done like that (in my experience). — AytAyt 1 min ago

#8762 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 25) | posted 4 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Jess K. (4174 rep)

It's optimistic at best to believe he will stop with one confrontation. — Jess K. 5 secs ago

#8790 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -1) | posted 10 minutes ago by robbby (1 rep)

@Catija Narrowing the question to how to tell one specific person is unnecessary in this case, as it won't meaningfully change the answer with regards to former partners... Telling a current partner requires a different approach, but it's probably better to keep this wrapped in one question to serve as a resource for future readers. — apaul 25 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by user10946 (29 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by user10946 (29 rep)

Not a down voter, but two possible reasons for down votes. 1) Because the HR option is typically a last resort, and HR's primary responsibility is to protect the company and so their actions tend to reflect this. 2) HR is a Workplace solution to the problem not a IPS solution. — Anketam 30 secs ago

#8773 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1792 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

Be aware they need to bill more than they pay you. It can take some time to place you in higher billing jobs. — Paparazzi 50 secs ago

#8777 Q: Asking for Raise after training and certifications (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by chaoslodge (6 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by NVZ (8277 rep)

I've seen women confront men with absolutely no positive outcome WAY too many times to believe this could work. — AytAyt 1 min ago

#8790 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -2) | posted 14 minutes ago by robbby (1 rep)

I actually upvoted, but I do see Anketams point. This is Interpersonal Solutions, so there is an expectation of certain types of answers. As an aside, at my first job, we were REQUIRED to go to HR before handling anything ourselves, at risk of being fired. — AytAyt 11 secs ago

#8773 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1792 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

This seems like a great tip, thanks! — Neil Roberts 5 secs ago

#8793 A: Correcting non-native speakers’ language (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Stacey (1989 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Stacey (1989 rep)

Your question only mentions two partners - one "current" and one of over 3 years... so if you've tested yourself with a negative result before your current partner, there's no reason to contact anyone in the past. — Catija ♦ 5 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by user10946 (29 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by user10946 (29 rep)

@user10946 "none of your business" well.... you are asking for our advice... on the public internet. You can get bad advice if we don't have all the facts. I agree that it shouldn't be narrowed to one ex though. — AytAyt 44 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by user10946 (29 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by user10946 (29 rep)

I don't know whether it is the times which have changed, or if my friends have. In the last ten years all of the bachelor parties I've been invited to have a clear line between the 'normal' activities and when you go see the 'dancers'. The invite lists approximate times for each activity so you can attend the one(s) you want. HTH — J. Chris Compton 50 secs ago

#8706 A: How to miss my own stag/bachelor party? (score: 2) | posted 28 hours ago by T James (473 rep)

I think I get your point, that if someone tells you "you look great, man" you're best of with a "thank you". But what if you started a website and it still looks horrible and someone says "you made a really nice website there", maybe there are even other people around who might take a "thank you" as agreeing, wouldn't it be also a good option to say "glad you like it, but I thought it still looks kind-of ugly"? — matec 30 secs ago

#8749 A: Is it socially acceptable to deny a compliment? (score: 0) | posted 10 hours ago by Flummox (231 rep)

@Catija The question wasn't about figuring out who needed to be told, the OP seems to know who needs to be told, it was about how to tell them. — apaul 47 secs ago

#8779 Q: How to tell my boyfriend that I tested positive for HIV? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by user10946 (29 rep) | edited 39 minutes ago by user10946 (29 rep)

@Emery Sure thing. I just assumed that the answers would be different if the customer was already aware himself that he was rude. I guess in that case an answer in the vein of "Hey, you're being rude" would be somewhat beside the point. — AllTheKingsHorses 1 min ago

#8738 Q: Dealing with sexual comments from customers (score: 10) | posted 14 hours ago by apaul (24112 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by apaul (24112 rep)

I'd say this is not an answer as per our site standards. See interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2151 — NVZ 1 min ago

#8773 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by Salvador Ruiz Guevara (1800 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7678 rep)

Thank you for answering. The thing is, "report it to HR" is not the kind of answers we expect on the site, even though it just might solve the issue. See interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2151 — NVZ 1 min ago

#8794 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by Aganju (101 rep)

@NotThatGuy While I agree that a more neutral approach may be the best way to go here, I disagree with your first statement. Finding someone attractive and treating them like a piece of meat are not mutually inclusive. — Redja 39 secs ago

#8786 A: Coworker scans my body. How to best tell him to stop? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by spacetyper (268 rep)

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