Discussion about marriage

Anonymous

22:47

@Adám Nah, I got married 6 months before getting elected, and Martin was a mod for a while before he got married. DJ is actually unique among the mods in that he was a mod prior to his marriage.

Adám

@Mego :-D And @Dennis?

Anonymous

@Adám I believe Dennis was married prior to PPCG existing

Dennis

@Adám I got married in 2006.

So before Stack Overflow existed.

Adám

Doorknob is the only unmarried PPCG mod.

Anonymous

mic drop

Anonymous

22:51

@Adám If we include past mods, Alex was unmarried during his entire tenure as a mod. I'm unsure about CJY and dmckee.

ASCII-only

@Mego wait :/ doesn't that mean Martin is the same???

Anonymous

@ASCII-only Oh man I am bad at English

Anonymous

Martin and DJ are unique among the mods in that their modhood predates their marriages

Dennis

@Mego CJY got the J via marriage, if memory serves.

@Bas Thanks! "cky" has been my nickname since 1998, long before I got married (Jester-Young is my married name). Since everyone already called me "cky" for many years beforehand (in real life too, not just online), we decided that I should retain my nickname. (I do use "ckjy" on sites with a 4-character minimum, or where "cky" is already taken.) — Chris Jester-Young Apr 12 '16 at 14:40

Adám

@Dennis Whoa, you must be a fair bit older than I thought (and/or must have gotten married at a very tender age).

Anonymous

22:55

I think CJY was married prior to becoming a mod, based on that story

Dennis

I'm 34. Not sure what category that puts me in.

Zacharý

He was married at ~22, if I did the math right

Dennis

Yeah.

Anonymous

I got married at 23, so I'm not too far off :P

Adám

I got married at 25. I'm now 33.

Dennis

22:57

It was a rather rash decision though, anyway. We had been going out for two whole weeks before we got engaged, and got married four weeks after that.

Anonymous

Wow, that's quite quick. 6 weeks between starting dating and marriage.

Adám

@Dennis Meh. I only saw my wife for the first time after the wedding.

Anonymous

Seems like it's worked out pretty well for you, though

Anonymous

@Adám I honestly can't tell if you're joking or not

Adám

@Mego I'm not joking. I did "date" somebody else before that, though.

Dennis

23:00

Was thinking the same thing.

Anonymous

@Adám Is not meeting the bride prior to the wedding a cultural norm, or were there other circumstances involved?

Adám

@Mego Very much other circumstances. Jewish law actually explicitly prohibits marrying before seeing, so my story is not typical for orthodox Jews.

Zacharý

I assume we should not delve deeper, then

Anonymous

@Adám Ah, ok. I didn't think that was part of Jewish culture, but I am quite ignorant in that regard.

DJMcMayhem

@Dennis Holy crap. I've known my wife for almost exactly two years and that seemed really fast to me

Adám

23:05

@Zacharý I'm not trying to keep it secret at all, we're just getting quite off-topic. If you're interested: At the time, we were both members of a cult that practices fully arranged marriages.

Zacharý

Yeah, that should be moved to another room.

DJMcMayhem

@Adám somehow that piques my curiosity more haha

Adám

@mod Can you move the appropriate messages here?

DJMcMayhem

I'd be happy to if I wasn't on mobile

Adám

@Dennis or @Mego Do you want to move some messages?

@DJMcMayhem > somehow that piques my curiosity more haha

What do you want to know?

DJMcMayhem

23:17

What was the cult? How long were you in it?

And how does being in a cult relate to being Orthodox Jewish?

Adám

@DJMcMayhem Lev Tahor I was only there for just under two years. My wife was born into it as her parents were already members.

@DJMcMayhem A cult can be made with any idea as central subject. Traditionally, orthodox Judaism hasn't been used much as cult idea, compared to e.g. radical Christianity, but it can obviously be done.

Dennis

← 38 messages moved from The Nineteenth Byte

DJMcMayhem

That's fair. I suppose when I hear "cult" I immediately assume radical Christianity because that's the most common stereotype I've run into

@Adám Are arranged marriages common in Jewish culture?

Adám

@DJMcMayhem Not arranged marriage, no. Indeed, the Talmud (a fundamental Jewish text) says: When should one marry off one's daughter? — When she says "I want him!". However, matchmaking is the norm.

Dennis

@DJMcMayhem We didn't really think about it; we still were in that stage of the relationship. She worked at a Christian school at the time, which would have fired here if we moved in together. And between her three jobs and master's course, we wouldn't have had any time together without her moving in.

Adám

23:29

@Dennis Ah, so your marriage was kind-of implicitly forced by cultural norms?

Anonymous

@Adám The extent of my knowledge regarding Jewish marriage norms comes from watching Fiddler on the Roof, so this is very enlightening :P

Adám

@Mego Movies picturing orthodox Jewish life tend to be as accurate as TV shows picturing forensic science.

2

Dennis

@Adám I wouldn't say forced. It certainly seemed like the easiest solution at the moment, but nobody else I know has done the same thing.

Adám

@Dennis Were they okay with your going out together?

Dennis

As long as we didn't mention the details, sure.

Zacharý

23:37

._.

Adám

@Dennis Sounds like a double standard from their side if they knew.

Dennis

@Adám It absolutely was. This particular school was run by particular nuns, who got drunk on wine every week, but couldn't fathom permitting a concubine teacher or a pregnant student in their school.

Adám

@Dennis ⍨ Well, I'm happy your marriage worked out.

Dennis

So am I. I'm also happy we don't work there anymore.

Adám

My wife and I were also lucky (or rather, according to Jewish beliefs, it was a match made in heaven) in being paired up. We're still married, after all. And we're moving in together on Thursday ;-)

DJMcMayhem

23:46

Wait... Do you mean you have been married for 8 years but didn't live together for any of it?

Adám

@DJMcMayhem No, it is just that since we moved to England a bit over two years ago, I've been staying close to Dyalog's HQ during the work week, and only staying at "home" over the weekends. Now we're moving to a place close to the mid-point between our workplaces so we both can commute.

DJMcMayhem

That makes a lot more sense

Adám

@DJMcMayhem :-)

Transcript for

Discussion about marriage