I'm a bit confused why my comment was deleted. I was looking to clarify the answer (what comments are used for) to add extra meaning.

That's not a "discussion" or an inane comment to say +1 or argue the merits of the question. It's a clarification on the answer to help provide further insight.

@Anoplexian Comments on that question have proven to be unproductive. There is less leniency than there would be on a normal question without it's history.

@Anoplexian my reading of your comment was "How would this advice apply to a totally different situation that wasn't the one asked about?", which is definitely a chat / discussion topic rather than something that ought to be added to the answer

@EmC That wasn't my intention, sorry if it sounded like that. I was wondering that if it's completely frowned upon in a retail setting, how does this handle the same situation in an office setting where such things frequently happen without issue.

@Anoplexian That sounds like something better asked in a different location, than in the comments on that particular answer.

@Anoplexian well, I mean that an office setting is a totally different situation - the question was clearly about the setting of asking out someone who is an employee and you are a customer, not asking out a fellow coworker

@Anoplexian it does seem fairly clear to me that the answer is talking about retail in general, though

For instance, there are many successful relationships that develop from "I worked closely with him as an accounts receiveable clerk where he was a vendor whom we had purchased a large supply of inventory". It's the same premise (customer-employee) interaction, but slightly more formal.

I think the big difference between asking out a cashier and a coworker (even though I wouldn't recommend asking out a coworker either) is that a cashier is very much a stranger, while it's assumed that were you to go out with a coworker you would get to know each other first and not ask them out the first week on the job.

@Anoplexian The point is that it's still an interaction where one of the parties is at work

@sphennings I didn't say coworker however. Very specifically a client/vendor situation. Also, where would I ask that sort of question? Neither meta or IPS would be a suitable place to ask that.

@Emc Again, nothing about a coworker (you both thought that so I must have explained something wrong....whoops!), but why would an office setting be any different. The same power dynamic exists, and the same rules apply whether I am a barista or AR. My comment was clarifying why they were different within this answer and how the dynamic changes between the two.

@Anoplexian in the ips.se chat

I still wouldn't recommend it but because there's an ongoing relationship, ("I've worked closely with") you aren't asking out a stranger.

@Anoplexian The power dynamic between two coworkers is very different than between a worker and a customer

@Rainbacon Please read above, there is not a single mention of "coworker" involved.

In the Case of the OP, they're wanting to ask out a cashier who has just started working at the shop they frequent.

The situation would be very different if they were on a first name basis, and regularly chatting about things unrelated to work.

@Cashbee That's not the right place to ask either, because it provides no useful information to people reading the answer where such a question would come to mind. I'm not special in that I'm the only one who thought that. xD

@Anoplexian I see, your example is indeed different from what I thought you meant (based on "office setting") :) I do agree with what @sphennings is saying about having an ongoing relationship though

@Anoplexian You did specifically ask why an office setting would be any different than a retail setting. "Office setting" tends to imply a co-worker relationship. I don't know about your office, but the only people I see in mine are the people I work with.

plus with someone in AR you have considerations like, you will probably continue to need a professional relationship with them, vs. cashier where you can go to another store

@Anoplexian In your scenario about AR and sales, it's unspoken but implied that they were regularly interacting for a while and the relationship had become a friendly one as well as a professional one.

@sphennings That makes sense, and if I'm honest should be more a part of the answer (but I'm sure as hell not posting on this storm of a question!). So if I take this correctly (unlikely knowing me), then it's the time period that the clerk is known that is the real issue correct? For instance, if everyday I came to the shop, shared a couple words of hello and how are you, and left, at what point can I pose such a question. I'm just curious and can't be the only one who thought of it.

@rainbacon I work in a professional office for accounting in a medium sized construction company and frequently have to deal with consultants, vendors/suppliers, and clients. As a result, my interactions (and I'd suggest many others) are not solely confined to a single office.

@Anoplexian If all you're doing is repeating the same interaction then you aren't getting to know them.

It's not a time thing it's a familiarity thing.

@Emc @sphennings That makes sense. With that said, how can one tell if a professional relationship (whether in an office or in a retail store) has evolved from a strictly professional transaction to a friendly one? THAT is definitely a question I'll ask here shortly, but I feel some of the topics we touched on in the segue to that point really could have clarified the answer and made it seem like less of an impossible proposition.

@Anoplexian Fair enough.

@Anoplexian Given how contentious questions asking about asking people out have been recently, perhaps give the site a week to cool off before posting another one.

@sphennings HA! That's probably a good idea. However, I'll be terribly upset if you snatch away my rep points!

I think that a question about how to determine when when a professional relationship is extending to also be one between friends might still have some problems depending on how it is written.

@Emc @sphennings But you see how I didn't necessarily feel like it's a necessary discussion on the answer? I tried to word it to ask how @Tinkeringbell would find the differentiation between the two and how to make that distinction, but it got removed.

@sphennings yeah, I'm sure it would gather some "opinion-based" close votes unless you were very careful

@Anoplexian I would like to quote something from sphennings answer: Being friendly is literally part of their job description. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually signals and not them just doing their job.

@Cashbee There's a difference between signs of friendship, and signs of being into you.

@Cashbee I agree up to a point, and that is verbally. There's no way to tell based on body language; humans aren't good enough at picking up those signals to make such a determination. There are however ways to tell verbally (asking how someone's day is, hobbies, small talk, etc.) whether or not they're interested in more than just a professional relationship, but perhaps not up to the point where you can tell whether or not they are romantically attracted to you.

@Anoplexian again, I think office vs. retail is an important distinction. normally I'd say things like they recognize you and remember past conversations, but it's not just that (as per what @Cashbee quoted) - as an example this is how a lot of hairdressers act towards all customers, so it can't be taken as a sign from them

@Cashbee I'm only talking about signs of familiarity and friendship not signs that they want me to ask them out.

ah, I see. sry

@Cashbee It's still a good point to bring up. It's definitely something I'd tack onto any answer I wrote to this hypothetical question.

Because being very friendly could still just be performative high quality service industry behavior.

@Cashbee @EmC You're right though, often things are misinterpreted by people or social faux pas made. However, if they didn't exist we wouldn't really have a need for IPS.SE would we?

And personally I don't care whether the bartender at my local bar gives me free virgin drinks when I'm not feeling well because they like me as a friend or because I tip them well. It's still nice and I appreciate it.

I think it is actually harder to distinct signs of familiarity from the required friendliness of a cashier, than distincting signs of being attracted

@Cashbee I'd say it depends. Some people are more obvious with their gestures and feelings than others. A cashier may show overt signs of being into you, or may not. I'd say at that point it differs from person to person. I agree however in general, it'd probably be easier to see signs of attraction than familiarity in the majority of cases, but that may just be because I try and act familiar with everyone, and attraction from no one.

@Cashbee It's also a much lower ask to go "want to do something fun as friends with my friends?" after you've gotten to know them at work. Than asking someone out on a date.

@sphennings true, but the cashier is still in the dilemma of "how do I turn him down without him reporting me ?"

@Cashbee To be clear I'm talking about once there is at least a solid professional relationship between the customer and the service worker, proposing doing something fun as friends, with the intention of being friends, not of using it as a stepping stone to asking them on a date.

And any proposal should include clear permission to reject to offer.