« first day (262 days earlier)   

12:15 AM
@sp_BlitzErik am I tall enough to pull that off?
not sure how to feel about that
 
scavengers
bottom feeding on ha/dr questions
also yes, sean is shorter than me
 
Sean is a manlet?
Did I already know that?
 
i've no idea what you know
 
Mar 21 at 0:15, by Joe Obbish
the fact that you keep track of that proves that you're a manlet
@sp_BlitzErik don't you, though?
 
12:33 AM
you know more than me, so no
:D
 
@sp_BlitzErik that's not true
you have over 30 years of new york street smarts
 
 
1 hour later…
2:02 AM
You're not accounting for depreciation though.
 
@jadarnel27 COMMENT DETECTED
 
@JoeObbish Sean is a bad influence.
Also, comments are acceptable if they're cute.
That's canon.
 
error
system error
 
Shit, I broke Joe.
 
@sp_BlitzErik you'll like this answer: dba.stackexchange.com/questions/220462/…
 
2:08 AM
>;(
 
what's the problem
this is your chance to prove that you're better than reddit
without even going there
0
Q: Newbie Clustered Index question - when to NUSE?

crucibleI have a bit of a newbie question, which I feel I should really know having dealt with databases for so long, but... I know the general advice for indexes is NUSE, but a lot of my tables have a non-unique column that is a not-quite-foreign-key from another table, and will be 90% of the predicat...

what the hell is NUSE? am I the newbie?
 
I wondered that when I first saw the question. It's an acronym for the favorable qualities of a clustered index.
Although I can't say I've ever seen someone using that acronym.
 
that's what the context suggested
what does it stand for?
 
Unique, small, ever-increasing. I can't remember the N.
 
never use shitty ebbreviations
 
2:16 AM
lol
 
@sp_BlitzErik help me out here, what's a good word that starts with E?
 
narrow, unique, static, ever increasing
 
NOT HELPFUL
 
i prefer NUDES
2
but whatever
that question should be banned
did you see the screen cap?
dta indexes
 
you can nominate it for deletion
 
2:17 AM
8 key columns wide
you don't need clustered index design help, you need a boxing glove on a spring to pop out of your computer every time dta opens
 
@sp_BlitzErik not allowed in the twitter era
never use shitty encryption?
 
@sp_BlitzErik ah, that's it!
 
uniqueness is overrated
people get hung up on the dumbest things
 
not in the slums of oltp
 
what, these people can't spare a conditional four bytes?
 
2:20 AM
don't be obtuse, joseph
 
" A similar query takes over 12 minutes when run against a table on a linked server running SQL Server 2008"
linked server + 2008 (not even R2) = eject
 
4 bytes...can you overflow the uniquifier? What happens?
 
why don't you find out
jive turkey
 
So this is how I get IP banned from dbfiddle.
I'm actually at a hotel with no computer other than this phone.
 
@jadarnel27 error 666
oh yeah
that reminds me
 
2:24 AM
sounds lewd
 
I want to know if you can overflow a delta store
pretty sure you can
 
@JoeObbish spooky
My friend is running 60 miles tomorrow. I'm going to run the last 10 with him.
 
> otherwise, use another clustering key
@jadarnel27 why? is he terminally ill?
 
Who knows, dude is nutballs.
 
@jadarnel27 you can't say that in 2018
 
2:28 AM
My bad. Dude is mentally ill, but I love and accept him for who he is.
I'm running the last 10 with him to try and make sure he doesn't die.
That's 12 hours of running.
Doesn't even make sense.
 
I wouldn't run 10 miles for anyone
 
you don't run a mile an hour?
 
@sp_BlitzErik I meant the whole race will take about 12 hours haha.
 
so you're tailgating for 11 hours
some friend
 
Josh used to be a walker in gym class for the mile
 
2:31 AM
eat plenty of hot dogs
 
@sp_BlitzErik I'm a real selfless guy.
 
"These climbs may seem tame your first few laps but we promise you that by the end of the race you will understand why they have earned names such as "The Soul Crusher" or "Hallucination Hill"."
 
@JoeObbish ORLY???? Looks like we're cleaning up the joint!
 
sounds perfect for a database developer
@SeanGallardy Sean continues to have no idea how to use the site confirmed
 
@JoeObbish @sp_BlitzErik true story, I'm the shortest of the group.
@JoeObbish Confirmed, affirmed, all of the firmed
I don't know how tall @jadarnel27 is though...
 
2:35 AM
he's tall in spirit
 
@SeanGallardy 5' 9"
 
@jadarnel27 TWINSIES
 
negative
someone must be taller
 
He's probably taller
 
break out the tape measures
 
2:37 AM
I'm more like 5'8.75"
 
@SeanGallardy because you lie about your height?
 
@SeanGallardy you'll have to settle for triplets.
 
sean is six foot on tinder
 
@jadarnel27 As long as they are past the diaper stage
 
@SeanGallardy oh, I just meant we can't be twinsies because I already have a twin.
IRL
 
2:40 AM
Impossible, I don't see a half-beard
Also, I might attempt some C# this weekend... If the internet breaks it was due to me
 
@SeanGallardy It is, it's just all in the middle of his chin.
 
@SeanGallardy Were you taller than Forrest?
 
@JoeObbish Oh hell no
You people are all 6'+ tall
I didn't get the tall genetics, just the heart attacks and cancer ones
 
haha excellent
 
2:43 AM
I might weigh as much as Forrest though
 
@Joe you're not going to call @Sean out for saying "you people?" It's 2018!
 
i'm 5'10"
when i don't slouch
 
@sp_BlitzErik and yet you tower over me
 
in many ways
 
Also, in b4 Paul says he's like 2.06 meters
 
2:44 AM
@sp_BlitzErik how often is that?
 
he's 117 sandwiches tall
@jadarnel27 i try to be mindful
 
haha so I was leaving tonight and I walked past the IaaS people and I was like.. hey let me ask you something real quick...
How can I get my IaaS disks to be super slow
Like, reallllly slow
 
create them
 
It was a legitimate question on my end
I was hoping I could have one of them like artificially limit my IOPs or something
Apparently you have to go out of your way to create a bad setup for it to be bad lol
 
@SeanGallardy did they have to stop spinning the disks by hand to answer you?
 
2:47 AM
I think @sp_BlitzErik you all do more work with Amazon, correct?
@jadarnel27 haha no, I normally just go into Hyper-V and set the IO limits on the disk object
 
@SeanGallardy well that's good news!
 
just spill 200 pages to tempdb
that takes longer than one second in the cloud
 
"Featuring: Really Bad Queries by Joe Obbish"
 
I bet the real reason Microsoft developed adaptive memory feedback was so they could make azure tempdb storage even worse
 
We do what we can
 
2:49 AM
@SeanGallardy I could write out 200 pages per hand faster than you jokers
 
haha maybe!
what about in cursive?
 
@SeanGallardy for clients, yes. we have done some azure work, but sql db is painful because you dickshits can't figure out what dmvs to include from day to day
 
I still use the CLR thing to recommend against the cloud
 
there's one guy in the frk channel on slack
once a month he'll pop in
"scripts broke in azure again"
"can you fix it?"
then he'll come back
"scripts work again, nevermind"
 
@JoeObbish which is?
 
2:52 AM
LOL
Maybe they should raise it to uservoice but file it under SSMS?
 
> mfw not knowing all the anti-cloud talking points
 
@SeanGallardy cheat code unlocked.
 
waves hands security! waves hands
 
also
maybe I'm a jerk
2
 
2:53 AM
@jadarnel27 hehehe ;)
 
but the optics of someone relaxing a beach wearing sunglasses telling database people that a feature they've used for years is suddenly no longer supported aren't very good, no?
 
Who uses CLR?
... because you're holding it wrong.
 
paul does
absolute madman with it
 
Adam Machanic
 
adam's new project is a python app with a postgres back end
 
2:55 AM
Just saying, I have yet to see a good implementation of CLR in SQL
 
sounds like there's a power vacuum
 
by good, I mean scalable, fast, reliable
 
we use SQLCLR
I wrote a design today saying that we should stop using it as soon as possible
hate it when I prove Sean right
 
Good man
 
@JoeObbish you could be the next top 2147483647
 
2:57 AM
Have you looked at Solomon's stuff?
the guy just seems so competent
 
i've never had a use for it
yes, he's amazingly thoughtful
 
asking the "we create products that are too difficult to use" guy
 
@JoeObbish thanks! I forgot about that.
 
should I answer this?
4
Q: What is the algorithm behind the EXCEPT operator?

knightbob472What is the internal algorithm of how the Except operator works under the covers in SQL Server? Does it internally take a hash of each row and compare? David Lozinksi ran a study, SQL: Fastest way to insert new records where one doesn’t already exist He showed Except statement is the fastest for...

it is bugging me
 
@JoeObbish you should upvote my comment on your answer.
 
2:59 AM
you'll never hit 20k if you don't
apparently you should answer more questions about default ports
62
A: Is it still best practice to avoid using the default ports for SQL Server?

Sean Gallardy Historically, it has been recommended not to use the default ports for connections to SQL Server, as part of security best practice. Which was asinine then and still asinine now. Security through arguably obscurity isn't security at all. Is this advice still relevant IMHO it was never ...

 
Easiest answer I've ever written and a sensational hit
@JoeObbish yes
still had 2 downvotes though
 
i bet one was david browne
 
I'll just walk over to LC1 and have a stern talking to him
but that's a lot of cardio
so maybe I shouldn't
 
not without a few pocket steaks
 
exactly
 
3:07 AM
the problem is I already know the answer
but it's annoying to prove
OR IS IT
 
USE EXTENDED EVENTS
 
Everything is annoying
2
 
@sp_BlitzErik I don't think that helps
 
> What physical join operator to use : ...Hash Math
 
I saw that too
 
3:09 AM
@jadarnel27 what are you going on about?
 
I'll tell him on Monday
 
anyway
 
English isn't his first language
 
if I post a wrong answer
Paul will correct me
so there's nothing to worry about
 
@SeanGallardy for what it's worth, I found the article to be really informative.
 
3:11 AM
I'll let him know :) I'm sure he'll appreciate it
 
<Compare CompareOp="IS">
I KNEW IT
 
I thought the optimizer timeout was a time based thing until Erik corrected me the other day.
 
You all are keeping me up past my bedtime
 
So you can imagine all the other information in that post that was news to me =P
 
Joe is throwing out so many good one liners
 
3:13 AM
So what's all this I hear about Josh leaving comments
 
<hides>
 
Hearsay
Slander
Rumors and misinformation
 
fake news
 
alternative facts
 
I'm going to snitch so hard
 
3:14 AM
🤔
 
ORDER BY (SELECT NULL) - promoting your brand, eh? — jadarnel27 1 hour ago
 
@JoeObbish Do you want stiches and end up in a ditch?
 
there should be treble damages
it was a deliberate violation
and it impugns my good character and name
@SeanGallardy how come you never star my messages? is it because you don't know how to use the site?
 
@JoeObbish I just starred 2 of yours
I have failed and maybe I'm a jerk, both me!
also Paul will correct me
 
That comment was the embodiment, nay the spirit, of the CoC.
 
3:17 AM
BOOM
 
so I've been waiting on an SSIS fix
for
 
while (true) SEWR--;
 
weeks
and the new code just broke my heart
 
@JoeObbish Closed, won't fix.
 
I can't even blame Microsoft
4
 
3:17 AM
WHAT?!
 
r u literally shaking rn?
 
but thank you for your contribution
YET
I might be able to blame Microsoft in the future
you never know with these things
 
I.... I can't... I mean... Where is Joe, and what have you done with him?
I'm willing to pay up to $5, some pocket lint, and a random girls number for his safe release
 
throw in an RFC of my choosing and you have a deal
 
MY FEELINGS
 
3:20 AM
1 hour ago, by jadarnel27
Also, comments are acceptable if they're cute.
 
@jadarnel27 must be a site bug
you should leave another comment
 
@PaulWhite what are you implying, sir?!
@JoeObbish good point, we should always assume good faith.
I'll just leave the same one again.
To be safe.
Alright, I have to go to sleep.
Buh bye now.
 
hm
I think I just found a bug
 
I only popped in to catch up on the NUSE
 
just kidding, was being dumb
3
 
3:25 AM
I also will retire for the night!
 
great, leave me with joe
 
@sp_BlitzErik you should be asleep anyway
 
still working
i go the extra mile
i'm even out of wine
 
😲
 
tell me about it
brother, my cup is empty~
 
3:29 AM
@sp_BlitzErik me too
 
3:54 AM
GOODNIGHT MOTHER
 
 
5 hours later…
8:47 AM
better answer than the question deserves
 
 
5 hours later…
1:59 PM
SHOTS FIRED
 
@sp_BlitzErik this chat needs more sunshine and rainbows
 
our sparklehorse is busy beta testing microsoft knobs to prevent future catastrophes
he fights for freedom
 
I currently don't have time for 2019 stuff. It's too bad
 
same
 
I'm sure it'll be fine
 
2:10 PM
it's been fine for years without us 🤣
 
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
let's not get carried away now
as far as I can tell I got hundreds of hours of testing to do on 2016, 2017, and 2019
I can take solace in the fact that there's no cloud support
well that's not good
 
3:02 PM
reeeeeeeeee why isn't my new computer monitor out for delivereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
phys page cache eh
looks like wait stats are being helpful
 
3:53 PM
@sp_BlitzErik it's partially a VM problem
@sp_BlitzErik in the clear yet for work?
 
yeah, finishing up
 
I'm good for a while too
generated a CPU graph
looked like shit
eh
sql server 2017 seems to do memory management in a way that's helpful for us
compared to 2016
I doubt I'd be able to quantify it though
I wonder if I sound like one of those "never use subqueries because they're slow" people
 
4:07 PM
what, like, never use vms?
that's a big team
:D
 
@sp_BlitzErik what's a big team?
 
people who are opposed to vms
when performance matters
those vms are okay
 
4:31 PM
I'm opposed to VMs
well, I messed up
need to go to the bank today
it's like a blizzard outside
 
 
4 hours later…
8:06 PM
 
8:19 PM
@sp_BlitzErik v. unwelcoming
 
9:10 PM
👌
 

« first day (262 days earlier)