What are some things you want to do? Does your partner expect you to do something with her every day? Have you explained to her that you need some time to yourself once in a while?

I just want some time every so often to watch TV/Movies at home without feeling bad that it's not how my partner wants to spend our time. Basically, man time in my own home to do as I wish. I've asked her for some man time in the past, but she sees this as me rejecting her and not wanting to spend time with her.

When you spend time with her, are you enjoying it or does it feel like a chore?

Yes of course I enjoy time with her.

What does your partner do all day? Because if she's at home alone all day, she might be getting all the alone time she needs without realising that she even needs it.

I have already written an answer, but as an afterthought I did wonder about the living arrangement - you call it 'your house', and say she moved in with you. Do you think a contributing factor may be that she doesn't yet feel like it is her home, and so is more reliant on you than she would otherwise be?

I'm surprised that you would write "man" time* as you do. What's wrong with desiring time for your own activities and hobbies? Why do you feel that speaking about with your partner will lead to a world of hurt? That it requires careful "negotiation" such that your partner will not be unhappy with you. And why is it that you would consider "happy wife, happy life" a principle to embrace? After all, I would imagine that you each desire the happiness of the other. As such, compromise is inevitable. Enshrining the well being of one partner over the other can only lead to misery.

@AndreiROM It is very common in some cultures to say "happy wife, happy live". Its a half joke, half truism. Man time is also another saying, a way of saying me time. I think its critical for each individual in a relationship to have some me time. The level and frequency will vary.

@iamsonotlistening - I fully understand what man time is. What I wanted the OP to comment on is why he feels that the phrase must be abstracted with quotations. What's wrong with having time set aside for your interests as a man? As for "happy wife, happy life", I find it to be a very unhealthy principle, as it implies that the happiness of the husband is irrelevant. I was wondering why he felt that he should abide by it when it's clearly making him miserable. The premise of the question itself -feeling fear at asking for personal space- would make me question the health of the relationship.

@AndreiROM There's plenty of evidence to show that Happy Wife, Happy Life is a fairly good life practice, and I certainly wouldn't stop earning those brownie-points. May happiness isn't irrelevant, but I feel it's appropriate to rate my own happiness lower than my partners. I'm not miserable in the least, I just want some time to myself every so often without having to escape the house to do it....

I think "happy wife, happy life" has some historical precedent. It worked for a long time. I'm a fan of Chesterton's Fence, so I do like to understand why things were done in some way in the past before suggesting a change. There's some validity to the argument, but it also has to be taken with a grain of salt. For instance, I read the article you just linked, but more importantly, I looked up the study they referenced. What they found was that partner happiness was more statistically significant, but that's not...

... the same thing as the "significant" you and I use in daily speech. That indicated that the statistical analysis they did was very confident that there was indeed an effect of partner happiness on your health, and it was modeled correctly. However, it does not specify how strong that effect is. If you look at their data, "partner happiness" is associated with a coefficient of 0.06 (in their regression's units. Larger is better). "Actor happiness" (aka your happiness) scores a 0.13, showing that your own happiness has over twice the impact on your health as one's spousal happiness.

So if you are not unhappy now (as you say), then by all means, use the philosophies that have served you well. But do remember that the science shows that if you start to become unhappy, it's worth revisiting those core tenants to make sure they are still serving you, rather than you serving them.

@snow - reading the article reveals that having a happy partner is shown to improve your own quality of life. Aka husband or wife. "Happy wife, happy life" is only used as an opening line of sorts. So I ask again, why not a balanced approach?

You mentioned that you are not specifically after time alone, just time to watch your shows without feeling guilty. Would you accept an answer about TV time rather than time away from your SO? I feel like this might go over more easily

@Jesse I'd certainly be interested in an answer like that.

@Snow "Happy wife, happy life" may apply but it doesn't say that the way to make your wife happy is by giving her everything she asks for and acting like her lap dog to score "brownie points".

Any reason you're calling it "man time" instead of something like "me time"? That is, is there a reason your gender matters here? If not it seems to be a distraction so I'd consider editing it to be more universal.

Regarding the "my house" thing: I can see why it'd be alienating to her if you consider the place where she now also officially lives as "your house" and not as "our house". If she's still a "guest" there and has no own space, that's a power imbalance that's likely to lead to resentment.

This question is what responsible people do before the situation gets to hiding your "me time" like in another recent question interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/8711/…

Do you only have one television/DVR (or one that's worth watching, anyway)?

Link to my recent answer which equally applies to your situation: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/8602/381

Is this chat over ?

yes

@EmC I guess the same reason that they use "happy wife, happy life" instead of "happy partner, happy life", where the linked study talks about "partner/spouse happiness". It's a common expression (a bad one IMHO, but I won't make a big deal about it). Also, it rhymes.

@xDaizu I asked because it seemed that some of the earlier comments were dangerously close to getting into gender role arguments. Personally I've never heard someone use the phrase "man time" before, so I wasn't sure if I was missing something.

On second thought, usually when I hear people say "(gender) time" it's in the context of spending time with others of the same gender, often related to stereotypically gendered activities ("I need some girl time, how about we go to the spa?" or "We had some quality guy time hunting last weekend") - not things like watching TV by yourself. hence my confusion if I was missing some implication.

@EmC I was close to asking the same question when I saw your comment. The title could also become more concise: "How do I negotiate more “Me time” without offending my partner?".