A deal breaker as in, you will not compromise. — Rene 1 min ago

Hi! Welcome to Interpersonal Skills! Could you expand on how OP should proceed to talk? Also, could you add what personal experience you've had with similar situations? We expect answers to be backed up with either citations or in that case, personal experience, so it'd be great if you could edit your answer to include this information. You may learn more about citation expectations here. — A J ♦ 1 min ago

You misunderstood completely. OP should be cooperative, not teacher-ative, supportive, not giving commands. Please read again. — virolino 11 secs ago

@apaul yup. Thanks for adding that backup, I know it's not the first time you talk about this topic but some users may not know your other contributions to the stack. — avazula ♦ 1 min ago

@Johns-305 They checked with their lawyer, and no, there's no exclusivity clause in the commercial lease. — Pamela Lee 39 secs ago

@Erik You're right, but what's a better word? — Pamela Lee 1 min ago

BOOH! I'm the big bad mod that suspends everyone... but you don't have to be afraid ;) Unless people write loads of bad questions and never improve (so new questions are consistently just as bad as old ones, even after the old ones have received much guidance for improving)... we don't suspend people for writing one question that's not on-topic ;) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

"Identity politics is one of those phrases most often bandied about by the sort of people who watch Fox News and think Jordan Peterson is a brilliant role model." Honestly, you are looking for enemies where they are not. I've never watched Fox News (don't live in the US), and have no idea who Jordan Peterson is. I don't use social media, nothing, nill, zero. No FB, no Twitter, no Instagram, no Fotolog, you name it. In all truth, I wouldn't even know how to define identity politics. It's just something I've heard in the news. If you see life as a battle, you see events as acts of war. — johstone 50 secs ago

Well, because I am in no personal struggle with the system, I don;t see life as a battle. I understand why you do, because of all the discrimination and etc. And I understand and don't judge. Just keep in mind that most people are like me. Just an average person who supports a given cause by taking a mental stand on it, doing small acts (no discriminating, not eating meat, using less plastic, etc), but nothing more. No involvement in the local political branch and direct action groups of whatever cause we support. No need to seek conspiracies where there are none. — johstone just now

You shouldn't ask for bounties. That is not how they are supposed to work. They are used to generate publicity. If someone thinks that a question needs more publicity, they can place a bounty on it. But that is more likely the case when a question doesn't get any answers at all. Either you place the bounty yourself, or you hope for someone to place an bounty, but you shouldn't ask for one on your own questions. If at all, you can leave a comment on the questions of others saying that that particular question would benefit from a bounty — XtremeBaumer 1 min ago

@eggyal Nothing special. Just flags. Interesting suggestion. They are property of the office, reused every year, and the do not cost much, so I could buy my own if I wanted to. But is a good idea. — johstone 45 secs ago

correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't bounties a reward for "answers" on questions? you put a bounty to advertise the question and get more/better answers? What would be the benefit to ask for extra points on questions (you already have UV for regular points)? — OldPadawan 31 secs ago

Hey Pamela! Please take a look at our help center: This site is specifically not here to discuss issues and disputes between users on the Stack Exchange Network. and this meta answer. Your question is better asked on the meta of the site your questions are at (if that is IPS, I can migrate this to meta for you), or you could refer to the general meta.stackexchange post on asking for bounties: meta.stackexchange.com/q/36187/369802. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 24 secs ago

Would you mind saying where you are from? Also, is there a reason you call these people your friends other than you share institute? — lucasgcb 38 secs ago

Is it okay to ask what do you guys do when you do hang out? What are yours and his general interests besides that? — lucasgcb 16 secs ago

@lucasgcb We're in the same major so sometimes we discuss that. Usually he talks about whatever is happening in politics, sometimes I rant about the same. Generally when we meet he just tells me interesting stuff about politics (we start a discussion) or math theory (goes over my head). We sometimes bumped into each other and then we'd chat until we had something else, but otherwise he just drops in. We don't plan anything. — tryin 1 min ago

Okay, what keeps you two from using instant messaging/live chat? It doesn't require social media presence exactly. — lucasgcb 1 min ago

I am from Uttarakhand, India. They are my friends because I can't find people better than them. Also, they help sometimes. But here, I want to learn an important life skill, rejection or here it can be called how to keep privacy — Yash Mittal just now

@lucasgcb he only uses normal text, which is something I barely use and often forget to check/respond to. You're right, I should try to text him, but idk how he'll respond. Can't message him to check his reaction now because I'm in another country. So far his texts to me have been super short. — tryin 1 min ago

Do they ask all this much details only to you, or also between them? — Sqaq 1 min ago

Maybe is a cultural difference here, but I find the 'friends" very nosy and rude. The answer is pretty good but one important thing to keep in mind: they're not entitled to have any more information you're willing to give. If you don't want them to know, just don't give them the information and that's it. Do not feel obligated to answer just because they asked. — Juliana Karasawa Souza 1 min ago

@JulianaKarasawaSouza, I agree that one should never feel obligated to answer. But according to OP, he still wants to make friends and specifically asked answers other than simply saying "no". — Sqaq 1 min ago

Sorry Mark, I don't understand why you need him to understand "what it's like to not be so charismatic". What will it change if he finally understands it? — Sqaq 5 secs ago

@JulianaKarasawaSouza I have a feeling the OP's definition of friend to be very "survivalist" construed. He doesn't seem to want to burn bridges, and I'm not sure how India goes but where I'm from (Brazil) shoving people off is seen as awfully petty, and while it may not be in essence, their reaction certainly is. — lucasgcb 16 secs ago

This question is similar : interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/22186/… — tryin 47 secs ago

@lucasgcb Não estou falando para ele dar um corte direto e reto nos "amigos" rsrsrs é pra desconversar mesmo igual na resposta. Nevertheless, my advice is mainly centered on OP not feeling guilty about deflecting his nosy "friends". In Brazil they wouldn't be THAT intrusive in the first place LOL — Juliana Karasawa Souza 11 secs ago

Can you give a concrete example, because without one it's very hard to differentiate between what is a lack of respect for privacy (your parent's fault) or an above average need for privacy (maybe not your fault but at least a mitigating circumstance for your parents) . Without gauging where these examples fit on the scale of social norms, it's unclear if an answer to your explicit question solves the problem or rather gives you ammo to perpetuate a problem. It also impacts the correct phrasing for any response from your side. — Flater 1 min ago

Just to be clear, I'm not judging you in any way. But I also don't know you. When I imagine your story being told by someone (again, I don't know if this could be you!) whose anxiety leads them to want to never reveal anything about themselves to their own detriment and parents who merely talk about normal everyday things; that's a very different story from a more average person with parents who are blabbermouths with no concept of respecting others' privacy. The lack of concrete example in your question makes it hard to differentiate these since we only hear your point of view and judgment. — Flater 8 secs ago

@Flater don't the examples from the past help? I'd rather keep the current example hidden until I feel at least reasonably sure it'll be finished... I don't want to tell the family about it, strangers on the internet is another step further. It is something big, you can compare it to letting your parents know you had a positive pregnancy test, but then having them tell everyone you're pregnant without first passing the 'safe' boundary of a first trimester and echo if that helps more than the examples already there. (No, I'm not pregnant :P). So yeah, it's something big, not 'everyday'. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

Did you consider limiting the things you tell your parents ? Or is there a reason why that is not an option ? — MlleMei 1 min ago

I'm sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately, the question as written is really broad. I'd respectfully suggest breaking it into a couple of smaller goals; otherwise it stands a good chance of being put on hold as "too broad". — baldPrussian 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because This site is specifically not here to discuss issues and disputes between users on the Stack Exchange Network. — sphennings 27 secs ago

@MlleMei For the things I'm talking about in this question, that's not an option, see the paragraph about some reasons why I can't keep these things secret. I do keep a lot of things as secret for as long as I can, but even that has its own set of problems (complaints about trust and communication, for example) To refine the example in my previous comment, it would probably start with a parent suggesting the pregnancy test to begin with... because you were morning sick when they were around. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

Yes, I agree. It's just that when I start writing I want to get all out. I will edit. Thanks! — mb14 16 secs ago

Ok, I thought that for things like the gym membership there would have been ways to be vague, but if that starts it's own conversation about communication... — MlleMei 1 min ago

I'd even suggest using this technique with your parents, on certain subjects (like the gym), if possible (since they seem to harp on you if you don't tell them everything). You can't change their behavior, but this might be a way to set some boundaries, and to not give them too much to talk about to family members. — MlleMei 1 min ago

An extra benefit to this technique is that it allows you to check out mentally. Instead of worrying about the topic, finding reasons why it's too soon to talk about, you can just "not care" about it and let it go, giving the same generic response. I used this for an exit interview, where my employer wanted me to stay. As long as I argued with them, they continued to give me new (and old) reasons to stay. Arguing with them was draining. Once I started to respond with "I understand, but I'm still leaving" and let go of worrying about my reasons, the stress I felt went away. — MlleMei 1 min ago

Won't put this as an answer since it's not about interpersonal skill, but since you've already tried to talk to her and it doesn't go well, have you thought about involving a neutral third party, like couples counseling ? — MlleMei 57 secs ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because This site is specifically not here to discuss issues and disputes between users on the Stack Exchange Network. — sphennings 1 hour ago

Love this answer. Feel like I need it in my own marriage haha. — Trin 1 min ago

@baldPrussian The question as I see it now is not too broad at all, and making it any narrower would push it into the realm of objective reasoning, rather than a personal question — tuskiomi 50 secs ago

These are things that the other person would need to agree to use too, right? There's many messaging apps out there that have both a mobile and desktop version so I'm not sure about promoting a specific one here since it's not SR.SE... In order to make this a more IPS-y answer I'd suggest expanding on how to ask/encourage the friend to use those tools, especially given OP's comment that he only uses texting right now and generally writes short messages. — Em C ♦ 30 secs ago

@mb14 on that situation (in a future question), you can pop into the Sandbox and put your question there so you can ask for a feedback to organize your question before it's ready to the main site! :p — CaldeiraG 1 min ago

You don't. Bounties should reward people who did great questions/answers and not to "promote" a question since all the questions on here brings benefits to IPS.SE. You can also use a bounty to draw attention to your question. Please see What is a bounty? — CaldeiraG 22 secs ago

I guess the correct word would be "market research"? — Erik 1 min ago

@EmC Yeah of course, but as OP acts like they are close friends it really didn't cross me as a point worth delving into. And yes that was my concern but since that is the one app I have experienced to keep contact with distant dear folks I decided to bring it up. The OP suggested in comments they were part of the problem themselves in that regard as they had a hard time keeping up with plain phone text so offering a more ubiquitous solution with more functions (including out of country reach) seemed called for. — lucasgcb just now

I don't feel that being a guest necessitates being untidy. As a guest, I tend to follow how the homeowner normally deals with their messes. Do they rinse the plate and leave it in the sink, or do they place it in the dishwasher? I follow suit. At my own parent's house, I do the same since I know how they operate and what they'd prefer. Sometimes I go the extra mile and help clean up after the meal as well. — Trin 1 min ago

This is a great, thought out answer, and I appreciate your insight into the subject. Definitely makes me feel a lot better! — BFG95 20 secs ago

@BFG95 This has been one of the most challenging aspect of living together for me, so I have a lot of thoughts about this ! If I can save you some heartache, I'm glad :-) — MlleMei 15 secs ago

An explanation wouldn't help, it's the implications that would be disturbing. That others treat him better just because he is him would imply some degree of responsibility, for example. — Mark Green 43 secs ago

What I'm hoping is that he'll stop giving out advice to others that just makes them sad, and having expectations of others that they can't meet, because he goes by his experience. — Mark Green 1 min ago

Personality disorders, either BPD or NPD, maybe both, but I'd lean towards NPD given the apparent degree of manipulation. — CL22 40 secs ago

+1 for the perspectives. Some of the things that you allude to -- such as fishing for compliments or feeling undervalued due to being in a minority -- can be a bit hard to understand. For example, I can't recall having ever fished for compliments before, such that while I can vaguely understand the gist of why people do so, I don't feel like I truly have a strong grasp on their mental state or motivations in doing so. So, it's helpful to see comments on the mental state behind these positions, and it'd even be cool to hear more about it! — Nat 1 min ago

My mother asked if she could wear white to my wedding last year, and although annoyed she would think to even wear white, I'm glad she asked my opinion. She ended up finding a light pink dress instead after I told her I'd prefer her not. — Trin 1 min ago

Thanks a lot! Do you mind editing the question pls? "I believe your question may be edited a little to focus more on how to communicate to your uncle that he's hurting your parents' business." - Not sure what your words you had in mind? — Pamela Lee 1 min ago