now days there are no more (gentle)mans ... I have never asked my girlfriends for paying any trip or dinner, eventually when I could not afford something I simply made clear that and most of time I got a contribution. — albanx 1 min ago

you will have similar insults from every girl, it's a classic, when they have no arguments. Now personally I really do not see a direct insult in those words, rather I see a challenge... eventually I would reply 'you can do better?'... my advice for you is at least show who has the balls do not let her know that she hurt your feeling, she gonna control you ... to me and her seems in the early 10s not 20s — albanx 31 secs ago

do not worry if you're too lazy someone else will do the job for you — albanx 1 min ago

If Bill is really your friend, just tell him directly, and help him to move on also. that's it, pure truth might hurt but that is the best — albanx 1 min ago

@Philbo pedant says what? — apaul just now

So... Which side of this issue have you been on? Sorry to pick, but... Why are you saying what you're saying? — apaul 7 secs ago

@FreezePhoenix Skin in the game makes a difference, if you don't have any, don't chime in. — apaul 28 secs ago

@FreezePhoenix Skin in the game makes a difference, if you don't have any, don't chime in. (FYI I poked here because accountability matters too) — apaul 56 secs ago

@tox123 Nahh but what concerns me is what other reasons people may be suggesting for my singledom. In some ways I feel there is a witch hunt against men who are single past a certain age, being pinned as "undesirable" or whatever and in some ways that spills over into the way employers and others view potential workers as well. I feel it's unfair though because many of us choose singledom for personal reasons. — David 1 min ago

Why is there a distance? Why is it difficult for you to see him? I don't see the immediate relation to the break up. If you can explain this it surely would help to understand your question better. — puck 50 secs ago

"Side" isn't a helpful concept. I'm on the side of helping the OP to raise the issue in a way that helps them to achieve what they want, and which doesn't assume (wrongly?), which is clearly what they want. Nobody has suggested there could be many reasons why this is happening - it's often easier to be assertive if you can understand reasons why something may be happening. The relationship is described as desirable and good otherwise, so ways to work around the problem may fit the OPs goals better, but nobody has suggested questioning the premise and approach, to be assertive but ... — Stilez 1 min ago

... feel secure in finding a compromise instead of using it to argue. Last, what is described is closely related to emotional labour, so perhaps the OP will learn more that can help in this and perhaps even other similar situations, by researching that concept, if they have never heard of it. — Stilez 51 secs ago

What is your actual reason to avoid these events? It seems your coworkers are OK with you having soda instead of alcohol. Is it that you have other commitments outside work so you want to avoid 6 hours a week of these "mandatory fun events"? Is it just that you find these events are too long? Do you want to avoid socializing so often? These clarifications will be helpful, and depending on your actual issue, this might also be on-topic on The Workplace. — Thanos 29 secs ago

ah, "named must your fear be before banish it you can" — Ooker 43 secs ago

I see what you're saying and yes, I have looked into Asperger's/HFA. As a matter of fact many people have brought it up - at least that I may have a mild variant. I have never actually gone out and sought a diagnosis though because I never felt it would benefit me in any way. To my knowledge, there is no "cure" and aside from this "nonsense" at school/work, these sorts of AS traits aren't hurting me greatly. I also don't know if I can say I receive that much female attention (I don't) but I definitely feel more physically attractive than my supervisor - so that could be a very legit reason! — David 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because negotiation contracts and work agreements is more of a workplace skill than an interpersonal skill. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

'Very subtile' - but what exactly? That's what boggles my mind here. — Inmir Tahir 23 secs ago

I only listed the most obvious factors. Right, they're prI omitted the body language part because it's hard to quantify/qualify it by myself. It is certainly plausible though. — Inmir Tahir 22 secs ago

In which case as in comments of the answer below the link below NICE does not require the Doctor to wash their hands before an examination except in certain circumstances. The Doctor was correct in saying that as far as the current recommendations are concerned handrubs are fine unless contraindicated. — Sarriesfan 1 min ago

I've noticed that you edited your post. Makes it a bit more clear, thanks. — Inmir Tahir 1 min ago

I think it's worth communicating to him how when you guys go out you are always doing your best spending all this time to look good for him, and when he shows up looking like he could care less you feel disappointed/hurt. Communicate this clearly but warmly, it may take a few times repeating it. My fiancee had to do this for me, she told me how it made her feel that she did her best to look good for me but felt like I couldn't be bothered to do a few basic things to look good for her, to return the favor. — Kai 12 secs ago

Calling the police in such a situation may not be the absolute best method. If he is not imminently planning to do it then there may be other avenues which can be taken first. Consider that in the US this could lead to a SWAT raid which could easily end up in this person or someone else in their home being shot and killed by the police. — Kai 43 secs ago

In most places, it's legal to want to kill someone. It's also legal to express that desire to others, as long as it does not pass into "threat" territory (even though it's quite disturbing and certainly uncomfortable). From the information in the post, it has not hit that territory, and the police can't arrest people for their thoughts. I'm not sure if this question is about Interpersonal Skills, but this answer certainly isn't. — Clay07g 1 min ago

Hello, Inmir, and welcome to IPS.SE! I'm voting to close this question because we don't have the needed details to answer this properly. Not only that, I think that you can't give us these details: probably, there is an enormous amount of nonverbal cues that tell about you way more than you think out that you can describe to us. It'll be better to ask this question to a friend. — LinuxBlanket 1 min ago

"mock me during conversations" can you be more specific? — VWFeature 7 secs ago

interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1935/… — apaul 27 secs ago

Would it be possible to suggest another place where to go? If so, could you think of a place which is more agreeable to you? — LinuxBlanket 30 secs ago

I see. Unfortunately I don't have anyone irl I trust enough to ask such things. Maybe it's time to go bother sci-hub about any possible non-verbal cues. — Inmir Tahir 1 min ago

How about "Roger roger"? — tox123 1 min ago

This is a bit broad at the moment. The title is fine, but the section where you outline five possibilities is broad. Please narrow down on one and ask for help with that. In particular, #2 and potentially #3 are areas where people here might help. #1 and #4 may be advisable, but are off-topic here. If you pick a specific book or books, #5 may be on-topic. — Brythan 1 min ago

@puck Why do you think the distance and breakup are related? I read that as "Please don't suggest that I spend a lot of time in his presence, as we are physically far away from each other. I won't see him until his birthday." So either things should be delayed until the birthday or proceed by phone/email or whatever distance friendly method. — Brythan 17 secs ago

I'm a bit confused. Is @Henry the same as user18820? If so, the accounts should probably be merged (Contact Stack Exchange for help with that). If not, then the edit seems to change the question. — Brythan 1 min ago

@different_account - Glad to hear that you're back on track. Best of luck! — AndreiROM 1 min ago

I shall probably mark this as an answer. I'm quite unsure if being a virgin at 25 is a good different, it's not something I'm proud of but then nor am I desperate. Still, I subscribe to the view that it's abnormal but there were reasons for what and where I am now. Looks like it boils down to non-verbal behaviours anyway. Tough, perhaps I'll make something out of it. — Inmir Tahir 1 min ago

Perhaps you could find a way to feel proud of your choices, (even with the reasons). It's always better to focus on the positive aspects than to dwell on the negatives. I happen to think it's a good different. I respect you for it. — Robyn Simpson 1 min ago

@InmirTahir Quite simple: You are not used to speak and interact with women. Given that women are for your lack of experience seem inaccessible, you are prone to idolize them and their vicinity puts visible stress on you. This means that your actions are a bit inept and mistimed, you are seeking distance or nearness at wrong time points. Women and good observers notice this, it's like a motor which is out of timing. The solution is training, training and again training: Talk with women without seeking companionship until you see them as the same flawed humans as men. No idolization. — Thorsten S. 52 secs ago

That's a good advice. I deleted some points of the list because after thinking about the purpose of this site I realized that some points were indeed off-topic. I hope that it will improve my answer. I'm looking forward to further improvements — Jens 37 secs ago

I realized that this point of my list was bit off topic for the site. Your answer made me realize that I should at least try to call the police for advice. I just might take me a few minutes and then I will 1) feel better if something horrible happens and 2) it might help my friend or me to understand the situation even further — Jens 17 secs ago

@ThorstenS., but Adam and Bob aren't women. I don't think I've ever did any kind of wacky cold approach in front of them that'd immediately put the 'inept' label on me. Nor in the presence of females from my workplace (they're mostly married/engaged anyway). The movement mistiming and other things might have taken place but for other reasons, I tend to think. In general, business-wise, I don't have much trouble talking to women. Any kind of romantical direction is absent because... see the part above about marriage. I think you might be on to something but I can't yet figure what. — Inmir Tahir 1 min ago

You need to ask , "What do I want?" in the broadest possible terms. That includes "Where do I want my life to go next?" — VWFeature 1 min ago

I disagree that this is completely OT; sometimes the (imperfectly expressed) question is, "Where do I start?" which is a perfectly good if basic question. One of the differences between experts and non-experts is their ability to size up a situation quickly by comparing it to similar situations they know about, and that's a good use of an expert. In this case, you need an expert in mental health and relationships, and you can get access through your primary care office. — VWFeature 35 secs ago

Elsewhere your boyfriend is probably thinking "how do I get my girlfriend to stop spending so much effort before a date, I'd rather she arrived looking like she'd just rolled out of bed". (Or more likely, he's obvlivious to the 2+ hours and wouldn't notice the difference if you only spent 1 hour preparing.) — Pharap 1 min ago

@RobynSimpson, thank you. Those were more circumstances than choices but I'm at peace with them. — Inmir Tahir 57 secs ago

@InmirTahir but Adam and Bob aren't women And? You don't think men cannot be good observers? You even experience it yourself. You go around the streets and meet....foreigners and tourists. Do you perceive them because they wear always flamboyant clothes and big cameras and talking strange languages or....because you simply know and cannot explain it? The reason is that their facial expressions and gestures don't fit to natives. — Thorsten S. 1 min ago

Just let me tell you my own experience -- my parents made life unbearable for me, so I moved out at my first opportunity. After a year, we got into a big argument that made things even worse. I almost decided to become estranged myself -- to never contact them again. But I did the next best thing -- I started visiting the family at lengthly intervals, up to 7 years between. This worked well. — Jennifer 442 1 min ago

You better ask on parenting.stackexchange.com . But two adults ganging up on a teenager doesn't seem like "good people but rough around the edges", that sounds like practiced bullies. — gnasher729 5 secs ago

You know, if a 15 year old is drinking, and has a fridge in their room, looking in that fridge is not really Sherlock Holmes level investigation. What makes you think your mother hasn't looked in the fridge herself? Why do you feel she needs your help on this at such a basic level? Relax, and let her be the parent. It will be better for everyone involved. — Kate Gregory 33 secs ago

Did you try talking to him about his aggressive discourses? Did you call him out? What was the result? — LinuxBlanket 1 min ago

I implore future readers to look at the chat, some very interesting points were made. — Pharap 47 secs ago

Unless you're willing to pay for a prostitute, it's not as simple as just choosing to not be a virgin. — Pharap 1 min ago

Thanks for your detailed answer; I never considered that I might have RBF :) something for me to find out then. — kumikan 39 secs ago