Welcome. Thank you for sharing this. I do not have a complete answer, but it sounds like you and your brother have been through a lot as well. You are not responsible for anyone's actions but your own. Perhaps it would help to talk with your brother about what you and he need the most, and then try to be an advocate for those things. — cactus_pardner 1 min ago
12:32 AM
#13548 cactus_pardner (347 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide? (score: 1) | posted 12 minutes ago by ben (6 rep)
1:24 AM
#13379 Kenny LJ (101 rep) | Q: How do I politely decline a request for a contract marriage? (score: 79) | posted 4 days ago by Link0352 (3400 rep) | edited 4 days ago by Kat (1778 rep)
"A long time ago (a few years) I showed him this table that I had found, and talked about making one, possibly using poured resin rather than different layers of glass" may provide a 'key'. You could pint out that you were enthused about the idea some years ago and in your enthusiasm showed it to him and suggested the resin based concept. You had never followed through at the time BUT his recent comments rekindled YOUR enthusiasm and you followed through. You were pleased that he had reminded you about how enthusiastic you had been initially. So you are grateful and .... — Russell McMahon 1 min ago
#10168 Russell McMahon (149 rep) | Q: "Stole" my friend's excitement about a personal project - how to deal with the fallout (score: 46) | posted 76 days ago by WhatEvil (331 rep) | edited 74 days ago by WhatEvil (331 rep)
1:46 AM
#13548 Awesome (306 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by ben (9 rep)
2:17 AM
#13409 Awesome (306 rep) | A: How to be firm on what I need without causing offense? (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by Awesome (306 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Awesome (306 rep)
If you were well-read, you wouldn't have posted a destructive answer based on opinion. Reading Internet forums and blogs does not equate to being well-read. — Awesome 43 secs ago
#13256 Awesome (306 rep) | A: How do I tell a relative that I don't want them to spend their vacations in my house (score: 0) | posted 6 days ago by WendyG (518 rep)
2:57 AM
This post is being discussed on meta: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2838/… — apaul 37 secs ago
#13194 apaul (33549 rep) | Q: Politely refusing to validate veiled bigotry (score: 33) | posted 7 days ago by apaul (33549 rep) | edited 7 days ago by apaul (33549 rep)
@KennyLJ It's more than a "little bit" of rigmarole and if you don't have kids you're probably not getting that green card immediately. I am an American who legitimately married a foreigner 30 years ago, I'm sure the fraud checking is more extensive now. Even then, had we not been living in the same house there's no way we would have gotten past their checks--the questions they asked were so trivial that it would be almost impossible to prepare for them. It was IIRC 5 multi-day trips and 4 years before she had an unconditional green card. — Loren Pechtel 59 secs ago
#13379 Loren Pechtel (101 rep) | Q: How do I politely decline a request for a contract marriage? (score: 79) | posted 4 days ago by Link0352 (3400 rep) | edited 4 days ago by Kat (1778 rep)
#2839 Shog9 (96 rep) | A: This one weird trick gets rid of all off-topic comments. Let's use it! (score: 1) | posted 3 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep) | edited 21 seconds ago by Shog9 (96 rep)
#2839 Catija (11766 rep) | A: This one weird trick gets rid of all off-topic comments. Let's use it! (score: 1) | posted 3 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep) | edited 22 seconds ago by Shog9 (96 rep)
Sounds great. Thanks :) I'd also really be interested in seeing how it affects the behavior of established IPS users vs 101 rep users. :) — Catija ♦ 5 secs ago
#2839 Catija (11766 rep) | A: This one weird trick gets rid of all off-topic comments. Let's use it! (score: 1) | posted 4 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep)
3:12 AM
It was mentioned by John Erickson that there is a relationship with upvoted comments and negativity, so I think we should be cautious how we interpret an increase in upvotes per comment. Examining the sentiment score before and after the change might be a good metric to track. — sphennings 1 min ago
#2839 sphennings (5209 rep) | A: This one weird trick gets rid of all off-topic comments. Let's use it! (score: 5) | posted 15 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep) | edited 12 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep)
3:27 AM
Maybe. I'll leave it to Jon to get fancy with that data science AI magic; I trust the mods here aren't shy about deleting even upvoted comments if they're disruptive / unnecessary. — Shog9 ♦ 2 mins ago
#2839 Shog9 (96 rep) | A: This one weird trick gets rid of all off-topic comments. Let's use it! (score: 5) | posted 30 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by Shog9 (96 rep)
#13551 NL628 (101 rep) | A: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide? (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Gustavo (11 rep)
#13548 kraby15 (101 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by ben (19 rep)
4:24 AM
#2711 apaul (33549 rep) | A: How to talk about "who is responsible, who is to blame"? (score: 21) | posted 19 days ago by apaul (33549 rep) | edited 19 days ago by apaul (33549 rep)
#2780 apaul (33549 rep) | Q: What's wrong with apologizing? (score: -6) | posted 12 days ago by apaul (33549 rep) | edited 10 days ago by apaul (33549 rep)
2 hours later…
6:20 AM
To restate others' responses a bit, I think that you've discovered that the site wants to exclude some kinds of posts, not people. — Cascabel 24 secs ago
#2837 Cascabel (390 rep) | A: is this a site that wants to exclude people? (score: 1) | posted 19 hours ago by Jak (149 rep)
6:37 AM
I think the first 2 options are quite good not to cause offence, but the last 3 sound risky to me. Your neighbors could feel like you don't trust them by any of those (and the third one just sounds like a bad lie). — Simon Baars 1 min ago
#13491 Simon Baars (101 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 4) | posted 2 days ago by Erin Thursby (319 rep) | edited 23 minutes ago by A J (5705 rep)
7:33 AM
#13547 michi (2784 rep) | Q: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 10) | posted 9 hours ago by Em C (6099 rep)
8:30 AM
I like the answer in general, but would change "At this very moment, I think it's best for me to end the project." to "Unfortunately, I had to end the project". Otherwise he might offer to end the project for you, and it will get awkward for you when you have to mention you actually alread got rid of stuff. — Lot 47 secs ago
#13554 Lot (151 rep) | A: How to advice someone that I've thrown away a project they were helping me with, without offending them? (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (9506 rep)
9:01 AM
#13474 Nat (331 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 11) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13095 rep)
1 hour later…
10:20 AM
What a lot of people here seem to be missing is that requesting the WiFi password has become an innocuous request, like asking for a glass of water, use of the bathroom or use of a power outlet to charge your phone. If you deny a request like this, people will be surprised having been denied this simple request and it will be awkward (and might lead to them being offended). This isn't about money or a data cap (as OP clearly stated), but how to deny a request to share in a non awkward way. This answer does not address that. — LVDV 16 secs ago
#13474 LVDV (748 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13113 rep)
I always feel that prefacing a statement with 'sorry' might give the other person a feeling that they have a slight upper hand. Why say you're sorry? You're probably not, as if you were that sorry, you'd accommodate their needs. — Tim 50 secs ago
#13252 Tim (527 rep) | A: How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights? (score: 20) | posted 7 days ago by Ben (399 rep) | edited 4 days ago by mattdm (310 rep)
11:07 AM
@LVDV: You're correct that the request can be innocuous, but granting access is not innocuous to OP (hence why he wants to deny access). Your comment (while correct for some people) hinges on the assumption that the neighbor is correct in assuming they would be granted access if they asked for it. The assumption is their IPS failure, not OP's. OP can only measure their own response, i.e. not cause any offense; but he shoudln't be tasked (beyond reason) with catering to every possibly assumption/expectation their neighbor has. — Flater 1 min ago
#13474 Flater (3874 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13123 rep)
Well... This is very very broad. Each individual, each company (and its policy), each department, has its own behavior and needed skills, which are not all standards, and change over days (hours?). And even if you narrow down, it'll be still opnion-based I guess... — OldPadawan 37 secs ago
#13557 OldPadawan (9546 rep) | Q: Which IPS is most important in the workplace? (score: -2) | posted 3 minutes ago by Marcus R. (27 rep)
@Awesome: First of all, data caps exist in some locations. As do bandwidth restrictions. Other than that, your argument is the same as me arguing that it doesn't cost you anything to let me use your guest bedroom when you don't have other guests over. Technically correct; but that doesn't mean you're going to open your door to anyone whenever the room isn't already occupied. — Flater 1 min ago
#13474 Flater (3874 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13123 rep)
Welcome to Interpersonal Skills! As it stands, your question is very broad, and also primarily opinion based. Therefore your question will be closed soon (which will give you time to edit. After you edit the question it can be reopened, if it is then a good fit for the site). Please see What topics can I ask about? and What types of questions should I avoid asking? — Cashbee 40 secs ago
#13557 Cashbee (2820 rep) | Q: Which IPS is most important in the workplace? (score: -3) | posted 11 minutes ago by Marcus R. (25 rep)
#13557 Marcus R. (25 rep) | Q: Which IPS is most important in the workplace? (score: -3) | posted 12 minutes ago by Marcus R. (25 rep) | edited 19 seconds ago by Marcus R. (25 rep)
I don't quite agree with the argument about OP not keeping their end of the deal if the friend does not access all of the records. This opens the door to the friend intentionally not using some records so that he can argue that the agreement has not been upheld from OP's side. Also, if OP had not provided reasonable access to the records, I'd expect there to have been complaints in the five years_ before the friend requested the records back. As long as OP doesn't now refuse access; he is not in any way infringing on his end of the deal. — Flater 1 min ago
#13364 Flater (3874 rep) | A: Friend wants rare vinyl record collection back after 7 years (score: 9) | posted 5 days ago by Astralbee (10993 rep) | edited 4 days ago by Astralbee (10993 rep)
@MarcusR. you don't have to delete it, you can try and edit it into a good fit for IPS (see links above). If you want to talk / ask about it more, you are welcome to join us in the IPS chat — Cashbee 42 secs ago
#13557 Cashbee (2820 rep) | Q: Which IPS is most important in the workplace? (score: -3) | posted 15 minutes ago by Marcus R. (25 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Marcus R. (25 rep)
Why does he use the profanity? Is he in-character? Does he feel like your friend circle is accepting of it (regardless of whether you are accepting of it, does he think his profanity is accepted)? Or is that simply the type of person he is at all times? You don't really mention if you've interacted with him much outside of the scope of your games. I'd only really object to his behavior in the latter case. In the other cases, it's simply a matter of pointing out that it's a less casual setting than usual (and point out that profanity is not acceptable there) — Flater 1 min ago
#13514 Flater (3874 rep) | Q: How do I approach telling someone that they are not invited to an event that I am having? (score: 11) | posted 40 hours ago by Zachiel (186 rep)
11:39 AM
Note that this could also risk opening the floodgates of unintended casual racism. I've been in such cases; where I ended up regretting asking someone to clarify their statement (under the assumption that it was bad phrasing and trying to give them a chance to correct). But even if so, that doesn't make it an IPS failure by OP, so the answer still applies. — Flater 1 min ago
#1037 Flater (3874 rep) | A: How to respond to an older colleague who uses sub-optimal phrasing when referring to other racial groups? (score: 14) | posted 269 days ago by SQB (3419 rep)
11:53 AM
@Flater But the neighbor's expectation is not beyond reason, for them and for OP. OP states that he does not want them to connect so that they don't connect to his network when they are home, because then he does not have any control over what they do on his internet connection. A lack of trust is what keeps OP from sharing his password. OP doesn't have a problem with sharing (what everyone here seems to think), but has a problem with sharing the password only with this neighbor. — LVDV 1 min ago
#13474 LVDV (748 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13133 rep)
12:10 PM
If you want people to change their behaviour acting like "it's not a big enough deal to me to really worry about" does not help - imho - if ppl feel you don't care so much they will feel they need not care so much as well — DrCopyPaste 48 secs ago
#13495 DrCopyPaste (101 rep) | Q: How to gently tell people NOT to use a nickname for me (score: 9) | posted 2 days ago by Not Tom (46 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Not Tom (46 rep)
12:21 PM
While this can be a workaround, in no way it answers OP's concern about the best way to decline sharing. Your option is to do the opposite. Well, at least, you explain why you workaround this way, still, it's... puzzling?... — OldPadawan 26 secs ago
#13559 OldPadawan (9566 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by LVDV (748 rep)
I would suggest not saying the phrase " It has nothing to do with you or your work or anything else. " Since the friend never asked why did he stop, because he doesn't know yet. In my opinion, saying that could hint him the other way around. — Paul Karam 50 secs ago
#13554 Paul Karam (101 rep) | A: How to advise someone that I've thrown away a project they were helping me with, without offending them? (score: 10) | posted 4 hours ago by OldPadawan (9566 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by OldPadawan (9566 rep)
It seems that this depends a lot on where you live. In Belgium it's not normal to ask for a password at all. Especially now that the biggest provider is setup in a way that you can use their wireless router with your own account. So your answer doesn't really solve how to refuse giving a password politely. — Imus 13 secs ago
#13559 Imus (373 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -1) | posted 10 minutes ago by LVDV (746 rep)
#13559 LVDV (746 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -1) | posted 15 minutes ago by LVDV (746 rep)
Not up-voting your departure, but up-voting what you so eloquently and candidly explained. I've shared your post internally. — Tim Post ♦ 1 min ago
#2838 Tim Post (101 rep) | Q: Apologies and parting notes (score: 12) | posted 9 hours ago by apaul (33546 rep)
12:37 PM
@Tim I think that may be cultural, I grew up in a culture where the sympathy meaning of sorry is far more emphasised than the personal responsibility meaning, so that may have shaped my view. As you feel using "sorry" carries the wrong connotation, how would you succinctly express sympathy for someone's situation, without taking responsibility for it? — Ben 17 secs ago
#13252 Ben (399 rep) | A: How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights? (score: 20) | posted 7 days ago by Ben (399 rep) | edited 4 days ago by mattdm (310 rep)
#13548 Link0352 (3440 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 5) | posted 12 hours ago by ben (29 rep) | edited 29 minutes ago by ben (29 rep)
1:01 PM
This answer is particularly useful where local regulations, or airline terms, restrict swapping seats. In such a case, you really can't help, and referring the problem to the flight attendants is the fairest and kindest thing to do. — Ben 39 secs ago
#13324 Ben (399 rep) | A: How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights? (score: 12) | posted 5 days ago by Adam Davis (3063 rep)
@LVDV: You misread (I think). OP's focus is on anyone who lives nearby, because they would still be in range of his network even when they're in their own house. As per OP's question:
Since neighbours are very close to within range of our network all the time, I would prefer not to grant access in order to ensure they aren’t connected when they are not with us.. The question does not specify at any point that OP is singling out one particular neighbour/family, as far as I can see. — Flater 38 secs ago
#13474 Flater (3874 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13143 rep)
1:21 PM
@michi I was using them to (try to) discuss a conflict and reach understanding/compromise. For example, "I feel uncomfortable being around my ex" was in context of being told I ought to attend a party that he'd be at, so I was hoping for "I see, I will understand if you don't want to attend" or at least "Okay well I really want you to attend, so what would make you more comfortable?". — Em C 1 min ago
#13547 Em C (6134 rep) | Q: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 17) | posted 14 hours ago by Em C (6134 rep)
#13474 LVDV (744 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13153 rep)
@Imus I'm originally from Belgium, moved out 2 years ago. I find it quite normal to share passwords among friends. And in OP's case it is a normal thing to ask as well, otherwise he wouldn't think his neighbor would be offended in the first place. — LVDV 26 secs ago
#13559 LVDV (744 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by LVDV (744 rep)
@Link0352 Perhaps because the question itself (not the title) provides 3 options making it look like it is a "What should I do?" type of question instead of "How do I go about?" question. Not that I could possibly answer this question as it seems very complicated and there is much unsaid. — GretchenV 1 min ago
#13548 GretchenV (770 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 13 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
"... stop the project and sell off all the materials etc that I had acquired." Did your friend help pay for any of these expenses? — Lord Farquaad 1 min ago
#13553 Lord Farquaad (1246 rep) | Q: How to advise someone that I've thrown away a project they were helping me with, without offending them? (score: 5) | posted 6 hours ago by InterpersonalLoser (126 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jared Smith (631 rep)
@TimSeguine Respect for your elders? Maybe I'm old-fashioned (I'm 25), but I certainly respect people who are older than me. Moreover, they might not appear frail, but have some issue that is not worth arguing with them about (i.e. bladder issues), that you can't see. So, why risk having to have an elderly woman explain to you that she needs to keep her aisle seat because she needs to use the restroom every hour? — Chris Cirefice 1 min ago
#13244 Chris Cirefice (105 rep) | A: How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights? (score: 33) | posted 7 days ago by ab2 (4144 rep) | edited 6 days ago by ab2 (4144 rep)
#13474 LVDV (744 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13163 rep)
@ChrisCirefice I generally respect people who demonstrate they are deserving of respect. Reacting cholerically to a simple request from a stranger is not a mark in their favor. The rest of your comment is a strawman, and I certainly don't even think she should have given up her seat. But unless the young lady asked in a rude manner, I don't see how simply asking for something from someone older than you being disrespectful. — Tim Seguine just now
#13244 Tim Seguine (101 rep) | A: How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights? (score: 33) | posted 7 days ago by ab2 (4144 rep) | edited 6 days ago by ab2 (4144 rep)
Can you explain how this ties in to NVC? I do see the value in your advice, but for purposes of this question I'm interested in learning how to apply this particular technique. I'm new to the concept and thought (naively?) that a key component was talking about one's feelings. In particular the last example you give seems to clash with my understanding of NVC since it's now framed as an absolute vs. how I felt. — Em C 1 min ago
#13561 Em C (6134 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 0) | posted 25 minutes ago by Richard U (7080 rep)
@OldPadawan I feel this is an XY question. "I want X, Y can be a solution. How do I achieve Y?" I'm not answering Y, but X, and my answer is an interpersonal solution. — LVDV 38 secs ago
#13559 LVDV (744 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by LVDV (744 rep)
This questions seems to be off-topic because OP requires professional help. Having a loved one commit suicide is terribly traumatic and should be handled by a therapist, not strangers on the internet. — Alina Cretu 1 min ago
#13548 Alina Cretu (544 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 13 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
Regarding your most recent edit: What's wrong with just asking your friend "What are your feelings towards me?" — sphennings 1 min ago
#13531 sphennings (5229 rep) | Q: How to talk to my friend to figure out if he is in love with me? (score: -3) | posted 26 hours ago by Marisa (15 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by undefined (3 rep)
#13561 Richard U (7080 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 0) | posted 38 minutes ago by Richard U (7080 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Richard U (7080 rep)
"My boyfriend has an older brother who always play bad taste “jokes” on me" - Is this the same brother that the mother often calls your boyfriend to complain about? If so, is it possible that those complaints are legitimate? — F1Krazy 49 secs ago
#13562 F1Krazy (103 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Marisa (1 rep)
It is the same. And sure the complaints are legitimate I just don't see the point on calling him just to gossip because she is not doing anything with respect to it. His brother is 30 y.o. — Marisa 36 secs ago
#13562 Marisa (6 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 1) | posted 10 minutes ago by Marisa (6 rep)
You've listed a lot of different scenarios, and are asking how to deal with their mother in any of those situations or similar ones. That makes this question increadably broad. Can you edit your post to focus on a mores specific question? — sphennings 48 secs ago
#13562 sphennings (5229 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 1) | posted 10 minutes ago by Marisa (6 rep)
#13562 Marisa (11 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 17 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
#13562 Cashbee (2820 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 17 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
#13561 T.E.D. (1136 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Richard U (7090 rep) | edited 13 minutes ago by sphennings (5229 rep)
Thanks, that is helpful. I do realize phrasing isn't a magic bullet, part of why I'm trying this is to help myself internalize the re-framing. So while following rules helps me to stay in line, understanding the reasoning is even more useful :) — Em C 52 secs ago
#13561 Em C (6144 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Richard U (7100 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by sphennings (5229 rep)
@Marisa Thank you! (I deleted my comment [also this one, soon] as it is no longer needed.) you may want to do the same ;) — Cashbee 58 secs ago
#13562 Cashbee (2820 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 39 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 17 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
@GretchenV the question itself is a good one for this site. If you think the additional information muddies the question feel free to edit and remove it. Alina Cretu If you think the OP needs professional help as well as an interpersonal solution to a valid question, why not suggest that as part of an answer... — Link0352 51 secs ago
#13548 Link0352 (3450 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 14 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
@AlinaCretu If you think the OP needs professional help as well as an interpersonal solution to a valid question, why not suggest that as part of an answer... — Link0352 50 secs ago
#13548 Link0352 (3450 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 14 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
Hi @Marisa :) I'm trying to edit your question so as to avoid it to be closed, because it might be a bit unclear what you're asking. I think it should be a bit shortened to be easily understood, so I'll give it a try, but don't hesitate to rollback my changes if you don't agree with what I've cut. — avazula 40 secs ago
#13562 avazula (4321 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 54 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 32 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
#13562 Marisa (11 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 57 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 35 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
3:16 PM
Furthermore, I think you should consider asking 2 different questions: 1- how to tell his family about you being uncomfortable with their behavior towards you and your BF, and 2- how to let your BF know that the way his family is treating you is bothered you and making you uncomfortable. — avazula 34 secs ago
#13562 avazula (4321 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 46 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
So for now, I'll edit your question to make it suit the first option, but don't hesitate to ask a new question to look for answers for your 2nd question / look on IPS if it hasn't been already asked. — avazula 31 secs ago
#13562 avazula (4321 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 47 minutes ago by Marisa (11 rep)
@PaulKaram : I'm no sure about this actually. People happen to overthink this kind of things, so I realized that it's often better to put soothing balm before it starts hurting :) — OldPadawan 23 secs ago
#13554 OldPadawan (9626 rep) | A: How to advise someone that I've thrown away a project they were helping me with, without offending them? (score: 16) | posted 7 hours ago by OldPadawan (9626 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by OldPadawan (9626 rep)
How would you suggest OP approaches their boyfriend to initiate the heart-to-heart? Why do you think a heart-to-heart is the best course of action? — Violet Flare 7 secs ago
#13564 Violet Flare (611 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: -1) | posted 21 minutes ago by Will Appleby (556 rep)
I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because, although animal abuse is a sad thing, this question is a "what should I do?" question which is considered off topic on this forum — baldPrussian 54 secs ago
#13565 baldPrussian (13203 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by CKA (6 rep)
Welcome to Interpersonal Skills. If you have a moment please take the tour, and visit the help center. As baldPrussian has already said questions asking "What should I do?" are off topic. If you edit this question to be about a particular course of action instead of deciding what course of action to take, I think that this could be brought on topic. — sphennings 19 secs ago
#13565 sphennings (5239 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 6 minutes ago by CKA (6 rep)
#13565 Erik (5869 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by CKA (6 rep)
#13562 Marisa (11 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Marisa (11 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by avazula (4321 rep)
@LVDV I think you misunderstand XY problems. An XY problem is when a user "is asking about [their] attempted solution rather than [their] actual problem.'. OP here has laid out their actual problem quite plainly. I think what your suggesting is a Frame Challenge. — Lord Farquaad 58 secs ago
#13559 Lord Farquaad (1246 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by LVDV (743 rep)
what country is it? I know that some countries consider animals as "personal property" (like furniture), but other countries say "living beings". So, you won't have the same way to take action (or not)... — OldPadawan 19 secs ago
#13565 OldPadawan (9626 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by CKA (9 rep)
3:38 PM
@AlinaCretu It is the OP's family member that needs professional help and by the first option ('... despite going to counselling on a regular basis.') that is already in place. It may be that the OP needs professional help as well but that seems unlikely ('... recently after I was introduced to this new partner they have quite sadly ...'). Admittedly, this is rather hidden in the text and could better be made explicit in the section 'Additional information' — GretchenV 15 secs ago
#13548 GretchenV (880 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 15 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
As is stands, this question is off-topic, but I will say: DO NOT STEAL THAT MAN'S DOG. I agree it's sad and from what you've said the dog will probably be better off in another home, but you open yourself up to legal and physical harm. Plus, assuming you get caught the dog will just go back to him. Just don't do it. You said he tried selling the dog, if you really want it out of harm's way, buy it and give it to a shelter. — Lord Farquaad 42 secs ago
#13565 Lord Farquaad (1246 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 24 minutes ago by CKA (9 rep)
@LVDV: Depends on what you mean by "expectation". If they expect to be given access, that is presumptuous. OP is under no (legal, moral or otherwise) obligation to give them access to his personal network. Hoiwever, there is nothing wrong with them asking if OP minds giving them access. — Flater 1 min ago
#13474 Flater (3874 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13213 rep)
3:50 PM
@Link0352 I think it is a good question in principle too but feel that I am incapable of editing the question correctly because 1) I would frame the question as option #3 always 2) I would probably need some more information to put in the additional information section which only the OP can provide. Information such as, what is the (blood) relationship of the OP to the ex and dito for the younger brother — GretchenV 1 min ago
#13548 GretchenV (880 rep) | Q: How to respond to a family member relying on me for support after their partner has committed suicide without damaging our current relationship? (score: 6) | posted 15 hours ago by ben (34 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by ben (34 rep)
#13566 Marisa (21 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 30 minutes ago by user9570789 (21 rep)
@Flater Apparently there is a bit of a social obligation, otherwise OP wouldn't be afraid of offending his neighbors when he is declining the request. — LVDV 33 secs ago
#13474 LVDV (743 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (13233 rep)
@OldPadawan "But why are you putting soothing balm on my knee? I'm not hurt! Wait, am I? Oh my god, is my knee broken? What did I do?" Jokes aside, I'm with PaulKaram on this, saying that without any solicitacion will probably do more damage than good imho — Hankrecords 1 min ago
#13554 Hankrecords (103 rep) | A: How to advise someone that I've thrown away a project they were helping me with, without offending them? (score: 17) | posted 8 hours ago by OldPadawan (9636 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by OldPadawan (9636 rep)
Heh, well, nonsense can be in the eye of the beholder, and not personally knowing all the players, I'm trying hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know it can be tough to give up on a long-term relationship, especially if you've invested all this time and energy into it, but I have to say that your boyfriend does seem to be in thrall to his mother's manipulative behaviors. It doesn't seem healthy, and you're being dragged into a lot of seemingly unnecessary drama. Good luck! — user9570789 10 secs ago
#13566 user9570789 (21 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 2) | posted 36 minutes ago by user9570789 (21 rep)
Small grammar improvement: "who's" should be "whose". Only use "who's" to contract "who is". — mbomb007 47 secs ago
#13552 mbomb007 (162 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 9) | posted 12 hours ago by Jesse (3961 rep)
#13561 laszlok (101 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Richard U (7120 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by sphennings (5239 rep)
@mbomb007 I've edited the question. Thanks for the suggestion. In the future you can edit the question yourself, or use the edit interface to propose an edit, rather than leaving a post and hoping that someone else makes the edit. — sphennings 1 min ago
#13552 sphennings (5239 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 9) | posted 12 hours ago by Jesse (3961 rep) | edited 38 seconds ago by sphennings (5239 rep)
@LordFarquaad Question: How to politely decline request for WiFi. Actual problem: Neighbors staying on WiFi after visit. It's not a frame challenge, because that would be on how OP views the situation. I agree with OP's situation and how he views it, just not with the solution he came up with.That's why I went back to the initial problem. — LVDV 1 min ago
#13559 LVDV (743 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by LVDV (743 rep)
I'm going to agree with @PaŭloEbermann that the images add nothing to the answer and if anything are confusing - regardless of whether you know that the person portrayed is Evel Knievel or not. I also don't think that half of your "suggested responses" are helpful except in very specific circumstances. And if you're meaning to give a satirical response (which is what I assume) then I don't think it's helpful at all to make light of the question when the OP clearly is concerned. — Doc 39 secs ago
#13480 Doc (284 rep) | A: How to reply to "Drive/Travel Safe"? (score: 4) | posted 3 days ago by Rob (460 rep)
The way I read it, this answer boils down to "if you failed with NVC, try harder and be very accommodating to the other person" - but it doesn't take into account situations where the other person has no interest or incentive to be honest, accommodating, and respectful to OP themselves. OP can't magick them to cooperate if they don't want to. I think this answer could be improved by addressing such situations. — AllTheKingsHorses 1 min ago
#13552 AllTheKingsHorses (3759 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 10) | posted 12 hours ago by Jesse (3971 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by sphennings (5248 rep)
#13559 LVDV (743 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 4 hours ago by LVDV (743 rep)
#13552 mbomb007 (161 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 10) | posted 12 hours ago by Jesse (3971 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by sphennings (5248 rep)
4:32 PM
#13559 Lord Farquaad (1246 rep) | A: What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours? (score: -2) | posted 4 hours ago by LVDV (743 rep)
#13480 Rob (456 rep) | A: How to reply to "Drive/Travel Safe"? (score: 2) | posted 3 days ago by Rob (456 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by sphennings (5248 rep)
I've also had to become less involved than I initially was. Wish you the best in your time away. — Jess K. 22 secs ago
#2838 Jess K. (11304 rep) | Q: Apologies and parting notes (score: 15) | posted 13 hours ago by apaul (33556 rep)
4:57 PM
#13562 Mindwin (288 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Marisa (31 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by Marisa (31 rep)
5:12 PM
A question like "How can I communicate to a stranger that they should treat their animal better without escalating the situation" would be on topic for this stack. Non-IPS consideration- why not just take him up on on his offer to buy the dog? If you care that much about the dog that you're willing to steal it, a few bucks could ease your conscience. — Link0352 30 secs ago
#13565 Link0352 (3450 rep) | Q: How to react to a man hitting and mistreating his dog in public (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by CKA (9 rep)
5:57 PM
@Marisa compare with this sub-reddit and probably also show that to your BF. There are enough posts from people completely cutting contact with their own mothers because of this. Not saying that that is necessarily the next step, but it might give him a better perspective of how he is probably a little brainwashed and how some things that seem normal to him aren't normal at all. E.g. I know that if my mom searched my GF's panties that is completely unacceptable to the point where I would probably forbid her to visit us. — R. Schmitz 1 min ago
#13566 R. Schmitz (101 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by user9570789 (41 rep)
The point about baggage is well made. I'm careful about trying to diagnose others over a distance, however. — baldPrussian 1 min ago
#13566 baldPrussian (13247 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by user9570789 (41 rep)
99% sure it is Narcissistic Personalty Disorder from the OP. If that's indeed the case, the other answers won't help much, because they (understandably!) assume they are talking to a person who doesn't effectively brainwash the people around them (the ones who stay, for one reason or another). — R. Schmitz 1 min ago
#13566 R. Schmitz (101 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by user9570789 (41 rep)
Sorry to hear it affected you personally, I honestly wish you well in your future life. I'm also impressed by your decision to leave, I should probably just do the same, seeing the responses you got from Shog9 and Tim SE is on it's way to become a safe space without any "bigotry" so you should probably stick around. — Oleg 21 secs ago
#2838 Oleg (271 rep) | Q: Apologies and parting notes (score: 14) | posted 15 hours ago by apaul (33556 rep)
6:15 PM
I don't think this answer solves the issue. You can't be in a successful relationship with someone when their family treats you like that, but withdrawing completely from their family won't necessarily help. That is just avoiding the issue. It's what you do when you interact with them that matters, such as enforcing respect. — mbomb007 1 min ago
#13563 mbomb007 (171 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 10) | posted 3 hours ago by baldPrussian (13247 rep)
"Never see his family again" is not a realistic option in any relationship. — BlueRaja - Danny Pflughoeft just now
#13563 BlueRaja - Danny Pflughoeft (101 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 11) | posted 3 hours ago by baldPrussian (13247 rep)
6:39 PM
I'm not sure I completely understand the situation. Just to clarify: 1. You have two tenants, who are in a relationship with one another. 2. Neither tenant is currently paying you any rent. 3. You are also employing Tenant A, but that job is not paying off, so you feel guilty and have told Tenant A "not to worry" about rent. To you, this means "pay me as soon as you can" but Tenant A maybe thinks it means "no rent anymore, whoohoo!" 4. You never had any rent agreement with Tenant B. Tenant B is serially unemployed. 5. Tenant B is rude to you. Is that all correct? If not, can you correct it? — 1006a 1 min ago
#13513 1006a (1511 rep) | Q: How do I tell my roommate that I feel treated unfairly by their SO? (score: 7) | posted 48 hours ago by Kristoff (36 rep) | edited 47 hours ago by Catija (11792 rep)
The way I'd phrase it is "I don't feel like I'm welcome there." This seems to be the root of the issue. — T.E.D. 47 secs ago
#13563 T.E.D. (1136 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 12) | posted 4 hours ago by baldPrussian (13247 rep)
1 hour later…
7:57 PM
#13561 Richard U (7130 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 5) | posted 6 hours ago by Richard U (7130 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by sphennings (5248 rep)
@EmC yes, that's it exactly. You not only have to change what you say, you have to mean it. Of course, you will come across people who are genuinely interested in being obnoxious, and those you can't help. I like to put it in terms of what Dale Carnegie said about being genuinely interested in other people. The words alone only have the strength of meaning that you give them. — Richard U 1 min ago
#13561 Richard U (7130 rep) | A: In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail? (score: 5) | posted 6 hours ago by Richard U (7130 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by sphennings (5248 rep)
8:13 PM
#13563 aw04 (131 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 13) | posted 5 hours ago by baldPrussian (13247 rep)
Exactly. If the boyfriend is not ready to defend is "family-in-the-making" from abuse originating from his old family, he will not have a family (with his current girlfriend). OP is wasting time, if boyfriend is not ready to defend her against anyone - including his own mom. — Peter Masiar 1 min ago
#13564 Peter Masiar (111 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 5) | posted 5 hours ago by Will Appleby (616 rep)
8:40 PM
@Mindwin Questions can only have 5 tags. Also, I don't think baldPrussian's answer is good in any situation. It basically tells her to give the "cold shoulder", which is a no-no in conflict resolution. — mbomb007 56 secs ago
#13562 mbomb007 (181 rep) | Q: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 9) | posted 6 hours ago by Marisa (46 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Marisa (46 rep)
9:19 PM
#13566 user9570789 (61 rep) | A: How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him? (score: 6) | posted 5 hours ago by user9570789 (61 rep)
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