The Closet

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12:00 AM

Part 2 won't work for a lot of families. You are assuming the family all gossip amongst themselves and it isn't just bob telling people something incorrect. — Jesse 30 secs ago

#9437 Jesse (2234 rep) | A: How can I deal with my cousin spreading the false perception that my current girlfriend is his ex-girlfriend? (score: 0) | posted 25 minutes ago by PoloHoleSet (809 rep)

@michi Mainly because only one is affected by the relationships you hold with others. A study won't change and doesn't have the same ability to adapt to minute changes in the social situation. It's a bit dispassionate to talk to someone with "I can manipulate their psyche with the results from this study" in mind. — Anoplexian 1 min ago

#9394 Anoplexian (1385 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 21) | posted 29 hours ago by michi (2048 rep) | edited 16 minutes ago by michi (2048 rep)

Hey Andrei... I think your answer's questions have been addressed either in updates to the question or the comments here... perhaps you could clean up your answer a bit so that it's directly addressing the "how to tell her" part rather than being a request for clarification in conjunction with a stab at an answer? :D — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#9310 Catija (8729 rep) | A: How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play? (score: 32) | posted 4 days ago by AndreiROM (6972 rep)

@ale10ander Thanks. I've added a note about the legal aspect of this approach in my answer. — Lawrence 16 secs ago

#9424 Lawrence (121 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend who takes everything seriously (score: 2) | posted 7 hours ago by Lawrence (121 rep) | edited 56 seconds ago by Lawrence (121 rep)

@Martin Bonner I don't mess with my friend when he's certain, I try not to meddle into other people life's; I might give them a nudge when they need it. I've edited my answer. Anyway if you're not involved at all in your friends life it could be as well as if you weren't friends at all. — kingW3 50 secs ago

#9400 kingW3 (662 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 4) | posted 25 hours ago by kingW3 (662 rep) | edited 4 seconds ago by kingW3 (662 rep)

@Anoplexian getting back to your first comment, OP talking to Bruce could add that he liked her as a friend, but didn‘t have a romantic interest. What Do you think? — michi 1 min ago

#9394 michi (2048 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 21) | posted 29 hours ago by michi (2048 rep) | edited 23 minutes ago by michi (2048 rep)

@ThatOtherGuy Glad this was useful. All the best with D! He's lucky to have friends like you who are willing to take the effort to work through things with him. — Lawrence 1 min ago

#9424 Lawrence (121 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend who takes everything seriously (score: 2) | posted 7 hours ago by Lawrence (121 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by Lawrence (121 rep)

I worry that your goal of maintaining the friendship/relationship may not be very fair. It is making your friend "super sad on a daily basis" — Jesse 56 secs ago

#9426 Jesse (2234 rep) | Q: How to tell a friend that his indifference is hurting my feelings? (score: 6) | posted 7 hours ago by Garcia_K (31 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5121 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

12:59 AM

@TonyEnnis I suggest this because the OP specifically asked for non-confrontational response. It sounds like they are in favor of compromise. OP understands the context of the situation better and can read all suggestions and decide the most appropriate response. — user8174 46 secs ago

#9292 user8174 (25 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 0) | posted 4 days ago by user8174 (25 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Catija (8739 rep)

Correct. I was writing my sob story but you nailed it way better than I could ever do. Being that emotionally unstable guy who did emotionally manipulative things unconsciously, I would give the same advice to not talk to him. The more she will talk to him the more he will feel compelled to continue doing these things. Even keeping friendship is harmful, he will always have this "love" thing in the back of his mind and he might do crazy stuff to get his "love" (I did, I regret it for life of mine). Cutting all ties is doing a favor to him. — A---B 1 min ago

#9439 A---B (101 rep) | A: How to tell a friend that his indifference is hurting my feelings? (score: 1) | posted 13 minutes ago by Breki Tomasson (11 rep)

Have you considered that perhaps talking to you is painful for him right now, so he isn't indifferent toward you, rather he is trying to spare himself pain by not talking to you? — 雰囲気読めない人 1 min ago

#9426 雰囲気読めない人 (1429 rep) | Q: How to tell a friend that his indifference is hurting my feelings? (score: 6) | posted 8 hours ago by Garcia_K (31 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5121 rep)

I had a friend of more than 10 years. I did crazy stuff to her and to myself to get her after she said no. Although I would say she provocated me, I tried to ignore her for almost a year, she went out of her way to talk to me, which made me feel special and made me continue to express my feelings to her. All this did not end well for me, at least. I would say cut all connections with him for his well being. — A---B 1 min ago

#9426 A---B (101 rep) | Q: How to tell a friend that his indifference is hurting my feelings? (score: 6) | posted 8 hours ago by Garcia_K (31 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5121 rep)

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1:32 AM

What happens if OP's kids say this in front of some other kids, whose parents then get upset at OP for "ruining Santa?" — Kevin 1 min ago

#7809 Kevin (131 rep) | A: How should we respond to those who assume we're doing "Santa Claus" with our kids? (score: 9) | posted 46 days ago by Catija (8739 rep)

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2:17 AM

@MartinBonner I understand the frustration and anger, but is that sort of condemnation constructive here, except perhaps to signal to others your disapproval for this behavior you think is bad, for whatever sociological gains that gets us? This answer provides useful insights into the minds of people who do this sort of behavior: why they think what they're doing is good and how to communicate to them, in terms intuitive to them, to stop it. Understanding how such people work is part of how we turn otherwise good friendships marred by these kinds of issues into just plain good friendships. — mtraceur 11 secs ago

#9400 mtraceur (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 5) | posted 27 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep)

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@AnneDaunted I'm not aware of any site on the stack that closes question specifically for grammar issues. — Mister Positive 18 secs ago

#2401 Mister Positive (5497 rep) | A: WAS IT WRONG TO ASK: Minimum time for responding to someones answer? (score: 7) | posted 23 hours ago by Catija (8739 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by Jarko Dubbeldam (3249 rep)

@Catija good to know.... — Mister Positive 1 min ago

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@kingW3 Your answer might be better received and more helpful if you start with the pragmatic aspects you currently have in the second half of your answer, and maybe elaborate more in-depth about what causes you to perceive certain disagreements as override-able and others as certain and definitive. I think the first half of the answer, where you explain how you're possibly similar to OP's friend, would be better placed after the practical advice. Putting the practical advice first really helps put the focus on the actual answer-to-the-question, and creates a very different first impression. — mtraceur 1 min ago

#9400 mtraceur (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 5) | posted 27 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep)

There are clearly a lot of nuances about the general idea here about the body-language/facial-expression-language advice that are being lost (because the actual proper discussion of the matter would fill a book and all such advice needs to be calibrated to the specific interpersonal norm between the people involved). I do think that precisely because of such nuances, there's a high risk of misinterpretation. Better advice might be to just for OP to generally read up on how to act/speak assertively and confidently, which OP can then apply as appropriate to their unique situation. — mtraceur 1 min ago

#9394 mtraceur (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 22) | posted 32 hours ago by michi (2058 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Kat (1605 rep)

Caution about one thing though: refusing to explain/discuss your reasons for wanting a behavior change from a person, depending on the person you're talking to, can really sour the interaction. I'm in the minority on this, but to me, someone asking that I do something without the reason being explained has roughly the emotional valence of someone getting me to move from where I'm standing by peeing on the spot I'm standing. I'll probably do it, but we might not stay friends unless you explain to me that it was necessary for your wellbeing (physical/emotional/mental) for you to do it that way. — mtraceur 35 secs ago

#9394 mtraceur (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 22) | posted 32 hours ago by michi (2058 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Kat (1605 rep)

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3:10 AM

Yes, that's understood by many people. Many others believe the crap. — WGroleau just now

#9334 WGroleau (294 rep) | A: How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play? (score: -1) | posted 4 days ago by WGroleau (294 rep)

1 hour later…

IPS Comment Bot

4:29 AM

The rest of your answer largely makes sense, but I would suggest toning down the suggestions in your first paragraph to try to avoid being "too caring" or ending up in the "friend zone." It's not like she's going to think, "oh, I trust the OP enough to be a close friend, and I would date him, except he just cares too much." The issue I think you're actually talking about trying to avoid is him accidentally implying he's not interested in dating her. — Jefromi 1 min ago

#9279 Jefromi (375 rep) | A: Best way to tell a new friend I'd like to date her (score: 4) | posted 5 days ago by Newbie programmer (41 rep) | edited 5 days ago by Newbie programmer (41 rep)

1 hour later…

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5:30 AM

Love the example for what to say in part 1 tho :) — Jesse 1 min ago

#9437 Jesse (2234 rep) | A: How can I deal with my cousin spreading the false perception that my current girlfriend is his ex-girlfriend? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by PoloHoleSet (809 rep)

What has your cousin's relationship status been like in the past? If this is the closest to a gf he has had then he may place more value on the small interaction than a normal person would. If he has had plenty of gfs then he is just being a pain in the arse. — Jesse 44 secs ago

#9433 Jesse (2234 rep) | Q: How can I deal with my cousin spreading the false perception that my current girlfriend is his ex-girlfriend? (score: -1) | posted 11 hours ago by Timothy Fisher (14 rep) | edited 8 hours ago by Timothy Fisher (14 rep)

1 hour later…

IPS Comment Bot

7:00 AM

Can you not just use non-answers such as "I wish I knew too.." and "As soon as the governement allows us to, whenever that is..." to show that you don't know? Or would you rather directly ask them to not ask any further? — 雰囲気読めない人 49 secs ago

#9446 雰囲気読めない人 (1429 rep) | Q: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 0) | posted 21 minutes ago by Ash (310 rep)

I've tried that! People just go "well do you have any idea? Is it soon? How far are you in the process?" which are all frustrating and hard to answer questions in their own right. — Ash 1 min ago

#9446 Ash (310 rep) | Q: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 0) | posted 24 minutes ago by Ash (310 rep)

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7:14 AM

@mtraceur this case is different, because OP wants to STOP Bruce „peeing on the spot where OP is standing“ to stay with your example. „Stop peeing at me because I don’t like that“ is reason enough, don’t you think? Moreover, OP says he already talked to Bruce and he didn‘t stop. Now, instead „peeing back“, I suggest a clear and assertive stand. — michi 38 secs ago

#9394 michi (2058 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 22) | posted 36 hours ago by michi (2058 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by Kat (1615 rep)

@mtraceur : I think signalling my disapproval is useful. I agree the answer provides useful insights though. — Martin Bonner 1 min ago

#9400 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 5) | posted 32 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep)

@kingW3 : The answer is now less objectionable; I suspect we still have very different ideas on personal autonomy. — Martin Bonner 9 secs ago

#9400 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 5) | posted 32 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by kingW3 (672 rep)

"I don't know." -- don't they accept such a reply? — NVZ 1 min ago

#9446 NVZ (8339 rep) | Q: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 0) | posted 46 minutes ago by Ash (310 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by Ash (310 rep)

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7:40 AM

i can't give a reccomendation for your concrete case, but as i struggle explaining our local christmas way of doing stuff to people just 40km away, i can image how you feel. my best would be to make it sound like an interesting new thing, and be excited about it, don't make it look like you want to "deprive your kids of christmas". this is our local christmas tradition, btw: 4.bp.blogspot.com/-FKVazZsfEas/VJaiMPW-vvI/AAAAAAAACWg/… — CptEric 1 min ago

#7765 CptEric (101 rep) | Q: How should we respond to those who assume we're doing "Santa Claus" with our kids? (score: 9) | posted 47 days ago by Austin T (48 rep) | edited 46 days ago by Monica Cellio (7488 rep)

sitting on first row is like being a serious nerd. how about joining the last row crew and then move into getting know of first row people? — Vishwa 2 mins ago

#1169 Vishwa (101 rep) | A: How to make friends during class? (score: 2) | posted 174 days ago by Keltie Murdoch (1068 rep) | edited 165 days ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

this answer is the correct. call the police wth your questions, say you want to remain "anonymous" if you want, say there's a dog, talk about the smell if you want. just to inform the OP, ( but don't be scared), sometimes the "old lady" might not be there anymore, and familiar X or friend Y gets there, takes a little care of the dog, cleans up a bit, and takes the paycheck. — CptEric 49 secs ago

#9366 CptEric (101 rep) | A: How to address awful smells from the flat above (score: 49) | posted 3 days ago by apaul (26170 rep)

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Maybe I should have been more clear that I'm not expecting a hive-mind, I just want to reach out to people to get their opinions on stuff, so if a question gets closed, give the people that answered an incentive to take it to meta to discuss it. What really worries me is that there now seem to be 2 groups on the site: one answering questions and the other closing them, without any real discussion taking place :/ — Tinkeringbell 18 secs ago

#2405 Tinkeringbell (11737 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 9 hours ago by Em C (4878 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

Nice answer, I really like the comments you're suggesting. As Catija said, please don't be afraid to post on meta, you're good at it :) As for the comment/answer thing, I looked at the timestamps. In the cases I mentioned I'm seeing comment first, answer after. I have no problem with second thoughts, I have those myself as well. — Tinkeringbell 50 secs ago

#2405 Tinkeringbell (11737 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 9 hours ago by Em C (4878 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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Not sure if it's an IPS solution, but it is definitely a fresh idea. I'll +1 that. Still, for some people it might be hard to publish one's "dear diary" moments on the net. — user2851843 7 secs ago

#9448 user2851843 (310 rep) | A: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Snow (7340 rep)

What? The rest of us is having affairs? Very, very often? And lying about it? I suggest that you are mistaken. But that is OT. I ought to be offended by your fantasy, but I confess to being amused. — RedSonja 27 secs ago

#9322 RedSonja (697 rep) | A: How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play? (score: 28) | posted 4 days ago by baldPrussian (4801 rep)

I agree, however, I feel that it's important for husband and wife to be in alignment here and know how to communicate key points to the wider community. People knowing there's a blog may also forestall some questions. — Snow 18 secs ago

#9448 Snow (7340 rep) | A: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by Snow (7340 rep)

A very logical approach! and as @Tycho'sNose has said, I think there's no reason for the OP to not just enter the house when they are alone, might as well just don't enter the house. The OP also did not state why he is inside the house in the first place, If he is watching over his kids, he might as well stay outside the kid's playroom and look at his kids. — Mr.J 43 secs ago

#9310 Mr.J (121 rep) | A: How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play? (score: 35) | posted 4 days ago by AndreiROM (7012 rep)

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8:11 AM

It seems that Mr. Aaron thinks that a lot of families are into affairs. I hope he has the data to back this up, I do want to know if it is true. — Mr.J 1 min ago

#9322 Mr.J (121 rep) | A: How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play? (score: 28) | posted 4 days ago by baldPrussian (4801 rep)

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@MonicaCellio : If there were someplace to note outstanding answers when we see them -> I use favorite to easily find them back. I mark them and keep them aside. — OldPadawan 36 secs ago

#2383 OldPadawan (7786 rep) | Q: Nominations for the best answer of the fourth quarter 2017 (score: 4) | posted 5 days ago by Catija (8749 rep) | edited 2 days ago by apaul (26170 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

A very logical approach! and as @Tycho'sNose has said,No attraction means nothing will happen. I also think there's no reason for the OP to not just enter the house when they are alone, might as well just don't enter the house. The OP also did not state why he is inside the house in the first place, If he is watching over his kids, he might as well stay outside the kid's playroom and look at his kids. — Mr.J 51 secs ago

What's the setting? Is this a work event or a private one? Answers will change based on that, drastically. — Magisch 34 secs ago

#9450 Magisch (5247 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by anon (1 rep)

Is it work related? Or some sort of organization? Who's Alice to you/the group? — OldPadawan 46 secs ago

#9450 OldPadawan (7786 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by anon (1 rep)

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8:41 AM

@OldPadawan additional information is edited into the question. Alice is simply a participant. — JAD 8 secs ago

#9450 JAD (3249 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 0) | posted 23 minutes ago by anon (1 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by JAD (3249 rep)

@AndreiROM Good point. In that case you can argument that you have wasted several actual Wh on solving the mess out when couple of actual uWh (microWatthour) were saved. Because you have to identify it with the computer ON and you have to be in the office for longer time with lights also ON. — Crowley 1 min ago

#9261 Crowley (131 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 18) | posted 5 days ago by Astralbee (3594 rep)

In fact I do accept that they share with me to a lesser extent :) — Noldor130884 1 min ago

#9340 Noldor130884 (198 rep) | A: How can I get someone to stop paying for my meal? (score: 0) | posted 4 days ago by Noldor130884 (198 rep)

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9:06 AM

I like them :-) — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#2390 Tinkeringbell (11737 rep) | Q: For your consideration: "On Topic" help page contents (score: 11) | posted 4 days ago by Catija (8749 rep) | edited 4 days ago by Catija (8749 rep)

If your question relates to others but doesn't focus on the interpersonal skills interaction > Maybe change it to 'if your issue isn't about getting advice on improving your interpersonal skills, but getting more general advice? Then you can add it to the 'questions should focus on interpersonal interaction paragraph' I guess... — Tinkeringbell 28 secs ago

#2398 Tinkeringbell (11737 rep) | A: For your consideration: "On Topic" help page contents (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by Catija (8749 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Anne Daunted (7983 rep)

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Actually, the first time or two I would use the first three sentences and then ask them to spread round the fact that you don't want to be asked any more. — Martin Bonner 22 secs ago

#9453 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: How do I politely tell people that I don't have an answer to their personal question? (score: 1) | posted 2 minutes ago by Masked Man (361 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

9:32 AM

Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. — Tinkeringbell 45 secs ago

#9435 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: Greeting people that we don't know well, avoiding awkward situations and bad manners (score: -3) | posted 11 hours ago by Pierre B (95 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by Jess K. (7075 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

9:49 AM

So, did this other person notice you? Was there any eye-contact? Or did you see them in a crowd and didn't they even notice you? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#9435 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: Greeting a person that I don't know well, avoiding awkward situations and bad manners (score: -3) | posted 11 hours ago by Pierre B (95 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep)

What context is this? Just passing by someone, or do you need to speak with this person for some reason? Acknowledging someone is different to opening a conversation. — Snow 1 min ago

#9435 Snow (7340 rep) | Q: Greeting a person that I don't know well, avoiding awkward situations and bad manners (score: -3) | posted 11 hours ago by Pierre B (95 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

and it actually is a ridiculously small amount I'm not sure if your calculation is correct. I used to keep my television on stand-by - admittedly a slightly bigger consumer than one screen, but multiply the screens by how many employees you have in the office - but quickly discovered that the power consumption was HUGE even in standby. I saved 20 % from my electricity bill by turning off power from the extension cord to the TV. So you can save a lot of money by turning the screen off. I'm commenting this because you might change your opinion about it being a waste of effort. — Juha Untinen 1 min ago

#9255 Juha Untinen (101 rep) | Q: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 105) | posted 5 days ago by Cashbee (1651 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5126 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

@ArwenUndómiel At the time of writing my answer the question seemed fine and was not on hold. — Astralbee 44 secs ago

#9406 Astralbee (3594 rep) | A: Talking with someone who goes on lots of tangents (score: -1) | posted 24 hours ago by Astralbee (3594 rep)

@JuhaUntinen my calculation is for one monitor in a year. even after multiplying my result by the employeecount, the difference between standby and off is less than 2 dollars/euros worth of energy. Per year. — Cashbee 1 min ago

#9255 Cashbee (1651 rep) | Q: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 105) | posted 5 days ago by Cashbee (1651 rep) | edited 38 hours ago by Tycho's Nose (5126 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

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10:18 AM

In my opinion, this could very well need a culture tag. — Anne Daunted 53 secs ago

#9435 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | Q: Greeting a person that I don't know well, avoiding awkward situations and bad manners (score: -3) | posted 12 hours ago by Pierre B (95 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by A J (4885 rep)

@AnneDaunted - while I certainly hope that my actions will speak for themselves, yes, I'm also looking for a way to communicate it. — Arwen Undómiel 38 secs ago

#9455 Arwen Undómiel (999 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 4) | posted 19 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (999 rep)

Are you looking for a communicative approach specifically, i. e. not just by proving your maturity to them through your actions? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#9455 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 4) | posted 19 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (999 rep)

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10:34 AM

"Many users here don't have English as their first language or they're not great at clearly communicating their issues (hey, this is IPS after all - users here often have problems relating to people or situations)." Of course, questions are not being closed for the OPs to fix grammar or correct typos. There are enough users who voluntarily do that. If it goes beyond that, only the OP can edit the question - if details are missing, for us to make them up is certainly the wrong approach. Then it wouldn't be the OP's question any longer, but the respective editor's. — Anne Daunted just now

#2406 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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#9435 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: Greeting a person that I don't know well, avoiding awkward situations and bad manners (score: -2) | posted 12 hours ago by Pierre B (100 rep) | edited 25 minutes ago by A J (4885 rep)

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This has already been discussed before. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#2406 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

@apaul, what would you like to see separated from here? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#2403 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 2) | posted 14 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by Anne Daunted (7989 rep)

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Scientifically speaking, of course, Bruce is quite right. — Strawberry 1 min ago

#9393 Strawberry (101 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 23) | posted 40 hours ago by Imperator (216 rep) | edited 25 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

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10:51 AM

I have a somewhat different view. If the intent of the question is pretty clear, it should be edited and a comment left for the OP to ask whether the edit is in line with their intent. The OP then has the chance to support or reject the edit accordingly. Whatever outcome, the question has still moved forward. Not editing simply results in the question staying dead, which benefits exactly no one. — Snow 1 min ago

#2406 Snow (7340 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

There's a very fine line here between slapping your interpretation of an intent on a question (which can be bad enough as is, we've seen it fail before) or adding in missing details like Anne said. NEVER ever make up details out of thin air please... — Tinkeringbell 58 secs ago

#2406 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

Then can you please explain what and how to edit such a question? E. g. guessing a culture tag, if it would benefit the question, make up a situation together with fictional dialogues etc.? And if the OP is available for approving/disapproving edits, they could simply edit their question themself, couldn't they? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#2406 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

@Snow, please take a close look at the 'problem' question I linked to in that meta Anne provided... (My answer is there too). That question was edited to be in line with the OP's intent, but their intent was to get a 'validate me' answer... We really don't go editing stuff when the intent isn't clear, or heavily dependent on interpretation. In such cases, it might be better to ask first in chat/or look at the comments to see whether there aren't people interpreting the intent otherwise I think... — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#2406 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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Have you thought of adding rules or terms & conditions ? related to conflicts or drama which took place as per your experience. — Sushant VS 11 secs ago

#9450 Sushant VS (636 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by anon (21 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep)

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We should distinguish between openly hypothetical questions ("If someone... then how do I...?") and made-up questions ("How do I tell my vegan feminist mother that I'm not interested in a romatic relationship with her?"). — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#2408 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | A: For your consideration: "On Topic" help page contents (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by Magisch (5267 rep)

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#9450 Arwen Undómiel (1002 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by anon (21 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep)

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11:20 AM

@HDE226868 Damn that Shakespeare, stealing Douglas Adams' quotes and passing them off as his own...Falstaff: 'The better part of valour is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life. — Spagirl 1 min ago

#3 Spagirl (2250 rep) | A: How to handle accidentally bumping into a drunk person while walking? (score: 18) | posted 209 days ago by Rand al'Thor (1306 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

11:35 AM

yeah, something like "I've been a moderator for $time now and my fellow moderators are quite happy with my work" might also help. — Cronax 31 secs ago

#9456 Cronax (1144 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Magisch (5315 rep)

Are those people coming regularly or once in a blue moon? Also what kind of abilities? Trusting a teenager to handle money and trusting a teenager to set up your online profile are quite different things. — kingW3 48 secs ago

#9455 kingW3 (682 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1007 rep)

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@Catija I did some math on this. As of this Monday, the Top 5 users by way of # answered have answered 609 times out of a total of 6102 answers, so the top 5 users have 9,98% of all answers. Interestingly enough, most of them wait on average several hours before answering. data.stackexchange.com/interpersonal/query/789908/… — Magisch 29 secs ago

#2404 Magisch (5315 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 6) | posted 14 hours ago by Jefromi (375 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Jefromi (375 rep)

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Unless all the moderators are 15. — Astralbee 23 secs ago

#9456 Astralbee (3594 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Magisch (5315 rep)

@kingW3 - Regular users, but I'd also be interested in points about newer users who don't have experience with me. As to what abilities - I have some access to PII, the ability to suspend/delete accounts, edit people's profiles and stuff like that (only as needed, though). — Arwen Undómiel 54 secs ago

#9455 Arwen Undómiel (1007 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1007 rep)

So, is there an ashtray present, visible and within easy reach? If there's no ashtray, that's another problem than an IPS one ;) — Tinkeringbell 27 secs ago

#9461 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Leo King (101 rep)

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@Catija Interestingly, the top 5% of users here have 78% of all answers here. — Magisch 1 min ago

#2404 Magisch (5315 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 6) | posted 14 hours ago by Jefromi (375 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Jefromi (375 rep)

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@Strawberry Quite right about what, may I ask? I’m not being defensive, it was just a vague statement. — Imperator 1 min ago

#9393 Imperator (221 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 24) | posted 41 hours ago by Imperator (221 rep) | edited 26 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

Bouncer + guest list. Then it's not your issue, it's the bouncer's. — ggdx 1 min ago

#9450 ggdx (101 rep) | Q: How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by anon (21 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

I fail to see how subject expertise is relevant to moderation ability. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#9459 Arwen Undómiel (1007 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 27 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (131 rep) | edited 21 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (131 rep)

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11:54 AM

I think we're painting this issue with different shades of white. Take this example of where @TinkeringBell edited a previously closed and deleted question. It didn't take a lot of editing to turn this into a question that's within 2 votes of being reopened. This is about the seeing the obvious worth in improving a marginally bad question. Closing a question rarely prompts a user to improve it by editing. They're more likely to react to someone else's edit. — Snow 1 min ago

#2406 Snow (7340 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 4 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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Please don't use expletives on this site. — Arwen Undómiel 22 secs ago

#9461 Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 0) | posted 22 minutes ago by Lou (101 rep)

IPS Meta Comments

@Snow, I agree with that. Although I prefer to have the last word, and want to point out that that edit (and the ensuing comments) was maybe better made before the question was put on hold, to get attention from the OP sooner (and not bump it into the reopening queue when there's clearly also some missing details left)... 3 reopen votes indicates an improvement, but it's also dangerously close to getting a question that still lacks detail reopened :/ — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#2406 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 4 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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Can you clarify, is she using clean crockery for her ash and cigarette ends, or ones that have been used already and would need to be washed anyway? — Spagirl 1 min ago

#9461 Spagirl (2270 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 0) | posted 31 minutes ago by Lou (101 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

Mary is not the problem here, Bruce is. Bruce making decisions that are not up to him is problem that needs to be solved. — Agent_L 1 min ago

#9395 Agent_L (540 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 13) | posted 41 hours ago by Mick (261 rep) | edited 41 hours ago by Mick (261 rep)

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12:10 PM

For sure. Questions should be improved (where possible) as soon as possible, before adverse votes accrue. Granted, you might want to give the OP more than 30 seconds or so to spot/edit any mistakes. — Snow 1 min ago

#2406 Snow (7340 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 4 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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I'm not asking you or encouraging you to be judgemental here, but it would help add context if you commented on how you feel about living in the 'polyamorous' house and the drug use. You are allowed to be in control of your own environment, not asking for comment on how you feel about others doing these things, but how you feel about living amongst it. — Astralbee 8 secs ago

#9461 Astralbee (3594 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 37 minutes ago by Lou (106 rep) | edited 13 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

Presumably ones that have been used, I don't think she brings up clean plates just to trail ends over them. I find it equally objectionable either way - I hate the idea of eating off plates that have had ash on them. — Lou 33 secs ago

#9461 Lou (106 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 37 minutes ago by Lou (106 rep) | edited 13 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

@Astralbee I'd like to warn the OP to be careful here. Adding such information might deflect from the question of how to address Claire, and might put the OP at the receiving end of some fierce comments. I believe the question is good enough as is... It's better to work with facts than feelings IMO. — Tinkeringbell 9 secs ago

#9461 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 40 minutes ago by Lou (106 rep) | edited 17 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

@Tinkeringbell Okay good point, but the final word from the OP is "I'm really sick and tired of her disgusting behaviour" and I'm getting from the 'facts' of the post that the girl smokes dope and sleeps with two guys. — Astralbee 1 min ago

#9461 Astralbee (3594 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 43 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

I am also polyamorous, so I have no objection to that. As for drugs, I don't care about other people doing them, but I do hate Claire and Sarah smoking weed in Claire's room, as any visitors I have notice the weed smell straight away. However, Claire's been living here for two years before me, so I really don't have many options there either (which is why I'm listing it as a side note to the main issue.) — Lou 1 min ago

#9461 Lou (111 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 43 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

Okay also a good point @Astralbee. So does 'behaviour' here encompass everything Lou? Would you mind editing that so it refers to the cigarette problem alone? — Tinkeringbell 58 secs ago

#9461 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 44 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 21 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

@Tinkeringbell, just in case it wasn't clear, my strong feelings are specifically towards Sarah leaving fag-ends on crockery. I can just about tolerate Claire's smoking in her room, as it's not a situation I really have any right to do anything about, but Sarah's behaviour I feel like I have more say in. — Lou 9 secs ago

#9461 Lou (111 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 45 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 22 minutes ago by Arwen Undómiel (1006 rep)

I've edited the last line to make it more clear that the focus of the question is on Sarah, however I've kept in the bit about Claire, as the context is highly relevant here (she's not only her best friend, but also smokes.) — Lou 49 secs ago

#9461 Lou (111 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 48 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep)

Good edit :) That helps I think, what do you think @Astralbee? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago

#9461 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 48 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep)

@Lou, I now realize my earlier comment state 'address Claire'... I really meant to say Sarah there :) The edit is perfect ;) and the info that's there about Claire right now is indeed valuable context :) — Tinkeringbell 59 secs ago

#9461 Tinkeringbell (11755 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 51 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep) | edited 5 minutes ago by Lou (111 rep)

@Evargalo We’re all college age- 20-22. — Imperator 28 secs ago

#9393 Imperator (221 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 24) | posted 42 hours ago by Imperator (221 rep) | edited 27 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

@ArwenUndómiel For example, since I know nothing about math, I wouldn't be able to say whether or not two questions on math.stackexchange are duplicates, whether an answer actually answers a question, and whether comments are still asking for clarification and suggest improvements or are debating things that are tangential to the original post. Just go over to math.SE and see if you could. — henning 52 secs ago

#9459 henning (3542 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (137 rep) | edited 39 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (137 rep)

What is the approximate age of the protagonists ? — Evargalo 1 min ago

#9393 Evargalo (101 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 24) | posted 42 hours ago by Imperator (221 rep) | edited 27 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

That relationships are generally beneficial. — Strawberry 39 secs ago

#9393 Strawberry (101 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 24) | posted 42 hours ago by Imperator (221 rep) | edited 27 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

Betty should run for the hills. — Strawberry just now

#8051 Strawberry (101 rep) | Q: Girlfriend's sister's boyfriend talking excessively to my girlfriend (score: 6) | posted 40 days ago by SomeoneElse (546 rep) | edited 40 days ago by Catija (8749 rep)

I fail to see how giving an answer so specific to moderating SE will help Arwen in moderating other online communities as well... — Tinkeringbell 17 secs ago

#9459 Tinkeringbell (11754 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (135 rep) | edited 45 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (135 rep)

While all this is basically true, the question is not about interacting with adults in authority, in fact the OP seems to have already been entrusted with some formal authority inside the community. — Jirka Hanika 6 secs ago

#9460 Jirka Hanika (101 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (3604 rep)

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12:51 PM

@Tinkeringbell definitely agree with you we need to encourage more meta discussion when things like that happen! I try to comment when I see unexplained close votes for instance. For answers on bad questions, comment and open a meta discussion? I think leading by example will encourage more people to participate, we don't have a lot in the closed-questions tag yet.. — Em C 1 min ago

#2405 Em C (4883 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 14 hours ago by Em C (4883 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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@Strawberry Ah. Yes they are generally beneficial, but they’re also time consuming. There’s a saying at my college that dating is like another 3 credit hour course- rewarding, but difficult and time consuming. — Imperator 1 min ago

#9393 Imperator (226 rep) | Q: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 25) | posted 42 hours ago by Imperator (226 rep) | edited 27 hours ago by henning (3542 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

This answer confuses "years you have done something" with "things you have learned in your years of doing something". There are absolutely people with 10 years of experience who learned nothing in that time. — Erik 44 secs ago

#9460 Erik (5684 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (3602 rep)

@henning, a moderator on SE is supposed to be a human exception handling. Every action you're mentioning in your comment should be done by the community, not by a moderator. And since moderators are picked from community members anyone (either pro-tempore or through elections), they automatically are expected to have shown to some degree an understanding of the community they're active in. — Tinkeringbell 58 secs ago

#9459 Tinkeringbell (11754 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: -3) | posted 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (133 rep) | edited 59 minutes ago by D.Hutchinson (133 rep)

I did not say that therapy is not effective. I said that the person asking a question does not have tools or knowledge or influence to help. — Nat 1 min ago

#8983 Nat (103 rep) | A: How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it? (score: 3) | posted 12 days ago by Nat (103 rep)

It's a tricky one, because I have at most 6 months left in here - this is my final house before I graduate myself, and I don't necessarily intend to stay in the house. I'm also very confrontation-avoidant, so in some ways it would be easier to just maintain house harmony and continue to protest weakly. However, it's really not something I can accept as a living condition, and I'd prefer to just not have it be an issue I have to think about, as well as the constant weed smell, for the next six months. — Lou 42 secs ago

#9463 Lou (116 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 28 minutes ago by Astralbee (3612 rep)

IPS Meta Comments

1:06 PM

It's also interesting to read this meta again - a high-rep user answering a bad and quickly closed question, except that time the answer was relatively well-received (though the q was deleted for not Being Nice). Even so, it seems like the meta helped the user understand why the question was closed and the signs they missed that others saw. — Em C 56 secs ago

#2405 Em C (4883 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 3) | posted 14 hours ago by Em C (4883 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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And yes, you're correct that going to the landlord is not an option - although the landlord is pretty much aware that Claire smokes in her room, and the weed would be hard to miss, even if that weren't the case, there's no way I'd jeopardise five relationships by threatening serious consequences for her actions. — Lou 1 min ago

#9463 Lou (116 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 33 minutes ago by Astralbee (3612 rep)

In many ways @Lou you have answered your own question. You are only there 6 months. The balance of the question I posed to you is tipped by the little time remaining. — Astralbee 1 min ago

#9463 Astralbee (3612 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 40 minutes ago by Astralbee (3612 rep)

@Erik - I don't feel confused at all. I agree with you that some people have spent 10 years bluffing their way through a role and have no tangible knowledge. Employ someone like that and you will soon discover the truth. But an employer would be taking a blind chance on someone with no experience. You would need to negotiate an opportunity to demonstrate your skill, not argue that you have the experience. — Astralbee 1 min ago

#9460 Astralbee (3612 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (3612 rep)

I like this answer as it suggests the OP used his own bowls and plates. Perhaps he could make some room in one of the cabinets to put all that stuff and let everyone know. — Tycho's Nose 16 secs ago

#9466 Tycho's Nose (5136 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 14 minutes ago by Spagirl (2310 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by Spagirl (2310 rep)

True, but I've been in a housemate-conflict situation for a comparable length of time, and I don't intend to repeat that situation. So I'm gearing towards a path that involves confrontation, at the minimum risk of impacting house relationships, if such a path exists. — Lou 26 secs ago

#9463 Lou (121 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 46 minutes ago by Astralbee (3612 rep)

Not to detract from your valid question but what about ash bothers you? — Paparazzi 58 secs ago

#9461 Paparazzi (656 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Lou (126 rep) | edited 19 minutes ago by Jenkar (11 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

1:44 PM

@Lou I think you have to consider your chances of success. Think of it as a numbers game. One person cares deeply about it, one person who could change things clearly sees no reason to and three don't care enough to get her to stop for their sakes and hence probably aren't that vested in your preferences. Those aren't good odds for achieving confrontation that doesn't impact house relationships. — Spagirl 1 min ago

#9463 Spagirl (2360 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Astralbee (3622 rep)

Are you asking us how to stop this relationship? Or how to tell your partner you'd like to stop this relationship? — Crazy Cucumber 1 min ago

#9467 Crazy Cucumber (3131 rep) | Q: Stopping a relation with a friend I like a lot because It's too overwhelming/new for me (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by user11781 (1 rep)

IPS Meta Comments

Leaving broad, unclear, or off topic questions intentionally open only leaves time for them to be answered poorly. This is not how the SE model works. Once answered, the OP has absolutely zero incentive to actually fix the question. You don't seem to accept that model, that doesn't mean it's wrong. Our first priority is quality, not being the site for all of the world's problems. We can not relax quality standards because they're "mean". If we do, this site is destined to fail. — Catija ♦ 50 secs ago

#2406 Catija (8749 rep) | A: How to get a better sense of community going? (score: 1) | posted 6 hours ago by Snow (7340 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

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@KthProg And yet the OP had a talk with his coworker, it went well, and she agreed (apparently without argument) to stop leaving notes and messing with the monitor. The dire predictions of fanatical intractability and push back made by this answer have proven to be unfounded. — Beofett 28 secs ago

#9264 Beofett (4001 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 122) | posted 5 days ago by Randolph Carter (809 rep)

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This suffers from the same concerns I have with apaul's suggestion - it makes something that's already too long, longer. We have a meta discussion about hypothetical questions. I don't think we need to explain the reasons, just link to the discussion. — Catija ♦ 30 secs ago

#2408 Catija (8749 rep) | A: For your consideration: "On Topic" help page contents (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by Magisch (5384 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

2:01 PM

I would like to stop the relationship. There are too many things I don't know to be a good friend. I don't want this to be awkward for him. — user11781 23 secs ago

#9467 user11781 (1 rep) | Q: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by user11781 (1 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by King Graham (1076 rep)

@Bilkokuya Just because the OP wants a solution that doesn't involve escalation, doesn't mean it isn't the best solution. Note that the OP did follow advice in another answer, and resolved the situation peacefully without escalation. The assumptions that escalation was the best solution seems to be unfounded. Other people who come here in the future should see that despite the many people who insist escalation is necessary, it is, in fact, not necessary. — Beofett 32 secs ago

#9303 Beofett (4000 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 24) | posted 5 days ago by Pieter B (524 rep) | edited 5 days ago by Pieter B (524 rep)

Whether you are right or not is very opinion based. Also, this reads a lot like you are struggling with yourself/want to improve yourself (intrapersonal) instead of the skills you use to interact with other people (which is interpersonal skills). — Tinkeringbell 38 secs ago

#9468 Tinkeringbell (11765 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (101 rep)

From my experience, you don't. Some people just have a need to feel superior and if they can't satisfy it by using objective criteria concerning their abilities ... well ... they find something else — DonQuiKong 1 min ago

#9455 DonQuiKong (201 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep)

sorry but i didn't find any Stack channel to do this question :/ — Vitor Villar 43 secs ago

#9468 Vitor Villar (101 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (101 rep)

@Tycho'sNose I've added a little to the answer to clarify that that was one of the options I meant to suggest. Cheers — Spagirl 1 min ago

#9466 Spagirl (2380 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Spagirl (2380 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by Spagirl (2380 rep)

Are they objecting to something specific, or is this general doubt? (e.g. "how can I trust you to deal with Issue-I-Consider-Very-Adult appropriately?" vs "but.. you're so young...?!") — Em C 1 min ago

#9455 Em C (4883 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep)

This is a really broad question; can you narrow it down to a specific action you'd like to take? I read a request for guidance and some job frustration in this question. Unfortunately, IPS is focused in a different way than these issues. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#9468 baldPrussian (4801 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (101 rep)

Maybe the Worklace StackExchange is better suited for this question? (I don't know their rules, so I'm not sure.) — Cashbee just now

#9468 Cashbee (1666 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: 0) | posted 16 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (101 rep)

Since you are talking about any person/s you meet online who have not known you long enough to already be aware of your age then I don't think there is a solution — Jesse 30 secs ago

#9455 Jesse (2234 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep)

You might be able to post a version of this on Personal Productivity, they seem to accept "how do I improve myself"-type questions if your goal is related to, say, better focusing on hobbies or things like that. — Em C 34 secs ago

#9468 Em C (4883 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (101 rep)

@EmC - more general doubt. — Arwen Undómiel 18 secs ago

#9455 Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep)

_but I would suggest toning down the suggestions in your first paragraph to try to avoid being "too caring" or ending up in the "friend zone." It's not like she's going to think, "oh, I trust the OP enough to be a close friend, and I would date him, except he just cares too much." _ — Newbie programmer 23 secs ago

#9279 Newbie programmer (41 rep) | A: Best way to tell a new friend I'd like to date her (score: 4) | posted 5 days ago by Newbie programmer (41 rep) | edited 5 days ago by Newbie programmer (41 rep)

Is your friend aware of your lack of experience? Did it ever come up in a conversation you two had? — Cashbee 15 secs ago

#9467 Cashbee (1666 rep) | Q: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 0) | posted 34 minutes ago by user11781 (1 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by King Graham (1086 rep)

#9455 Tinkeringbell (11775 rep) | Q: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 9) | posted 4 hours ago by Arwen Undómiel (1032 rep)

Are you sure your lack of experience is your main reason why you want to stop the relationship, and that there is nothing else that makes you want to stop it? — Cashbee 30 secs ago

#9467 Cashbee (1666 rep) | Q: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 0) | posted 37 minutes ago by user11781 (1 rep) | edited 30 minutes ago by King Graham (1086 rep)

I'll admit that surprises me based on the person's behavior. I suspect some of the original description is an exaggeration then. — KthProg 34 secs ago

#9264 KthProg (101 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 122) | posted 5 days ago by Randolph Carter (809 rep)

Thanks, I think I find myself guilty of that. — user11781 18 secs ago

#9472 user11781 (6 rep) | A: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 1) | posted 29 minutes ago by King Graham (1086 rep)

Hi Jan! Answers here need to support themselves with explanations for why they will work. Saying "worth a try" doesn't give us any confidence that you know what you're saying will work. Have you used this solution in a similar situation? Tell us about it. If it's just a guess, it's probably not a good fit here. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#9471 Catija (8749 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 0) | posted 29 minutes ago by Jan Ivan (101 rep)

You should look up the word recognizance — Paparazzi 32 secs ago

#9468 Paparazzi (656 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: -1) | posted 38 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (99 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\Wshould", "you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

@VitorVillar I agree with EmC here. I think that, with some editing (take a look at their guidelines first, and see if there's no duplicate around) this might be a better fit for Personal Productivity. As far as I know, that's the only site around here that focuses on self-improvement, be it only in relation to productivity issues... — Tinkeringbell 50 secs ago

#9468 Tinkeringbell (11775 rep) | Q: I'm bonded to my job, How to detach it? (score: -1) | posted 38 minutes ago by Vitor Villar (99 rep)

@user11781 I honestly wouldn't worry about messing up a friendship too much, the end result is the same as what you're planning to do here over fears of that - you lose a friend. Better to have loved and lost etc. — King Graham 1 min ago

#9472 King Graham (1086 rep) | A: Stopping a relationship with a good friend because It's too overwhelming and new for me (score: 1) | posted 33 minutes ago by King Graham (1086 rep)

IMO this is a well thought interpersonal solution. — michi 1 min ago

#9470 michi (2098 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 36 minutes ago by Jesse (2254 rep) | edited 31 minutes ago by Jesse (2254 rep)

Do you mean discreet instead of discrete? I can see that both words may fit here, though I'm guessing you mean discreet. — Hosea 1 min ago

#9456 Hosea (101 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 10) | posted 4 hours ago by Magisch (5435 rep)

This is likely to be counter-productive. Most people don't care about facts unless they confirm their existing beliefs, and if they're already ageist are more likely to just think "the snotty brat is showing off" or "look how insecure they are having to brag". Much better just to stay calm, shut down the discussion, and refuse to engage as per Magisch's answer. — Tim B 1 min ago

#9457 Tim B (421 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 4 hours ago by Markino (2637 rep)

I don't think this answers the question as asked. The OP already has been granted the authority, however other people are challenging it based on nothing more than age. That's a different scenario. — Tim B 30 secs ago

#9460 Tim B (421 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by Astralbee (3632 rep)

This is not a good answer. The issue is the ash, not the illegality of weed. Do not cross-use these in arguments, that's leading nowhere. — yo' 35 secs ago

#9463 yo' (339 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 2) | posted 2 hours ago by Astralbee (3632 rep)

This isn't an interpersonal solution, so I can't post it as an answer, but in that specific scenario, have you tried stopping the ants from getting into your house in the first place? Having ants crawling everywhere doesn't sound sanitary, and it would spare your mother from having to kill them. — F1Krazy 5 secs ago

#9473 F1Krazy (103 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["an?\\W?answer\\W?\\Wbut"]

You want thousands of ants in your kitchen? — Paparazzi 25 secs ago

#9473 Paparazzi (656 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

@Lou Could you describe who does the dishes / whether you have a dishwasher and what the cleaning arrangements are in your house? Are there traces of ash still on the plates after cleaning or are they mainly "mentally tainted"? — AllTheKingsHorses 56 secs ago

#9461 AllTheKingsHorses (2005 rep) | Q: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 12) | posted 3 hours ago by Lou (161 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Jenkar (11 rep)

@Catija well, i don't have high self confidence when talking to "unknown ppl" — Jan Ivan 10 secs ago

#9471 Jan Ivan (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 0) | posted 52 minutes ago by Jan Ivan (101 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by Jan Ivan (101 rep)

@F1Krazy I dont know where they live, but as soon as something sweet is out, they come. There are ants in every house in my country. But this is the right site for this question, right? — Ram Keswani 35 secs ago

#9473 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

@Paparazzi no but that is what I am asking, how to stop then coming and if they come what else can we do other than killing them? — Ram Keswani 1 min ago

#9473 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

What else than killing them can we do if they come in the kitchen? — Ram Keswani just now

#9474 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 2 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7102 rep)

@ramkeswani - at that point it's too late. They will keep coming back relentlessly unless they realize that going there is a bad idea (aka you spray bug spray and they realize there's a "dangerous area" that they can't cross anymore). — AndreiROM 7 secs ago

#9474 AndreiROM (7102 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7102 rep) | edited 54 seconds ago by AndreiROM (7102 rep)

@Danikov This is not at all what I suggested. For clarification, I did not suggest to not engage Anne and just report her, dont know where you got that from. My point was to not debate which is not the same as don't talk or straight up report. Incidentially, my core suggestion is basically the same as the chosen answer: — Randolph Carter 33 secs ago

#9264 Randolph Carter (809 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 122) | posted 5 days ago by Randolph Carter (809 rep)

Not clear from your question that you want to stop the ants from coming in and that is not an interpersonal question. — Paparazzi 42 secs ago

#9473 Paparazzi (656 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

@Catija well, i don't have high self confidence when talking to "unknown ppl" but "broken record technique" works like a charm when there is something you don't want to. — Jan Ivan 9 secs ago

#9471 Jan Ivan (101 rep) | A: Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend (score: 0) | posted 59 minutes ago by Jan Ivan (101 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by Jan Ivan (101 rep)

@Paparazzi sorry I forgot. — Ram Keswani 32 secs ago

#9473 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 14 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

"How do I tell people that it is wrong?" Everyone who kills insects or just your mother? Every kind of insect, including fleas, lice and mosquitoes? "What else can we do to prevent insects dying?" This is beyond the scope of IPS.SE. — Anne Daunted 24 secs ago

#9473 Anne Daunted (7989 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 15 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

they come everytime. I wasnt aware about animal rights and all and this has been happening for a decade. They come from small holes, and take the food away. — Ram Keswani 54 secs ago

#9474 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7102 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7102 rep)

@AnneDaunted sorry, edited. — Ram Keswani 27 secs ago

#9473 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep) | edited 41 seconds ago by Ram Keswani (101 rep)

Sir but killing thousands of insects for 1-2 humans doesnt seem realistic either. We remember about The Black Death, but what about millions of hens, cows, buffaloes, turkeys killed each day? What about animals on the edge of extinction? It is us who caused it all. Sir I respect your opinion, but to me, my life and an ant's life is equal. — Ram Keswani 59 secs ago

#9474 Ram Keswani (101 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 1) | posted 10 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep)

@ramkeswani - yea, that's what ants do. Spray bug spray along where you think they enter the house (on the outside). Seal up any cracks that you're aware of. Put food away in the fridge/pantry or in boxes. Sweep regularly such that there are no crumbs left on the ground, etc. Again, Google is your friend. — AndreiROM 1 min ago

#9474 AndreiROM (7112 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 1) | posted 10 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep)

@Jesse - that assumption was based on the behavior of getting not so subtle "in the know" comments. That's gossipy stuff. You are right, though, that might not be a good fit. Another reason to possibly not go there. — PoloHoleSet 22 secs ago

#9437 PoloHoleSet (809 rep) | A: How can I deal with my cousin spreading the false perception that my current girlfriend is his ex-girlfriend? (score: 0) | posted 15 hours ago by PoloHoleSet (809 rep)

@ramkeswani - then you are deluded. You are a sapient being that took years of nursing, care, and education to raise. Ants are insects with little to no intelligence, and which breed by the billions. I'm aware that religion might enter the picture here, but I think that's something you need to explore on your own. The fact is that there are health concerns at play here, and that you need to come to terms with that. — AndreiROM 31 secs ago

#9474 AndreiROM (7112 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 1) | posted 13 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7112 rep)

@Beofett apparently without argument is your guesswork. We don't know if she tried to argue or if she was "defused" by the approach both AndreiROM and I suggested: State your position, don't discuss it. In fact, the OP mentions She still absolutely wants me to turn off my monitor and will keep reminding me about it, but now verbally which hints at the main topic actually being discussed and her stance has not changed in the slightest. A reasonable person would just drop the matter regarding OP to avoid conflict considering the minimal impact the monitor standby actually has. — Randolph Carter 22 secs ago

#9264 Randolph Carter (809 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 122) | posted 5 days ago by Randolph Carter (809 rep)

I updated to try to make your question sound a bit more "IPS" friendly. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#9473 Jess K. (7120 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: -1) | posted 33 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (99 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Jess K. (7120 rep)

Have you tried telling her yet about your beliefs? If so, how does she respond? — Em C 39 secs ago

#9473 Em C (4883 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 38 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (104 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by Jess K. (7130 rep)

Although I agree with your points, this debates the premise of the question rather than answering it. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#9474 baldPrussian (4801 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 28 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7120 rep) | edited 21 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7120 rep)

@baldprussian - pointing out that the premise is flawed is a valid answer. — AndreiROM 1 min ago

#9474 AndreiROM (7120 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 31 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7120 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by AndreiROM (7120 rep)

While you do a good job of describing the behavior of ants, it's unclear how inviting an ant colony into the OP's mother's kitchen will make her not want to kill them. When you mention that the OP should keep them as pets, where should those pets reside? In the walls, or kitchen cabinets? What about the fact that the OP is most likely living with his mother? Her wishes should be accounted for here. — AndreiROM just now

#9477 AndreiROM (7120 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (194 rep)

@AndreiROM ants as pets are usually kept in a glass terrarium. This is even somewhat common. — Erik 10 secs ago

#9477 Erik (5683 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (194 rep)

Your "shut down the discussion" does not relaly comply with the question author's last request "How do I get them to trust my abilities despite my age?". He's asking a way for the interlocutor to go beyond his age and you suggest to cut the interlocutor out. If the question author states his own facts, he's attempting to give one more DOCUMENTED chance to the interlocutor. Whether the interlocutor takes it or blindly turns it down is all up to his/her maturity. — Markino 1 min ago

#9457 Markino (2637 rep) | A: How do I effectively get people to look past my age when considering my abilities, if they know how old I am? (score: 1) | posted 5 hours ago by Markino (2637 rep)

When you say "my kitchen", do you actually mean that it's your house, or is it your mother's house that you live in? Please clarify. — AndreiROM 1 min ago

#9473 AndreiROM (7118 rep) | Q: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 46 minutes ago by Ram Keswani (104 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by Jess K. (7130 rep)

not in all cultures. Maybe you should clarify that you're not advising the OP to stream honey or sugar water all over the counter tops for his new "pets". — AndreiROM 13 secs ago

#9477 AndreiROM (7118 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (194 rep)

@AndreiROM It's understandable how you might feel about ants. However, keep in mind that in many households all around the world, ants will come over whether you like it or not, and trapping them inside a controlled setup will ensure your household is purged of most of ant disturbance, since there's a richer source of food elsewhere, and the queen is located inside the setup instead of somewhere in your house. Also, you don't need to "stream honey or sugar water all over the counter tops", as you only need a tiny drop of honey to attract several of them. — DudeAtStudioApartment 1 min ago

#9477 DudeAtStudioApartment (191 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: -1) | posted 18 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (191 rep)

I like this much more than the accepted answers. Anne is certainly overdoing it, but I think an understanding approach is better in this case. If it doesn't work you can always take a firmer stance. To the library of arguments to try before getting stern I would add "Listen Anne, I think your goal is is valid, but keep in mind that taking actions that antagonize the people you want to change is likely to be counterproductive." — Spacemoose 53 secs ago

#9274 Spacemoose (101 rep) | A: How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off? (score: 43) | posted 5 days ago by Jess K. (7150 rep) | edited 29 hours ago by NVZ (8339 rep)

@AnneDaunted Usually I say "Hello?", they say "Hi, is this X?", and upon my confirmation they begin their speech. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#9478 Jess K. (7150 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by Jess K. (7150 rep)

Who is the first one to speak - the recruiter or you? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#9478 Anne Daunted (7994 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by Jess K. (7150 rep)

@AndreiROM Also, as mentioned before, I feel, as an insect lover, that the proper interpersonal solution is to educate humans about how ants behave, communicate and live. OP's mother is only killing the worker ants, while the queen will pump out more newly born ants than the mother can kill, and you don't even know where the queen is located, so the source of the problem, as seen by OP's mother, is not known, as she will just hope that killing the worker ants with spray will eventually get rid of them. — DudeAtStudioApartment 2 mins ago

#9477 DudeAtStudioApartment (191 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: -1) | posted 23 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (191 rep)

@AnneDaunted Yes, and usually this also starts the spiel of "This is Jane Doe calling from Generic Bob Technologies and I'm calling because..." — Jess K. 5 secs ago

#9478 Jess K. (7155 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Jess K. (7155 rep)

Did you try: You - "Hello?" Rec - "Hi, is this Jess K.?" You - "To whom am I speaking?"? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#9478 Anne Daunted (7994 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Jess K. (7155 rep)

You should then clarify that you're advising the OP to place a "trap" along their routs such that instead of entering the kitchen, the ants will be safely contained. At that point he could either remove the trap from the house, or start a colony of his own, to keep as pets. All that is not at all clear from your answer. — AndreiROM 1 min ago

#9477 AndreiROM (7133 rep) | A: How to ask people not to kill insects (score: -1) | posted 26 minutes ago by DudeAtStudioApartment (191 rep)

It's definitely a valid suggestion, and I like the idea. I only err on the side of buying my own crocks for the reasons of practicality - it'd cost a bit to get a full set of plates, bowls, cutlery and glasses - that I then wouldn't really need wherever I'm going next. I also like your point of choosing your battles. I think I'll just continue down the path of least resistance while still making her aware I'm not okay with the behaviour. — Lou 6 secs ago

#9466 Lou (171 rep) | A: How to stop an unofficial housemate from leaving cigarette ends in our plates and cups? (score: 12) | posted 2 hours ago by Spagirl (2440 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Spagirl (2440 rep)

@AnneDaunted In my experience, that's the same thing as confirming that they're speaking to you, and they just go into their spiel regardless. — Mage Xy 54 secs ago

#9478 Mage Xy (161 rep) | Q: How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by Jess K. (7155 rep)

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