The Closet - 2018-01-14

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12:01 AM

LOL... I was searching SE websites for something related to good manners, politeness, social norms... This one the closest one. — Michal Stefanow 10 secs ago

#9120 Michal Stefanow (rep: 95) | Q: Is it OK to be honest with guys viewing an apartment to rent? (score: -3) | posted 12 hours ago by Michal Stefanow (95 rep)

@Catija I didn't want to be the reason this question would remain open in its current state. I think it invites opinions from too many angles as it stands. Thus, I wasn't directly answering but more offering my opinion on the topic in general before it (probably) gets closed. — Dom 1 min ago

#9139 Dom (rep: 101) | Q: Does the expression "Person of color" actually come across as more respectful than, for example, "Black person"? (score: -1) | posted 59 minutes ago by SantiBailors (99 rep) | edited 25 minutes ago by [Mussé Redi](interpersonal.stackexchange.com/users/5437/muss%c3%

@Tinkeringbell It's not a description of someone's skin color, it's the expression used to refer to the ethnicity of a person. I am not currently in a specific situation that requires me to pick one, I am just expecting to have to do with people from US and Canada on a regular basis in the near future and I would like to use a language that doesn't get perceived as I intended it. — SantiBailors 30 secs ago

#9139 SantiBailors (rep: 99) | Q: Does the expression "Person of color" actually come across as more respectful than, for example, "Black person"? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by SantiBailors (99 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by [Mussé Redi](interpersonal.stackexchange.com/user

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9139/…

#9139 SantiBailors (rep: 97) | Q: Does the expression "Person of color" actually come across as more respectful than, for example, "Black person"? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by SantiBailors (97 rep) | edited 33 minutes ago by [Mussé Redi](interpersonal.stackexchange.com/user

@Tinkeringbell It's not a description of someone's skin color, it's the expression used to refer to the ethnicity of a person. I am not currently in a specific situation that requires me to pick one, I am just expecting to have to do with people from US and Canada on a regular basis in the near future and I would like to avoid using a language that doesn't get perceived as I had intended it. — SantiBailors 46 secs ago

#9139 SantiBailors (rep: 97) | Q: Does the expression "Person of color" actually come across as more respectful than, for example, "Black person"? (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by SantiBailors (97 rep) | edited 34 minutes ago by [Mussé Redi](interpersonal.stackexchange.com/user

12:28 AM

That's exactly what I'm saying, Mr.J — Beanluc 1 min ago

#9070 Beanluc (rep: 229) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 1) | posted 41 hours ago by Mr.J (111 rep)

@NaCl I don't have much formal education. I am REALLY fascinated (in a good way) about this question. Can anyone shed some light on what CS students actually do / study? — aim100k 1 min ago

#9042 aim100k (rep: 101) | Q: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 74) | posted 52 hours ago by NaCl (408 rep)

I wouldn't say you would smile for $50. It invites a query as to what you would do for more. — ab2 1 min ago

#9104 ab2 (rep: 3383) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 27) | posted 26 hours ago by doctordonna (331 rep)

1:21 AM

Can you please find a way to replace or remove the image? If it adds value, fine but a watermarked unlicensed stock photo isn't really going to fly. — Catija ♦ 11 secs ago

#9141 Catija (rep: 8581) | A: How can I ask someone to not interfere with the food I'm cooking? (score: 0) | posted 37 minutes ago by LinuxBlanket (1420 rep)

My mum did not teach me to cook. I don't care what she does while I cook. Symbolic? It is a simple as breakfast needs to be cooked and she asked me to cook. As for smoker it starts hours before guests arrive. I am not asking how to entertain. I don't have tasks for everyone. This is a cooking question. How can I politely but firmly tell people to leave my cooking alone? — Paparazzi 13 secs ago

#9141 Paparazzi (rep: 529) | A: How can I ask someone to not interfere with the food I'm cooking? (score: 0) | posted 46 minutes ago by LinuxBlanket (1420 rep)

@Paparazzi If all of the answers are missing the mark so far, it sounds like, perhaps your question isn't sufficiently clear. Consider editing it to add the sorts of details that will prevent these sorts of misunderstandings. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

#9141 Catija (rep: 8581) | A: How can I ask someone to not interfere with the food I'm cooking? (score: 0) | posted 55 minutes ago by LinuxBlanket (1420 rep)

@Catija I feel the stated question is clear. "How can I politely but firmly tell people to leave my cooking alone?" Give them other tasks is not an answer. Can the question just be deleted? — Paparazzi 1 min ago

#9141 Paparazzi (rep: 529) | A: How can I ask someone to not interfere with the food I'm cooking? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by LinuxBlanket (1420 rep)

1:59 AM

"They always take offense when others respond negatively.": Kinda doubt that that's how most feel. — Nat 1 min ago

#9104 Nat (rep: 178) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 27) | posted 27 hours ago by doctordonna (331 rep)

2:26 AM

@LinuxBlanket: the question says "asked to smile". As to throwing in a fictitious coercion narrative and conjecturing about people's size or strength, that is your total speculation and has no basis in the OP's question. OP never suggested they felt coerced. Aggravated, obviously. (If you want to make up a coercion narrative and speculate on it, how did the guy know she wasn't carrying a weapon?) As to "Smile for me", it's familiar, "Give us a smile" or "Move your car for me". Not coercive or threatening. I'd interpret it like any other annoying or unwelcome remark, of which I've gotten many. — smci 17 secs ago

#9104 smci (rep: 107) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 27) | posted 27 hours ago by doctordonna (331 rep)

To be fair, is anyone good at using printers? — Azor-Ahai 1 min ago

#9045 Azor-Ahai (rep: 229) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 26) | posted 53 hours ago by Clay07g (461 rep) | edited 50 hours ago by Kat (1555 rep)

... I'd interpret it like any other annoying, unwelcome or unduly familiar remark, of which I've gotten many. Possible responses include "Don't make personal remarks", "I object to that", "Get lost", "F*** off", ignoring, eyeball-rolling and many others. — smci 1 min ago

#9104 smci (rep: 107) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 27) | posted 27 hours ago by doctordonna (331 rep)

2 hours later…

4:48 AM

That's good, but it could be better. For starters, there is nothing to apologize for, so don't. You have no obligation to explain. An explanation invites debate. Say, "I am flattered that you asked. I thought about it carefully, and I decided that I prefer to not to." If pressed, just say, "I understand what you are saying, but I prefer not to." Repeat as necessary. — Jive Dadson 1 min ago

#8996 Jive Dadson (rep: 101) | A: How to gently turn down a female coworker who asked for a sperm donation? (score: 70) | posted 3 days ago by baldPrussian (4251 rep)

1 hour later…

5:54 AM

This is a good answer. A similar situation happened in my family which resulted in the family being split in half then split again. Now we just don't have anything to do with each other all over what was not a great amount of wealth. I now say to my father when it comes up: "Your money, your life, enjoy it while you can". His parent's and GP wills destroyed the family. It's not worth it. — Underverse 23 secs ago

#5910 Underverse (rep: 101) | A: Parent asked grandparents to take the grandkids out of the will (score: 2) | posted 79 days ago by PoloHoleSet (759 rep)

What an excellent reply - thankyou! Helpful. — Jelila 16 secs ago

#9058 Jelila (rep: 101) | A: How do I deal with a client who doesn't respect me? (score: 49) | posted 53 hours ago by michi (1222 rep) | edited 41 hours ago by michi (1222 rep)

6:14 AM

just because he pays does not mean he is profitable. Are you actually making what you should hourly for this person with all the wasted time? — Jarrod Roberson 1 min ago

#9040 Jarrod Roberson (rep: 101) | Q: How do I deal with a client who doesn't respect me? (score: 32) | posted 58 hours ago by Stacey (2949 rep)

2 hours later…

8:05 AM

"I only smile when I witness something stupid". Works best if followed with a smile. — Erik 1 min ago

#9106 Erik (rep: 5635) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 13) | posted 32 hours ago by kingW3 (281 rep)

@Nij in fact, teaching kids that adults can demand others to smile may contribute to this very behavior when grow up. — Erik 18 secs ago

#9111 Erik (rep: 5635) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 5) | posted 30 hours ago by ab2 (3383 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by ab2 (3383 rep)

A slow incredulous “Wooooow...” can also work instead of “really!” — rrauenza 1 min ago

#9111 rrauenza (rep: 101) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 5) | posted 31 hours ago by ab2 (3383 rep) | edited 13 hours ago by ab2 (3383 rep)

8:50 AM

@Paparazzi I was pointing out ways to avoid at all having people in the kitchen. As to your mother, I built the two approaches on the description you give of her - which is non-existent. But I'll edit my answer as to include more examples of what you're looking for. — LinuxBlanket 1 min ago

#9141 LinuxBlanket (rep: 1460) | A: How can I ask someone to not interfere with the food I'm cooking? (score: 2) | posted 8 hours ago by LinuxBlanket (1460 rep)

2 hours later…

10:45 AM

!!/logsize

api_json.log: 0.0MB
api_raw.log: 0.0MB
msg.log: 0.0MB
websocket_raw.log: 0.0MB
websockets_json.log: 0.0MB

11:09 AM

@smci the quote in the question includes the "for me" though. — Patta 16 secs ago

#9104 Patta (rep: 101) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 30) | posted 36 hours ago by doctordonna (361 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

11:30 AM

@Patta: and as I've said, we don't know the speaker intent, the version with "for me" doesn't somehow transform it into coercive or abusive. Unduly familiar, a possible attempt at complimenting or flirtation, possibly condescending - we can't deduce intent. My response stands. — smci 32 secs ago

#9104 smci (rep: 109) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 30) | posted 36 hours ago by doctordonna (361 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

12:12 PM

But if he wants to drop this specific client anyway, saying "Sorry, you are not bearable enough to work with" would sound much worse and may do significant harm if leaked to any other client. — h22 18 secs ago

#9046 h22 (rep: 239) | A: How do I deal with a client who doesn't respect me? (score: 12) | posted 2 days ago by Clay07g (501 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Kat (1555 rep)

1 hour later…

1:13 PM

The problem is that I know how to effectively Google a problem and troubleshoot further if the solution is non-obvious, and they don't. By offering even this slight bit of advice, I feel like I'm taking on responsibility to fix their problem. It's a bit like a car mechanic friend telling me "look into the exhaust system" -- I'm no closer to fixing it, but get an impression that it would be fairly straightforward for him to do so. — dbkk 1 min ago

#9043 dbkk (rep: 101) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 90) | posted 2 days ago by Jess K. (5487 rep) | edited 47 hours ago by Jess K. (5487 rep)

2:04 PM

Thanks for taking your time out for writing this answer, but it's really hard to find the exact answer. Please keep your answer according to the scenario mentioned by the original poster. Thank you. — A J 1 min ago

#9147 A J (rep: 4860) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 42 minutes ago by Hertz (1 rep) | edited 36 minutes ago by Hertz (1 rep)

Your question is pretty broad. What kind of support do you have in mind that's also about Interpersonal skills? Do you want to keep her spirits up, encourage her, persuade her to accept your help, for example? — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#9148 Anne Daunted (rep: 7880) | Q: How do I support my partner's return to her career after a five-year child raising hiatus? (score: 0) | posted 10 minutes ago by Hertz (1 rep)

"I can afford to fire him but the extra income is nice" -- but consider your "opportunity cost": The time you're spending on this client could well be spent on a different client who is more pleasant to work with and maybe even more profitable. — Dave Tweed 1 min ago

#9040 Dave Tweed (rep: 101) | Q: How do I deal with a client who doesn't respect me? (score: 35) | posted 2 days ago by Stacey (2964 rep)

So you go 'Ah there's this site, superuser.com - they answer awesome stuff like this' ? — djsmiley2k 1 min ago

#9068 djsmiley2k (rep: 1076) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 3) | posted 56 hours ago by JeffC (228 rep)

I never knew that the dishwasher, washing machine, tumble drier, fridge and oven were all also falling under the 'tech support' role with the wife, until they go wrong ;) — djsmiley2k 1 min ago

#9100 djsmiley2k (rep: 1076) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 3) | posted 40 hours ago by T.E.D. (332 rep) | edited 40 hours ago by T.E.D. (332 rep)

Thanks for the answer. Some interesting info, and you sound like an extremely helpful call agent. I presume that (2) only applies to billed customers? Pre-payment meters still cut off when credit reaches zero (I've not had one for some years now). Also, is it really a good idea to call social services? If I saw someone struggling with children, I would only call SS in the most extreme circumstances, for obvious reasons. Perhaps it's a bit different with the elderly? — paj28 22 secs ago

#9128 paj28 (rep: 413) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

@paj28 "Pre-payment meters still cut off when credit reaches zero". Yes, but there is an emergency credit option for card prepayments at least, to be be used for example at the weekend when the prepayment top up outlets are closed. There are still coin operated meters around but they are relatively rare these days. I took a call from a customer a few weeks ago as the meter would only work with the old pound coins ... — DavidPostill 53 secs ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

"Weather-related deaths usually number around 25,000 per year - and last year there were more than 34,000 excess winter deaths recorded in the mild winter." — DavidPostill 29 secs ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

Ok, but from memory that emergency credit is only £5. So in practice the electricity supply is cut off due to an inability to pay. I did not know about coin meters. — paj28 43 secs ago

#9128 paj28 (rep: 413) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

"is it really a good idea to call social services?" If your sufficiently concerned then yes. Remember that every winter may old people in the UK die of cold. A random quote from the news "Many who die in cold weather are elderly and councils have asked people to check on old people and vulnerable neighbours. " — DavidPostill 1 min ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

@paj28 "emergency credit is only £5" that can be overridden by the provider. — DavidPostill 37 secs ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

@paj28 And "Friendly Emergency Credit is available on newer electricity meters. It is activated automatically if you run out of credit between 6pm and 9am (or 7pm and 10am during British Summer Time). The meter will not cut off until 9am the next morning, when you need to top up to replace the extra credit you used." Next morning being a Monday if it a weekend. — DavidPostill 23 secs ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

Thanks for all the information. I'm gonna hold off on accepting your answer for now, in case some supplies a more direct answer, but your knowledge of this area is much appreciated. In hindsight I should have called social services. I may have a word with the security guard as well, suggesting he does the same in future. — paj28 7 secs ago

#9128 paj28 (rep: 413) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

"Friendly Non Disconnect Service – your meter won’t cut off overnight between each period of 6pm and 9am Monday to Saturday or all day Sunday if there’s credit on it at the start of the period. These times may vary depending which area of the country you live in" — DavidPostill 14 secs ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

"you sound like an extremely helpful call agent" we get 6 weeks training and then continue to learn on the job :) — DavidPostill 1 min ago

#9128 DavidPostill (rep: 176) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by DavidPostill (176 rep)

Has anyone linked xkcd.com/627 yet? View-source suggests not, so I'm doing so now. — barrycarter 21 secs ago

#9042 barrycarter (rep: 101) | Q: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 80) | posted 2 days ago by NaCl (438 rep)

3:06 PM

fair enough. I read from your text that you missed the "for me" completely, but that's on me then. — Patta 1 min ago

#9104 Patta (rep: 101) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 30) | posted 40 hours ago by doctordonna (361 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

2 hours later…

4:42 PM

Ignoring the fact that you don't share empathy for how this effects me, it's really hypocritical to tell me not to try to change someone by writing an answer trying to change how I wish to respond to an uncomfortable situation. — Jess K. 27 secs ago

#9149 Jess K. (rep: 5521) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 4 minutes ago by dima v. (1 rep)

You are asking us how to react, of course I'm telling you how to respond — dima v. 1 min ago

#9149 dima v. (rep: 1) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -2) | posted 11 minutes ago by dima v. (1 rep)

5:44 PM

I edited the question to try to make it fit. I also understand how this subject could attract answers entirely based on opinions. I'm not sure to what extent that can be avoided in general, but I tried to avoid that as much as I could. However I also think it's as opinion based or not as the question from which I linked an answer. I am trying to find out how to pick the expression that has the least likelihood of coming across in the wrong way to a North American person and I'm concerned about using the one that seems the most common. — SantiBailors 39 secs ago

#9139 SantiBailors (rep: 100) | Q: How do I anticipate whether using the expression "of color" will be received favourably or not? (score: -2) | posted 18 hours ago by SantiBailors (100 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by SantiBailors (100

Be sure it's a problem. Treat family & friends better than random strangers. Having been the "young techie" and now being the "old parent", I can tell you you'll miss the days when you were asked for help soon enough. Also consider recommending products with outstanding support. Being able to point a nearly 90-year-old father-in-law to the genius bar for support is well worth the cost. It also provides him a social outlet when I'm not around. — bobstro 11 secs ago

#9042 bobstro (rep: 101) | Q: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 81) | posted 2 days ago by NaCl (443 rep)

This feels similar to "the game" where guys ask every girl to have sex and acts really rude, yeah sure you'll get negative responses, but at least you get your dick wet, right? This is terrible and deserves more downvotes. — AytAyt 1 min ago

#9147 AytAyt (rep: 135) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -2) | posted 4 hours ago by Hertz (1 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Hertz (1 rep)

Thanks for the big picture. I also edited my question to try to make it a better fit. If I understand correctly your answer, the most common approach is to avoid as much as possible to mention ethnicity in the first place. I can do that (although it feels hypocritical and just not right in my own logical process) as probably the only instances where I would have mentioned ethnicity are where I'd be looking for a phisical characteristic to use to indicate a person, just like "the tall woman" or "the guy with long hair". — SantiBailors 1 min ago

#9144 SantiBailors (rep: 100) | A: How do I anticipate whether using the expression "of color" will be received favourably or not? (score: 1) | posted 11 hours ago by apaul (25121 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by apaul (25121 rep)

@Astralbee this is an excellent point. The colleague can not sign away the rights of the child. — emory 35 secs ago

#9011 emory (rep: 101) | A: How to gently turn down a female coworker who asked for a sperm donation? (score: 12) | posted 3 days ago by Astralbee (2966 rep)

6:25 PM

@Paparazzi There are many people who are in upper management or executive level positions who have very poor self-awareness and self-control. Just watch the news. — drz 1 min ago

#9036 drz (rep: 131) | Q: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by drz (131 rep)

too verbose, but quite a good answer to use. — Tooniis 1 min ago

#9055 Tooniis (rep: 101) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 11) | posted 2 days ago by El Stepherino (119 rep) | edited 46 hours ago by El Stepherino (119 rep)

@drz Not what I would call evidence. Do you think people are promoted for good judgement or poor judgement? — Paparazzi 1 min ago

#9036 Paparazzi (rep: 534) | Q: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by drz (131 rep)

6:49 PM

@Paparazzi, I am in an executive-level position myself and having risen through those ranks, watching my colleagues and being involved in the career development of others, I would state that the reasons why people get promoted/not promoted are both myriad and murky. I would say that shear talent, a charming personality, dedication and personal connections are probably why my wife is in the position she is. She probably HAS held back her career more than she realizes due to her behavior, but pride and spitefulness are not always limitations to career advancement in moderation. — drz 41 secs ago

#9036 drz (rep: 131) | Q: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by drz (131 rep)

Perhaps, but what preceded my answer was an endless back-and-forth, right in the middle of my work day. As if I should be on call 24/7. For free. — El Stepherino 47 secs ago

#9055 El Stepherino (rep: 119) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 11) | posted 2 days ago by El Stepherino (119 rep) | edited 47 hours ago by El Stepherino (119 rep)

You are able to not answer the stated question like an executive. — Paparazzi 27 secs ago

#9036 Paparazzi (rep: 534) | Q: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by drz (131 rep)

I do believe it is a mixture of pride, spite and stubbornness. Her mother even told me that when she was a kid, she would often "dig herself deeper" when she was in trouble by being defiant and confrontational rather than simply excepting her given punishment. If I had to guess, I would say she is trying to spite the memory of someone who upset her in order to "not let them win," accepting the personal cost either consciously or subconsciously. Does anyone know if there is a term for someone who does this? Is there an established way to deal with it? — drz 1 min ago

#9079 drz (rep: 131) | A: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 2) | posted 56 hours ago by AllTheKingsHorses (1996 rep)

probably the best relationship advice I have ever heard is, don't say things like, "you are" or "you feel", but instead say things like, "I seems to me.." or "I feel like this when..." — drz 21 secs ago

#9044 drz (rep: 131) | A: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 1) | posted 2 days ago by sphennings (480 rep)

7:31 PM

I'm downvoting for the novel telling me I'm wrong for feeling the way I do, but I think maybe it'd be beneficial if you did even a rudimentary Google search for "why men should stop telling women to smile". Maybe it's more of a US issue, but the way and tone in which it's done varies wildly from feeling friendly to feeling like harassment. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 5 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

"why don't you smile for me" sounds like I'm owe a stranger some sort of enjoyment. I don't need new friends like that. — Jess K. just now

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 6 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

@drz It'd be interesting to know if she accepts the costs consciously, especially if they are costs not only to herself but to others as well. If she consciously puts others in danger to spite someone who likely won't notice, that'd be a red flag for me and I'd ask her about that. — AllTheKingsHorses 28 secs ago

#9079 AllTheKingsHorses (rep: 1996) | A: How should I communicate with someone who ignores sound advice from people who make her feel bad (score: 2) | posted 56 hours ago by AllTheKingsHorses (1996 rep)

Want to learn IPS skills ? Maybe start with respecting other people's needs, not just yours. For "personal bubble" maybe I should substitute "self centered". — StephenG 1 min ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3466) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 11 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

I asked for answers on how to deal with feeling disgusted by a mans request, whether it's a compliment or not No, you did not. And, frankly, that's a very, very odd way to look at what happened. Does such a harmless conversation actually disgust you ? — StephenG 23 secs ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3466) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 14 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

How in the WORLD is me smiling someone else's IPS need in the first place?????? — Jess K. 1 min ago

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 14 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

yes... Because every time a man asks me to do something for them, complying is an interpersonal skill. Seriously?? Get out of here, dude. I asked for answers on how to deal with feeling disgusted by a mans request, whether it's a compliment or not. Telling me "not to feel that way" and to "get over myself" isn't an IP skill at all. — Jess K. 1 min ago

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 14 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

IPS skills sometimes involve learning to reconsider how you think about events, not just reinforce your own existing viewpoint. — StephenG 5 secs ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3466) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 15 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

I don't think you're capable of understanding how telling a woman to smile "for you" can be harassment so I'm done having a conversation with you. — Jess K. 38 secs ago

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 15 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

Again you say "tell", like you were ordered. That's not what happened, it's your own mental twist on it. — StephenG 17 secs ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3466) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 17 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9655246 — Jess K. 28 secs ago

#9150 Jess K. (rep: 5550) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 17 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

Let us continue this discussion in chat. — StephenG 38 secs ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3466) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 18 minutes ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

A very sensible and natural approach. Either I want to helpful or I am not. — R_Berger 33 secs ago

#9045 R_Berger (rep: 101) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 31) | posted 2 days ago by Clay07g (521 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Kat (1555 rep)

+1 for Social Services. If she doesn't want your help then you have to respect that - but it's good if you get someone whose job that is to check on her. — AllTheKingsHorses just now

#9128 AllTheKingsHorses (rep: 1996) | A: How best to offer practical assistance? (score: 4) | posted 26 hours ago by DavidPostill (186 rep) | edited 5 hours ago by DavidPostill (186 rep)

@JezenThomas so where are your sources that physical abuse is MORE harmful than other types? — AytAyt 16 secs ago

#8923 AytAyt (rep: 136) | A: Is a verbal response that directly expresses anger always the wrong choice? (score: -1) | posted 5 days ago by Debra (227 rep)

1 hour later…

9:06 PM

In addition to the unnecessarily condescending tone of voice, this is not an answer to the question. — Anne Daunted 1 min ago

#9150 Anne Daunted (rep: 7880) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by StephenG (3466 rep)

@AnneDaunted The correct answer to a question is not always the one that reinforces the prejudices of the question. — StephenG 31 secs ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3460) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -4) | posted 1 hours ago by StephenG (3460 rep)

But this doesn't answer the question, I'm afraid. This answer doesn't provide a question to the

Is there an "exit strategy" I can take that can express that the reason I am doing so is because of that comment, without coming off as aggressive?

question asked in the original question. — Arwen Undómiel 46 secs ago

#9150 Arwen Undómiel (rep: 963) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -4) | posted 1 hours ago by StephenG (3460 rep)

Frame challenges should still adhere to the same quality standards as other answers, e. g. the be nice guidelines. — Anne Daunted 24 secs ago

#9150 Anne Daunted (rep: 7880) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -4) | posted 1 hours ago by StephenG (3460 rep)

I have added my close vote as Too Broad - in part because of your final sentence - "who is right" is not on topic here, nor answerable, probably. — Rory Alsop 5 secs ago

#285 Rory Alsop (rep: 2487) | Q: How can I convince my parents to let me sleep during the day time? (score: 7) | posted 199 days ago by Kristofer Vesi (48 rep) | edited 184 days ago by Catija (8590 rep)

9:33 PM

@AnneDaunted Maybe you should actually read my answer and not just BS. See mid way down : it goes Maybe you should simply have said : "Thanks for asking, but I guess I'm just not in the mood for some reason.". And it was a shop, the OP could have left at any time ! She wasn't a bloody prisoner. — StephenG 1 min ago

#9150 StephenG (rep: 3460) | A: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: -4) | posted 2 hours ago by StephenG (3460 rep)

9:56 PM

This seems to be a big handicap for you, please be aware of the option of therapy. — Alex 6 secs ago

#9016 Alex (rep: 101) | Q: How to stop people from touching me without having to freak out at them? (score: 46) | posted 3 days ago by Magisch (5220 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Magisch (5220 rep)

10:23 PM

You might even say, "oh shoot, I'm the wrong guy for this. I tried to do something like this for a friend once, and I fouled up her computer beyond all recognition." — O. Jones 20 secs ago

#9043 O. Jones (rep: 101) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 95) | posted 3 days ago by Jess K. (5576 rep) | edited 56 hours ago by Jess K. (5576 rep)

10:46 PM

I think the culture (India) is likely to be important. Is your answer based on knowledge of Indian norms? — Monica Cellio 17 secs ago

#9152 Monica Cellio (rep: 6984) | A: How do I say my goodbye to a female coworker? (score: 0) | posted 16 minutes ago by O. Jones (101 rep)

10:59 PM

When you edit your question, please also indicate the lines of authority. Are you all peers? Who's in charge, and how do decisions about personnel get made? — Monica Cellio 25 secs ago

#9138 Monica Cellio (rep: 6984) | Q: Deal with negative team members or just boot them (score: -2) | posted 25 hours ago by jack (1 rep)

I like you'r reply and value your tips, thanks! I should probably note that we drive separately because I drive from work and she drives from home to the events, and its not feasible for the time frame when she gets home to when I leave for her to pick me up (I've already tried ;) ) — MrJackal 14 secs ago

#9071 MrJackal (rep: 73) | A: Tips on reassuring partner with bad experiences with previous partners (score: 10) | posted 2 days ago by StephenG (3478 rep)

Thanks, I agree that there are times that she wont know how I would act etc. without verbalizing (re: your example about leaving separately). I have thus started to be more verbal in such a manner myself. — MrJackal 1 min ago

#9130 MrJackal (rep: 73) | A: Tips on reassuring partner with bad experiences with previous partners (score: 1) | posted 29 hours ago by doctordonna (411 rep)

11:30 PM

On the topic of Googling things, XKCD has a pretty apropos comic. — Cort Ammon just now

#9043 Cort Ammon (rep: 2746) | A: How to tell people I'm not their tech support? (score: 95) | posted 3 days ago by Jess K. (5576 rep) | edited 57 hours ago by Jess K. (5576 rep)

11:49 PM

Smile and politely tell him to f off ;-) — Stephan Bijzitter 24 secs ago

#9103 Stephan Bijzitter (rep: 101) | Q: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger? (score: 32) | posted 49 hours ago by Jess K. (5576 rep)

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