7:45 PM
@D.Hutchinson Possibly if you think this answer doesn't pick up the correct nuance from your question, you could clarify your question. Why is it that you feel waiters would be seeking to establish deeper and more meaningful communication with you, in this place, than in other types of restaurant? Do you see them establishing such communication with other diners? Do you feel singled out? Because unless that is the case, apaul's interpretation is utterly reasonable. — Spagirl 2 days ago
@Bilkokuya See: To what extent do we respect the OP's request?. If your answer says "your goal is wrong", you need to provide a compelling argument detailing the reasons why OP should abandon their goal. As is, you don't explain why OP needs to bring in the manager even though they don't want to. — Em C 2 days ago
I like this answer because (1) it turns the tables: it recruits 'Anne' to help the office meet her standards, instead of Anne attempting to recruit everyone else; (2) it adds the consideration that this is a conflict with the real risk of spilling over into coworker relations; (3) it makes clear what you consider acceptable (turn off my monitor) and what you don't (unplug things). — JvR 2 days ago
If someone was to "Quality Check" you... what could you have done differently? Would you get a written warning if you talked to her and didn't email? — WernerCD 2 days ago
@9ilsdx9rvj0lo I don't think Anne is completely off her rocker and unable to have a conversation, but I don't think coming at her aggressively like she will do as OP says is going to get anywhere with her. OP has already put himself in a position where he's acknowledged Anne's requests, apologized for not complying in the past, and then continued to not take steps to comply. Turning off a monitor is really simple and takes 1 second. The effort to comply with this unreasonable person is so minimal that it isn't worth having a conflict. — Jess K. 2 days ago
It sounds like the OP should apologize and beg for lighter punishments in the future... — 9ilsdx 9rvj 0lo 2 days ago
@EMC This is similar to asking "How can I store and query large amounts of data (PS: I don't want to use a database)". The answer is still "use a database". Just because the OP wants a solution that doesn't involve escalation, doesn't mean it isn't the best solution. Other people who come here in future should still be suggested the solution, regardless of what the OP thinks. — Bilkokuya 2 days ago
+1, I found your idea with the mouse trap quite funny. And when I first asked if it was her who unplugged my monitor and she said no, smiling, I said
Hmmm, must have been a rat or something. I'll have to deal with it. in that exact wording. She actually chuckled a bit and 'confessed' that it was indeed her. If she wouldn't have confessed I would have bought one or two mousetraps to put on my desk just for the lulz. — Cashbee 2 days agoVery useful, @Dzyann. I hope your this excellent answer gets the attention it deserves as a result of that contest. — English Student 2 days ago
I mean, this will make everyone realize how insane Anne is if she starts demanding that OP cant turn on/off the lights at his own house as he pleases. — spacetyper 2 days ago
If it is critical to you that the door has a lock (as it would be for me) then why would it be a problem if someone who didn't provide lockable rooms was offended at the question and went with someone else? That said, when I was in that situation I also had the (true) reason that my Contents Insurance only covered my stuff if the room was lockable, which meant i could present it as a technicality rather than 'mere' preference or distrust.. — Spagirl 2 days ago
OP's goals: "No escalation (I do not think our bosses should be involved, nor do I want a big discussion/argument about it)" — Em C 2 days ago
"You'll be telling her that it's ok with you that she wasted time and money trying to do something for you " -- I did consider this, but I was hoping that by saying something now rather than later, she might be able to return it.. would that help at all to say? She is quite aware that I'm not interested in a relationship with her and why, but I haven't explicitly said "please don't contact me anymore" or anything like that. — Em C 2 days ago
Not clear to me from your answer. They will know makes no sense. You expect the family to stop the sister from leaving a gift. The family did not stop OP from leaving a present. — Paparazzi 2 days ago
OP said (possibly in comments) that the issue isn't that he has to be present the entire time, but that even if he wasn't present while they played he'd have to come inside to retrieve them (and this was also an issue). However, everyone getting to know each other could still help ease both OP and OP's wifes tensions about this. The issue isn't about the kids being alone in the house. The issue is about the OP (a married man) entering the single womans house alone (without wife). — Jess K. yesterday
@newbieprogrammer I don't like the sound of that at all as it doesn't explicitly imply dating. Also while I appreciate it I'm not out for advice on how to flirt or get someone interested in me, just how I pop the question if she'd be interested in dating me or just continue as friends. Personally I'm thinking something as simple as 'would you be up for going on a date sometime?'. — BeeBop 42 mins ago
@wildcard thanks for the reply. I glad that worked out for you although that definitely wouldn't work in my case since we see each other so rarely. I also like to just know asap as if she's not interested we can keep on being friends and I'm open to meet someone else. — BeeBop 49 mins ago
Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. — John ♦ 1 hour ago
@PeterCordes she doesn't deserve it for not turning off her monitor, she deserves it for unplugging the OPs. Her crime doesn't have to be the same to get the same punishment. I do not think this suggestion would work though, she may just say thanks. — AytAyt 2 hours ago
I don't see how you think there's nothing she can do. She can cut your monitor cable in half. Pour coffee on your computer. Wait for you in the parking lot and stab you 40 times. Break into your home and steal your lightbulbs. Or (actually likely) file a formal complaint with the company, especially considering that OP has already said they agree with her stance. If you claim she is deranged, then be aware, she may do deranged things. — AytAyt 2 hours ago
No problem :D Glad we're on the same page. I'm guessing your edit to add info occurred shortly after my first edit. :) — Catija ♦ 2 hours ago
I have voted to reopen. I think this is a common problem of modern life. It might not be easy to come up with some universal guidelines for this, but I think it's reasonable to try. — aparente001 2 hours ago
How does bringing up an agreement about "not spending time with the opposite sex alone" not imply a motif of seduction? — Marcel 2 hours ago
Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer, which are not considered to conform to our quality standards on Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. — Arwen Undómiel 3 hours ago
Even though it's a reply, it's you sending that email. You send it exactly to who you want to send it to. So you add or remove people from CC exactly the way you feel is right. — gnasher729 4 hours ago
Of course! Even if it isn't the perfect answer for you, maybe it can help someone else 😊 — Forklift 4 hours ago
I can only accept one answer, but your example was very helpful! Thank you for sharing your experience, it's great to get an answer from someone who has actually been there and understands. — Em C 5 hours ago
This is the best answer. There is no reason for the OP to kowtow to her or compromise. The OP should be direct and professional but firm and unyielding. "Do not touch my equipment, do you understand?". And when she says why she did it, the response is, "Regardless, do not touch my equipment, do you understand?" The next step is a trip to HR about her creating a hostile working environment. — Tony Ennis 6 hours ago
@Magicsowon if you would like to discuss it, please take it to meta. The question was closed four minutes before this answer was posted. — Catija ♦ 6 hours ago
@Catija It was not off-topic when he answered. It's off-topic because you decided so. — Magicsowon 7 hours ago
I like this. It is telling Ms. Meddler that her actions have consequences which she cannot control. — ab2 7 hours ago
I would tell her to stay out of my work station unless it was on fire and not to touch anything at all in my station. — ab2 7 hours ago
People like the idea of strip clubs until they go to one. Then they stop liking the idea. — Neil Meyer 8 hours ago
@Tycho'sNose Yeah while I don't agree with the psychologist, what he has said isn't wrong either, people aren't always open to changing their mind and any attempts will just back up their own decisions more. Drop the subject, help the kid the best you can, and hope he drops his 'guard' and changes his own mind. — Greg 12 hours ago
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