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Secespitus
Secespitus
7:38 PM
I had a look at your post. Thanks for submitting an article! Very nice story.

I am wondering though if you could just integrate the worldbuilding part at the beginning into your story. You already have quite a few interesting things about the world interweaved in your story. One or two more paragraphs of your protagonist deep in thought might be enough to convey enough worldbuilding for the story to be completely understood. Or you could leave some things unknown to the reader.

But that is obviously your decision. Right now it's good to know what is going on and how the world works.
Some of your sentences also seem to be a bit long and could be broken up. But that is just my personal opinion. It's your story and you can obviously choose whatever style you prefer. Just some feedback.
When you think you the post is ready just let me know and I'll publish it. There is one other story from me in the queue, but I recently had another story published, so your's would be next in line in case you think it's ready.
Please let me know whether you want it to be published in the next couple days or whether you want some time to work on it. In that case I would publish my story in the next couple days. As there aren't many stories lately I think it would be best to give each one their one week "community event advertising" on WorldBuilding.SE alone.
 

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