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6:57 AM
Yeah it does help. I confused the intend, having been considered Cognitive Dissonance something negative and taught my self to avoid it by always seeing both sides of a discussion equally valid, but just being myself favoring one more for personal reasons, made me forget that sometimes cognitive dissonance can lead to questioning your own actions, rather than ignorant behavior defending your own views. Thanks for clarifying — dhein 41 secs ago
#13942 dhein (1417 rep) | A: How can I encourage discussion of sensitive topics with my girlfriend? (score: 29) | posted 531 days ago by Em C (10918 rep) | Toxicity 0.12004177 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0
Hello Olivia :) The Problem with your post currently is, that "How can I make some good friends?" Is a very broad question. On this Platform we want Questions to be precise addressing a specific problem, so we can give you advice for a specific solution. So you should rather ask this in the context of a specific example like " I tried to connect with X in the following way [...] but this seems to not work out. How can I do this better?". You might also want to have a look into out how to write a good question guide: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/3224/32 Hope this helps :) — dhein 48 secs ago
#23180 dhein (1417 rep) | Q: how do a person finds friends? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by Olivia (6 rep) | edited 30 minutes ago by Olivia (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.038557444 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]
 
@IPSCommentBot fp
 
Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp). Currently marked 0tps/1fps
 
@IPSCommentBot Noice :p
 
7:58 AM
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2 hours later…
9:45 AM
+1 This: "Problems need solutions". If you give arguments people latch onto them, so avoid that. However, don't go the other way by just stating dogmatic 'truths' that are (to all outsiders clearly) subjective. — user3445853 34 secs ago
#23176 user3445853 (248 rep) | A: How can I more clearly ask people to accomodate for my autism? (score: 14) | posted 18 hours ago by SZCZERZO KŁY (1892 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by SZCZERZO KŁY (1892 rep) | Toxicity 0.38043752 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
 
@IPSCommentBot tp
 
Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
 
!!/ blame
 
Or very own @IPSCommentBot will soon be able to post cat pictures every time you ask for it :)
 
A J
!!/blame
 
 
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11:20 AM
Do yourself a favour and don't pursue this conversation, as it will not be productive. If you don't trust him, you should be concerned about the fact that you don't trust him, which is a totally separate issue. — ESR 1 min ago
#16503 ESR (157 rep) | Q: Talking to boyfriend about his close female friends (score: 39) | posted 459 days ago by Pretzel_Master (199 rep) | edited 459 days ago by scohe001 (13105 rep) | Toxicity 0.120003834 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]
 
 
1 hour later…
12:47 PM
@Snow isn't accusing people of making up pronouns to be in violation of the "assume good intentions" rule?

Personally, since we Aspies feel rather robotic at times, I prefer the AI pronouns of

ai, ain, aire, aires, aiself

These are not made up, but in the nonbinary Wiki https://nonbinary.miraheze.org/wiki/Nounself_pronouns)
 
Not when it's as blatant as "Please call me 'Prince Whizzy-wig of Frogdonia", or "I'm gender-fluid and change my gender every 15 minutes". Or when it's clearly done in a joking manner.
 
@Magisch Who is used to being dismissed? I've been active since the 80's and never seen anyone in the community complain about pronouns until 2014. We were occupied with little things like not getting beaten in public.
@Snow Do you think that Gender fluid people don't joke about themselves?
Just curious, how much of my own sexuality do I need to reveal in public before I am taken seriously?
It's also been a long standing practice of people making sarcastic confessions to test the waters before coming out.
 
@RichardU Yes, but context.
 
@RichardU Not everyone is going to catch the jokes. Try to avoid sarcasm and be careful with jokes — tone is hard to decipher online.
Sara Chipps on October 10, 2019

Last year, we wrote about our important work to build a more welcoming and inclusive community. This summer, I wrote about how we are evolving our product to encourage better interactions and guidance. While there’s still a lot more to do, we’ve begun to take concrete steps toward a better coding community for everyone. This is the most important work we’re doing in our community, and our first wave of improvements are starting to show results.

Here’s one concrete example: For some time, we’ve been using machine learning to flag comments that might be potentially troublesome in the community, e …

 
@MisterPositive yes, tone is hard to determine online, which is why the "assume good intentions" rule was a great one. Now, it's a witch hunt
@MisterPositive ah, machine learning. Working in RPA myself, I find this to be a very brave approach, quite the same as a british MP would refer to the actions of a rival as brave
 
12:55 PM
@RichardU As far as I've witnessed, moderators only acted on people were blatantly protesting against new pronoun policy by making inappropriate jokes.
 
Can you add in your wording on how you offered? It sounds like she thought you'd take her to your destination and then put her on the bus there, which sounds like a hassle. — Erik 1 min ago
#23182 Erik (6738 rep) | Q: Offered a colleague a ride home - wondering whether her response was a hint not to ask her again! (score: 0) | posted 18 minutes ago by Anon Sydney (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.32125896 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
@ArthurHavlicek Yes, Monica was a real Dave Chapelle, wasn't she?
 
We can't just wave everything off because people hide behind "assume good intent". It doesn't work that way. Otherwise there's no need to ask anyone to respect each other because hey, you can talk as much trash as you like and people say "hmmm, I guess I need to assume good faith here".
 
@MisterPositive So, just so we are clear, the coping mechanisms that LGBTQ+ people have been using for decades are now against the policy. It seems to me that this is going to be less inclusive, not more.
 
@RichardU Speaking there about moderation team, not SE here. Monica case is another matter.
 
12:58 PM
@Snow You're going to have to make a choice, one way or another. So, take for example, if someone said they didn't want to be referred to as "they", how much of a suspension should that earn?
@ArthurHavlicek No, it's not another matter at all. It's an example of pre-crime, or thoughtcrime, where she was booted, and called a bigot in a press piece, no less. If they'll do that to an outstanding moderator, what do you think will happen to anyone else?
@ArthurHavlicek by the way, I got a 24 hour kickout for saying I don't want to be called "they".
and humor is a way of letting off steam. Supressing it only makes people more angry
 
Humour at someone else's expense isn't an appropriate use of letting off steam.
 
@RichardU This explains the anger I suppose, I'm inclined to trust you it was a request in good faith and that it was a mistaken suspension, but have no certainty in that. In all cases context certainly played against you there.
 
1:26 PM
@Snow How do you know it's not self-effacing humor?
@ArthurHavlicek Yes, and in addition to that, there are many people who are either still in the closet, or simply think that this policy is going to far, but don't want to speak up about their own sexuality.
 
Gender is completely different to sexuality.
 
@Snow Citation needed, otherwise that's just your opinion.
@Snow demisexual is a gender identity that is ENTIRELY tied to sexuality
 
or as many articles as you can Google.
 
@Snow yeah, lots of conflicting stuff out there, like Vox articles for example.
Then of course there is this
 
Anyone who has claimed that there are only two genders and they are explicitly linked to XX and XY and to say anything else is a lie forfeits all rights to claim that their jokes ridicule are self-effacing. I can provide screenshots
 
1:33 PM
I'm amazed nobody has gotten the hint yet....
 
To continue to troll while wielding good intent as a shield is exhausting and manipulative and downright nasty.
 
Ok, so I'll just bring this back to basics here. The CoC is just asking for respect for those people as and when you run into those situations. It's as simple as that. You either treat people with respect or you find another site that doesn't require you to show that respect toward others.
 
@ArthurHavlicek an angry request can be a good faith one as well. even back in my days, calling a woman "sir" or a man a gilr would get a very animated response.
@Snow should we go by the standard of respect shown to Monica?
 
You're diverting. You need to allow people to be respected.
 
@RichardU What is your point, ultimately ?
 
1:36 PM
@RichardU And the Monica Situation is in process. We don't know how that is going. We won't know until it's done.
 
@Snow I'm seeing that prhase repeatedly, yet I'm being shown none, such as a 24 hour ban from chat for saying I don't want to be called "they"
@ArthurHavlicek I put an answer on Meta that earned a few hundred upvotes that explains it.
So, we need to respect pronouns, but only gender pronouns, which excludes demisexuals, and anyone with a religious objection, of course, we don't need to respect them, and people with autism who have rigid thinking, nope, no respect to them at all.

Then, of course, there are people who are simply uncomfortable with their gender or sexuality, who want no part in any of this. No respect for them at all.
 
@RichardU You're being shown a lot of respect, and patience. I can't be in te chatroom constantly, neither can Mr Positive. Flags are being raised all over the site where people are contriving pronouns in reaction to the CoC amendment. most of those are doing so out of a twisted kind of humour without realising that it's mocking the people who we're trying to include. There are many moderators around trying to process and deal with those flags as and when they see them.
 
@Snow Until the LIBEL engaged against Monica is addressed, I will continue to discuss it, unless of course Monica becomes off topic here. There are of course other means
 
This is unrelated to Monica at this point.
 
@Snow and I predicted that in my response on Meta. SE USED to be fairly troll proof, but this opened the door wide.
 
1:42 PM
people in this room didn't especially advocate for the current policy.
 
@user58 Why is the very event that started the controversy, off topic?
 
You are using Monica as an excuse to avoid respecting other people. The way in which she was treated is a separate issue from the problem of refusing to respect other people on the network.
6
 
Hi, I'm trans. I believe the way Monica was treated was atrocious. I also demand to be treated with respect. That is why they are different!
6
 
@user58 Who am I diserespecting, and where? If you're going to accuse me of something, I demand that it be backed up with something real, not shadow accusations
@user58 furthermore, I put a long answer on Meta directly addressing it,
I'd like to know who I have disrespected.
 
Me (He has me on ignore. It is making this whole thing awkward)
 
1:48 PM
@brug I took you off ignore. Didn't you ask me to stop engaging with you> Why are you attacking me now
You don't have the right to demand that I disengage, then snipe at me behind my back
 
Because you are continuing to act transphobic with impunity
I don't want it to be behind your back
 
Ok, that's enough now.
4
 
Snow has frozen this room.
 
2:06 PM
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2:36 PM
Very valuable to have a female perspective on this as well, as there are many more reasons to be guarded in that context. +1 for not offering to drop her at her house, that part is important. — Roland Heath 56 secs ago
#23183 Roland Heath (111 rep) | A: Offered a colleague a ride home - wondering whether her response was a hint not to ask her again! (score: 1) | posted 18 minutes ago by Francine DeGrood Taylor (1025 rep) | Toxicity 0.071788125 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
 
 
1 hour later…
3:36 PM
@Tinkeringbell I have another vandalism for you on an edit (I believe that, when I rejected the edit as vandalism, it raise some sort of "alarm" for you mods, right?)
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2 messages moved from The Awkward Silence
 
This isn't your main question (so I feel OK mentioning this in a comment rather than writing an answer), but it's definitely plausible that the coworker might prefer public transit the whole way (for example, it's possible that driving her to Manly would not actually save her time if she has to wait for a bus that won't arrive until some particular time) — Upper_Case 1 min ago
#23182 Upper_Case (14874 rep) | Q: Offered a colleague a ride home - wondering whether her response was a hint not to ask her again! (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Anon Sydney (16 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Lux Claridge (1023 rep) | Toxicity 0.0919512 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
Just don't make your problems some else's problems, that's just ruthless. — Haukinger 1 min ago
#23171 Haukinger (101 rep) | Q: How can I more clearly ask people to accomodate for my autism? (score: 30) | posted 27 hours ago by Belle (4810 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Azor Ahai (252 rep) | Toxicity 0.490277 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic", "experimental(@Mith)"]
 
 
2 hours later…
5:42 PM
"Oh, I get a headache from strong smells too sometimes." "Oh are you autistic too?" "A painkiller usually solves it." "Guess not, then... So, you gonna tone it down or not?" — Beanluc 43 secs ago
#23171 Beanluc (480 rep) | Q: How can I more clearly ask people to accomodate for my autism? (score: 30) | posted 29 hours ago by Belle (4810 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by Azor Ahai (252 rep) | Toxicity 0.7666635 | High toxicity | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 

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