First, cut way back on the virtue signalling, it infuriates them. Second, don't run your mom down on the internet, dude. She's not your problem. You are your problem. Mom is way out of line, obviously. Tell her it's not acceptable, and do it in person. If, that is, it is not acceptable. You need to make a frank assessment of your feelings on these issues, and act accordingly. Tell your family that this bigotry must end. Not only because it's wrong. Because it's disrespectful, to you and your fiancee. Degrading to your mom. Degrading to your family, who seems to acquiesce. Be better for them. — chiggsy 1 min ago

Since when is being anti-Sharia law Islamophobia? — forest 1 min ago

His mom is not the victim here, he is. She got busted hatespeaking on twitter, and she underestimated his reaction. She still has a son, he just does not live with her. These are the perils of the filter bubble. Mom just needs to walk it back, apologize, the whole thing, not ignore it and pretend it never happened. — chiggsy 46 secs ago

I have no idea about availability or the expense in your locale, or your means, but I myself would be very happy to replace a 19-hour car ride with a couple of hours on a plane. Is this an option? — Tom 1 min ago

"You May be happy with what we have, but I’m not." That's a clear way to say "I do have something to say and it has to be heard". I like it. — Maverick 19 secs ago

it's not an argument. Try to somehow make that clear to the other person — Hobbamok 1 min ago

Excellent answer, I think I will use that simple but effective method of agreeing. "yes there is better and worse but it does not change the need to improve [something]". The person will be forced to argue with real reason instead of blatant truth. — Maverick 28 secs ago

@JessK. If you decide to write this in an answer, I would love to upvote it. — Noon 29 secs ago

@vikingosegundo If I was part of that culture I would absolutely lose my mind. The sound makes me crazy — LampPost 30 secs ago

@user3169 First of all it's disgusting and distracting both visually and audibly. I don't see anything wrong in correcting this type of behavior for the betterment of that person. — LampPost 1 min ago

@JörgWMittag That might not be a point his wife agrees with, though, and he'd know that better than random people on the Internet. From her point of view it may very well be "I've gotten married and had kids. That means my family is more people, not different people." Not really possible to argue with that. — Anthony Grist 24 secs ago

@DDD I was just stumbling over this sentence: How to tell him politely? and was wondering. In my experience, some people just don't get that you said "No" when you are smiling (or otherwise "normal friendly"). Some people need a clear message with a stern or even angry face - this might be considered impolite by some people... — Marzipanherz 58 secs ago

I disagree with this solution not because it forces the mom to compromise on making a vegan cake, but because it forces the mom to do something she does not enjoy. People that don't like to cook generally just have a limited number of recipes they know how to make well, as is their right. "I only have 24 hours each day and I'm not going to spend them perfecting something I despise" is a great answer to the question why she doesn't want to learn. Emotional blackmail isn't going to help that. — DonFusili 36 secs ago

@JessK. I would agree with that if this weren't a mother-child relationship. As it stands now I cannot see saying that you feel left out as anything else than emotional blackmail considering caring for your children's feelings extends far into adulthood in many parts of Europe and France specifically. I disagree but haven't downvoted because I think this would be an excellent answer in other scenarios (such as roomies etc). These comments will be deleted anyway, just wanted to give my two cents. — DonFusili 1 min ago

Maybe think about what your goal is here long term. Do you want to have further contact with them in the future or just get the things and never see them. Right now the question is a bit too broad. I don't think it is off-topic per se, just in its current form. — Hakaishin 22 secs ago

While the better-and-worse statement is indeed annoying, what got me however is your statement about activist setting. I do not know what it is insinuating at, but you are aware that change can cause both, improvements and decline. And, as a Libertarian, I can tell you that basically 95%+ of leftist activism causes decline (in the broadest sense), because - after all - it's all about government expansion, empowerment and the reduction of individual liberties and free speech. So that argument may be used to insinuate that you may contribute to societal and individual decline in a polite way. — Battle 46 secs ago

This is a great answer. Imagine asking someone IRL "hey, am I annoying you" while talking with him/her ? It would just look unsecure/weird. Online is not that much different. If you really want to have a feedback, you can, at least, said something like "I enjoy talking with you" and if the person answer "me too" then you're done and you won't look unsecure, just a little bit too concerned even if it can be interpreted as a validation request by some. Looking for validation is really bad and may you "lose points". — Maverick 1 min ago

Just to be sure, your goal is to stop the uncle from behaving like that? But you still want the uncle guidance? Do I understand that correctly? — Noon 2 mins ago

I don't really agree with this, staying calm in the face of someone who despises you can serve to just aggravate them further, if they have set themselves against you with certainty it's probably best to just not engage at all and steer well clear of them until they have settled. And bringing friends to the family meeting would likely only incite more of their fears. Much safer to with JCJ's answer — BKlassen 48 secs ago

I should've mentioned that the only reason we agreed to it is because her mother still has my wife's cat, whom we're going to get. If it were not for that, we wouldn't even consider going. This cat has a very powerful emotional value to us so, unfortunately, we feel the need to go. — Pkmmte 1 min ago

I like this answer because not only does is it not brush them off, but it communicates in a polite way just how much work and effort was put into learning this stuff and gives them an idea of how much work it would require for them to do the same. A lot of people, if they're not serious, will just immediately walk away when they realize that it's not a quick and easy thing to learn or do. — dallin 1 min ago

@maverick there is a key difference between this answer and your rephrasing. You used the word "but". This is a standard technique (agree and keep going). As part of the technique, you don't use the word "but", since that minimizes the agreement. It's "yes, and..." rather than "yes, but..." — De Novo 1 min ago

I like this answer, but there's one caveat to watch out for. If she gives up the January visit now, she may try to negotiate or "weasel" it back in later. Also, one option you missed is the 4 hour away family coming to the OP. That way the trip is done by the parents & any siblings, and no-one has to give up any other trip. One side of my own family is kind of spread out, so we take turns hosting Thanksgiving. It's a given that someone is going to be driving, but it doesn't always have to be the same person/people. — computercarguy 2 mins ago

That white lie seems somewhat self sabotaging, though. It makes OP seem less skilled. It could limit future opportunities as a result (should OP have any interest in using their skills in their career). The bolded part at the end sorta points this out, but it should be noted that networking can be unpredictable. You never know who will tell someone about your skills (and what opportunities might come from that). — Kat 52 secs ago

On the technical side of things, I'd make sure you're not over valuing your knowledge, too. The choice of web framework to use is mostly a pretty personal choice. If you ask people their recommendations, you'll get a dozen different answers. Sure, you can spend months researching choices, but honestly that's probably a waste of time that could have been spent just learning one. It's a common beginner mistake to spend too much time on those kinda choices. My point is to not assume that because you spent months on that research that your knowledge is really expensive. — Kat 1 min ago

Just ask management. "I still have the first key you sent. What should I do with it?" Simple. — only_pro 19 secs ago

@ArwenUndómiel And yet if I put that in an answer, it would get downvoted for being too short, or not being researched, or not having references. No thanks, comments work fine for simple answers like this. — only_pro 1 min ago

@only_pro please see here. Specifically "If you don't have time to write a full answer, or don't have enough information to justify it, or are honestly just too lazy to expand on your thoughts [...] don't write an answer." Unlike a site like SO where a bad answer will just ruin your code until you can fix it, half-baked answers here can have real consequences on people's lives. — scohe001 1 min ago

@only_pro I didn't see what you wrote, but if you think it's a valid answer then write it as an answer and let it be judged as an answer. You may even gain some rep or get accepted by doing so ;) we just require that you explain the thought process of why you think your answer is correct. Include that and you should be good. — scohe001 1 min ago

Who's driving the choice of music -- your mother, the minister, or your grandmother (via previous request)? Whether your mother is committed to the idea or just accepting a suggestion without thinking about it much (in her time of grief, after all) is key to answering this question, IMO. — Monica Cellio 53 secs ago