+1 for spotting the discrimination angle and particularly for encouraging it being dealt with in that way. Many of the OP's reported remarks, if true, would be considered flat out discrimination here, but can't comment on the OP's location. — StephenG 1 min ago

@Martijn - +1 on that. And another spin - it could be because has has never been in a situation where clothing/appearance has been important. Except for some mass events where EVERYONE was well-dressed (so there is an incentive NOT to stand out), there has never been an instance where someone has told him - you don't look/smell good enough. — Vilx- 1 min ago

+1, also for th gaslighting. That sounds fishy. Although there is another option to explain her uneasiness: she knows who did it, but doesn't want to tell. — peufeu 20 secs ago

Thanks for the added discussion. It would be great to include the points about condescension and how to avoid it (I agree that it's possible to learn things unrelated to what I already know, eg maybe this person was expecting me to be more clear in my requests to them). I'll accept in the meantime. — qoba 22 secs ago

Do you take offense to being called gay? Because it is always an option that next time someone calls you gay, you could just respond "I'm not, but would it be an issue if I were?" — tox123 9 secs ago