Welcome to IPS SE! I'm guessing the downvotes you've gotten are because of the (conditional) advice to crash the party, since it's violating a clear boundary someone set. While there are potentially understandable reasons not to invite OP (they're reenacting Hamilton for T's bday and have exactly the number of women they need), your speculation is somewhat helpful. Also, usually good answers here focus on helping develop the Interpersonal Skills needed to solve the situation, so you can focus on that in future answers. — cactus_pardner 1 min ago

@JA the problem is, when a group starts to be over the top, and to allow haters insided their midst, it simply means that they either agree with those haters, or at least condone them. To them, any potential supporters that disagrees with any part of their views is not a supporter at all. And, sadly, it's not a behavior seen only in feminism, but in many political groups. There is a mentality of "either with me, or against me", forcing people to chose a side. — user3399 21 secs ago

+1 mainly for the last two paragraphs. I know you're trying already not to overgeneralize, but there are still some sweeping generalizations in here that don't really improve your answer. — sgf 1 min ago

Thank you for your opinion Daniel, however, I deeply disagree, you are right to observe it is a bonding action, but wrongly so, just as it is wrong to let pass a comment like "women belong in the kitchen" and laugh it off adding "haha sure, but I prefer dealing with women's temper than eating a cold tuna sandwich by myself". I don't let those types of comment pass even by my father, I don't start a fight about it, but I certainly remind him that is not cool and that he might be missing out on connecting with women, to him and to anyone. I expect the same respect and appreciation towards men. — J A 1 min ago

@J A: I think we rather agree on this one. Its not good! Unfortunately, it is also all to human. That´s why I suggest a soft approach. Not making a scene and slowly change the behavioral pattern of oneself and the ones around. — Daniel 27 secs ago

FWIW, I would be disappointed if my partner attended under these circumstances. — Strawberry 31 secs ago

Thing is, I was educated to be a feminist by mom and all of my aunts. I don't need to change my behavior, I am an influencer in my male community. So I am a tad dismayed when I stumble upon these reverse attitudes against men on female circles I care about. I'm not planning on making a scene, so far, I'm liking Stacey's approach. It's cool that we agree on something though. — J A 15 secs ago