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12:01 AM
@JohnT +1000 to your comments. I was about to make the same with my GF (Vietnamese, who really enjoys the jokes, as long as they are in good faith. She makes more of them than I do myself anyway) — Patrice 33 secs ago
#18510 Patrice (101 rep) | A: Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny (score: 4) | posted 6 hours ago by George M (157 rep) | Toxicity 0.11790532
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
 
 
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1:30 AM
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4:29 AM
My first thought was that this wouldn't work. For reference I have an asian friend to whom I make jokes about him. I realised though that while I'd explain a couple of layers deep, after a few times I'd probably start to get the feeling he didn't find the joke funny. I'm not sure if this is the best approach as it would depend on the friend, because equally if he told me he didn't appreciate it I'd apologise and stop. I feel this approach works far better with strangers than friends, but this is worth a shot. — Tas 1 min ago
#18506 Tas (103 rep) | A: Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny (score: 42) | posted 12 hours ago by Alex L (371 rep) | Toxicity 0.23254879
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
 
2 hours later…
6:17 AM
We do play coop games sometimes, but the issue is similar there. Not same magnitude but definitely present. Plus I would also like to be able to play non coop games. — Hakaishin 2 mins ago
#18522 Hakaishin (303 rep) | A: How to help SO lose in games? (score: 0) | posted 7 hours ago by jcmack (914 rep) | Toxicity 0.011282972
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
 
1 hour later…
7:20 AM
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7:45 AM
@JohnT I agree it is a racism even though OP's friends might be unaware of it and he doesn't have to be intending to hurt OP's feelings. If so, definitely educating is a point. It is worth trying to invert the situation and asking the friend to consider how would he feel if he were being a subject of such "jokes". It is also beneficial for the friend to learn this early and from a friend of their own. The Netherlands is a very diverse country and if he tries the same once he gets into a job market he might get himself into serious trouble. — Ister 1 min ago
#18510 Ister (141 rep) | A: Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny (score: 4) | posted 14 hours ago by George M (165 rep) | Toxicity 0.29858732
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
8:34 AM
What are Euro Style games? But yes thinking about it I just realized that when we played a game where you score points, but they are hidden until the end she plays with less complaining. The last time she got sad we played a card game with specific life points. She kinda failed to understand that life in these games is a resource and being behind on it is not always bad. So she felt the low life/score was indicating her being behind way more than she actually was, because she played a deck that invests life at the beginning by design. — Hakaishin 59 secs ago
#18526 Hakaishin (313 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 1) | posted 30 minutes ago by Ontamu (2987 rep) | Toxicity 0.09388672
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
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8:48 AM
This is in general a good advice and we did this after I posted this question and she understands that her behaviour is an issue. The problem is more that she is in the moment unable to stay cheerful, of course talking about it helps, but I was looking for other methods that could help her stay happy during play. — Hakaishin 48 secs ago
#18527 Hakaishin (313 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by JCJ (169 rep) | Toxicity 0.09666773
Matched regex(es) ["chatty", "chatty-weak"]
Another point is that she feels like I always win, which is not true, but I do win more often, because I try to win. The problem is I see her making mistakes I will tell her from time to time, but then she gets mad that I told her what to do. But at the same time she is mad when losing. So basically yesterday we reached a compromise of me not giving any advice but her not complaining about losing. — Hakaishin 55 secs ago
#18527 Hakaishin (313 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by JCJ (169 rep) | Toxicity 0.09720013
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
Yes I figured that on out too :) It works nicely, but only until a certain point. Otherwise if she is a bit behind she will only respond to it sarcastically. — Hakaishin 2 mins ago
#18527 Hakaishin (313 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by JCJ (169 rep) | Toxicity 0.091522016
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
@JohnT I believe that in these cases you need to define things clearly. I would say that OP's friend is not racist, but his behavior and his jokes are. In the end, people will mostly define you by your actions and not by what you think internally. People that know him only after a racist joke or 2 will consider him a racist, people that know him a bit better will call him an annoying jerk, and OP calls him a friend who is racially insensitive. Also, there is definitely racism among minorities/Indians too, so the situation doesn't change if OP's friend was a minority too. — LVDV 1 min ago
#18510 LVDV (763 rep) | A: Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny (score: 5) | posted 15 hours ago by George M (175 rep) | Toxicity 0.6519473
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
9:03 AM
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9:46 AM
@StianYttervik There are different "degrees" of abuse and there are far worse cases than what's described in this question, but let's not go for a real Scotsman fallacy here. Manipulating your partner is mental abuse and the vast majority of answers here identified it as such - even from a former abuser's side who did the very same, in Good Luck's answer. That OP accepted the one answer that told her how she can change her behaviour to appease him better fits, too. — R. Schmitz 1 min ago
#18469 R. Schmitz (141 rep) | A: How to defuse or prevent an adult temper tantrum (score: 103) | posted 2 days ago by baldPrussian (20897 rep) | Toxicity 0.4748501
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
10:14 AM
Good advice, that was also her suggestion. We will definitely try that more often. Just sometimes you want to come home in the evening drink a cold beverage and have a little calm card game, without many people or advanced preparation :) — Hakaishin 48 secs ago
#18531 Hakaishin (313 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by peufeu (12402 rep) | Toxicity 0.01158789
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
10:50 AM
@AndyT but rather I don't want to be thought of as racist for using the person's skin colour as an identifying characteristic To extend my first comment, the issue here is in thinking that someone who mentions a person's race (in every possible context) proves that they must be a racist. The issue is not in having mentioned a person's race. — Flater 57 secs ago
#1671 Flater (5258 rep) | Q: What is the right way to refer to someone with dark brown skin who is not African American? (score: 18) | posted 402 days ago by Thunderforge (1099 rep) | Toxicity 0.5424273 | edited 402 days ago by Thunderforge (1099 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
11:01 AM
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11:36 AM
My experience with this approach is that it works well with strangers, but not with friends. I tried it , but my friends were really confused and interpreted my behaviour differently. They assumed I have a bad time, because I am not laughing so much anymore (I used to laugh with them about their jokes, even though I never thought they are funny). In the end, only clear communication solved this problem. — Iris 1 min ago
#18506 Iris (101 rep) | A: Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny (score: 55) | posted 20 hours ago by Alex L (501 rep) | Toxicity 0.07983916
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
12:07 PM
@StianYttervik We have the same idiom in German :D. I think the problem is maybe with the definition here. Hey, my GF also "manipulates" me into giving her massages etc. The difference is that its done in a playful manner - we are both openly aware of the "manipulation" and I am in that situation consciously and willingly accepting to be "manipulated". When she's "being a little sh*t", it makes me smile. The OP situation doesn't make her smile, it makes her feel bad. I would agree that "manipulation" can describe both situations, but there's also a big difference between the two. — R. Schmitz 2 mins ago
#18469 R. Schmitz (141 rep) | A: How to defuse or prevent an adult temper tantrum (score: 105) | posted 2 days ago by baldPrussian (20927 rep) | Toxicity 0.54306716
Matched regex(es) ["chatty", "chatty-weak"]
 
12:17 PM
@R.Schmitz Thanks for the rational disagreement - and to a large extent I think we agree. =) With that being said: If OP had behaved similarly to her partner, so that both were childish from now and then, there was balance in the situation, and smiled and laughed about it - it would be kinda endearing and lovely. Playful, we would call them, if we saw them do it to each other. In my mind, using the word abuse about a situation that could (if reciprocated) be just fine - is imprecise. As a site, we of all, should acknowledge that interpersonal relationships are subtle ! =) — Stian Yttervik 44 secs ago
#18469 Stian Yttervik (622 rep) | A: How to defuse or prevent an adult temper tantrum (score: 105) | posted 2 days ago by baldPrussian (20927 rep) | Toxicity 0.114681624
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
It'll depend on the person, but I reckon for many bad losers the main problem is (more or less subconscious) self-doubt. In that case, the less luck involved the worse – if you lose in chess, you can't possibly blame it on the dice or anything. — leftaroundabout 52 secs ago
#18533 leftaroundabout (101 rep) | A: How to help SO lose gracefully in games? (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by Belle-Sophie (3675 rep) | Toxicity 0.2823731 | edited 1 hours ago by Belle-Sophie (3675 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]
 
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