The Frying Pan

We have come to associate e.g. inequality of the sexes with the desert religions, but such tendencies were already very much alive before those religions spread to more fertile lands.

Jolenealaska

What is marriage other than "permission" to have sex? Yes, commitment, but beyond that.

Cerberus

5:58 PM

I would say commitment is quite essential.

Jolenealaska

yes

And since commitment is voluntary (except in extreme circumstances like just after my 1st hip surgery)...

so is marriage.

Cerberus

Heh.

Committed to the loony bin?

Jolenealaska

I remembered something about that era. Yep, that was the joke.

Do you know what a pulse oximeter is?

shit

not that

Pulse oximetry

Pulse oximetry is a non-invasive method for monitoring a person's O2 saturation. In its most common (transmissive) application mode, a sensor device is placed on a thin part of the patient's body, usually a fingertip or earlobe, or in the case of an infant, across a foot. The device passes two wavelengths of light through the body part to a photodetector. It measures the changing absorbance at each of the wavelengths, allowing it to determine the absorbances due to the pulsing arterial blood alone, excluding venous blood, skin, bone, muscle, fat, and (in most cases) nail polish. Reflectance pulse...

That is a tool with which I am very familiar.

We use them in veterinary medicine too.

I kind of "woke up" in the hospital, looking for my psychic cell phone (which was a dumbphone, but nevertheless, psychic).

I had a Pulse Ox on my finger.

I thought it was a restraint and it pissed me off.

Luckily, that phase did not last long.

1 week of crazier than a rat in a tin shithouse, 2 weeks of recovery.

To this day we don't know exactly what triggered it.

Some combination of blood loss, fever, MS, pain, heavy drugs, and propensity.

@Cerberus yes, that was the joke...;) nice pick up

Cerberus

6:15 PM

@Jolenealaska Oh, I see.

That doesn't sound like fun.

Jolenealaska

it was not

very scary

Cerberus

My browser has somehow stopped marking the tab when something happens in chat.

It used to become blue.

Now I have to actively open the tab to see.

I can imagine.

Jolenealaska

During the later stages of recovery no one could tell me that I was ever going to be smart again.

That scared me a lot.

I told the shrink, "that's all I have"

Of course she said, "that's not true"

Maybe I should have taken it as a good sign that the next word out of my mouth was, "what?"

If you can leave a shrink speechless, you must be doing something right.

Cerberus

Heh.

You were seducing him with your body?

Jolenealaska

The body isn't all that great. Consider too that I was in a wheelchair at that point.

Not a sexy look.

I also still had big power of persuasion.

I called the VA and told them that I was sick and god-damned tired of fucking social workers playing shrink. I want a real shrink NOW.

Alrighty then

The VA is a mile away.

The shrink was waiting for me.

Cerberus

6:29 PM

Well done.

And he or she helped?

Jolenealaska

Well, really only in the sense that I had her in my corner.

I needed that.

Guess what I just found?

You'll never guess

Cerberus

In your corner?

You have found a mantis in your sock?

Jolenealaska

I spookily...

@Cerberus how did you know??

Cerberus

Well...

It seemed like a fun surprise for you.

Jolenealaska

A very strong, licorice flavored candy, shaped like a fish and missing a tail.

Cerberus

6:35 PM

Very strong?

Jolenealaska

I wonder if I'll ever taste it again.

Cerberus

Do you find our ordinary licorice strong? Then it might be a dropvisje.

Jolenealaska

Remember? From Rummi's package to me?

Cerberus

= Licoricefishy.

Oh, from the Package.

Jolenealaska

Do you know the idiom "in your corner"?

It stems from boxing.

the sport of beating each other senseless

Cerberus

6:38 PM

Ah, I know nothing about sports.

Except hockey.

Which is of course field hockey.

Jolenealaska

oohhh

ice hockey is more fun, but why it's fun is cultural.

Cerberus

We don't really have that here.

I hear it is almost as dangerous as boxing...

Jolenealaska

What's fun about it is the fans (very, very obnoxious)

and the fact that the players fight

and the refs let 'em

within reason of course, which is probably WAY beyond what you would consider within reason.

Naturally, Anchorage has a professional hockey team.

The rest of the league hates us, even more than they hate each other :)

Shhh

Look who's here

stop talking about him

Cerberus

pretends to be busy

Jolenealaska

More than any other sport (and this is a factor in all sports), the fans influence the game.

It gets under your skin, you can't help it.

Among other things, Anchorage has a long tradition of throwing salmon heads at the opposing team when Anchorage scores.

For years I would keep them in the freezer.

Maybe dropvisje would be a better choice.

As you go into the stadium to watch the game, there is a sign. "PLEASE no fish heads"

Fucking fish heads are rough on zambonis

Excellent Scrabble word BTW

Cerberus

6:58 PM

Haha.

That is pretty outrageous.

Jolenealaska

Yes

Cerberus

Of course it is better than fireworks.

Which is what football hooligans throw onto the field here.

Jolenealaska

my dog would agree

he hated fireworks

Cerberus

Naturally.

Jolenealaska

He would start freaking out about July1

ElendilTheTall

7:00 PM

yo

Jolenealaska

Then I moved to Alaska where the big fireworks day is New Years

poor dog, just as he thought he had it figured out

Hi @ElendilTheTall!

Did you see my comment about where I was when you booped?

ElendilTheTall

yup

Jolenealaska

:)

ElendilTheTall

awfully inconsiderate of you

Jolenealaska

yes

I never did watch the end of American Sniper. Since the movie is new, it was a bit spendy. I am going to call Amazon today and enquire about a refund.

NOT because it isn't a good movie...I think you get it.

Besides, I know how it ends.

ElendilTheTall

7:12 PM

if i was amazon i'd laugh in your face

Jolenealaska

Yep, me too.

But, the fact that I haven't watched the end might be my saving grace.

and $15 is real money!

ElendilTheTall

ha, that's your problem toots

no one's stopping you watching the end

Jolenealaska

yes, but maybe still worth a shot.

For someone as poor as I am, I'm a pretty good customer.

Although "good customer" is probably a PITA if that customer lives in Alaska.

The "should have known better" argument certainly holds.

I'm warning Dad when I talk to him next.

ElendilTheTall

oh for heaven's sake

Jolenealaska

My eyes were sore for 48 hours

ElendilTheTall

7:21 PM

see above

Jolenealaska

yes

Did I ever tell you about my friend the Navy Seal?

ElendilTheTall

maybe

you ramble on so

Jolenealaska

yes

ElendilTheTall

;)

Jolenealaska

The upshot is that he was black and I knew him in Buckanon WV, KKK capital of the world.

ElendilTheTall

7:23 PM

oh yes

Jolenealaska

We would be seen in public together

ElendilTheTall

you have told me about him

Jolenealaska

there is more to the story than I have said, but I'll wait until a more private moment.

He looks a bit like Shemar Moore.

I went to the newly "legal" pot store laST WEEK.

ElendilTheTall

oh?

Jolenealaska

yes

Best $30 I have ever spent.

Damn!!

I want someone's autograph and advice.

ElendilTheTall

7:30 PM

i can give you one of those things

Jolenealaska

:)

Holy shit!

This is why god created propylene glycol.

ElendilTheTall

why?

Jolenealaska

'Cause to taste this as an extract would be incredible, but j/k.

Personally, I like the era when it was called reefer.

But this, of course, would be unknown to that era.

Oh FUCK!!!!

there goes that teacher again

poor kids

I'm calling the school today just to voice my indignation.

I used to love the gentle sound of recess

ElendilTheTall

with its laughter and gun fire

Jolenealaska

:D!! HA!

As you know I was a dog trainer for years (still am, occasionally)

I have NEVER used that tone with a dog.

Even the few that were eventually put down for misbehavior.

Oh great...

speaking of dogs

a neighborhood one seems to have noticed the teacher

I want to visit London.

now

ElendilTheTall

7:42 PM

lol

why?

Jolenealaska

:D

I'll never sleep again

I might as well get stoned

ElendilTheTall

and london is the place to do it?

Jolenealaska

or at least a good place to buy seeds. No, just to get away from the teacher and barking dog.

ElendilTheTall

i would have thought Amsterdam would be a better choice

Jolenealaska

I'm sure it is.

ElendilTheTall

7:45 PM

lack of proximity to yours truly notwithstanding of course

you'd have to settle for Cerb

Jolenealaska

As a matter of fact, one of the strains I'm trying is called Dutch Passion.

Cerb'll do. We've had this discussion :)

Cerberus

I believe selling seeds has just become illegal here, or something.

Jolenealaska

No way! 3 steps forward, 2 steps back.

Cerberus

The stupid right-wing ministers did this in January (soon after, they were luckily forced to step down).

Yeah.

But many mayors have started initiatives to allow the government to grow the weed.

And growing your own weed is still legal, up to 5 plants or so.

Jolenealaska

FFS

Great, government weed.

gee thanks

Cerberus

7:50 PM

Oh, selling seeds is still legal, as long as the amount is for "personal use".

So probably not too many seeds in one sale.

Jolenealaska

ok whew

yep

most stores limit sales anyway

to a very, very high limit

like 100

I ordered 6

maybe it's 1000

I think that's it. 1000

i HAVE TO move. Well, I don't have to, I want to.

The apartment I'm moving into is much smaller.

Because apparently the US government stole my seeds, my garden is just sitting there waiting.

I've been picturing the new apartment and where I am going to put the garden.

I think the best option is right out in the open in the living room, near the front door

Cerberus

Why are you moving? Was it because of the stairs?

Jolenealaska

yes

Cerberus

OK makes sense.

No Desmoines yet?

Jolenealaska

That and (yay) CN is moving.

Nope, and I don't think there ever will be.

I think I will die Alaskan.

CN would be floored if he knew that I am happy to see him leave.

Even considering that I have already paid his car insurance for the year.

Joleneiowa is a bad name anyway.

and it gets fucking hot in Iowa.

I occasionally hate how hot it gets HERE.

I've looked for a reasonable apartment in Antarctica, but it's a tough market.

@ElendilTheTall We have spoken about the possibility of me writing my memoirs.

ElendilTheTall

8:09 PM

@Jolenealaska yes

Jolenealaska

It's hard when all of your stories start with: <Big Sigh> Got a pencil?

My dad often gets, "You should write your memoirs."

His response is always, "but no one would believe me!"

Cerberus

Poor CN.

Why have you paid for his insurance??

Jolenealaska

@Cerberus yes

ElendilTheTall

@Jolenealaska you tell stories like Grampa Simpson

Cerberus

I agree, hot is bad.

Why is CN moving?

Jolenealaska

8:12 PM

So I can drive the car whenever I want.

ElendilTheTall

> We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.

> Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Cerberus

@Jolenealaska Dig one out.

@Jolenealaska Ah OK.

Jolenealaska

I have insisted that he will it to me, piece of cake to do.

He's too lazy.

I'm going to write it up and just tell him to sign it.

OK, well, this is my first (as in earliest)

How am I sort of adopted? Well, <Big Sigh> Got a pencil?

Mother married my natural father. I met him once, he seemed like a nice enough guy.

I was 16 or so, I went to spend a week with him.

This was at the worst of "wicked step-bitch" time, so I was hoping that he would be prince charming and solve all my problems.

He was very nice, but I knew I did not want a trailer-park existence.

I've been rich, I've been poor. I like "rich" better.

Mom and Ray (that was his name) really only got married for two reasons.

She wanted out of her home (abusive, very German father), he wanted to not go to Vietnam (see? how lame is that? Jeez)

So, they were in Germany. That I was born in Germany has nothing at all to do with my roots, it's just coincidence.

I was a tumor for many months. I really don't know how all the doctors missed that my mother (newlywed) was pregnant, but oh well.

I was born just after she realized that she was pregnant. 2 lbs, 8 oz. (Boy did I ever make up for that, have I ever mentioned I have size 12 feet?)

***

I need a break...brb

@Cerberus Do you mind if I pick this up where I left off? Kind of like "tune in next week for the Jolene show" (but that's a story for another day)

I'll start again with a ping

@ElendilTheTall I've been thinking about the memoirs thing.

For reasons I've already said, I'm resistant. Another thing is, "what a PITA, to try to get published".

Well, if the stupid "Marvelous Measles" cunt can self-publish through Amazon, I should certainly be able to.

I'll need a really good editor though.

I make a lot of errors and I type for shit.

Cerberus

8:39 PM

@Jolenealaska Haha sure.

2 pounds? That is very light.

I was 9 pounds when I was born.

Jolenealaska

Ah yes. There is a photo I will try to dig up.

The doctor holding me in his palm.

Me with a head full of black hair and big brown eyes

That will go in the memiors

That and when I first came to the US

Cerberus

Hmm black hair, really.

Jolenealaska

There is a photo with me, my mother, my grand mother, my great grandmother and my great-great grandmother.

That one was in the paper

Cerberus

That's nice.

They all got pregnant at an early age?

Jolenealaska

@Cerberus Yes, really remarkable actually

@Cerberus extremely

My family is known for that.

My grandmother died a great-great-great grandmother

Cerberus

8:45 PM

Very impressive.

My mother was 36 when she got me.

My grandmother was born around 1920.

My great-grandmother was long dead when I was born.

Jolenealaska

The one time in my life that I thought I was pregnant, I was 45

Cerberus

Heh.

Jolenealaska

That's when I had my tubes tied

I imagine that's the oldest tubal ligation in the doctor's memoirs

I just realized why I hate the sound of the teacher so much.

Recess now sounds like basic training.

And THAT is what I am telling the principal.

Fire him.

That's how my Army career started BTW.

There was a mix-up in the lab and I was told to get out, I was pregnant.

"Ah, no I'm not"

The Drill Sergeant's sarcasm was dripping.

He never did apologize, but once he called me the toughest bitch he had ever trained.

"Thank You!" :)

Faheem Mitha

Hello everyone.

Jolenealaska

Hi @FaheemMitha!

Faheem Mitha

8:59 PM

@Jolenealaska hey

Jolenealaska

Please don't think me rude, but I'm a bit worn out from typing.

Faheem Mitha

So, apparently there is a book going the rounds saying that vaccination is bad. Hmm.

@Jolenealaska Oh, I quite understand. I'm more than satisfied by Hi.

Often I don't even get that.

Jolenealaska

:)

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