Your answer is very nice. I appreciate your explanation. And at the same time, I hate your attitude towards me. That's why, -1.

@Capt.JackSparrow: An attitude is a very poor reason to downvote IMO. Your answer voting really should be based on the quality of the answer disregarding any bias for or against the one answering. I personally find it entirely incongruous to downvote an answer and then accept it as correct.

I like this answer, but I don't think it's complete. A big part of the participation is not just understanding the need but helping to guide the need relative to the technology. Pointing out that a business requirement as presented may introduce too much user friction, inconclusive results or potentially faulty data. But I agree with you. At the core, the lead wants participation not a ficus.

@JoelEtherton This guy(Vietnhi) can't help but sneer me even when answering me. There is problem with his attitude. Ever since my first question in Workplace, he's answering or commenting not to help or enlighten me, but rather to laugh at me. I don't need him to help me, I didn't ask him to help me. What's wrong with him?

@Capt.JackSparrow: I don't really know what his problem with you is, but I can take a guess reading your interactions on other questions. My point stands though. You benefit this site more when you vote based on the quality of the answer rather than your personal bias for/against the answering party. If you want to discuss that personal issue, feel free to make a chat room.

@JoelEtherton I understand. I'll try my best to stand by the rules and regulations of the site, but I also want this guy to bugger off. Is there any way of blocking an irritating person from answering or commenting in any of my posts?

@Capt.JackSparrow: You're looking at it from the wrong perspective. If you truly want help and genuine truth/answers, then those are exactly the people you want commenting on your posts. People who "like" you or are trying to stay on your good side aren't going to give you the unvarnished truth. People who don't care who you are or what you think will give you the most honest opinion, advice, direction available. This is the most valuable information you can have. Don't throw it away for something as pedantic as "irritation".

@JoelEtherton Look, I understand your point. There are many ways to tell someone about bitter truth, there are plenty of ways to tell someone honest facts, but this guy's approach was the worst. I appreciate honest facts and bitter answers, but I neither appreciate nor accept bigotry or hostility shown towards me. I hope you get my point.

@Capt.JackSparrow: Unless a moderator or the two of you have deleted comments, I've read all of your interactions. There has been no hostility, bigotry or even condescension in any of his answers or remarks. In fact, the only hostility I can find anywhere in any of it is in your remarks. Perhaps you can point me to an exchange that shows differently? Maybe then I would have a better understanding of what you mean.

Moderators have deleted some of our interactions in the comments of my first question (the one about mentoring)

He made the first rude remarks at my question. His comments sounded like, "Whoa!!! You're scared of coding??? Either find a way to fix that or piss off!!!"

I had a hard life. I've always been nice to people. But people took advantage of my nicety and pummeled me. Years of bullying had made me intolerant to the slightest of negativity towards me. That's why, I look so much harsh and hostile to you.

"Sounded like" but what did he actually say? I've seen him be mildly hostile to people he disagrees with, but bigotry is a major character accusation

Well then, excuse my poor choice of words. I think 'hostility' is the correct term.

Yes, he's hostile to me. I was really very emotional when I posted that question. I didn't expect such types of remarks from him.

I can certainly understand that. But this is the internet. That's to be expected from some, but did you stop to calm down and consider where his hostility might be coming from?

Take it dispassionately for a second. Regardless of what you've seen correctly he's a user with a very high reputation score so he at least knows what he's talking about according to the community

Excuse me. Regardless of what you've seen directly. I'm on my phone and it's changing words

Given his reputation, it's not possible that he's directly hostile in that manner on a consistent basis would you agree?

I agree.

It's my fault.

It always my fault

It's always my fault

I'm not saying that. I'm asking you to consider an alternate narrative. Honestly as an observer I'd say you're both to blame at the moment

What I'm saying is that something in that question, the way you presented, etc., sparked his reaction

Is he right to react that way? No I wouldn't think so, but it brought out a reaction you wouldn't expect from him

However, instead of trying to find out WHY you lashed out in response. Understandable, but not desirable

He retorted and now we have this.

The only thing that might've spooked him is my mentioning of that fear of coding stuff. That was during my first year in undergrad. First impression counts. I left my home for the first time to study in a distant school. I faced bullying from my roommates. I got ragged by my own classmates rather than seniors. They should've understood my situation.

He retorted and now we have this.

What makes you think they don't understand simply because they're unsympathetic about it?

We all leave home and go to a distant school at some point. We all face bullying at many levels. It's part of life. I promise you, many people do understand.

I was in a total mess for 3 years of my 4 year long course. I couldn't concentrate. I gradually became the worst coder in my entire class. All I've learned is from going to sites like tutorialspoint.com, w3schools.com and asking questions in StackOverflow. I'm in a way, a self-learner, but I learned haphazardly, and without properly filtering out what I need to learn. Without knowing about my past background, it's very unfair to throw such an aggressive, hostile comment towards me.

No truthfully. This is a very competitive field and the price of entry is high.

Hmmmm.

[sighs]

This is truth, not judgment. We don't care about your past. We don't care how you got here.

We'll go out of our way and do tremendous things to help you move forward

But that has to come from you. It has to look like you want it and are ready to DO IT

And I put that on caps to emphasize it as the price. You have to be ready to DO

Here's what I saw when I first read your "mentor" question

"Geez, another whiny college kid who's not ready for the real world"

:D

(y)

You're right!

:D

I didn't comment or answer because I felt my response would not have helped until.I.had shed my own bias

Your bias towards what?

That you're just some whiny brat who needs to shut up and learn to deal with it. It was a guy reason I felt was unfair because it was based on my own experience and method of dealing with things

It occurred to me that you were actually reaching out for the one thing that would have eliminated that perception

So it would be unfair to characterize you with that because you've seen it yourself and you're asking for help

Exactly ...

It's not your fault that you don't know where to find it out that you're not "plugged in" enough to do it on your own

Out == or in that last sentence

So here's my one best piece of advice for you right at this moment. Revoke the downvote and reach out to VP. Don't bother apologizing it ain't mean much, don't look for his apology.

It won't mean much

I think I do have some serious problems of my own attitude ... ... otherwise I wouldn't have faced so much bad things in my past life ... ... Working in a software firm helped me control my emotions and polish my outright immature screaming nature . Working in a team helped me have some idea about the real development world, but I've just started to learn the things I was supposed to learn at least 3 years back.

That's all water down the river. It's bygones. Move forward.

So learn them. I was coding at about 23 y/o. I didn't earn my degree until I was 31. This business is about doing.

Thanks Joel. Yes, I am immature, I admit that. Seriously. And I now realize I need to work harder to improve myself. And meaninglessly holding grudge against certain people won't help me anyways.

No. For getting better at coding: it's easier than you know

It's been a hard life. It'll get harder in coming days. And I must have my lessons learned in the hard way, as it always had been.

You'll need to carve out at least an hour or 2 / day or set aside a good 4-5 hr chunk for one day

Build a content management system using the language/platform you're expected to use at work

Joel, it maybe easy to get better at coding, but it's a lot more difficult to improve my personality and develop some maturity, which I'm very much short of.

That stuff comes with time.

In all things, take a few breaths before responding. Consider the value of what they're saying and also the value of any response

If your response has no value, why bother wasting energy on it? Let it go

Absolutely most important. The source of most immaturity comes from the stories you tell yourself on the empty spaces of your knowledge

I'm sorry I'm disturbing you a lot. You must have lots of work to do, apart from answering a whining newbie like me. :D Thanks a lot for your encouragement. You may not be a coding mentor to me, but you've done one great behavioral mentoring to me. See you later then. Take Care. :D

Toodles. Be well.