The Overlook Hotel

8:08 AM

@KitZ.Fox Hi, at first I felt better after taking the meds, but these few days some things happened and I felt worse after that. I hope I can deal with what happened. We'll talk later.

infinitesimal simplicio

8:59 AM

@JasperLoy I think it is safer to talk here :-)

Jasper Loy

@infinitesimalsimplicio OK.

infinitesimal simplicio

Why don't you tell your doctor?

Jasper Loy

Let me explain. Some OCD things are very complicated and telling him won't help. You need to work out some things on your own first.

infinitesimal simplicio

But it will not hurt you telling him will it?

Jasper Loy

It will not help, and it will just lead to him saying things which will further clutter my mind.

So I will say the right things at the right time to the right people.

There is no point saying everything to everyone everytime.

infinitesimal simplicio

9:05 AM

Aaah, I see. That makes sense.

Jasper Loy

Everything I do and say makes sense. When it doesn't, it is because you don't see the complete picture of my life, which I cannot describe in the confines of this chat.

infinitesimal simplicio

Very complicated, as you said :-)

Pardon my ignorance

Jasper Loy

If it was not complicated, I would have recovered long ago.

infinitesimal simplicio

True.

Jasper Loy

And this is the thing, the smarter you are, the more complicated your mental illness can be, because your mind works differently from others.

So my blessing has become a curse.

Genius + abuse = madness

Severe genius + severe abuse = severe madness

It is a tragedy.

infinitesimal simplicio

9:10 AM

the abuse is over, right?

Jasper Loy

Yes, but the effects remain for life.

infinitesimal simplicio

Indeed.

Let the healing begin.

Jasper Loy

Hello @MattE.Эллен I was waiting to see you.

Matt E. Эллен

hi!

infinitesimal simplicio

Like I said, it helps me to not talk about it and bring back the memories

Hi @MattE.Эллен

Matt E. Эллен

9:13 AM

Hi

Jasper Loy

So @MattE.Эллен I asked someone to check something for me but I did not say it properly. I hope that when I am ready to say it properly the next time he will help me again. That's one of the things troubling me now. I will just explain to him that I did not say it properly the last time and hope he will help me again.

Matt E. Эллен

He probably will

Jasper Loy

I won't do this too many time, of course, but like I said, it's difficult to get things right the first time, even with normal people.

Matt E. Эллен

aye

Jasper Loy

Of course, I will wait till I am mentally stable to ask again, because if I am not, I will make the same mistakes again.

Matt E. Эллен

9:18 AM

fair enough

Jasper Loy

Today has been a very bad day. There were many new themes lately from a particular source. The mistakes I told you about yesterday.

I think like Kit told me, I need to (1) keep trying (2) be forgiving of myself

Matt E. Эллен

I didn't speak to you yesterday. do you mean Tuesday?

Jasper Loy

Yeah, maybe.

Matt E. Эллен

ok :)

@JasperLoy good, good

infinitesimal simplicio

They say it's like a cut wound, you have to let it heal over time by not thinking about it and allow a scab to build up. It depends on how open your personality is to begin with. In my case, I dont think I'll ever talk about. The wound is just too deep. But that's just how I avoid the pain.

Jasper Loy

9:23 AM

I have cancelled a few meetings with one of my profs because I could not even leave the house. But he is understanding, told me to take it easy.

@infinitesimalsimplicio Diff people heal in diff ways, do what fits.

infinitesimal simplicio

How's the elbow today @MattE.Эллен?

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен I intend to resolve 99 per cent of my OCD themes in the second quarter of this year.

I am going to take a nap in an hour. I just had some beancurd and took some meds.

I am still here pal. I said one hour.

infinitesimal simplicio

I'm glad to hear that you don't take the meds on an empty stomach

Jasper Loy

Sometimes I do, does not matter

infinitesimal simplicio

It does for me.

Matt E. Эллен

9:31 AM

@infinitesimalsimplicio fine thanks :)

infinitesimal simplicio

They have a much stronger effect.

On an empty stomach

Matt E. Эллен

@JasperLoy sounds good. naps are good.

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен I oversleep a bit these few days, because sometimes I cannot take the anxiety.

Matt E. Эллен

aye. I've done similar in the past

Jasper Loy

It's very painful when I think what my life could have been if not for my father.

Do you have similar thoughts as this?

infinitesimal simplicio

9:43 AM

We all have thoughts of what could have been, it's only natural pal :-)

Matt E. Эллен

@JasperLoy in the past I have thought that if I'd done things differently then I would have a better life, yes

infinitesimal simplicio

On The Waterfront "I could have been a contender"

►

Jasper Loy

10:13 AM

@MattE.Эллен I am going to take a nap, hope my miracle comes soon.

Matt E. Эллен

have a good nap :)

Jasper Loy

10:39 AM

@MattE.Эллен I have arisen.

user116848

Yo Yo

user116848

I am a broken, mysterious bridge now.

Jasper Loy

What happened?

Matt E. Эллен

not yet...

user116848

My avatar pic I mean.

Jasper Loy

10:42 AM

@MattE.Эллен I know this sounds boring, but when I was lying down just now I suddenly just felt I did not understand what has been happening the past 3 decades of my life. It's like my life has not even started.

Matt E. Эллен

@JasperLoy what will you do with that feeling

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен I will do all I can to fix my life. But honestly I don't know if I will make it.

Matt E. Эллен

where did you feel it in your body?

Jasper Loy

Is that a joke? LOL

Matt E. Эллен

when I would tell my counsellor I felt something he would ask me where I felt it. If you don't feel it in your body, that's OK

just thought I would ask

Jasper Loy

10:53 AM

I feel it in my spirit.

@MattE.Эллен What would you say is the difference between a counsellor and a therapist?

Matt E. Эллен

11:12 AM

@JasperLoy therapy is more indepth

therapists can be counsellors

Jasper Loy

12:05 PM

@MattE.Эллен Does Kit come here often?

Matt E. Эллен

I haven't seen her in a few days

Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен To resolve one of my themes, I would need a company to be around for a while more. I guess tomorrow I will call them and ask if they will still be open for the year. I hope so. If not I will try to make some last minute plans then.

Sorry for sharing all these vague things with you, I just felt like saying it out to feel better. =)

Matt E. Эллен

no worries :)

Jasper Loy

Actually to resolve all my OCD themes, I would need many things to go well, and some of them are not easily within my control, so I just pray that things won't get too difficult for me.

Jasper Loy

2:12 PM

@MattE.Эллен Hi, Kit is still not here. I just had a big mac.

Matt E. Эллен

sounds nice

Jasper Loy

I suddenly realised that all my mistakes in life is due to an uncalm mind.

Matt E. Эллен

OK

Jasper Loy

There are different degrees of calmness of course.

I hope it is not too late, now that I have attained this realisation.

Matt E. Эллен

seems unlikely that it's too late

Jasper Loy

2:24 PM

@MattE.Эллен The wall is all yours.

Matt E. Эллен

oh dear! :D

Jasper Loy

Everytime you say something encouraging I star it.

@MattE.Эллен Actually I don't like my jasperloymathematics username. I am thinking of changing it again...

Matt E. Эллен

why don't you like it?

Jasper Loy

Actually I don't know whether I like it or not. I am so confused now.

I have been dealing with my mental problems for so many years that I am so confused.

I don't know what my mind is thinking anymore.

I sound very confused now right?

Matt E. Эллен

you sound a bit confused

Jasper Loy

2:30 PM

I suddenly feel I have been confused for 33 years.

Maybe I am on the brink of enlightenment.

Matt E. Эллен

perhaps

Jasper Loy

You see, when one has been struggling his whole life, he sometimes doesn't know why he is struggling anymore.

I am not too sure what I am saying, but I think there is something that my subconscious is trying to get out.

Matt E. Эллен

keep going, you'll figure it out

Jasper Loy

bbl

Matt E. Эллен

OK, CU!

Jasper Loy

2:55 PM

I am back.

Stack Exchange

3:28 PM

0

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Jasper Loy

@MattE.Эллен Hi.

Matt E. Эллен

3:54 PM

HI

Jasper Loy

4:08 PM

Seems that there is no one here.

Matt E. Эллен

pretty quiet week, I guess

Jasper Loy

I will need lots of courage in the next few weeks to resolve my OCD themes. I mentioned to Kit briefly about this.

Basically, I will need people to help me do certain things, and they will know that I am crazy.

Matt E. Эллен

I'm sure you can do it.

Jasper Loy

Matt, you have filled the entire wall!

Matt E. Эллен

oh no!

someone else should say something interesting or useful

Jasper Loy

4:21 PM

People will wonder, wtf is going on?

This room has become my psychotherapy room.

Matt E. Эллен

aye.

Jasper Loy

The other shrink is not here today.

Matt E. Эллен

that's true

Jasper Loy

4:38 PM

What if all the things I mentioned in my email really come true? What if I get all my miracles in the end?

Stack Exchange

0

Q: If the agency doesn't state specifically, should I send my query to a specific agent, or to it in general?

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