@samaYo I don't have much time, so I'll point out the most biggest things you should change

I think in general you want to put Madame first, so "Madame, Monsieur"

Be careful about your adjective agreement about yourself... you have a few feminine ones (motivée, tournée... though if you change "quelqu'un" for "une personne" then it works in feminine) and a masculine one (compétent).

I'm not sure what you mean with "J'ajoute que j’aime aussi de travailler afin d'etre et obtenir la chance d'avoir une meilleure vie sociale"

Languages don't take initial capital letters

We say "avoir de l'expérience" not "des expériences"

I would advise you to change "les travaux restaurants" to "la restauration" to make it work better with the rest of the sentence

Otherwise, careful about your periods; some sentences are missing them

That's what I have for now, hope it helps :)